aiyah x.x for the past 3 days our internets been down and my dad only just fixed the wireless router. Unintentionally extra out-of-communication vacation XP

I think I just channeled alot of my bad mood into this picture, cuz it helped. That and more Dr Reanimator (which no one has even seen yet to my knowledge XP I've only been harping about it since I first heard it 3 or 4 days ago Xx) And so far, Ive gotten one pat-on-the-back with a really nice commentary, one cookie and some useful thoughts, and a reminder I do have a really great friend in [Tiger Shark]. Still no Paula though T.T

Wes is starting to walk the balencing line again. Too much anger and rage. I'm thinking that Wes may end up going Anakin Skywalker and dark-side people. Why though? Why is this happening? Is it because I'm channeling all my emotions to these comments, and despite almost twoscore friends in my lists at least half of them having been on several times recently, not one has said a single word except Andy, and even then he obviously didn't read a word I actually said, judging by the comment: "I like your pics, theyre nice and beautiful" wow. Informative. Sort of like saying that they're colored in pencil. And the strange thing is, all but one of the pics was zombie-like character sketches. So I'm wondering if he even looked past pic number 1. If you're just gonna say stuff like that to be nice to me, just drop it. I don't need people pulling my strings and jerking me around like that. Tell me how you truly feel, and if that means pretending I don't exist, by all means, please, seriously don't talk to me. That way I can stop waisting my life and time. I'm screwing myself way over IRL. I have no life IRL. My grades suffer and I'm labeled a freak even in my own family for devoting so much time to the screen. The last time I took a vacation I lost 3 pounds. I don't know what that means. Is it the stress, the inactivity, or just pure and amazingly accurate coincidence? Well, thanks for reading this at all, yeah, both of you. Too bad you didn't read it for two or three days I'll bet. Most of you will just skip right over an entry this large. I could say that my family was all dying right now but if I talk on long enough and bury it in text, you'd never even know. yeah, you can see it now. you'd be able to miss something like that because you dont care. why should I? I guess its simply because there are probably only 2, maybe 3 people who even bother to watch my house page.

http://fchan.hentaiplanet.net/flash/src/1116096666165.swf ^^ Its working again! *cough* you know I really love this flashtoon right? And its one of those things I've put in my profile, right? And that I usually put things there when I want other people to see them and give me comments? And those to be actual comments instead of 1-4 word fragments?

#_ _
    '
Okay I'm getting really REALLY sick of people at school just giving my art a simple glance and actually giving me meaningful and often extremely HELPFUL feedback when I don't even KNOW them practically, yet I leave my art up here for all to see waving a red flag saying "LOOK AT THIS DAMNIT!" and what do I get? "Awesome". Thanks for that. Now I know exactly what I'm doing right, wrong, how you feel about it, and SO much more detail than that. </uber sarchasm>

Gah... I'm gonna need to take another vacation at this rate. I'm getting really pissy because I REALLY miss Paula, and no one has even given me so much as a "first comment dance" in my art wiki stuff since I expanded it into more than one page. Nice. I've also been completely ignored with my new stuff, whether its my new favorite song, my new art, my photo-edited art has been almost completely ignored, and all three I've been practically beating people over the head with trying to get them to even ACKNOWLEDGE their EXISTANCE.

Idiot! What the flip man? Gawd.

Gah, fchan doesnt seem to be working now so the link wont be working >< at least I got a copy of the song for WMP, even if its some sort of Mp3 layer file so doesnt work perfectly. still =P

I must applaud my brother's generosity in finding this and his amazing google skills. or else his pervishness for finding this in a place like fchan. However, its not porn or anything, just another really addicting flashtoon, whose main character is a fox anthro with long blue hair, hence why he showed it to me.
http://fchan.hentaiplanet.net/flash/src/1116096666165.swf
I cant get it out of my head! *Reanimator*

Today is lucky number seven for my Daily Poem selections =) Kickass.

Call of the Rain

Friday the 13th huh? At school there was a freak storm that made it hard to focus while taking the AP Latin Exam, ie, colledge level latin at a 3rd year high school level below-average student skill. My brain hurts >< and my friend couldn't come over, which I guess is okay as I had to stay there for more than an HOUR after school to take the exam

Okay, this is getting ridiculus. Now the net is working fine, but yahoo isnt responding.

My internet is moving really REALLY slow >< I'll try to get caught up as best as I can

My internet is moving really REALLY slow >< I'll try to get caught up as best as I can

My internet is moving really REALLY slow >< I'll try to get caught up as best as I can

I'm worried. I seem to be drifting away... And I'm not even drifting to anywhere else. I keep finding myself staring blankly at the cream white ceiling, examining the imperfections in the drywall roof carpeting. I find myself sleeping more and more, but staying up later every night. I don't know what to draw anymore, and what I draw scares me or is so, well, risque, that I wouldn't dare to try and post it on here, and as 'yiffy' a person as I am I'm amazed I'd draw stuff like this. I'm even starting to draw it at school. I dont dare keep it, the vixens (many of them literally so) all find their way to the trash can and sometimes even the dumpster directly, I'm so afraid they might accidentally be found when emtyping the trashcan in my room. I don't even know WHY im drawing this stuff. My mind is constantly blank; sometimes I'll look down and see this beautiful, naked form on the page and think to myself, how did this get here and why? I haven't gotten any homework done in two weeks and my grades are starting to tank. I find myself backsliding rapidly, loosing my motivation, enthusiasm, inspiration, slowly becoming a brooding figure prone to outbursts of hyperactivity followed by lulls of complete depression and exhaustion. I want to stay cheerful and optimistic but even my enthusiasm and motivation for this is slipping. *Sighs* I gotta get some sleep now, if I can. Ten minutes later I'll catch myself drawing 3 or 4 mating fox anthros or something trashy like that.

*starts leaking angst everywhere*

Ugh >< Yesterday I worked almost all day, then was so tired I couldn't get up off of the couch to get my laptop for half an hour and by them it was 8:30, paula has to get off at 8:00. So then I tried to check up on stuff online. I got about 5 minutes done before I basically lapsed into a coma until this morning when my mom woke me up. She says she had to use a glass of water to do it, but I'm so damned sleepy I can't even remember. My hands ache like crazy. They're filled with thistle needles, splinters, and bits of dirt and other assorted gardenwork crap. Its the pain thats keeping me awake, I think x_x

I love you so much Paula! I miss you vV!

*winces* ow x.o I've been pulling weeds and stuff like that all day. My dads giving us a 30 minute break before we go out and do it some more. Fate is an evil b*stard for conspiring against me spending time with my Paula like this! Xx

I'm on way too late tonight... FINLAND! *mutters something about flapjacks and waffles* Do I Dare Do tha Dew? *drinks some Mountain Dew and looses all sense of sanity due to its legeandary effects on people who stay up too late*

Okay. I'm REALLY depressed now. I've managed to somehow miss Paula all day by about half an hour at a time, I've got major empathetic depression from listening to the sorrows of others, and have been listening to Enya's "Only Time" (see previous diary entry) all day.

I want my Paula v.v
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