I'm now living in dread of one of the most horrible events to ever occur in the course of a man's life...a little sister's birthday party(this is your cue to gasp in horror)! Very nice gasp--quite dramatic...you may even be eligible to be nominated for an Oscar. ;)

Now then, back to my story...
For those of you not familar, or for those of you fortunate enough not to be familiar with the experience, i'll explain the basics. A little sister's birthday party mainly consists of: many little girls--near-clones of the demon-spawned harpy you refer to as your sister(when you can't avoid acknowledging her that is)--with very much screaming and shrieking(think medieval torture chambers), and possessing a great deal of stupid questions. *shudder*

Compared to a room-full of shrieking females, the alleged plagues in Egypt were nothing. Moses obviously didn't possess much talent with calling down plagues. In my opinion, he should've locked Ramses in a room full of shrieking little girls--Ramses would've broke(or gone insane). Actually, I watched a show on the discovery channel about the Moses story and possible/plausible theories, but, I digress, that has no bearing on this particular story.... 

So, anyways, i'll try to think nice thoughts until then...something along the lines of a mass outbreak of the plague. Yes, I feel better already. ;p

*sigh* Excuse me, I now have a bunch of fan mail I need to respond to. =p

*le sigh* I don't go online for a week and the messages pile up. I think there must be something worth pitying someone for, when their online life is more hectic/busy than their real life. Oh well, i'll work on a good bout of self-pity later on...I have messages to reply to. ;)

In other news, it's my sister's birthday today. *pats self on back for remembering* Of course, knowing three people that have the same birthday today didn't hurt any. =p

I'm in a ranting mood, so i'll probably have something to say later on. Whether it's worth listening to is another matter entirely...but then again, everything I say is worth listening to. ;)

DEAR GOD, THE PINK-NESS! It's boring holes through my eyes! Don't you remember what happened to St. Valentine? That's right--he was beaten to death with clubs and, as if that wasn't bad enough, had his head cut off! You know why? Because...he...used...PINK!

In other news, my bio now includes a short example of, what I like to call, a 'friendlier' bio. Those of you that have written messages to me might have already noticed some of the qualities that I purport to have. If so, i'm mildly surprised that you're still writing to me. =p 

Dear Diary...uh...I mean, Dear Man-journal,

Today, I...um...apparently got amnesia. Oh well.


In other news, i've decided to update my bio page to make the cold and impersonal random surveys into something more warm, and friendly--basically, the antithesis of me. ;)
Something more one-on-one, tête-a-tête, uno en uno, and other foreign adjectives that amount to the same thing.
So, if anyone reads this thing, i'm open to suggestions as to what I should write.
What do you--John Q. Public/Joe Public/Joe Six-pack/Joe Shmoe/John Doe/Jane Q. Public/Jane Winecooler/Ann Yone/Jane Doe/any other generic name used to refer to a hypothetical typical member of society--wish to know about me? Where I got my good looks from? How I know random and useless trivia such as: tortoises can breathe through their butts, hippos fart through their mouths, seals have two sets of bones in their tails(leftover from the days when they had legs), the first time a toilet was shown/heard being flushed in a movie was during Alfred Hitchcock's 'Psycho', et cetera, ad nauseum? The possibilities are endless....

Now I must sleep, because there has to be something wrong with writing in a man-journal at 5:30 in the morning. Isn't insomnia great? 

Now for some random thoughts on strange mental connections associated with commercials:

Has anyone seen the Neutrogena commercial with Mischa Barton? She's the chick that plays the crazy skank on the TV show 'The O.C.' I don't remember her character's name, obviously, and I kinda prefer 'crazy skank' to whatever it really is anyhow. She's the one that's either srewing anything containing testosterone(and some things not i'm told) or trying to off herself. Personally, i'm hoping she succeeds in the second category. She makes me wish that euthanasiasts were more widely accepted and available or that a random serial killer might just visit the O.C. one day and take an interest in her. Maybe that's what the writers were trying to achieve?

On an unrelated note, euthanasia sounds a lot like 'youth in Asia.' Is anyone else disturbed/intrigued by this? Maybe there's a connection? Death + youth in Asia. Maybe it's a subliminal message? Kids are dying in Asia and need our help that comes in the form of a large cash donation(it's my cynicism talking)? It bears futher investigation.... 

Back to the main topic: The commercial is about a product called 'Neutrogena Deep Clean Gentle Scrub.' Now maybe it's my male mind that goes immature and makes it sound like 'Genital Scrub' but I can't be too sure. The fact that a girl playing a renowed skank on an(apparantly) popular show is promoting products that sound a lot like genital scrub is too much of a coincidence for me. As my sister, a watcher of the show in question, said: "If anyone needs it, it's her." Marketing people are damned sneaky if you ask me. They're my kind of people. ;)

I, personally, think it's a horrible name for a face-cleansing product. I've been called a dick-head now and again, but thats not enough reason for me to buy and rub something sounding like 'genital scrub' on my face.

I think I need therapy....

According to the calendar and various females in my family, today is my birthday. Seeing as how i'm a guy and, therefore, don't remember the dates of anything even remotely important, i'll choose to believe what they're telling me. Since I usually feel like Methuselah these days, the difference isn't noticeable. I'm still the modest know-it-all/brooding cynic/evil, charismatic, sexy hunk of a man genius that we all know and love that I was yesterday. =p

Also, my brother, in typical male fashion, informed me that I can now, legally, buy alcohol. After this remark, my mom encouraged me, the anti-social hermit, to go bar-hopping, get roaring drunk, and wake up in the morning in a half-melted snowbank with no memories of the previous night. I'm still not sure if she was joking or not. You know you're loved when.... 

Anyways, happy birthday/hatch-day/successful genetic experiment-day to me!

I've decided i've got another good rant left in me today. It's on the subject of why the world is out to get us and Winter is it's season of choice.

Winter is the season of viruses and other unpleasantries; The common cold, flu, hypothermia, pneumonia, etc. It's enough to make a man want to run around outside in his long underwear and make snow angels.

Why are colds so common? Because Winter has lowsy air circulation. Most people don't throw open their patio doors/windows to 'catch that delightful breeze' blowing outside during Winter. Why? Because it's damned cold. So we breathe the same air over and over again until we, finally, succumb to the germ particles floating around. That's enough of a science lesson for today.

I suppose i'm in a bad mood because those damn germ particles have finally gotten to me. I have a large family. Lot's of people living under one roof. A major downside? Chain-reactions. If one person gets sick, it's not a question of if you're going to get sick, but when. I should probably paint 'Quarantine' on a board and nail it to my front door.

Being sick for Christmas seems to be a family tradition of mine. I know Christmas is a time of giving, but a virus doesn't exactly make me feel all warm and toasty inside...unless, I have a fever that is....

 

 

So, today I was brooding(something I do quite often) on the subject of the Egyptyian gods and I noticed something that others may or may not have already noticed....

If you look at the personality of an Egyptian god/goddess, you may notice that they seem to possess the personality traits of their animal counterparts. Is this deliberate? I mean, did the ancient Egyptians have a reason for placing certain animal heads on certain gods...something more elaborate that 'eeny-meeny-miny-mo!'

For examle, Anubis: He possesses the head of a jackal. A jackal is a scavenger. They're wild animals that usually live off of the leavings(dead things) of others. Anubis' career is based on the leavings of others(dead things). Coincidence?

Amid the mighty Egyptian gods of Death, War, and the Sun, etc. Anubis is left with the exhalted position of Embalming. Doesn't that just inspire a person to get down on their knees and worship you...In my opinion, Anubis got a raw deal in relation to the job department. But, at least, he looks cool.  

Maybe i've let the Discovery Channel's Egypt Week go to my head....

  For those that I am doing art for: It'll take more time(see below for details)....

  A few days ago, I made one of the biggest mistakes an artist can make... *dramatic pause* I agreed to do some art for a family member. *insert horrified gasps from captivated audience* Normally this isn't a problem, as it's usually just one or two quick scribbles.
 
  However, my sister is planning her wedding and asked if i'd do some designs for her. Family loyalty demands that I agree and do the art beyond perfection, and, of course, it backfired on me and snowballed. A few simple designs soon turned into me designing the lettering for the cake, banners, the invitations, etc.
 
  Some of you readers may be unfortunate enough to know that nothing is pickier than a sister/woman planning her wedding--everything has to be perfect(not to mention they have the prerogative to change their mind every thirty seconds and they exercise it often.) Maybe it's my cynicism talking...but I don't really believe that. =p

  To sum it up, the strive for perfection has messed up(i'm getting really technical here) my arm and I am unable to draw--unless I use my left arm--but, you don't want to go there....

  Even typing this message is a pain. I use the hunt-and-peck method. Although, I prefer calling it the search-and-destroy method. You now, like Battleship? For example: Instead of 'E3' it's just 'E' and your missiles are your fingers...it's surprisingly entertaining....

  Anyway, I am unable to draw just now, and it really sucks....

Today, I have entered the realm of satellite TV users. The novelty of having the ability to be indecisive about which show to watch next has yet to wear off. Before, I had the choice of watching one channel, the other channel, or nothing at all...

Allow me to explain, my TV used to have only an arial for reception. Considering my house is surrouned on all sides(is that redundant or what?) by towering mountains of rock, it's needless to say, reception was bad, and that's putting it kindly.

I used to posses 1.5 channels--count 'em--1.5. One came in clear, and the other was as temperamental as a woman in deciding whether or not to grace my family with a clear picture. No offence to temperamental women(redundancy again? I'm on a roll!) =p

So, here I now sit, being lured into a lifestyle of vegetating on the couch, and snarling at all comers who'd dare to pry the remote control from my vice-like grip, by a siren named satellite television.

Someone save me from myself...when it's a commercial break.... =p

I think it's time for an update on my life's(or lack of one) progress.

I've been doing a lot of website designing lately. Not much time for doodling and random sketches. But, i've already got a few sketchbooks full of 'em so it's no big loss.

Teaching myself to paint digitally. It's going slow, but i'm working on it. Colour is the bane of my existence and right now we're working out an uneasy truce. Hopefully the shaky alliance will last.

I went driving for the first time since I got my G1 yesterday. Learned a few things about myself. Namely, that I have an affinity with speed and a reckless disregard for human mortality. Must be because of all the racing videogames i've played. According to my chinese zodiac(the tiger) i'd make a good race car driver. The passenger in the vehicle at the time agrees with the previous statement. Or else I just need more practice. 

That's it for now....

I have learned recently that family members make horrible critics(i've had suspicions of this for years but today they were utterly confirmed.) You can draw a complete piece of crap, ask your family if it's ok and they look at it and go "uh-huh." Lately i've drawn two different versions of a baby gryphon. So I ask my sister which one looks better...

Her:'Aww...they're both so cute.'
Me:and?
Her:It looks like a little puppy...
Me:*banging head against wall*

Um, yeah, the moral of the story boys and girls is that family make horrible critics...

'The diary is sad and empty'...pfft! Yeah, and it's not the only one:(
Not much happening today...lack of sleep is slowly wearing me down but, oddly enough, I do my best work when I can't sleep...soooo...maybe it's a good thing?
Maybe I can spew out a few more pics...before...I...*zzzz*