[Wes Foxx]'s diary
When all have lost hope
When the darkest hour nears
When the darkness looms over us
When we face our darkest fears
A hero will be forged
A legacy shall unfold
The light cuts through the darkness
A kitsune tale is told...
The Legeands of Inari: Act I is almost done!!!
Written about Wednesday 2005-03-30
Written: (7179 days ago)
Life truiths written by a friend my wonderful gf [Just Paula], the second paragraph written by her herself.
there are days when a person can look out a window and see all the happy people with there friends and there lovers and the person who watches thinks, what happend to my life and why arent i as happy as them. i think i may have figured out an answer. there are many people on this planet who just arent what others want around them people who sicken the normality of human sociaty. so when i my self see those happy people i dont wonder i slowly close the curtain and bask in the over welming comfort that i am alone and that i dont have anyone to put a show on for to impress. i am myself i am the one who is told there not attractive or funny to the others who is and will allways be the type that sits by themselves at a park or a lunchroom and thinks deeply about how it could have been if you werent you. you popular people who whine about how hard it is to be you with your many friends and your grand love for life. think just once about how it might be like for the other side. think of the last time you invited that weird person to a partie or when the ugly kid was asked out maybe that ugly kid has the heart and soul you have been searching for. those of you who are beautifull and popular in your shallow lives might think we are bitter and jelouse of you and maybe we are but think to your self in all your times of happyness and joy around yer friends when you made fun of the other half and they fiight back the tears dont they have the right to be bitter dont they have the right to hate you because they dont have the right clothes or the wonderfull looks deep inside they know there ugly but this is an ugly world and one day those who are popular and beautifull will get theres and they will be ugly like the rest of us
the point im trying to get across is that just because someone is not particularly pleasing to the eye doesnt mean they are not fun to hang around with.. or even to fall in love with. next time you see someone sitting lonely in a corner go talk to them... it might not mean much to you but it could mean a lot to that person
Written about Tuesday 2005-03-29
Written: (7179 days ago)
Soul Painter
I pick up my pencil and open the book
I let my mind wander and then take a look
A figure I don't know has, it seems
Stepped into my sketches, right out of my dreams
I write my soul, I draw my heart
Onto my paper, onto this chart
I let it all go, my limits disengage
I pass my soul onto this page
Another week gone, another long year
Another small triumph, another dark fear
Another day's work, another day's play
Another dream lived as another fades away
I write my soul, I draw my heart
Onto my paper, onto this chart
I let it all go, my limits disengage
I pass my soul onto this page
I put my soul on a page so I may see
What I once held so dear to me
'till the ink goes dry and I've run out of lead
I will paint out the paths where my mind has tread
I write my soul, I draw my heart
Onto my paper, onto this chart
I let it all go, my limits disengage
I pass my soul onto this page
Written by [Wes Foxx]
My first Daily Poem winning piece ^^
♥ ♥ ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ ♥♥ ♥♥ ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
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♥ ♥♥♥♥♥♥ ♥♥♥♥♥♥ ♥♥ ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
[Just Paula]!
♥
Written about Monday 2005-03-28
Written: (7180 days ago)
I have given [Katori PureHeart] many chances before. More than anyone has ever given, perhaps. More than anyone should have a right to recieve. We were in a troubled romance filled to the brim with drama the likes of which few people have ever known. For a year and a half I've given her my entire heart, never questioning, as a myriad of voices screamed profanitys at me telling me I was a total fool and she wasn't worth my love. Even now I don't fully believe what they say. She was the light of my life, the sun of my world, the core of my being. I lived for her. I loved her more deeply than some people will ever know. But she broke my heart. I forgave her. She broke it again. I forgave her as she promised she would never do it again. she threw it in my face and shattered my heart. I still forgave her when even she couldn't believe I would. She broke it again, throwing it into an emotional blender and pouring it over my head. I was still loyal and faithful to her. I took her back when she realized her mistake. I then fell into a vicious web of lies woven initially by that last betrayal when she lead us all to false names. Now I was the one who broke her heart, I was the one who came back to her, begging for forgiveness, the only one who had been tricked into their choice. She was never tricked as I was. She made her choices in full knowledge of what was going on. She then took me back for a short time, then tossed me effortlessly aside for another, basically telling me i never deserved the chance she gave me, that she was, in essence, just using me for a while even though she knew she was just going to get rid of me in a few days. My heart was thrown in my face harder than ever before. I then watched as she snowballed around with others, then told me "i will take your hand, and will never let go". I put my full trust in her again though none would say she deserved it. just two days later, she left me, saying i "treated her like a possession". This apparently is her definition of what you do when you take it slow and not just rush into bed with her. she then bounced back, loosing person after person as she betrayed them purely for the reason of "they opened up to me". Never thinking of how the person feels when she left them, after they give up EVERYTHING for her. Only once when I was buried in a web of lies was I EVER unfaithful to her. Now she begs me for "one last chance" for the fifth time. Why do YOU think its impossible for me to say yes again?
Very eventful day today so far. The Legeands of Inari: Act I has reached 11 chapters (some 15 pages in Word), [raynesprite] and I entered the ET Front Page Art Contest! with a picture that I drew and she colored (it might stand a chance at winning, maybe *hopeful look*) and I've got all the rest of today to write more! If only Talon were on...
*update* I got up to chapter 12 even! what a day for progress. Of course, I think I was inspired to finish.
I got to see Talon ^^ *gets a warm fuzzy feeling just thinking about her now*
Written about Sunday 2005-03-27
Written: (7182 days ago)
[Just Paula] and I are now officially going out! ^_^ *dances happily*
Wisdom of the Fox
~Fate. An indiscriminate force that no one can overcome, and overcomes everyone. It changes, it twists, it is our greatest gain, and our greatest losses. It is happiness. It is pain. It is death. It is life. It is time itself. It is the beginning and end of everything. Im almost lead to believe fate is the earthly presence of God himself.
Fate can be kind, giving us our loved ones, family, friends, the money you find on the street that lets you get by, someone there at just the right time to save a life.
But at the same time, someone is always there at just the right time to end a life as well, unexpected costs when you've just been fired, our friends move away, our family is viciously taken away from us, and most cruel of all is when our loved ones have left us with bleeding hearts and sometimes more.
~Aric Boshoven - Wes Foxx~
Wisdom of the Fox
~Life is like a canvas: It begins blank, empty, and full of opportunity. A person draws upon it whatever they wish, each with their own unique style and colors. Good or bad, it is still a painting, and someone out there is always willing to give alot for the painting, for you. There is someone out there who can appreciate this canvas of life you paint with your wisdom, actions, thoughts, feelings, if your willing to wait for them to come along. Sometimes they feel nervous; they don't know if they can take care of this painting. They worry that they might damage it, or feel they don't deserve to own such a beautiful thing.
There are many who try to find their painting by finding the most colorful or the most expensive, overlooking other paintings. These are the people who have no common sense. Don't let these people ruin your hopes. Paint your life however you feel, following the brush that is your heart.
Clear and logical thought will sketch outlines, detailed but cold. Emotion is the brilliant colored paint that pours freely on to the page, but are undefined and blend uncomfortably together. Use your mind and heart together, and you will design a truly great masterpiece.
~Aric Boshoven - Wes Foxx~
Evil! [Just Paula] is gonna be gone all of tommorow! v.v its gonna be so boring! and shes like my best friend on, especially 'cuz [Tiger Shark] is stuck offline alot because of stupid athsema stuff and i havent seen others like [StormKitsune] or [Katori PureHeart] in days v.v and now...
i think im starting to get a crush on talon xX
Spring break! YES!!! Time to get a hooj (huge) breakfast to celebrate! Then to write the rest of chapter 10 and a good part of 11 too! The only downside is that keenspace is being a biatch and 2 or 3 of my webcomics on there update today, so i cant see 'em!
today is the day for the breaking of spring! 10+ days of no school! yeah! The Legeands of Inari: Act I will probably get to at least chapter 15 by the time its over ^^
Written about Thursday 2005-03-24
Written: (7185 days ago)
thursday is the last day of school before glorious glorious spring break! so very very happy! except todays been boring, with no new sketches and [Katori PureHeart] never showing up online. She and my friend [Vampiric Wolf Archer] are together officially now, so hope they do well together. If I can't have her, at least one of my best friends can. And hey, its not like we now hate eachother ^^ me and Katori are still really great friends. Now to find a way to cure my loneliness instead of just supressing it.
And this is how my mood has been:
Lol! ^^ thats so nice! awesome! lol!!!
(3 minutes later)
god... im so pathetic and worthless...
(34 minutes later)
heh, im such a moody little sonofa*****
(random time later)
EVERYTHING IS SO FREAKIN AWESOME!!!! ^_^
wash, rinse, repeat =P
Ive been noticing that poll message quiz thing lots of people have in their houses. I wonder what mine would be?
[
Do you know my full real name?
Did you meet me before I was Wes?
Where did we meet?
What do you think I'm like?
What do you wish would change about me?
Why do you care about me, if at all?
How do you think of me?
What do you think I'd guess that last answer was?
What do you WANT me to say, right now?
Why won't you tell me honestly?
Why do you feel that way?
If we switched lives, do you think you could survive?
If you've already been in my position, are you glad your back to being you?
If you could have me grant you one wish, what would it be?
]
Must do wolf sketch for [Katori PureHeart] must write chapter 8 for The Legeands of Inari: Act I must do stupid latin mini-epic poem translation... (damn you Catullus ><) must do chemistry (balence yourselves, accursaid compounds!) must do algebra II (ebil sum of a series bullcrap) must do new picture I just thought up when I was looking in the mirror (dont ask, wait and see) must do Shared Worlds picture of [Just Paula] and Xa' Tsuna (her idea Oo) must outline alternate History of Inari story (the original) must copy english journal entry I wrote on the dream (the one that inspired the order, the history, wes, etc etc etc)
I somehow managed to focus long enough to write the seventh chapter of The Legeands of Inari: Act I, and now I must face this EVIL load of homework >< oh joy. AP Latin Lit, Algebra II, and Chemistry.
Summary
This is the recap of whats happened in the past few days, for those who don't already know. Me and [Katori PureHeart] had broken up, and she was with [CradleOfChaos]. Then she left him to try to chase after [Skadia] and/or [NotMeantToBe]. Then she came back to me (after painting me pink Xx) for about 1 1/2 days. Yesterday while my DSL was out, her and [Vampiric Wolf Archer] found out that they're wonderful for eachother, so once again she broke up with me. This is, I believe, the 3rd time shes broken up with me, and the -counting on fingers- 12th time something has happened that made everyone start verbally slapping me around saying I should move on and forget about her. I'm ready to, but as always, I'm STILL holding out for her if she'll take me back. After I got back with her, I tried to not be too forceful or anything, since I felt I was on thin ice, but unfortunately that made her feel like I though of her like an object and not a person v.v Thats what hurts the most of that all, the fact that I'm being accused of not caring about people as people, when I give my life for other people so that they can be happy people on a daily basis, hourly on a "good" day. This of course, is ignored by her while everyone else, thankfully, can see it. So now my body is in a tug-o-war between my spirit and my mind. Go fruitlessly after the one I truly love more than anyone else I'll ever find and suffer for nothing, or tear my heart up and try to move on like a smoker trying to kick the habit when he's surrounded by a sea of lit cigarrettes.Good freakin' thing I'm such a freak or I'd probably care about my impending doom =P Still cheery, Wes Foxx.
For all those who have been waiting for me to work on the Legeands of Inari, sorry ^^; I've been a bit slow on working on it, I promise I'll start working on it some more today! Don't hurt me O-o;
Dear god, I'm trying to fake being happy so hard even I'm convinced. Another person ish finally entering the Inari contest! ~dances happily~ I like the pic of him I did so much I use that piece of paper as a special bookmark for the Harry Potter books (They're so gigantic a regular bookmark would just get lost, its small enough to fit inside but large enough to hold the place, plus having a picture on one side helps me find my spot) ive gotten a few sketches done, and its finally the weekend. Everyones telling me to just move on, so I'm finally going to take their advice. Sixth times the charm for them apparently (Yes, I said six (6) times, meaning 5 times being told to move on after being dumped. Im an emotional punching bag =P go on, take a swing or two or ten. I just bounce right back as the stuff inside of me starts to shatter and break despite my calm collected exterior)
Its all but officially my motto.
I am... Complicated.
"Only In Dreams"
You can't resist her
She's in your bones
She is your marrow
And your ride home
You can't avoid her
She's in the air (in the air)
In between molecules
Of oxygen and carbon dioxide
Only in dreams
We see what it means
Reach out our hands
Hold on to hers
But when we wake
It's all been erased
And so it seems
Only in dreams
You walk up to her
Ask her to dance
She says, 'Hey baby
I just might take the chance'
You say, 'It's a good thing
That you float in the air (in the air)
That way there's no way
I will crush your pretty
Toenails into a thousand pieces.'
Only in dreams
We see what it means
Reach out our hands
Hold on to hers
But when we wake
It's all been erased
And so it seems
Only in dreams
Only in dreams...
Only in dreams...
Only in dreams...
Only in dreams...
Only in dreams...
Only in dreams...
By: Weezer