>_< I woke up today with a freaking HUGE mark on my right forearm >< it feels like a nasty spider bite, but the mark is so swolen that it looks like a blister x_x myuu...

Well, as I knew it would, I tested the waters with my heart. I find them just as turbulent and tained as ever. There's not much room in my back for more knives. My heart by this point, sad to say, is too jaded, and has developed an immunity to breaking this way.

Now, if you really want to know how I feel, do the unthinkable. Actually read these lyrics, and see what they mean to me.



























VNV Nation
"Beloved"




It's colder than before
The seasons took all they had come for
Now winter dances here
It seems so fitting don't you think?
To dress the ground in white and grey


It's so quiet I can hear
My thoughts touching every second
That I spent waiting for you
Circumstances affords me
No second chance to tell you
How much I've missed you


My beloved do you know
When the warm wind comes again
Another year will start to pass
And please don't ask me why I'm here
Something deeper brought me
Than a need to remember


We were once young and blessed with wings
No heights could keep us from their reach
No sacred place we did not soar
Still, greater things burned within us
I don't regret the choices that I've made
I know you feel the same


My beloved do you know
How many times I stared at clouds
Thinking that I saw you there
These are feelings that do not pass so easily
I can't forget what we claimed as ours


Moments lost though time remains
I am so proud of what we were
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits
Grant me wings that I might fly
My restless soul is longing
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits


My beloved do you know
When the warm wind comes again
Another year will start to pass
And please don't ask me why I'm here
Something deeper brought me
Than a need to remember


My beloved do you know
How many times I stared at clouds
Thinking that I saw you there
These are feelings that do not pass so easily
I can't forget what we claimed as ours


Moments lost though time remains
I am so proud of what we were
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits
Grant me wings that I might fly
My restless soul is longing
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits


Moments lost though time remains
I am so proud of what we were
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits
Grant me wings that I might fly
My restless soul is longing
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits


Moments lost though time remains
I am so proud of what we were
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits
Grant me wings that I might fly
My restless soul is longing
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits





My soul cries to fly on the wings of the heart, but the pain has long since left, and I shall take my own path through this cold, cold winter of emotions around me, even if part of me still remembers the way it flew before, as does anothers.

Gotta love the awesome picture I found ^^ randomness!

FYI- I'm still going to be on randomly when I have anything of purpose to say, but not checking up on anything but messages. You can still reach me on Yahoo and ElfPack and possibly even Furcadia (though I'm rarely if ever on there)

*Sighs* My depression is strong today. Just my music list says it all. From the song underneith this entry to Only Time by Enya to Beloved by VNV Nation (my classic depression song, aka Eternity Awaits) I'd probably be stared at with worried looks if people actually bothered giving me a second glance nowadays. But they don't, won't, and can't, so I'll just take that god damned vacation again. I don't know how long it will be this time but trust me: it will probably be quite a while.

BRAND NEW LYRICS


"Okay I Believe You, But My Tommy Gun Don't"


i am heaven sent,
don't you dare forget.
i am all you've ever wanted,
what all the other boys all promised.
sorry i told. i just needed you to know.
i think in decimals and dollars.
i am the cause to all your problems,
shelter from cold. we are never alone.
coordinate brain and mouth.
then ask me whats it like to have
myself so figured out.
i wish i knew..


i hope this song starts a craze.
the kind of song that ignites the airwaves.
the kind of song that makes people glad
to be where they are,
with whoever they're there with.
this is war.
every line is about,
who i don't wanna write about anymore.
hope you come down with something
they can't diagnose, don't have the cure for.
holding on to your grudge.
oh its so hard to have someone to love.
and keeping quiet is hard.
cuz you cant keep a secret
if it never was a secret to start.
at least pretend you didn't wanna get caught..


we're concentrating on falling apart.
we were contenders, we're throwing the fight
but i just wanna believe, i just wanna believe,
i just wanna believe, in us.


Oh, we're so c-c-c-c-c-controversial.
we are entirely smooth.
we admit to the truth,
we are the best at what we do.
and these are the words you wish you wrote down.
this is the way you wish your voice sounds,
handsome and smart.
oh my tongue's the only muscle on my body
that works harder than my heart.
and its all from watching tv,
and from speeding up my breathing.
wouldnt stop if i could.
oh it hurts to be this good.
you're holding on to your grudge.
oh it hurts to always have to be honest
with the one that you love.
oh, so let it go..


we're concentrating on falling apart.
we were contenders, we're throwing the fight
but i just wanna believe, i just wanna believe,
i just wanna believe.
we're concentrating on falling apart.
we were contenders, we're throwing the fight
but i just wanna believe, i just wanna believe,
i just wanna believe, in us.


this is the grace that only we can bestow.
this is the price you pay for loss of control.
this is the break in the bend,
this is the closest of calls.
this is the reason your alone,
this is the rise and the fall.


we're concentrating on falling apart.
we were contenders, we're throwing the fight
but i just wanna believe, i just wanna believe,
i just wanna believe.
we're concentrating on falling apart.
we were contenders, we're throwing the fight
but i just wanna believe, i just wanna believe,
i just wanna believe, in us.


~~~

Beware the incoming rush of teen angst and seemingly unprompted agression. I'm getting into one of my pissy moods and I feel like resisting the urge to take the usual vacation.

Gah! Once again our internet took a mysterious dive. Damn local ISP, even if it IS broadband.

Well the battle between kara and jess over kat is over now it seems, kara's left ElfPack and kat and jess celebrated their quarter-year anniversary. Sadly kat's gonna be gone for a few weeks so jess is gonna be lonely

Finally got to talk to paula some, but then she had to go again. At least it was her last day of school so hopfully she should be able to be on more.

I'm gonna be online a bit less during the day, though still pretty frequently. I'll be mastering all my gamecube games, reading Redwall books, and watching tv, movies, and re-reading my online stuff, from webcomics like http://www.dominic-deegan.com to story archives like http://www.furnation.com/bluefish/nwa/ to watching flashtoons like http://www.illwillpress.com

http://clairvoyance.hp.infoseek.co.jp/nightmare.html

My mind works this way too sometimes. Especially the way they can summon weapons made of energy like that.

great vV we just had to watch Pirates of the Carribian with our family friends visiting us here in indiana on the one night in what seems like forever that Paula was on. I never get to see her anymore, damnit, I miss her Vv

Random rememberance; I've been a member of Elftown for 9 months today ^^

I finally got around to creating an Elfpack account (Wes Foxx of course) for those people I know who are on there as much as/more than here. God its so drab-looking and cyber-whorish, if people here who use this place as a brothel or chatroom for random pointless flamer stuff could go there, they'd never come back and leave us alone.

Here's a list of all the videogame MIDIs I got online recently for no apparent reason =P

-12 LoZ: Ocarina of Time
  -Hyrule Castle Courtyard
  -Epona's Song
  -Lon-Lon Ranch
  -Saria's Song (Remix)
  -Minuet of Forest
  -Bolero of Fire
  -Serenade of Water
  -Nocturne of Shadow
  -Song of Storms (Windmill music)
  -Requiem of Shadow
  -Gerudo Valley music
  -Prelude of Time (Extended ver.)
-7 Super Mario 64
  -World 1: Bob-om Battlefield
  -Underwater theme
  -Bowser's theme
  -Metal Cap music
  -Wing Cap music
  -Mario theme
  -Mario theme (SSBM)
-5 LoZ: Majora's Mask
 -Sonata of Awakening
 -New Wave Bossa Nova
 -Elegy of Emptiness
 -Song of Healing
 -Happy Mask Salesman theme
-3 Tetris
  -Original, Synthesized, and Piano versions
-2 Dr Mario
  -Virus! (Dr Mario)
  -Dr Mario theme (SSBM)
-2 Super Mario Land
  -World 3: Ruins theme
  -Victory/Credits music
-2 Paper Mario
  -The Dojo Master's theme (PM1)
  -Doopliss's theme (PM:TTYD)
-2 Starfox
  -Corneria (SSBM)
  -Thorntail Hollow (Starfox Adventures)
-2 Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker
  -Opening Music
  -Earth God's Lyric
-1 Pokemon Colloseum
  -Mirror B's theme
-1 Yoshi's Story
  -Opening music
-1 Final Fantasy VII
  -Victory theme
-1 Banjo Tooie
  -Jinjo Village

I randomly decided to say that I totally agree with Foamy on this.

Warning: Heavy swearing!!!

Turns out my mom forgot that I needed a ticket thing to take the S.A.T., and I also have no ID. Therefore, no test. At least not until next year.

I found the other Zarla flashtoon!
http://fchan.hentaiplanet.net/flash/src/Slalomicidal.swf
Zarla is the character from the Reanimator flashtoon I've been trying to get people unsucessfully to watch.

v.v well, it turns out that Paula's been gone because of school. she's also busy with other stuff. Whatever it is, I'm left sad and bored. I call it mellow, most call it depression.

no one talking, nothing to talk about.
not doing anything, nothing to do.
No more school, the last of my enthusiasm gone
No more roleplaying, my brain's creativity atrophies
No Paula online, ... ... ...
*sighs*

Schools finally out, and i got our english class compelation album of all our favorite songs. This one makes me sad after hearing the story of the person who chose it. "Butterfly Kisses" was a song the girl sings to her own dad whose being forced to spend less and less time with her due to work. Its a story of how a father loves his daughter so very much and vice versa, and how the daugther is growing up and they're growing apart... 6 or 7 people in our class were crying on the outside and everyone was touched.

(That means I have 40 new songs, and like about 8 of them XP stupid people in my class are all these stupid rap fans. Note the one letter difference between rap and crap, and note that its no coincidence.)