right...so this computer sucks. terribly.
worse yet, i think aarons taking it. which means that in a few weeks, i have no access to this damned site. or any site.
but these constant popups are really pissing me off anyway.

i hung out with cecilia yesterday, and it was the best damn day ive had all fucking summer. and thats sad, cuz i felt stupid and invasive the whole fucking time. but i love that girl terribly. sometimes its a bit painful. totally worth it, though.

roxeane is so cute! we need to get her a happy lesbian in a box! she needs one. i bought her a squishy flashy waterball on a string sort of a deal.

my dad is a bitch. it occured to me today exactly how misereable that man must be. he has no friends, very few in his workplace. he sleeps with a 250 pound angry ogre every night. shes old. he labors for her constantly. and his workplace is one of the bleakest realities of exactly how much the world sucks and how much america really needs to mandate human breeding licenses. plus he lives with a mindless sarcastic asshole like me. AND his communication skills SUCK. i mean, the man cant hand out instructions for shit. only these sad lil one word sentances that force me to fill in the blanks. wich i totally cant do when he gets me up at seven every morning!!!!!! hes all like "hammer." and i go "what?" so he goes
"BLAHBLAH BLAH YOU NEED A JOB BLAH CUZ BLAH BLAH WHEN YOU CANT TAKE INSTRUCTIONS BLAHBLAHISUCKBLAH!"
that being said....lifes alright.
matt left athena (the psyco) and hes seeing holly (the less but still psyco) but theyre not a couple. they go on dates.
so im happy for him.

Do i look foreward to school? fuck it. lets get the tedious shit over with. that word describes my life thus far. tedious. like im tugging at the reigns but the fatass behind me wants to go ssssssssllllllllllllooooooooowwwwwwww.

im so close to eighteen i could have a nosebleed and die of shock. for reals.

max survived TERMINAL cancer three fucking times. That woman is such a badass!!!!!! and she made incense for me! I love that crazy lady. shes soooo cool.
i smell like hippie now. in the best way possible. she wants to meet my every love interest and make sure im not dating a whore. its funny how protective she is of me. she calls me her grandchild.
she is so my mother haiti!

nananananananana nananananananana
BAT-MAN!!!!!
deedly-deedly deedly-deedly deedly-deedly-deeet!


this was actually quite labor intensive. so you better fuckin LOVE it.

wouldnt labor be cooler if it was spelled labour?

ceci just replaced the esoteric being stuck in my head with, like, every batman song EVER alll at the same time.
sometimes i amaze myself with the things i can comprehend....

i love tthe damned so bad.
for the record, saying i love something bad is like the most emotionally intense feeling i can have for anything. so, its a very meaningful statement.
i gots me some esoteric! heckyes!

im in a good mood!
too bad she isnt......someday, i hope, we'll have one groovy, synchronized swing, and just flow........

i hung out with my 14 year old montanian sister. shes so 14! she has all the silly little features, like braces and glasses and achne and bisexuality and boobs and she curses almost as much as i do! its adorable!
im a terrible influence on my youngers. but she did try to make me listen to tim mcgraw. (shudders)

okay, sos i been in sacto. i made the worlds most wondorfully defective snowglobe. unintentionally.
we saw plays: beauty and the beast, and west-sidestory. we went to resturaunts. my grandmother is awesome. she baught a whole buncha stuff for me. no one in my family does that. i miss cecilia. i feel stupid.

true romance is a cool movie.
watch bubba hotep, it rocks.

what do you want from me?
seriously?
answer me please!

my but isnt that f word popular.
fuck fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfcukfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckimdonenow. (one of those is a fcuk! can you find it? its a game!)

fuck i lied.

by the way, matt has a girlfriend he can barely stand and a soulmate who....is a little...promiscouis?
i bit her. hard. teach her. heck yes i did. hit on me........what was up with her?

so now i cant fall asleep. 4:45 pm
so, i shall talk about the fun times. we didnt sleep. now i cant. this morning, i was really not hungry, as my digestive system is......sub-par. so matts mom, who is absolutely sociopathic and the purest form of evil i have ever born witness to, decided to give me a huge guilt trip over the fact i wasnt hungry. so i ate her greasy food. then we left. then i puked my brains out, just like i knew i would. so did matt. goddamn nodoze. tyler didnt. that jerk. so we drove around sacramento. and i got to wear this black blues-brothers lookin ska-hat. its super cool, cuz it helps keep the vicious sun off my few remaining layers of skin (im running out FAST)
tyler drove surprizingly well. thank god for that. he was fairly useless in creating music, though. and due to the combination of forced sleep deprivation, weed, and caffiene, both completely swore off drug use. hahaha.....im super!
now i listen to norma jean!
i hope voltaire loads up soon. i wish to take him home.
its hard to type right now. i totally just lost the space bar! i found it. editting comences.

im really tired now. maybe i can sleep now? doubt it. matts psyco girlfriend keeps calling. she almost overdosed on vicadin last night. and somehow it was my job to inform her as to what she should do. she doesnt remember any of it. she fine now.

fuck. fuckcuck.
uk.
k.
matt came close to freaking out at me for hitting on this girl he likes...but i wasnt.......so.....he was cool. its funny how well we communicate. theres no questions. i simply dont lie to him.

funny....aquarius is known for having many friends, but no close ones. even matt seems really distant from me. none of this is a decision on my part. im very dedicated to people i care about. but....it doesnt appear to be mutual in most cases. maybe someday........i dont know. i love real relationships. i guess thats why i come on so strong. i try to put my worst traits foreword. as a sort of....earnest..ness. i guess. this is what makes me a whore when im single. the fact that im desperate for closeness with anyone. even my own family are fucking emotionally distant as fuck. im not fucked up or crazy. im human. fuck off.
matts not blowing off boy scouts for athena. the spine is stating to show. or...grow?
who...knows? hm? clever, no?

take care now. whoever the fuck yore bored ass may be. maybe i love you. you should know by now.

3:15 pm.
oh my god im too old for this. bed time. i have a hat!

5:01
i found the power cord.
they had a discussion about how good it is to take time out of your day to tell people what you really think of them. too bad my oppinions are so fucked up...id scare people.
these two are lazy and overbearing when stoned.
they remind me of my parents. only they speak english better.
were going outside now. its 68 degrees outside.
perhyaps i shall continue upon my return.......
maybe ill fall in the pool and drown? that would be a gorgeous conclusion.....drowning under starlight....

4:23 am
no sleep. fuck sleep. no fucking website has a tab for norma jeans bayonetwork. maybe t will figure it out tommorrow...along with every voltaire song i can stand. maybe. i need to learn all of this....ohhhhhh, god i will. zelda is flying around all over the wall....its fucking crazt. we watched bride of the gorilla sivided into three parts by the union of two wall with the cieling into a perfectly square corner...it gave it an unreal depth........too bad i didnt get high.
i want to peel my face off....its bugging the shit out of me. SOMETHING must be done! i can smell the fucking oils on my skin...upper lip, y'know.
now running on reserve battery power.....'xeane, cec', (i love misplaced abbreviations) love you both so much......wish you were all here.

im in cameron park, hanging out with my best friend and his friend tyler. theyre hella inyo the local artrock scene. tylers teachin me guitar all verbal style. i gotta learn more.....im feelin it. theys both stoned...i laid off. maybe tommorow. thinking about ceci. big fuckin suprise; im obsessive and shes fucking perfect. i hope to god and anything else she bears with me.
its like 2am....we hooked up the n64 to a projecter,and pointed it at the corner of the room, so it streaks down the wall. it looks fuckin sick!
its about time i had a real vacation this summer. recording tommorow. is gonna kick ass, it is. we watched buuba hotep. bruce cambell still kicks arse.

is gonna play geetar now. BYEEEEE!!!!!!!

im in cameron park, hanging out with my best friend and his friend tyler. theyre hella inyo the local artrock scene. tylers teachin me guitar all verbal style. i gotta learn more.....im feelin it. theys both stoned...i laid off. maybe tommorow. thinking about ceci. big fuckin suprise; im obsessive and shes fucking perfect. i hope to god and anything else she bears with me.
its like 2am....we hooked up the n64 to a projecter,and pointed it at the corner of the room, so it streaks down the wall. it looks fuckin sick!
its about time i had a real vacation this summer. recording tommorow. is gonna kick ass, it is. we watched buuba hotep. bruce cambell still kicks arse.

is gonna play geetar now. BYEEEEE!!!!!!!

I have a new addiction.
showers with the water temp turned all the way down.
it distracts you from yourself. your entire existance becomes that freaked out animal survival instinct. you breathe hard uncontrollably.

remember that x-files when that guy wished his brother back to life, but his brother was all undead so he couldnt generate body heat, so he shivered really bad and blew the house up trying to heat it with the gas stove?

remember?

dogs die in hot cars. ive had 'i love you cause i have to' stuck in my head. am i pathetic? please tell me.......

my brain is sad.
eleanor rigby. i am eleanor rigby. keeping my face in a jar by the door. but who is it for?



   love,
lame

ive been watching dogma in french whilst playing guitar with effects that sound like a distorted set of church bells. and somehow, that got BORING.

i just want to post a random thought. but i stopped thinking.

im out of sanitizer.....

i am so lame.
but im over kayla.





i remembered that ive had a crush on ceci since sophmore year. before that, i just thought she was very attractive. but she was with ryan. so i ignored me, which i do a lot. this all proved to me that my current state of mind is not as spontanious as i thought. bored yet?
WHY ARE YOU READING THIS?

and then the windows failed
and then i could not see







im gonna call roxeanne.