im fucking dying.
i do get to stare at ceci between periods. which is good. roxxy absolutely hates me. which makes ceci try to hate me. i dont want people to be mad at me. or each other. but theres nothing i can do about any of it. nothing. i cant even die and fix everything like the directors cut ending of the butterfly effect. (i hate ashton kutcher)
why begin with the end in mind? why end? i refuse.
which means i'll be abandoned again, worse than ever. maybe. if it werent for that shining glimmer of hope, that legend about the happily ever after being something real.
i want that. or to end somewhat positively by being stabbed thirty six imes for no real reason. but i wont get that.

alas. woe is my ass.

te quiero

i wonder if im schizomotherfuckingphrenic
ive yet to see the aliens.
mom used to see the aliens.

oh

damn

i love her. im.....freaking out.

i liked kayla.
i liked desi.
i loved aubrey

and i love ceci more than that.
more. its ridiculous.
with aubrey, i was like, thiniking about her constantly.

its worse with this one. better?
whatever. more severe.
she

pretends to be mad at me and its

absolutely devastating.

and i know shes joking, but im such a wuss..........

fuck.

so anyways, i just walked five miles to work, did an eight hour shift, then walked back home in the dark in the middle of the fuckin woods.

cecil, i fucking love you.
hope you can stand me some day.

i have no computer after tomorrow.

so......uh......yeah. this concludes our broadcast day.

so anyways, i just walked five miles to work, did an eight hour shift, then walked back home in the dark in the middle of the fuckin woods.

cecil, i fucking love you.
hope you can stand me some day.

i have no computer after tomorrow.

so......uh......yeah. this concludes our broadcast day.

well babies, very soon i shall have no computer. which means i shall be unable to vent my crazy mood swings. not that hte negative ones were ever really posted, but, for the hell of it imagine twenty thousand of these:
"i fucking hate me and so does absolutely EVERYONE else i know the end (slashes skin)"

thats all.

i leave you all with my love and this>      ;)

my mouth tastes like blood. the dog is barking.

i miss you

OKAY
so i have a job now!!!
wich sucks, cuz i have to work and grow up and all that....but......i have a job!
which means i can star looking for ways to move out (ahem ROXEANE!)
anyways, i just got dropped off at a dentist appointment, all they did was poke me in the gums with wire and force me to stare at my nasty self in one of those high-def mirrors whilst shining a bright light on me to make it even worse. yeah. that wasnt pleasant. my gums hurt.
then i went to the head pokin place to schedule a bloodtest, so's i can find out if my counclers right aboot me being bi-polar.
then i walked home five miles in 100 some odd degree heat. and now im half naked and sweaty and typing. if thats not sexy, then sexy isnt even a damn word, man. thats not true.

i drink much water.

anyways, im probably going to xeanes house tomorrow.
i love my lesbian

we all miss ceci horribly. shes most likely not going to read this, but anyways COME BACK YOU SEXY LIL BIRD!!!
i want your babies! so we can feed them to glen!
plus that involves sex!
god, i HOPE she doesnt read this.....
cuz if she is then ignore the sex part. im not creepy at all i swear to jebus.

not creepy at all.

im gonna go torment the naked five year old retarded kid im holding captive in my closet now.
then shower.

thanks for tuning in byeeeeeeeeeeee!

so ive been telling this joke sort of thing, actually its more like a story, cuz it happened but anyways


my dad woke me up yesterday morning like "time to get up sleeping beauty!"

so i woke up laughing hysterically

because im an ugly insomniac. id only had like three hours.
i thought it were a funny moment. no one else does. fuck them.

how lame am i?
anyways, i hung out with hannah and adrian last night. adrians mom made egg foo- i forget but it was alright. hannah and adrian hated it, actually. but i like food.
adriansd family is all obsessed with indonesian food, cuz they all went to indonesia for three weeks. adrian talked about how cool it was there. that made me feel hella boring.
could be worse. hannah lives in washington, where it rains all the time and all the guys there are too retarded to comprehend how attractive she is. poor lonely girl. shes a sweetheart though.

now im bored. i slept a normal amount, like seven or eight hours, and now i feel like shit. like the way most people feel when they dont sleep at all.

theres no one here. i tried to call roxy but someone on the other line picked up the phone then hung up. so im all afraid to call again. cecis in canada. matts working. calling adrian would just be...wierd. its hard to converse with her sometimes. we have not so much chemistry. conversations dont just spark like they do with ceci or roxeane. or matt. shes really nice though.

it took me five tries to get this stupid virus ridden computer to bring up this site. it works good now that im running yet ANOTHER scan on the piece of shit.


im hallucinating a little. theres black shapes that fly around sometimes. what the hell? im so stupid.

im bored with everything. horror movies even bore me. i need something new going on up in here.

ive been doing exactly what im doing right now for most of this summer.

i desire yum-yums.

my digestion parts are fucked like fuck parts.
do you fuck? i used too.
now im stupid.

im gonna go dodge freshmen for a while, hooray for me.

cecs in kanahda. im envious. ive never even been out of state, save that one trip to the western edge of nevada.

"theres no desert in nevada, its all fuckin mountains!"

hahahahahaha!
im fuckin funny and you love it now go die anyway. unless i love you. then you should love me too. you ass.

check this shit out <pow> okay so for the first time ever, my parents are going to buy me school shit! WOW!
i think its funny. its my fuckin senior year. and there all, do you need a backpack? nope i gots a locker now. my broke ass school likes me now cuz im OLD.
i know dr.(ms)keebler(elf bitch) will like me better if she sees my sat scores. ill still not like her so good. shes too damned creepy. creepier than i, wich is way too creepy.

fuck that shit.

okay.......im hella bored im gonna go call roxeane-in-the-pants

we dont need no water let the motherfucker burn
burn motherfucker
burn.

i saw batman. they done scarecrow good.
i totally wish i could play the mad hatter in a batman movie. im hella in the vein of jervis tech. shyeah.
im a damn good batman geek i am.
you oughta be to you loser you.

lalalalalalalala
burn mother fucker burn

i wanna go now...but i gotta wait. alex is gonna be late.

rhymanizms rock!
ooooo..i believe i just rhymed my pants....excuse me....

im surrounded by so many stupid people. joans belligerent and stupid. shes all like, "its not the islams who are dangerous, its the muslims. and in my head i scream, "ISLAM IS THE RELIGION OF THE FUCKING MUSLIMS! THERES NO SUCH PEOPLE AS ISLAMS! THEYRE CALLED MUSLIMS! STUPID BITCH< QUIT WAKING ME UP WITH YOUR LOUD INCOMPETENCE!"
and to alex
"Brad Pitt is not that great. Hes alright, but Anthony hopkins will always be better. And as far as character acting goes, Gary Oldman is Easily in league with Johnny Depp. For one thing, he takes on more serious roles. Then he can do ANYTHING. Depp can charm you, and make you laugh. Oldman can disgust you, mortify you, seduce you, make you laugh, cry, vomit, terrify you, love him, hate him, or completely slip through unnoticed. So there. Also, its not flight of the penguins, because penguins dont fly. march of the penguins. YOU WORK IN A THEATER FOR CHRISTS SAKE. FOCUS.

more said, never to be heard. thank whoever the fuck is listening.

right...so this computer sucks. terribly.
worse yet, i think aarons taking it. which means that in a few weeks, i have no access to this damned site. or any site.
but these constant popups are really pissing me off anyway.

i hung out with cecilia yesterday, and it was the best damn day ive had all fucking summer. and thats sad, cuz i felt stupid and invasive the whole fucking time. but i love that girl terribly. sometimes its a bit painful. totally worth it, though.

roxeane is so cute! we need to get her a happy lesbian in a box! she needs one. i bought her a squishy flashy waterball on a string sort of a deal.

my dad is a bitch. it occured to me today exactly how misereable that man must be. he has no friends, very few in his workplace. he sleeps with a 250 pound angry ogre every night. shes old. he labors for her constantly. and his workplace is one of the bleakest realities of exactly how much the world sucks and how much america really needs to mandate human breeding licenses. plus he lives with a mindless sarcastic asshole like me. AND his communication skills SUCK. i mean, the man cant hand out instructions for shit. only these sad lil one word sentances that force me to fill in the blanks. wich i totally cant do when he gets me up at seven every morning!!!!!! hes all like "hammer." and i go "what?" so he goes
"BLAHBLAH BLAH YOU NEED A JOB BLAH CUZ BLAH BLAH WHEN YOU CANT TAKE INSTRUCTIONS BLAHBLAHISUCKBLAH!"
that being said....lifes alright.
matt left athena (the psyco) and hes seeing holly (the less but still psyco) but theyre not a couple. they go on dates.
so im happy for him.

Do i look foreward to school? fuck it. lets get the tedious shit over with. that word describes my life thus far. tedious. like im tugging at the reigns but the fatass behind me wants to go ssssssssllllllllllllooooooooowwwwwwww.

im so close to eighteen i could have a nosebleed and die of shock. for reals.

max survived TERMINAL cancer three fucking times. That woman is such a badass!!!!!! and she made incense for me! I love that crazy lady. shes soooo cool.
i smell like hippie now. in the best way possible. she wants to meet my every love interest and make sure im not dating a whore. its funny how protective she is of me. she calls me her grandchild.
she is so my mother haiti!

nananananananana nananananananana
BAT-MAN!!!!!
deedly-deedly deedly-deedly deedly-deedly-deeet!


this was actually quite labor intensive. so you better fuckin LOVE it.

wouldnt labor be cooler if it was spelled labour?

ceci just replaced the esoteric being stuck in my head with, like, every batman song EVER alll at the same time.
sometimes i amaze myself with the things i can comprehend....

i love tthe damned so bad.
for the record, saying i love something bad is like the most emotionally intense feeling i can have for anything. so, its a very meaningful statement.
i gots me some esoteric! heckyes!

im in a good mood!
too bad she isnt......someday, i hope, we'll have one groovy, synchronized swing, and just flow........

i hung out with my 14 year old montanian sister. shes so 14! she has all the silly little features, like braces and glasses and achne and bisexuality and boobs and she curses almost as much as i do! its adorable!
im a terrible influence on my youngers. but she did try to make me listen to tim mcgraw. (shudders)

okay, sos i been in sacto. i made the worlds most wondorfully defective snowglobe. unintentionally.
we saw plays: beauty and the beast, and west-sidestory. we went to resturaunts. my grandmother is awesome. she baught a whole buncha stuff for me. no one in my family does that. i miss cecilia. i feel stupid.

true romance is a cool movie.
watch bubba hotep, it rocks.

what do you want from me?
seriously?
answer me please!

my but isnt that f word popular.
fuck fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfcukfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckimdonenow. (one of those is a fcuk! can you find it? its a game!)

fuck i lied.