what to do....... what to do.....i really dont know yet

bored to tears cuz im at school with nothing to do were watching the same fuckin movie in 2 of my classes and im so tired of it but its better than work i suppose......

why does all of this have to happen to me.....i dont get it i didnt mean to hurt anyone especially a certain person and im sorry if i did.....i had no intention of doin that to you......none at all......shit shit shit shit......(as you can tell im kinda fucked up in the head right now and i cannot help it...i need to fix a bunch of problems that i have with myself but i just cant seem to find my way to do it...i am hoping that i can find someone to help me with that) i need someone anyone to help me i dont know how but i need it...i need a friend that can help because god knows that the friends i had werent good for me...and i just hope that troy michael kristein amanda JT darrell chad and andrew are going to be good for me cuz i really need them but i just started hangin out with them so i dont want to put all of this shit on them...which i belive i have but im gonna stop...im gonna start over or try to.....it just upsets me to think about what ive been doing and what its gonna do to me later.......im a piece of worthless piece of shit....... with a tendency to fuck shit up for a lot of ppl.....

if you stop and look around you notice that you know more than you thought....i remember when i first moved here i didnt know anyone and so i decided to get on elftown...i met deadguy on here somehow and started talkin to him and never really met him and then all of a sudden im hangin out with the same people he does....i would go to his page just to see if i knew any of the people in his pictures and well then i didnt and now i know everyone of them with the exception of one...but my point is is that how can you not see anything good until it A leaves you or B hits you in the back of the head and says HEY LOOK!!!- im confused to all hell and i dont understand it but i guess im not supposed too....fuck it

i am fuckin tired as shit....and i cant get my gages to come off..they wont unscrew...ill be able to eventually and i might have to go to duckys house and get her to take them off for me again...anyways different subject last night i met andrew A.K.A. "poof" and troy and kristeins boyfriend amanda and amandas bf and someone else....we were at shooters playin pool...it was fun i beat poof with out even tryin cuz after the 2nd or 3rd shot he put in the 8-ball so i won...he lost...and he plays more than i do....it was funny....i got to make fun of him for it later.....hahahaha

well..one act was awesome.....waco high had 3 people get honorable mention and had 2 people get all star cast..it was cool but we didnt advance which sucks ass...A&M Consolidiated and Temple advanced but they both deserved it both of their plays rocked....A&M did Romeo & Juliet and Temple did some french play but it was awesome too....and temple got best actor and actress which was understandable...but anyway.....now for my actual life and not the one that i wish i had......i am totally done being nice to her i give up and i even apologized to her because i was truly sorry and i meant every word of that apology and yet she doesnt give a shit about what it meant....i was being nice to her...well doin her a favor and not talking to her not saying anything to her and then she turns around and is bein a bitch about me wantin to take a pic of becca wearing her mask......get over it i wasnt gonna touch the damn mask i just wanted to take a fucking picture not steal the damn thing...do you really think i want to take something that is yours..you may try to sue me or something.....and again i am gonna try to apologize to her but after that i give up i really do...i am usually in a good mood and then you have to show up and give me this fuckin go to hell look or just do something to delibritly piss me off just to see what i will do...i wont fight you and i wont say anything to you and if i do i am totally pissed off about it.....

well im totally bored...i have nothing to do im talkin to cort on aim but thats about it for now and im sorry about those who dont like him...kiss my ass hes an awesome person once u actually talk to him....but anyways if you have any idea what color i should die my hair then tell me cuz i want to know....because my mom is actually gonna let me color it whatever color i want too...awesome...shes also lettin me get my nose pierced yet again..woot.....

llew mi derob...tnac uoy llet....dan mi niod siht yb ym fles..ahahahah...fi uoy nac dnatsrednu siht llet em...retal



(well im bored...cant you tell...and im doin this by my self..hahahaha... if you can understand this tell me...later)

and yet again my mouth has been my weakest link..yesterday i said some shit that i shouldnt have and i was bein mean to a certain person for no reason and i just hope she and he will forgive me...and i really was tryin to be nice to her i really was but just sometimes it just doesnt work all that well especially if im in a pissy mood already- she doesnt help much in that area....im still tryin to watch what i say around them cuz i really dont want anyone to hate me so i am tryin to keep it all to my self and just not say anything to her or about her...and im sorry i was bein mean to her yesterday i wasnt tryin to i didnt even realize i was doin it until sara told me i was and i was like shit not again (my mind likes to wander off and just start sayin shit and then when i decide to come back to reality people are mad at me because of stuff i said and i really dont realize im doin it and i wont know unless someone tells me that im doin it...... and i really didnt mean to snap at her in front of him or at all but she was makin me mad cuz i was tryin to talk to her and be nice to her but i guess she doesnt want that so i just got mad and started sayin shit that botherd me about her to her face just to show her how it felt to be yelled at for no reason and i guess it backfired on me and now im the bad guy but i guess thats what i get......but im tired of tryin to be nice to people who dont wanna be nice to me im always the nice person that just take what people have to say about me but with her its different and i guess its because me and her will never get along..i even knew i wasnt gonna like her the first time i met her but i was bein nice to her cuz i didnt know her and i still dont thats why im TRYIN to be nice but sometime i just cant do it...and yes i do have my little moods where im bitchy to certain people and she just happened to be the one that i was mad at, at the time and instead of takin it out on something i bitched at her for it and im so sorry that i did that i really didnt mean to and really didnt want to.....i dont want to turn into the psyco bitch that everyone already thinks of me as......im done with everything no more drinkin with people other than sara and smokin weed....im just tired of it all...never again will i be nice to anyone that dont deserve it if your not nice to me i wont be nice to you.....people want me to have a mental break down, dont they? there is only one thing that keeps me from not doin it and its the sole fact that i know everyone doesnt hate me but idk how long i can stand it.......

well this has been an actually ok day....remember when i said that i was embarrased cuz of matt tellin william that i thought he was hott? well i thought i was embarrased but im not anymore and besides i just think that william is hot i mean i dont like him or anything cuz i dont know him at all and even though i would like to get to know him i dont think i would ever in a million years even consider goin out with him just because me and him dont do the same shit we like some of the same shit but i party he doesnt hes fuckin smart as hell and im fuckin stupid (sabrina dont say a word...:P) but yea i kinda told little mike that i liked him tonight...after i did it i was like wow did i actually say that? and well i did and i feel better about it now but its still odd as fuck..oh well what can you do you cant change the past or what you said...its cool though and he understands...but the sad part is is that he doesnt think to highly of him self and it not fair to him..cuz he is so cute and funny and sweet that he doesnt need to think like that ever.....well i need sleep and i will write in here as soon as i can...

i think i will crawl in to a hole and stay there forever.....well William Armstrong from waco high now knows that i think hes hott because of a certain person telling him right in front of me....it sucked cuz hes so hott that i could just fall over and die if he just came up to me and started talkin to me outta no where i really would but i guess him knowing isnt gonna change much just that he knows and i cant really change it now anyway but yeah im embarrased as shit right now....

hey bitches...what up? well im so fuckin tired right now and i feel like throwing up at the moment....i swear to god that if certain people dont leave me alone i WILL kill them..im just so sick and tired of all this shit....never again will i trust any of those fuckers...just to let you know its just certain ppl so dont assume anything please....the poser ppl are GAY!!! "look at me i cut myself"-chick that was sent do dupal for "cutting herself and trying to kill herself" i swear all these ppl gettin sent to dupal its fucked up and its only the ones that want attention...well there gettin it alright and they fuckin deserve it....oh guess what i probably have to take chemistry over cuz fuckin mrs robinson is a bitch....i cant do anything to make my grade change and she knows that..the only thing that i can do is pass my 9 weeks assesment and i hope to god i do pass it cuz it will bring my grade up alot...and the end of the nine weeks is over friday.....well i think i found a guy that i like but its fuckin bad cuz he knows who i am but he doesnt talk to me at all. and i refuse to say his name cuz a lot of ppl know him on here....ill figure something out i hope cuz hes totally awesome and i want to get to know him better so if you would like to know who it is and would like to help id greatly appriciate it....coughcough [curiously_qualm] coughcough well im must sleep so laters

well..bla fucking bla im bored outta my mind i aint got nothing to do im still sick and tired.....my throat hurts and i cant talk all that well...damn...i have to go to chemistry today for class and tutoring grrr i hate this i hate this......on a better note though i had so much fuckin fun this weekend besides gettin sick...i went to 2 partys (some of you maybe confused..go with it)

isnt there a concert friday? anyone?

well...lets see..its raining and there is a concert tonight wow i hope we still get to go...and as of right now were still havin it so ~*crosses fingers*~ lets hope so..but yea anyway...my bf ky is bein an asshole to me right now..and i dont know why but he just said one fuckin thing to me but oddly enough it didnt upset me at all but now that i think about it...what is his deal? what did i do? i didnt do a god damn thing its him and i really dont care at the moment i hope hes happy with himself the one day that i needed him he wasnt there....it sucks but ill get over it like i do everything else....and well laterz

sittin my ass at home by myself...my mom and stepdad arent home and scotts at baseball practice and connor is at his grandmothers house...so im here all alone eating oatmeal...i should be reading To kill a mocking bird but i really dont want to right now....i actually get to see my show tonight yeah...well id better go and watch the one that i missed so i dont get lost with what im watching....

bla....damn....this is weird im hungry but then again im not, there is nothing i want to eat there is nothing i can eat really..but its ok..ill eat later or something.....kys still sick and hes finally goin to the doctor tomorrow...yeah maybe hell get better maybe.... he seems to think that hes gonna be put in the hospital but i dont think he will hes gone a week with bein sick and hasnt gone if he was gonna be put in the hospital he would already be there.....well im gonna go look for food and go to the restroom ill try to think of more to say so laterz

shit...well i hate when people act like dumbasses....and i know plenty of them right about now...i hate some people and the way that they act...well damn it...never again will i go out with someone from robinson ever...there mental no offense daniel but yall are...but yeah i must go...i have to go to sleep........

well damn it...i was hopin that ky would call..but he hasnt yet..oh well ill call him tomorrow or something....no one know how much i like him well [Masqued Afflictions] and [MisShapen Chaos] know...but dude..it aint fair....there is a FOB concert in march and i really want to go and its only 14 dollars but i dont have a way there...and my mother doesnt seem to want to take me and i would take myself but im not gettin lost in dallas...if only she would go with me...damn....well im bored now ive been home all fuckin day studyin for my lit terms test and im totally not ready to take it tomorrow but oh well ill fail it then retake it later...it works....[MuShPuFf] [Doober] and adam came to my house last night at like 12:45 to give me a beer...ok i dont drink beer well i can i just choose not to..i think im gonna drink it tonight if ky dont call before 8:00......well laters....word of advice never ever stay home unless you have to, it sucks....i willingly stayed home with my brother and i almost killed him...so yeah....bye

i broke up with daniel today...i really didnt want to but i had to...well i didnt have to but i did....but only because i found out that this guy likes me and hes goin home in august and i want to see if i can get with...and misti seems to think i have a crush on him...well i do like him but hes the one that wanted me to call and the one that wanted me to come over to his house and the one that wanted me to stay at his house earlier today and the one that gonna call me last night..true i called him a lot today but i never actually go to talk to him the phone was busy so :P but so what if i like him....im intitled to my own opinion and i like him its not a crush but i do like him enough to go out with him if thats what he wants im gonna find out tonight i think.... well enough about ky everyones gonna get tired of hearin about him soon...so im gonna shut up now..laters

im changing....and its weird..cuz i thought that i would be the way i was for a long time and im changing...i was you know a "punk kid" and now im an "emo kid" and now what next? its scary im not tryin to change myself its just kinda happening i dont even listen to the same music any more..damn it....and all of the friends ive had are disappearing....and im not doin it....and i dont like it.....but oh well i think im changing for the better.... some of the friends i had were just makin it worse for me and its helpin me now because im gonna play softball and i cant be doin the shit ive been doin if im gonna play
THATS RIGHT IM GONNA PLAY SOFTBALL ANYONE THAT AS A PROBLEM WITH IT CAN REALLY KISS MY ASS AND KEEP THE COMPLAINTS TO THEMSELVES I DONT WANT TO HEAR IT....i love the sport and im gonna play hell or high water its gonna kill me but im gonna fuckin play.....luv yall................later......

you think you like someone....then you realize why?...why like him? i mean if hes never gonna ask you out then why bother? you like him and he likes you but yet he doesnt ask you out...why is that? guys are so complicated and yet he calls me comlicated....hes more complicated and complex than me.....but i still love him any way...(but not like that) i do so much for him with nothing in return but then again i obligated to..for some reason i dont know why but its ok with me....