Reading old conversations, I realize I've changed so much. Those people, those situations, they've all been lost to time. When I thought I loved him, why... that wasn't me! That was a shadow of myself, so unsure of who she was, so unsure of anything. And now... now, thanks a lot to him though I hate to admit that, I know who I am. I stand strong and with resolve and respect for things and myself. I've come to a good place. And looking back at myself when I was in that horrid place... I was completely different. I don't even know how you all can recognize me any more. I'm not the same. Not in the least bit.

Do you ever find yourself missing someone you used to hate, because you don't really remember why you hated them? I want so badly to apologize. To tell her it was all my fault. I dont know if it'd be true, but i feel so badly. It weighs on my conscience all the time. I cant help wondering....So many people are still upset at me for it. What if it really was my fault? What if it really was... me? What if I really am a horrid friend. You know?

Paris, guys. He wants me to come stay with him for a month in Paris.... and two months in Nice, and we'd see Italy.... *swoons*

*sighs* Mark and Nail broke up. Goddamn, took freaking long enough. Nail's been trying to do that for the longest time.

T__T Is the MysticSphinx loosing her TOUCH???!! I just posted a journal on FA thats all like "I WILL MAKE YOU FREE STUFF!" and whatnot and I have wut? ONE TAKER. U_U I have eight avatar slots, three trade slots, and two request slots. I only got a taker for a request. Dude. This sucks. I am sincerely hoping that none of my usuals are on right now, and its not that since I started the whole Fundamental Alliance thing everyone is going "eeew" at me. Cuz seriously, my Fundamental Alliance stuff has gotten not many views/comments. Probably cuz its not furry or porn. U_U *sighs* Sometimes FA is so hard to get along with. Too much porn. EVERYWHERE THERE IS PORN. And most of the friends I have on there dont draw porn mainly, but STILL man, STILL. ONE person. *sighs* Thank gods for you, FoxyTangerine. Thank gods.

Aah, and there's BlueHart. And Ivan. U_U;; whew. I feel better.

................They are magical wizards, those people who make wheat thins. MAGIC I tell you.

I just went through a whole half of a box of wheat thins without even realizing it.

That is skill right there. BRILLIANT WIZARDRY!

Eti got his passport!!! Weew!! Finally. Jeebsus, it took them long enough. U__U

I realized why these are always so short: I have absolutely nothing to say. Ever.

Man, one of my boobs is like... MONSTROUSLY bigger than the other. Like one weighs about as much as a melon. The other is a grapefruit. Uncool.

I just vacuumed up a battery. My first thought was: "I wonder if the vacuum will explode now..."

>__> I love these ET diary entries. I cant write about him anywhere else that he wont see... >_> *laughs*

I want to be sexy. T_T I want to be. But so far I'm just pretty. I'm just cute.

I could send him a naked picture of me masturbating, all he'd say was something like "The expression on your face is cute." >_> Its frustrating, but comforting as well.

If I say I love him, murder me, cuz its probably a lie.

I am a crazy person. An insane person. A person who cannot say no. But I am also a person who is probably going to graduate, so thats a good thing.

>__> I laugh in the face of reason. I ignore everyone who is smart and logical and knows what they're talking about. I get myself into relationships with random french guys on the internet!! And am I proud? HELL NO! Am I loud? HELLZ YEAH!! Am I proud?? TO SOME EXTENT!! >__> Shuddup. I do what I want.

Occasionally when you are feeling sort of nervous, sad, and strange, a good orgasm is the perfect cure.

And that, my friends, was like... amazing.

^__________^ Good night, I heart you all.

He says he loves me.
And I am so scared. I feel sorta sick.
I dont want to be stupid. But I am a hopeless romantic.

*flails* I dont know what to do. Long-distance internet-based relationships are BAD. Everyone else's experiences have told me so. And he's in FRANCE. That is FAR away. (Granted, not as far as Australia, Ashley, but FAR away!)

The letter is long and full of the same thing over and over.

But there, that one paragraph. He says,

"So I can say… I think… I’m sure… I love you."

I've never read something that makes me any happier.

How lame, also happy earth day:

HOW LAME!! I had this can of soda, it fell out of the fridge TWICE. Not once did it fall, rather it fell TWICE. It is dented. The can has like two DENTS IN IT. It fell twice from the TOP SHELF OF THE REFRIGERATOR!!! So I posted a journal on FA that read : To open or not to open? Should I open the can? Explosion, no explosion?

And of course, the first comment i got was "Doo eet!" So I did.

NOTHING HAPPENED. It was a little flat. Thats all. T_T Seriously, it opened just like a normal pop, with perhaps even LESS FIZZ than expected. HOW LAME!! LAME LAME LAME LAME, LAME LAME LAME LAME, LAME LAME LAME LAME, HOW LAME!

Also

HAPPY EARTH DAY!! WOO!! *dances around in circles of earthy goodness*

NEED SOME INPUT (see paragraph three and below)

So, breakup with jerk Ryan official as of Friday. Thank gods. U__U He asked some other chick to prom after I had been going on and on and on about how much I wanted him to ask me. Sucks.

On a brighter note, Eti, my bestest French friend ever and I have been talking quite a bit. He's the cutest guy...like...EVER ever ever. Very very sweet, too. Very sweet. And is FRENCH HOMG! >_> Heh.

Anyhow, what do you do when you've just shown someone a bunch of pictures of you with a dandelion (like on mah house)and then they ask you for a topic for poetry and you go "umm... a dandelion!" and they write this:

Bouquet

I wish I was a dandelion
You would put on your golden hair
And fall softly on your shoulder
Caressing your cheek.

I wish you were a buttercup
I could keep against my heart
And protect you from others,
And let your soul shine.

I wish we were a bouquet
To unite our different beauties,
Or just to stay together,
Linked with a golden ribbon.

And I am not a dandelion,
And you are not a buttercup,
And we are not a bouquet.
We are just humans

But as a human
I can run my hand through your hair,
I can lay my head on your shoulder,
I can caress your cheek.

And as a human
You can stay against my heart,
I can protect you from others,
And let your soul shine.

And as two humans
We can unite our beauties
Or stay together,
Linked with a golden ribbon

..............

So far the only reply I've given him was " O_O *that is all* O_O"

And to my reply, he replied "? Err... What does it mean? ^_^" "