blech...that's one word...so how can it decribe so much?..it seems like things have been going downhill since...well....i guess since... everythign that happened....most people don't notice when i'm really upset...becuase i can act happy....which i do....i guess i don't really know how to act sad...either that or it is physically impossible...i have to be really really really upset to act like it...that's why people think i'm always happy....which i guess is unhealthy...and why is it that i can only write good poems when something goes wrong?....oh well i guess...i mean it's not like it matters....heh...maybe my poems aren't even that good lol....oh well...oh bythe way i changed the date on here to see something....it's really december 13 2005....

a little poem....just becuase i can...



when you told me that you loved me             

i thought that it was true

becuase you see i never lied

when i said i love you



you didn't really love me

you didn't really care

how i felt for you was real

and feelings still are there



it was toture watching you

flirt with her last night

i tried to stop the stinging tears

but quickly lost the fight



i knew you saw how much it hurt

and i knew you didn't care

all the time i sat wishing

that i wasen't there



i suppose i'll have to let you go

cuz it wasen't meant to be

but part of me still wishes

that you did love me



so if you say you love her

make sure that it is true

becuase i know she'll mean it when

she says i love you





the end.....and yes i wrote it.....

             “you've changed a lot you know...I don't think i can trust you anymore.." said the small quiet girl with a tear in her brilliant green eye. "What?..i haven't changed...I’m still the same old guy....why would you think i have changed lily?" asked the rascally, brunette boy with a slight grin, as he put his hands on her shoulder. " Why?...you betrayed me and my family... you lied...you got them killed! don't you get it?" Lily cried, forcing him off her petite shoulders. The boy looked astonished," It's true, I made some mistakes...but can't we forget about that and start over?...look i said i’m sorry" " Brad...Sorry isn't good enough any more...you talk about your betrayal like it's some sort of casual thing..like it doesn't matter.." Lily cried in near hysterics, turning her back away from him. "..well.. it doesn't...they were useless..." Brad explained, "they just got in the way" " USELESS?!? USELESS?...i don't think you understand...THEY WERE MY FAMILY!!..and they never got in the way...the only time they did was to stop you from killing me..and look where that got them...DEAD!" Lily screamed. "SHHH!!...it's okay you'll get through this...it's only a phase" brad hushed her. "A PHASE?!?! Yeah right..." lily said, then proceeding to storm off. "LILY! WAIT COME BACK HERE! DON"T MAKE ME COME AFTER YOU!!" brad yelled after her. " YOU WON"T COME AFTER ME JERK!" lily yelled back then ran off as fast as she could. "Great...she's gonna get herself hurt...and the master will blame me." Brad said sarcastically as his eyes suddenly glowed red.

              The young girl had been running for about a half hour when she stumbled upon an old abandoned town. She slowed to a near tip-toe walk. "hello!" she called out a few times. when nobody answered she decided to have a look around. " wow this place looks like nobody has lived here for a long time" she thought to herself.
The girl walked into the nearest building, which just so happened to be a saloon. She walked slowly not knowing if the floorboards were rotten or not. Suddenly, she paused. "what was that?" she thought as she looked around," i swear it was footsteps" She took a deep breath then proceeded forward. Soon enough she came to a flight of stairs. They were tall and she couldn't see the top, but she proceeded on anyway.

              When Lily neared the top of the stairs a small white something ran across the floor. She was very startled and ran back outside. "what was that?" she wondered, finally noticing how dark it was outside. " i need to find somewhere to stay".

             The girl walked slowly down the gravel road looking inside a few buildings to see if there was one that was satisfactory for her to sleep in. So far her search was in vain. At the very end of the road there was one last,rather large building. Throwing caution to the wind she decided that she'd see if this place was safe enough for her.

              when she walked in the front doors, lily noticed that it was a bed and breakfast. " Hello?" she called, and again no one answered, so she decided just to find a room. when she found a room suitable enough she placed her hand on the door and was about to enter when somebody grabbed her shoulder. "WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE IN MY INN WITHOUT PAYING ME?" a voice behind her boomed. Lily jumped then turned around to face the person. The person the voice belonged to was a rather tall, handsome boy around the age of 17, who looked like he hadn’t had a decent meal (or a shower for that matter) in weeks. "Please, my name is lily neslo, i’m looking for a place to stay the night, i have no money, but i will work off the debt." she pleaded with the boy. "lily huh?..well a girl like you shouldn't be out on your own...where's your family?" he asked her. " my..my family?....they were..they were..." she was unable to finish the sentence without welling up in tears. "aww don't cry it's okay," the boy comforted her "the name's Justin by the way, i own this inn... as I’ve told you before." " are you the only one in this city?" lily asked him. "right now...yes.it used to be a beautiful city with hundreds of people....but then the epidemic came and killed many of them. The survivors and other people who lived here were afraid to stay so they all packed up and left. i’m the only one here now." he explained. " that's too bad. " lily said at a loss for words. " yeah, business just ain't what it used to be" Justin joked letting a little chuckle escape. lily hadn't thought it was that funny so she just gave him a quizzical look. " yeah i know, i shouldn't be joking about something so serious, but i was just trying to lighten the mood. you can stay in this room tonight" justin said then walked off. "oh yeah goodnight!" he called not bothering to turn around. "goodnight, nice to meet you" lily called back then proceeded to enter the room.

          "master, I've lost the girl" Brad said aloud, seemingly to no one. He then shrieked in pain, fell to the cold cobblestone path and began twitching violently. "YOU FAILED THE MISSION! YOU WILL BE PUNISHED!" a voice from nowhere yelled. "I'm...sorry...i won’t fail you....again" brad pleaded with the voice. Suddenly the pain stopped and he could stand up. "i will try again master, tell me where she is." he asked. "no, i will not tell you, i will show you" the voice said and a mental picture of lily formed inside of brad's head. "master i see her...but where is she? ...master?...MASTER?!?!" he yelled. the voice, and the vision were gone. brad was all alone.

         He walked slowly in the direction that lily had run off in. He knew that she probably had changed direction once or twice so he started to look for a trail, or something.., to follow.

          Lily awoke suddenly in a strange room. It took her a few minutes to remember what had occurred last night, how she had run away from her best friend of 14 years, how she had come to this abalone town and met, her heart fluttered a little bit, justin...whose inn she was stayed at during the night. she got up and, since she had not bothered to change out of her clothed from the day before, walked out and into the main room. She was beginning to look around when a hand grabbed her shoulder. She screamed then turned to see justin grinning from ear to ear. " You're a little jumpy aren't you girl?" he asked with a chuckle. " THAT WASEN’T FUNNY!"lily replied a little louder then she meant. " gee chill out. it was only a joke." " whatever....erm...i think i’m going to leave today....brad's bound to be following me." lily said... more to herself than to justin. "brad?...whose brad?" justin asked her, "a...boyfriend?" lily slightly laughed at the thought or her and brad dating. "no...he was my best friend." "was....what do you mean was?" " i mean we're not friends anymore...in fact...i hate him." " really?...why's that?" " well he's a jerk that sold his soul to somebody he calls master....and he killed my family... presumably to prove his worth. he tried to kill me....but i escaped!" she explained getting slightly
angry just thinking about it. " whoa..that's really bad. is that why you're here all out on your own?" justin asked her with a concerned look on his face. " yes it is....and now you see why i have to leave....he's following me...he actually caught up to me last night....he tried to convince me to go back home with him....so i ran....and came here." lily quickly explained now on her way to the door. " wait....i’m coming with you!" justin told her while grabbing a pack and supplies, "you're not gonna face him alone." lily was both relived and nervous at the fact that he was coming along. She smile and waited patiently while he grabbed his things. " it's mostly food that i’m grabbing...we are in a wasteland after all." he explained. " it's not a wasteland...." " yeah that's pretty much what it is...unless you like eating mice...." "YUCK!" lily cried wincing at the thought. " all right let's go i’m ready." justin said as he walked out the door and onto the road. lily followed and soon they were off. where they were going they had no idea...they only knew they had to leave...to put as much space between them and brad as they could.

           Soon enough Brad found the girl’s trail. “Finally...this will be very simple.” He told himself, “soon she will be in my hands....and i can kill her.” Brad walked slowly so he wouldn’t miss anything. Soon enough he came to the almost uninhabited village Lily herself was staying at. The boy followed her tracks in the dusty road all the way down to the little inn at the end of the road. Inside he heard voices. One was very familar, and he grinned at the thought of seeing Lily again, even if he was planning something disaterous. He crept to the side of the building, which was hiddin is shadow and waited.

          Lily and Justin walked out of the inn and into the bright sunlight. “Wow i had no idea it was so dark inside.” lily exclaimed, blinking a few times to let her eyes adjust. “Yeah, but you get used to it. Well anyway we better be off, if we want to get ahead of that creep.” justin said, also blinking. “So she’s told him about me. Good. Then he’ll know better then to fight me.” brad thought to himself. From his hiding place he was able to hear every word they spoke. He crouched a little lower to make sure he wasen’t seen. Lily got a chill down her spine, and she shuddered. “What’s wrong?” justin asked, obviously concerend. “Nothing...it’s just I’ve got the feeling somebody’s watching us.” she explained. “ well we’re the only ones in this town so i don’t think anybody is watching us.” justin reassured her. “Well...alright.” lily said, and continued to walk on. Brad crept out of his hiding place when the pair was about 50 yards ahead of him. “What are you doing?..kill her!” the voice cried. “No master...i will wait. WE must make sure that nothing goes wrong.” brad explained, hoping the voice would accept his plan. “Fine, do it your way. Oh and by the way...kill the boy too.” it told him. “I was planning on it ...sir.”

     Lily looked around at where they were. They had abandoned the path about two miles back, and had entered a whole different world, or so it seemed. There was sand and dirt all over, with a few shrubs and catuses every now and then. Sooner or later a little creature, be it a rabbit, snake, or bird of some sort, would be spotted, each time with justin explaining the species, and anything else he knew about it. Lily hung on his every word, though she wasn’t sure she’d be that interested if anybody else had been the one to tell her. “Hey lily....where are you planning on going anyway?...you can’t keep wandering around forever.” “Well...I’m not sure...honestly my whole life was in llahavrac. I don’t know anything else.” she told him. “Oh well...you could always stay with me...well at least until you find somewhere to stay.” justin said, blushing a little bit. Lily grinned. “Okay, but where would we stay?” “Wherever we want...we can pretty much settle anywhere we want.” he explained. Lily didn’t answer, she was too busy thinking about what she was going to encounter in the weeks to come.

   “So far, so good. They haven’t realized I’m following them.” brad thought as he crept along behind the two. “Yes you are very lucky....if anything goes wrong it will be your life.” the voice threatened. “Yes master, i know the stakes....but why do we have to kill her?....she could be very valuable to us.” “That and you want your best friend to live...but sadly, I DON”T CARE!” yelled the voice as a shock ran down brad’s spine, “DO NOT QUESTION ME!” “I’m sorry master....i will kill her....and soon.” brad vowed.

Lily and Justin walked for many miles before Justin finally spoke. “So...are you okay?...i mean losing your family, your home, your best friend, it’s got to be tough.” “Yeah, kinda, but ya know...you get kinda...well....kinda numb. I mean I’ve been so busy trying to figure out what to do, I’ve got no time for misery ya know?” lily replied. “Yeah, i know how you feel. Wanna tell me what happened?” Justin asked her with obvious intrest and concern. “ well...it’s a long story.” “We’ve got time.” “Alright”

The girl started her story. “You see it all started about a year ago. Brad went on his first hunt in the black forest. Not many people went there, it was said to be cursed. But brad told me not to worry, that it was just a rumor to keep most hunters away from the big game. I was a fool to believe him. He was gone for three days. When brad returned, he had nothing. Something was different about him. When i confronted him with it he just said ‘you’ll see in time’ so i didn’t ask about it again. He started to scare me to be completly truthful. He started talking about death, and started getting into fights. Yeah i know, he’s a boy all boys act liek taht. But he was different. He was sweet and kind and everything girls like ya know?.....at one point i caught him arguing with himself, or that’s what i thought. He kept saying MASTER PLEASE!!! don’t make me kill her.” It frightened me so i ran to tell my father, who happened to be head of the council in my village. He became wary of brad and soon banished him for a murder. I guess brad wanted revenge and plotted the destruction of my family. Late one night he snuck into our home and killed off my family one by one. He left no mark however on the bodies so no one was able to prove he was guilty. It was about a week afterwards when i decided i would see if he did it or not. When i asked brad he told me he did kill them all, and was planning to kill again. The look he gave me, like he was scared, but at the same time, he wanted it more than anything. It scared me terribly and i ran. Soon enough he caught up with me and he tried to convince me to go back with him. That’s when i ran to your village and met you.” lily explained, with tears in her eyes. “So...it wasn’t all bad, “ justin replied with a slight blush. Lily smiled and walked slightly closer to him than she would have normally. It wasn’t close enough for him to notice....however it was close enough to make lily’s heart flutter with delight.



Brad followed close behind the pair, careful to stay out of sight. He watched them intently and noticed every small move they made. “Keep your eye on the girl.” the voice told him. However brad needed not to be told twice. He couldn’t keep his eyes off of her. Lily was beautiful, almost perfect. “ if only she loved me,” he thought to himslef, hoping his master wouldn’t hear. “ master please. Do i have to kill the girl, she is young, and not to mention the boy would put up much more of a fight, it would be more entertaining.” Brad quickly asked. “ no, you must kill the girl. In order to free me of this wretched mind, we must kill the most beautiful maiden in all the country.” The voice commanded. “Yes master,” brad replied sullenly. “ however, if you have a reason not to kill her, i can reconsider, possibly in your favor.” the voice told brad craftily. Brad knew he could not tell his master the reason why he didn’t want to harm her, after all he wasen’t allowed to love. “ she is too young, are you postitive she will be able to unock your spirit?” brad hastily made up. “ Yes i am positive, DO NOT QUESTION ME!” The voice yelled inside brad’s head. “Alright, I’ll kill her. Just wait until the moment is right.” brad mumbled.



____________________________________________________________


This is my story so far.....do you guys love it or not...please tell jade!!!

I can't get out of bed today
Or get you off my mind
I just can't seem to find a way
To leave the love behind

[Bridge:]
I ain't trippin
I'm just missing you
You know what I'm saying
You know what I mean

You kept me hanging from a string
Why you make me cry?
I tried to give you everything
But you just gave me lies

[Bridge]

[Bridge 2:]
Every now and then
When I'm all alone
I be wishing you would call me on the telephone
Say you want me back
But you never do
I feel like such a fool
There's nothing I can do..
I'm such a fool
For you

[Chorus:]
I can't take it
What am I waiting for?
My heart's still breaking
I miss you even more
And I can't fake it
The way I could before
I hate you but I love you
I can't stop thinking of you [last time x2]
It's true
I'm stuck on you

Now love's a broken record that's
Been skipping in my head
I keep singing yesterday
Why we got to play these games we play?

[Bridge]

Every now and then
When I'm all alone
I be wishing you would call me on the telephone
Say you want me back
But you never do
I feel like such a fool

[chorus]

[Bridge 2]
[chorus]


very good song

do you know what sucks?....do you care waht sucks?....well personally i don't care if you don't care....i'im telling you anyway....i'm grounded....and kimmi karen and kenzi....i'd be on a date right now with the certain person mentioned in the notebook.....but sadly no i couldn't be....and i really really really like him...alot. lol...anyway...so now i am sad....i think he went to the show instead....we were going to go to a movie...i dk which one. yes so now i am sad....argh...i've been grounded for so long. what does the outside look like?...i'm going to die i'm suffocating in this house. did you know that?...no problably not. i really do not like my family...especially when they made me go to bed
@10 on a friday night!....coral and amber got ppl to spend the night...so they got to stay up as late as they wanted....and they kept coming into my room....scared the shit out of me....anyway...thinking about possibly finding someone to throw a halloween party...cuz i want to throw one but there is no way it'll be at my house..right now it's either at gary's house or marks....unless one of you three want to volunteer... the reason why i want to throw one is because my parents are saying i can't go to mission impossible becuase it goes till midnight for highschoolers and it's on a school night...how gay is that?...i'll tell you how gay. VERY GAY!!!...so if you're at the dance....have fun without me now that you've read this.

    love,
      jade (who is dieing of boredom right now)

BECAUSE OF YOU- KELLY CLARKSON

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid


I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because you know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with


Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt


Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid


I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing


Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid


Because of you
Because of you

This is my favorite song...it is very true for my life....almost every word of it seems to come right from my head....

love is a pointless thing
coming from every being
noone can help but feel like this
when you breakup it's love they miss

shy and softspoken,
he left her heart broken
when he told her goodbye
she wanted to die

it hurts when you know
you don't get to go
back where you were
with him or with her

our hearts left destroyed
when with love we toyed
but you can't help but feel
that your love is real

we will get hurt, we all will cry
some of us left to wonder why
so when you're left out in the rain
remember there's others, feeling your pain


*bows* thank you thank you...poem for my cousin..who wants to remain nameless....written in 5 minutes..(what a hard worker i am) ....

oh and diego...i am guessing your'e gonna be a smart alec and make some comment like "i'm commmenting on your diary becuase you comment on mine all the time" ...well ha i beat you to it!

i don't

i don't care that you still love me
i don't want to let you see
my feelings i hide for the good of us two
because you see i still love you

i don't want to love you right now
i don't want to show you how
i feel for you, you know it's true
i did and will always love you

(i'll finish it later when i have more time....anyway got any comments???? *hint hint ((tell me)))

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http://www.potterpuppetpals.com/bothering.html bothering snape lol fannah shizzel

http://www.potterpuppetpals.com/trouble.html TROUBLE AT HOGWARTS..funnah shizzel too

http://www.deviantart.com/view/13034303/ ...for the inuyasha luvers out there lol