My internet is moving really REALLY slow >< I'll try to get caught up as best as I can

My internet is moving really REALLY slow >< I'll try to get caught up as best as I can

I'm worried. I seem to be drifting away... And I'm not even drifting to anywhere else. I keep finding myself staring blankly at the cream white ceiling, examining the imperfections in the drywall roof carpeting. I find myself sleeping more and more, but staying up later every night. I don't know what to draw anymore, and what I draw scares me or is so, well, risque, that I wouldn't dare to try and post it on here, and as 'yiffy' a person as I am I'm amazed I'd draw stuff like this. I'm even starting to draw it at school. I dont dare keep it, the vixens (many of them literally so) all find their way to the trash can and sometimes even the dumpster directly, I'm so afraid they might accidentally be found when emtyping the trashcan in my room. I don't even know WHY im drawing this stuff. My mind is constantly blank; sometimes I'll look down and see this beautiful, naked form on the page and think to myself, how did this get here and why? I haven't gotten any homework done in two weeks and my grades are starting to tank. I find myself backsliding rapidly, loosing my motivation, enthusiasm, inspiration, slowly becoming a brooding figure prone to outbursts of hyperactivity followed by lulls of complete depression and exhaustion. I want to stay cheerful and optimistic but even my enthusiasm and motivation for this is slipping. *Sighs* I gotta get some sleep now, if I can. Ten minutes later I'll catch myself drawing 3 or 4 mating fox anthros or something trashy like that.

*starts leaking angst everywhere*

Ugh >< Yesterday I worked almost all day, then was so tired I couldn't get up off of the couch to get my laptop for half an hour and by them it was 8:30, paula has to get off at 8:00. So then I tried to check up on stuff online. I got about 5 minutes done before I basically lapsed into a coma until this morning when my mom woke me up. She says she had to use a glass of water to do it, but I'm so damned sleepy I can't even remember. My hands ache like crazy. They're filled with thistle needles, splinters, and bits of dirt and other assorted gardenwork crap. Its the pain thats keeping me awake, I think x_x

I love you so much Paula! I miss you vV!

*winces* ow x.o I've been pulling weeds and stuff like that all day. My dads giving us a 30 minute break before we go out and do it some more. Fate is an evil b*stard for conspiring against me spending time with my Paula like this! Xx

I'm on way too late tonight... FINLAND! *mutters something about flapjacks and waffles* Do I Dare Do tha Dew? *drinks some Mountain Dew and looses all sense of sanity due to its legeandary effects on people who stay up too late*

Okay. I'm REALLY depressed now. I've managed to somehow miss Paula all day by about half an hour at a time, I've got major empathetic depression from listening to the sorrows of others, and have been listening to Enya's "Only Time" (see previous diary entry) all day.

I want my Paula v.v
---<-<@

I got to see my beloved angel Paula today! ^_^ I'll have to remember that, to get her to be on, I have to plan to not come on that day x.o *snuggles his sweet angel and mate to him possessively* she's gotta use the library computers though, so now thats her and jess both making use of the things i both bless and curse at the same time for being there but not for long enough or in private

Well, this is my 200th time writing a diary or guestbook entry. Looking around me, I don't see what I used to. I have to fight tooth-and-claw for any kind of art inspiration. I'm sad and can be moody since I really miss my Paula, its been approaching a week since I last really got to talk to her v.v *sighs* I might as well make use of this free time and write more of my story. And get a snack. Damn I'm starving. Time for food for stomach instead of food for thought. My brain is getting picky and eats way too much to be healthy x.o sorta like me. Myah. Must listen to the numa numa song and check up on my online comics. Oh and write.

Wootness. Ive made the Daily_Poem half a dozen times already. And ive gotten underway for writing act 2. May start more of the chapters soon.

NEW FOAMY 'TOON! (warning, he swears a f***cking sh*tload in this one) http://www.illwillpress.com/channel.html
ALL HAIL THE POWER OF FOAMY!!! \vv|, ^_^ .|vv/

Five times the Daily Poet ^^ Now I have become *dramatic lighting clicks on* A Master Poet! *fanfare*

VNV Nation - Beloved

it's colder than before
the seasons took all they had come for
now winter dances here
it seems so fitting don't you think?
to dress the ground in white
and grey

it's so quiet I can hear
my thoughts touching every second
that I spent waiting for you
circumstances afford me
no second chance to tell you
how much I've missed you

my beloved do you know
when the warm wind comes again
another year will start to pass
and please don't ask me why I'm here
something deeper brought me
than a need to remember

we were once young and blessed with wings
no heights could keeps us from their reach
no sacred place we did not soar
still greater things burned within us
I don't regret the choices that I've made
I know you feel the same

my beloved do you know
how many times I stared at clouds
thinking that I saw you there
these are feelings that do not pass so easily
I can't forget what we claimed was ours

moments lost though time remains
I am so proud of what we were
no pain remains, no feeling
eternity awaits
grant me wings that I might fly
my restless soul is longing
no pain remains, no feeling
eternity awaits

Well, while sitting around waiting hopefully for my mate Talon to come back, sketching random stuff, and listening to the Numa Numa song at reduced speed (which sounds really cool suprisingly Oo) I started to unofficially plan writing the second part of my story ^^ look for me to start some kinda work on it in the next week! Anyhow, time to go let Wind Waker steal away a few more hours of my life.

Aaa! >< The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker just consumed 7 hours of my life x_x I get called upstairs for ice cream and I realized its time for bed! I didn't get back on in time to see Talon v_v CURSE YOU GANON!

Ive gotten my FOURTH Daily Poem, and its for my very first submission ^^

The Beat of My Soul