Well, this is my 200th time writing a diary or guestbook entry. Looking around me, I don't see what I used to. I have to fight tooth-and-claw for any kind of art inspiration. I'm sad and can be moody since I really miss my Paula, its been approaching a week since I last really got to talk to her v.v *sighs* I might as well make use of this free time and write more of my story. And get a snack. Damn I'm starving. Time for food for stomach instead of food for thought. My brain is getting picky and eats way too much to be healthy x.o sorta like me. Myah. Must listen to the numa numa song and check up on my online comics. Oh and write.

Wootness. Ive made the Daily_Poem half a dozen times already. And ive gotten underway for writing act 2. May start more of the chapters soon.

NEW FOAMY 'TOON! (warning, he swears a f***cking sh*tload in this one) http://www.illwillpress.com/channel.html
ALL HAIL THE POWER OF FOAMY!!! \vv|, ^_^ .|vv/

Five times the Daily Poet ^^ Now I have become *dramatic lighting clicks on* A Master Poet! *fanfare*

VNV Nation - Beloved

it's colder than before
the seasons took all they had come for
now winter dances here
it seems so fitting don't you think?
to dress the ground in white
and grey

it's so quiet I can hear
my thoughts touching every second
that I spent waiting for you
circumstances afford me
no second chance to tell you
how much I've missed you

my beloved do you know
when the warm wind comes again
another year will start to pass
and please don't ask me why I'm here
something deeper brought me
than a need to remember

we were once young and blessed with wings
no heights could keeps us from their reach
no sacred place we did not soar
still greater things burned within us
I don't regret the choices that I've made
I know you feel the same

my beloved do you know
how many times I stared at clouds
thinking that I saw you there
these are feelings that do not pass so easily
I can't forget what we claimed was ours

moments lost though time remains
I am so proud of what we were
no pain remains, no feeling
eternity awaits
grant me wings that I might fly
my restless soul is longing
no pain remains, no feeling
eternity awaits

Well, while sitting around waiting hopefully for my mate Talon to come back, sketching random stuff, and listening to the Numa Numa song at reduced speed (which sounds really cool suprisingly Oo) I started to unofficially plan writing the second part of my story ^^ look for me to start some kinda work on it in the next week! Anyhow, time to go let Wind Waker steal away a few more hours of my life.

Aaa! >< The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker just consumed 7 hours of my life x_x I get called upstairs for ice cream and I realized its time for bed! I didn't get back on in time to see Talon v_v CURSE YOU GANON!

Ive gotten my FOURTH Daily Poem, and its for my very first submission ^^

The Beat of My Soul

Well now its mostly official, until Chris (the faux-jess) gets the webcam we cant be entirely sure, and even there'll still be doubts somehow id bet. Shes leaving me and Talon alone, thank god. She may get back with Kat Oo

Okay, I dont know what the hell to do, whether to burst out laughing, be totally pissed, call it all true or a lie or what the bloody hell.
"Jess": i hate droping a big bomb on you but jess hasn't been on since that night you rejected her actually i don't know where she is all i know that is a pocket knife whatever she managed to save and her diary are gone even funnier i don't even know her am still in school and made a promise to her that i can't keep anymore i hoped i could but i can't when i get the webcam jess gave me i'll show you
Apparently jess has been gone ever since the big incident when i rejected her. Her friend Chris has been using her diary and stuff to take her place and try to get me back with her. Now he cant take the fake shit anymore and is telling me everything because he loves Jess as much as I love talon, but shes disappeared but is watching ET from a secret name. The fooling around with Andy and everyone was some sort of testing thing or something.
So now he wants me to go back with jess to lure her out, despite it not working last time. I'd have to take her back long enough to get the real jess to come out into the open so this guy whose so insanely in love with her that he did all of this for her can find her and get her back to realize shes got no more chance with me. Went with andy to get her pissed enough to show herself but she never did. Whoops. Well, at least after this entry she should know she doesnt stand any chances with me anymore.

Well either this is another one of Jess's sisters, or alot of stuff is seriously f-ed up again. Meh, all I know is I'm not gonna get involved. I'm staying with Talon no matter what, if there was any tiny doubt in my mind before its gone now. I will always always always ALWAYS choose Talon, my greatest and truest love.

Heres the actual Yahoo chat.
wesfoxx: another funny thing.
wesfoxx: if your leaving, then why break me and talon up?
wesfoxx: if your gone i couldnt take you back if i wanted to
wesfoxx: no matter how hard you try you will not break me and her up.
Lilly : i hate droping a big bomb on you but jess hasn't been on since that night you rejected her actually i don't know where she is all i know that is a pocket knife whatever she managed to save and her diary are gone even funnier i don't even know her am still in school and made a promise to her that i can't keep anymore i hoped i could but i can't when i get the webcam jess gave me i'll show you
wesfoxx: er
wesfoxx: riiight
wesfoxx: when your done with multiple personality theater e_e
wesfoxx: try speeking in actual english
Lilly : it hasn't even been her since that night you'll see i speak true when i get the webcam fixed
wesfoxx: you know an awful lot for someone who isnt her.
Lilly : thats because i always loved her but you were always there and i went to her and tried to cheer her up i'm just a shadow to her that doesn't have a chance to love her
wesfoxx: then that, my friend, make you one pathetic piece of shit.
Lilly : only things i've ever said is hi and bye from running into her =/
wesfoxx: well then drop the act, drop the bullshit, and go to her you fucking dumbass.
Lilly : thats just it i can't because i have no idea where the hell she is =/
Lilly : she never showed up =/
wesfoxx: then stop being a puppet
wesfoxx: live your freakin' irl life.
wesfoxx: stop trying to be someone else online
Lilly : i was doing it for her if i didn't have a chance with her then i figured you two were perfect =/
wesfoxx: telling the truith or telling a really fucked up lie, just go away. we werent perfect
wesfoxx: thats why we arent together
wesfoxx: and why i can be happier with talon than i ever was with her.
Lilly : then help me find her and all f ths bullshit will end
wesfoxx: if you can respect her for loving me so much to do all this faking to be someone shit, then just drop it all.
wesfoxx: e.e what the bloody fuck am i supposed to do?
wesfoxx: im a nobody living in nowhere indiana, with no friends, contacts, or social connections
Lilly : to her your everything though because she won't let go so i know she'll show herself if you asked about her =/
wesfoxx: so let me get this straight
wesfoxx: shes hidden and gone and stuff
wesfoxx: you dont know where
wesfoxx: but somehow
wesfoxx: by me saying id go out with her again
wesfoxx: she'll magically reappear.
Lilly : nono not that e.e
wesfoxx: next i suppose ill chant in latin and make her appear in a cloud of smoke,
Lilly : just ask about her or say you'd like to see her again
wesfoxx: and how would she know?
Lilly : all i know is she has a new furc i.d. and a new ET i.d.
wesfoxx: how can she know if shes completely disappeared.
Lilly : she disappeared from me
wesfoxx: then ask around and find her e.e
Lilly : because i'm trying to get her to let you and talon be happy
Lilly : but now i can't even confront her
wesfoxx: then stop trying to get me and talon to be UNhappy O_o
Lilly : thats why i said i was leaving
Lilly : i can't play her game anymore
wesfoxx: if you love her and care about me and talon
Lilly : i talked to her for hrs and hrs after you told her off and she would not stop saying i can't love anyone else and i kept trying to get her to see that it was OVER
wesfoxx: then stop making stuff up, go find her irl
wesfoxx: show her whats happened, the facts.
wesfoxx: then again
Lilly : i don't know where she's went thats why i need you
wesfoxx: if shes watching ET
wesfoxx: she can see that i obviously am serious.
Lilly : thats what she can't accept she needs someone else to pick her up after being told thats what i want to do
wesfoxx: whats your name?
wesfoxx: and im posting a diary entry on this whole thing. she'll see it.
Lilly : chris i've known her when she was in highschool but not even as a friend always behind her always following her but she would never notice me
Lilly : i'm sorry i've lied to you like this i love you like you love talon
Lilly : her*
wesfoxx: O_o
wesfoxx: *shudder*
Lilly : sorry about that lmao
wesfoxx: *shudders worse*
Lilly : i love her like you love talon
wesfoxx: if your story checks out that makes two times x.x
wesfoxx: damnit
wesfoxx: shim me one, shame on you. shim me twice, shame on me Xx
Lilly : i was doing what she wanted
wesfoxx: im just ranting.
Lilly : i can't do that anymore
Lilly : i don't really even know you
Lilly : all i know is from what she would say about you
wesfoxx: okay now explain this, this has me most obviously puzzled.
wesfoxx: why the fake dump-take back thing?
Lilly : thats my mistake i was supposed to tell her you took HER back
wesfoxx: if you were acting for her why not take me back and stay instead of letting all of this happen?
wesfoxx: it all started when you ran off with andy xX
wesfoxx: this whole shim sham
wesfoxx: *cough*
Lilly : thats what i was uspposed to do but then i saw if you somehow rejected her i could cheer her up and she would notice me
Lilly : only problem is that didn't work =/
wesfoxx: then theres no point in me taking her back.
Lilly : she loves you and won't let go aric =/
wesfoxx: it didnt lure her out into the open last time, did it? =/
Lilly : it would have if i would of told her..but i wanted her not what would make her happy =/
wesfoxx: im still miffed as to why you went for andy when i would have been happy to stay blissfully unaware
Lilly : i was hoping jess would notice and she'd get pissed and try to stop me =/
Lilly : thats why before i said she never hsowe dup
Lilly : it did get her pissed but she never came =/
wesfoxx: hsowe dup?
wesfoxx: ag
Lilly : showed up * i hate computers
wesfoxx: nvm
wesfoxx: lol
wesfoxx: i translated it.
Lilly : it completely pissed her off
wesfoxx: so you also got her to hate you for that.
Lilly : i get told she wants to kick my ass i show up she never fucking comes
wesfoxx: is there ANY logic to why we shouldn't let the whole thing die since everyone seems to loathe eachother now?
Lilly : this is what i want
Lilly : i want her to be able to keep her friends all of them for her to accept you and talon are friends and for her to be your friend and not try and fuck you two up i want her to pay attention to me
Lilly : thats why i thought up the i'm leaving thing but i know i can't find her on my own
wesfoxx: well, read the diary entry.
Lilly : i don't want her to lose her friends i just want her to give me a chance
Lilly : or at least to not hide from me and have you and the others as friends
wesfoxx: sorry to break it to you, but because of her whole thing with her nonexistant sister, this kind of stuff is treated with very heavy scepticism
Lilly : you'll help me though right? for her sake at least?
wesfoxx: Well, if by help you mean post your story in a public diary entry than yes.
wesfoxx: if you mean help as in dump talon on a gamble to get her back to you when if you would stop keeping her image alive, none of us would be being hurt right now, no.
wesfoxx: if you stop, call off all the shit, let it drop, and find her irl
wesfoxx: we're all alot happier.
Lilly : all i want is for you to be her friend and the others to stay her friend
wesfoxx: cut the crap, stop the shit and dump the drama.
wesfoxx: If you keep trying to work the fake identity shes going to loose them.
Lilly : thats why i've stoped
wesfoxx: good.
Lilly : and thats why i told you this
Lilly : i can't play her game anymore this isn't her she has just lost it or something
wesfoxx: yeah, so has the character of her you've created.
Lilly : thats why i'm getitng out before i cuase more damage

Lets see, two interresting things happening at once

Its talons 16th birthday ^_^ Love you forever and always my dear bella vulpa and angel!

And Jess has officially gone psyco. She wants nothing but to see Talon and me break up, and is now obsessed with getting me back. Shes also going to for the most part leave, only coming back online every now and then. Shes making it really really hard to feel sorry for her at all.

So as Jess continues to drive me to hate her and forces me closer to Talon, I have to thank her for that, but try to break us up, and I will personally hunt you down and beat the sh*t out of you, because I love my talon and your insane if you think im going to let anyone hurt her.

Well, while waiting all day for Talon to come back I created an archive for my anthro comics at Wes's Comic Archive@wiki.

Well, that break almost managed to help. I seem to be able to channel things like rage now, very useful for RP. LoI Acts III and V will be interresting (see History of Inari for an explanation) *sigh* I think the series may have died though, I can't find the enthusiasm to work on it at all. Then again, theres not much I do seem to be able to focus on or have enthusiasm for recently. Talon being there for me makes me happy. Talon having to go offline makes me sad. Aside from that theres not much to say. If it wasn't for her I'd be taking a 3-day vacation... Maybe I need to take a break from all things online that aren't Talon. Try to get myself drawing and writing again.

Man, I simultaniously feel the urge to hug something, beat the crap out of something, draw something, play video games, get a snack, read, sleep, and fight. My brain is in overload Xx I blame the short hair. CURSE YOU EVIL BARBER LADY! A POX UPON THEE AND ALL THOSE WHO FALL TO YOUR "INTERRESTING HAIRCUTS" WRATHFUL REBELLION!

Damn what the hell, I'm like, PMSing or something. More mood swings than the emotional playground, more ups and down than the rollercoaster that almost killed me once, too poor to pay attention, more random mood shifts than a drunk man with manic-depression on pot, more sad and messed up than that last joke

Each side of me is exhibiting itself before being locked in its cage. There is nothing for them to do but wait to fade, becoming black and sinister as they lay forgotten for more enjoyable things. My inner mind is like a pit of nails into which they are thrust beneith the stony gray skys of a heartless world.

Damn I never knew I had a goth-side Oo I sound like I'm describing my brother.

RANTING! *electric shock from collar* why are you still reading this Q_Q do you hope for some random insight on the mysteries of life? do you wish to watch me as I act like a maniac? do you wish to see me barely restrained by the bars of sanity my medication creates for you? WHY DO YOU STARE? STOP LOOKING AT ME! I AM NOT AN ANIMAL! wait... scratch that last one. I AM NOT A MINDLESS ANIMAL! there me go. and that go I english skill. grammer has go still. *slaps self* sorry, my mind is much to small to wander and gets lost in other places than thought sometimes.

And by this point Im talking to myself. Hello me. Hello me. How am I doing? I'm fine thank me. How am I? I'm fine. Im glad to hear I am ^^ I hope I have a good time with being as crazy as I'm acting. Me too ^^ I hope I do too, I want me as crazy as me if I'm nice enough to be so generous to me like that ^^ Well, I'll be seeing me! Take care of myself. Bye!

Wes: Stop ranting Aric, even IM creeped out now.
Aric: Cant... Stop... The green hampsters demand it... must obey leaf colored rodent masters... then they will give me my precioussss...
Wes: *slap* HELLO IN THERE! *slap* your falling into a LOTR parody! *slap* BAD ARIC!
Aric: Oh dear lord, not LOTR! *slaps self, cries in shame*
Wes: I know how you can feel better!
Aric: Great idea! I'll go get the gun and alabi, you go get Michael Jackson
Wes: No not that plan, besides, that requires a sniper rifle and proof that he's still mortal.
Aric: Oh. Well then what?
Wes: *clicks computer mouse*
Aric: SWEET!
Both: NUMA NUMA STYLE LIP SYNC! *webcam recording, internet fame, legions of parodys all using the same song and everyone agreeing that theirs is still the best*

Great. Ab-so-f***cking-lute-ly great. Jess is leaving the online world. v_v first it was kara, now its Jess. I thought it was supposed to be girls who were understanding and the guys who can't handle the just-best-friends thing, but apparently I'm wrong.
I can talk to Jess about anything, and I mean ANYTHING. None but Talon have that besides her. Now shes going to leave.
I always loose my friends. Maybe I'm just not meant to have too many of them at once. Like theres some rule in the universe that says when one part of my life is happy, another must suffer. Wow hes got 3 more people who hes friends with, better get his best one to leave. And I thought yesterday sucked.
Now I'm angry. If I didn't know better I'd be punching the walls. I know better only because last time I hit the wall in the basement it took a huge chunk out of the drywall, and I wasn't half this pissed or half this strong. I tried using my brothers punching bag but the metal chain links snapped in half after three minutes of me letting myself vent my pissed-off energy into it so now my bro is pissed at me. I can't wait until he tries to fight me. Its been along time, 3 years of excersize and 5 years with a freakishly huge backpack. Back then I could barely carry a stack of dishes. Now I swing the 60 pounds of books that is my entire locker onto my back with ease one handed. Its been a while since I gave him a reason to stop fucking around with me. Im too pissed to censor myself anymore. I'm going to beat someones face into the ground, be it mine or the first person to piss me off. I dont give a shit.

God...

I need to take a break... my online life is going to seriously fuck up my regular one if I start beating down guys 'cuz the person who understood me better than all but one other person in this entire god damn world is gone. See you all on Wednesday.
~Aric

Great. my day is just going sooooo awesome. Im doing a wonderful job of being a dumbass and digging up painful memories for jess, depressing myself to no end, talon hasnt come on yet and theres only another 2 hours until she has to go to bed, and i have a crapload of homework to do with grading period tests looming everywhere for the next 4 days, with hair cut twice as short as I can stand, everyone at school taunting me about it, this damn pain in my mouth, and talent flushed down the crapper. what a freakin' high point in my life. that was sarchasm, yes.

Ya know how my self esteem is usually REEEEEEEEEEALY low? today I learned I can achieve a level of negative self-esteem that rivals most peoples positive self-esteem.

Leeeets see whats up.

Jess and saphy are starting to have troubles because saphy doesnt think she deserves jess and is never on. That'd be quite bad.

I got my hair butchered and ever since Ive lost almost all forms of creative talent except RP, but they are, as slowly as my hair, coming back. Also blah.

Talon and me are high on life, but shes not on right now. Thursday is her birthday too. Good (except for her being not on at the moment)

I got my poem on fate featured. Now I have a shiny new colored poetry badge. Thats gooooooood ^^

My jaw is swolen behind my left back teeth and now its bleeding constantly, and it forces me to keep my mouth open. Not fun.
This is possibly being caused by my wisdom teeth, which means surgery which scares the f***ing hell out of me. Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad.

Uhnnn... damn sinus headache, my eyes are killing me... Must try to finish avatar request for talon... *falls into a coma* ugh... too late at night, *hugs a talon plushie* need sleep, sleep lets me dream of my beloved talon, sleeeeeeep gooooood.... -zzzzzzzz-