www.rathergood.com
www.muffinfilms.com

4.love is when you miss him even before he leaves. when you listen to him talk all nite and never tire of his voice.when the sound of his name gives you chills down your spine.and you see his smile the second you close your eyes.

6.i ran up the door shut the stairs said my pajamas and put on my prayers. i turned off my bed and jumped in the light all because you kissed me goodnight.

9.when i first saw you i was afraid to talk to you. when i first talked to you i was afraid to like you. when i first liked you i was afraid to love you. and now that i love you im afraid to lose you.

12.she asked him if he thought she was pretty and he said no. she asked him if she was fat and he said yes. she asked him if he wanted to be with her forever and he said no. she asked him if she walked away would he cry and he said no. that was it she'd had enough so she turned to run away but he grabbed her arm and said,*your not pretty, your beautiful, the only thing fat about you is your heart, i dont want to be with you forever i need to be with you forever, and i wouldnt cry if you walked away i'd die.

14.once upon a time somthing happened to me it was the sweetest thing that could ever be. it was a fantasy, a dream come true it was the day that i met you!

i do believe this is one of the funniest things ive ever heard

OMG i had a girl over the other night, and my mum went out to go shoping, and came back with a packet of condoms and gave them to me when she came in

thats not the bad part

bad part is that she had the same company / type and size that i always buy -.-
THEN, she went out to work, and we were going at it in my bedroom (we got condoms, y not eh? ) and my mum got home, and we didn't notice, untill she walked in
and she goes
"oh, so sorry, dinner's ready, just come down when you're done...."
and walked out -,.-

totally found this...i think its cool...bla bla bla


Goth is actually much more than the sum of its parts, and, depending on who you ask, you can get a bewildering array of contradictory answers, many of which are valid parts of a much larger subculture. It is more than a label or description. Goth is at once a lifestyle and a philosophy that has its roots firmly embedded both in the historical past and the present. 

The central Ideal that characterizes Goth is an almost compulsive drive towards creativity and self-expression that seeks to reach out and ensnare its audience using our current society's covert but deeply rooted fascination with all things dark and frightening. This act can be either subtle and seducing or nightmarishly terrifying, but it must play on what society secretly knows but can not acknowledge to itself about its duality. The mediums of self-expression and creation can be anything from a mode of dress to novels or music. Imagination and originality have always been key elements in Goth. 

As a lifestyle, Goth is as diversified as its adherents. There really is no true unifying stereotype or dress code as it were. Not all Goths are depressed, nor do they all wear black, listen to the same music, or employ the same modes of self-expression. This tends to make Goth-spotting a little tricky and creates part of the tangled confusion over what it is to begin with, but this diversity also is one of the defining factors. 

So how does one identify a real Goth if they are all so different? Now we reach part of the heart of the counterculture! You see, as mentioned earlier, one of Goth's defining characteristics is the need to take the underlying darkness that is in all of us and bring it into the light in such a way as we can recognize it as what it is-an integral part of all of us, for better or for worse. 

To better understand what Goth really is, it is essential to know where it came from. It has been with us for much longer than the label we have given it. This is a subculture that has appeared, flourished, then died, only to rise again in many eras and in many societies. Its adherents have always been the young intellegensia, frustrated and bored by the parent culture. The parent cultures were usually restrictive, highly stratified into rigid caste structures, and intolerant of diversity in schools of art and thought. Because of this, nearly every manifestation of this particular type of counter-culture was greeted with suspicion, hostility, and sometimes active aggression on the part of its parent culture. Only rarely was this brand of subculture welcomed and allowed to flourish, as it was during the Italian Renaissance. 

Goth, as we currently know it, has its roots in Western Europe and North America during the late seventies and early eighties. The counterculture was, and still is, dominated by dissatisfied youth hailing from the middle classes, which were at that time just entering a new period of prosperous stability. The children of these newly wealthy were left, unlike their parents, with a strong feeling of instability and lack of identity. They were unable to reconcile the new values their society was trying to impress upon them with their newly fragile sense of self. The tightening lines of social restructure were separating them from their accustomed peers in both the upper and lower classes. 

Responding to the confusion and theft of identity, a few of the brightest and most creative children of these newly prosperous families began to create their own social structure. It was a counter culture based on a synthesis of historical elements, leaning heavily on dramatic traditions, philosophies, and schools of thought such as were popular in Byronic England, World War Two Germany, and American Beat. After spending some time with no real name for themselves many dubbed themselves New Romantics while others just called themselves Deathers then swiftly settled on Gothic as the counter culture grew and became more stable. 

Always more than a little bipolar in nature, Goth split into two distinct factions, one Appolonian and the other Dionysan in its approach, by 1981 when it had reached its peak. Each faction was a personification of the mixed fear and fascination the Goths felt for the darker side of their parents' legacy of materialism, elitism, and false sense of moral superiority. The difference lay in their ways of expressing their sense of alienation and abandonment. 

The more Appolonian faction were mainly concerned with the artistic and philosophical facets of Goth. They were, for the most part, fairly non confrontational in their means of self-expression. They were in most cases all but obsessed with the act of creation and the appreciation of literature, art and music. A number of them attempted to legitimize their subculture in the eyes of the parent culture with very little success. Because they were regarded as harmless, if morbid dreamers, they were tolerated. 

The more Dionysan faction of Goth passionately embraced the more hedonistic and sometimes self-destructive facets of the movement. Their contributions to Goth were more ephemeral and less easy to define in traditional terms as creativity, but still were vibrant with the haunted, dark spirit of the counter culture. Some of the more prominent Goth musicians and thinkers belonged to this faction. Being more confrontational in their self-expression, they were regarded by the parent culture as dangerous and undesirable. 

The modern stereotype of Goth is a twisted caricature of the more Dionysan faction that captures its decadence and tendency towards self-destruction while entirely missing its subtle artistry and depth, not to mention the entire point of Goth as a whole. 

By 1987, both factions of Goth had almost completely vanished, absorbed back into the parent culture as their members were forced to accept conformity to ensure individual survival as adults. A marginal percentage of the original Goth community were able to adapt to adult life remaining essentially and visibly true to themselves, while still managing to keep the income necessary to maintain the rising price of living in the style to which they had become accustomed. By this time, the new generation of disaffected youth had already begun to imitate what they perceived of the Dionysan Goths. They had embraced the dark and dangerous style of dress and felt that the lonely, arrogant music was written just for them. The stereotypical lifestyle was adventurous and daring enough to spark their already bored and world-weary imaginations. 

The "kindergothen" were met by rejection and almost knee-jerk disapproval by their parent culture and the remainders of the Goth community alike with almost no exceptions. Those few original Goths who tried to embrace the new groups were usually met with cold hostility and anger by those who had already either been rejected by others or had heard of the rejection. The schism between the Olde School and the new was widened even more by the labels of "Poseur" and "Faux Goth" that were bandied between the sides. 

By the nineties, the artistry and philosophy that drove the Goth culture had been by and large replaced with attitude, posturing and dress code. The few remaining Olde School Goths and their protégés had gone underground and were not a part of the new rise of Goth, refusing to have much to do with what they considered shallow, inarticulate upstarts that paid to much attention to what the media thought was Goth. They saw the new Goth as little more than a group of image driven drug addicts that had nothing better to offer than a dress code and a bad attitude. The New School's opinions of the originals wasn't much better. 

In the last few years, both Olde School and New have embraced the Internet. It has become both a medium for self-expression and a battleground between them. Oddly enough, the advent of easy access to the W3 has revealed in the New School an increased drive towards the creativity and self-expression that the Olde School Goths hold in such high esteem. The New School Goths, or Goffs as many of them have begun to call themselves, have become more like the originals than either side of the schism seems to wish to admit. Hopefully this trend will continue to thrive on the Web, bringing fresh blood and a new outlook to Goth's grasp on the dark undercurrents of our society's imagination. After all, the sweetest of flowers always did have a tendency to rise from the darkest and least savory of soils.

im so tired of the drama......why do people have to get in other peoples business? its not like you can change them....but you can make their lives a living hell...which some people like to do to me.....and i just love it....well i hope everyone is happy....and i hope to GOD that i will not be here next year.....and i will be writing or callin everyone i know to tell them where im goin.......just to see who has the last laugh......fuck school....its gay and i promise you that if i didnt have to go to school...i wouldnt go.....cuz its that gay.......well....im gone back to what ever it is im doin....which is nothing

IM NOT GOIN OUT WITH MY BOYFRIEND TO HAVE SEX WITH HIM
IM NOT GOIN OUT WITH MY BOYFRIEND FOR HIS MONEY
IM NOT GOIN OUT WITH MY BOYFRIEND BECAUSE OF WHO IS DAD IS
.....LETS SEE WHAT ELSE IS THERE....OH YEAH
WHAT EVER DAVID SAID ITS A LIE
whatever no matter what i say or what i do..everyone is gonna think what they want to...so i give up...think what you want...its not like me repeating over and over that something isnt true if youve got it stuck in your head that it is true then its never gonna change even if i have proof that it isnt true.....fuck high school i cant wait til i leave

im so sick of it all....ive been thinkin about a lot today and i just cant take it....school has gone to shit..it to where i dont even what to go anymore...and its not just waco high it school in general....and then i think about the world and what its gonna be like for me...and its going to be shit too...so why bother....you spend money on college and for what? to get an education? so you can get a job? and then you get old and retire then you die....yay...isnt that awesome? fuck no....its shitty..i wish there was more to life than that..and what i thought life was gonna be like isnt what i wanted it to be....why live? why be here to put yourself through all of the pain the world dishes out? its not worth it......all im saying is..is that there is no point in us being here.....any of us...all the world is...is a bunch of assholes who thing they know what the fuck there doing.....they dont no one does and they just need to stop.....stop careing....stop trying to make the poor people do everything to pay for everything...ill admitt i have no money for anything and im lucky if i even get to do most of the stuff ive done already....i dont understand it....the more i think about it the more i dont want to be here....there is a song that says....(Look what were doin to the atmosphere. It's no wonder the kids drug themselves to get out of here.) and well dont you think its true? we have to drug ourselves to get away from it all....to get away from everything..everything we dont want to see everything we dont want to hear.....fuck all of this fuck the world fuck america and its people fuck you......i want out of everything i want to take back everything ive ever said to everyone i want to take back some of the stuff ive done i want to take back moving here i want to move....i want out of school....waco has been the worst thing ever for me and i really need to leave here....i never did drugs i rarely drank i didnt smoke and then i moved here and look what happened to me....my entire life has gone to shit....im failing school i have people who hate me i hate a few people and i used to be nice to everyone..what happened? is it the drugs? probably not and if i keep living like this then i probably will do something i will regret....ive been so close to doing some drugs that i said id never do...but someone has stopped me from doin them...fuck this...



this is a song by STUN its called Movement
the space between our bodies has been corrupted The people that make the laws and rules for us They dont give a fuck about us Our hearts are being bought Our minds are being washed We must interuput We are just a moment away. Look what were doin to the atmosphere. It's no wonder the kids drug themselves to get out of here. This perpetual motion is killin our emotion. So the rich can make a dollar Make another dollar.We are just a moment away IF its not everyone Then it will be no one

i give up....thats simply it...im tired of it all..i dont care about myself anymore well i do to an extent but not really..i could do anything i want to, to myself and i wouldnt regret it or even care.........its stupid and gay but i really dont care anymore....all i want to do is to drink as much as i can and smoke as much as i can......but truthfully all i want is someone who cares about me...i dont even have that...i guess when i do find that someone then ill be ok but for not...my life is shit.....its not worth bein here to be honest...i just dont want to be here...i want to leave and never come back....thats how i feel right now....i feel like dying...right about now....and i just cant help it...i try to think all happy but how can you when you have nothing to be happy about? i hate myself, i hate myself, i hate myself.........bye

SUGAR, WERE GOIN DOWN-FALL OUT BOY

Am I more than you bargained for yet
I've been dying to tell you anything you want to hear
Cause that's just who I am this week
Lie in the grass, next to the mausoleum
I'm just a notch in your bedpost
But you're just a line in a song
(A notch in your bedpost, but you're just a line in a song)


Drop a heart, break a name
We're always sleeping in, and sleeping for the wrong team


We're going down, down in an earlier round
And Sugar, we're going down swinging
I'll be your number one with a bullet
A loaded god complex, cock it and pull it


We're going down, down in an earlier round
And Sugar, we're going down swinging
I'll be your number one with a bullet
A loaded god complex, cock it and pull it


Is this more than you bargained for yet
Oh don't mind me I'm watching you two from the closet
Wishing to be the friction in your jeans
Isn't it messed up how I'm just dying to be him
I'm just a notch in your bedpost
But you're just a line in a song
(Notch in your bedpost, but you're just a line in a song)


Drop a heart, break a name
We're always sleeping in, and sleeping for the wrong team


We're going down, down in an earlier round
And Sugar, we're going down swinging
I'll be your number one with a bullet
A loaded god complex, cock it and pull it
[X2]


Down, down in an earlier round
And Sugar, we're going down swinging
I'll be your number one with a bullet
A loaded god complex, cock it and pull it


We're going down, down in an earlier round
And Sugar, we're going down swinging
I'll be your number one with a bullet
A loaded god complex, cock it and pull it


We're going down, down (down, down)
Down, down (down, down)
We're going down, down (down, down)
A loaded god complex, cock it and pull it


We're going down, down in an earlier round
And Sugar, we're going down swinging
I'll be your number one with a bullet
A loaded god complex, cock it and pull it

why do people contradict themselves? they say "they dont know me they cant judge me" well how can you say that if you do that to other people? i just dont see it you cant expect people not to talk about you if your gonna dress and act the way you do....why cant everyone just be themselves and maybe just maybe people can actually say they like you for you.....you cant be someone your not for ever its impossible...i know because ive tried to be someone im not and well it didnt work to well...i got myself caught in so many lies and i just made myself look stupid and then i learned.....you dont have to impress anyone be yourself and if someone dont like you then its their problem not yours......and it took me some time to learn that.....and thats why (if anyone cares) i act the way i do, i dont care about little stuff like money, what kind of car you drive, how hot a guy is, how my friends dress, all i care about is...is that my friends like me for who i am..not for who they want me to be or what they think i am or anything else for that matter....well im done here....dont ask questions this diary entry isnt aimed at anyone person or group of persons.....

well...im not totally sure why supposedly EVERYONE hates me..but im gonna be a bitch and say I DONT GIVE A FUCK if you dont like me KISS MY ASS if you dont like me then dont talk to me simple as that dont pretend to be my friend when your really not....i will find out who my true friends are...hell one of my true friends is someone i just met like last week and hes actually nice to me and helps me with my problems thats more than i can say for some of you...and tillie thank you so much for helpin me not make the worst decision in my life you will always be my friend no matter what..

its an awesome song..i love it, it means so much to me...only if you would understand it


BREAKING BENJAMIN- RAIN

Take a photograph,
It'll be the last,
Not a dollar or a crowd could ever keep me here,


I don't have a past
I just have a chance,
Not a family or honest plea remains to say,


Rain rain go away,
Come again another day,
All the world is waiting for the sun.


Is it you I want,
Or just the notion
Of a heart to wrap around so I can find my way around


Safe to say from here,
Your getting closer now,
We are never sad cause we are not allowed to be


Rain rain go away,
Come again another day,
All the world is waiting for the sun.


Rain rain go away,
Come again another day,
All the world is waiting for the sun.


To lie here under you,
Is all that I could ever do,
To lie here under you is all,
To lie here under you is all that i could ever do,
To lie here under you is all,


Rain rain go away,
Come again another day,
All the world is waiting for the sun.


Rain rain go away,
Come again another day,
All the world is waiting for the sun,
All the world is waiting for the sun,
All the world is waiting for the sun.

whats with all of the high school kids acting the way that they do? its like im not even in high school any more.....its more like either a zoo or a childs day care i havent decided which one....but they both fit very well, and im better than all of that shit anyway. im to the point to where i want to say fuck school fuck talkin to any one in school...and people wonder why i dont talk to people my age? well heres your fuckin reason.....all high school kids are so FUCKING IMATURE.....all of them are....

i am so tired of all this shit....i cant go fuckin bowling or anywhere she is.....and its not like im gonna do anything with him anyway not yet.....im just tired of 1 certain person tellin me that i HAVE to stay away from him meaning i cant talk to him or have anything to do with him.....shes the psycho one..she knows he cheats on her...she needs to do something about it.....hello! i never knew he had a girlfriend...thats why i was flirting with him in the first place...i didnt know and shes all over my ass because of it.....fuck it......im out

i hate this im so sick of it...no more...never again dont expect me to do anything any more i like to smoke yes but no more anything that goes with it especially if i go to school with them or know someone who goes to school with them....why do i do it? why? im just hurting myself i guess i just think that if no one knows then it wont go around...i dont know but people will think what they will and i should know that by now but i guess i dont....its all shitty now and i really need to quit it....ahhhhhh......im tired of people gettin in my business....they need to stop its my life and i will live it as i please no commentary from anyone...and for those of you who dont like me KISS MY ASS!!!! FUCK YOU...AND I HOPE YOU DIE.....GO TO FUCKIN HELL!!!!! i dont get it why start rumors...they just hurt people if you hear something ignore it....its that simple.....FUCK EVERYONE GO TO HELL IM THROUGH WITH TALK TO A BUNCH OF PEOPLE THEY JUST PISS ME OFF.....AND PEOPLE WONDER WHY I HANG OUT WITH GUYS...LESS FUCKIN DRAMA THATS WHY.....

fuckin bored...damnit....im at home with nothin to do..i should be doin my chemistry homework but i can wait til tomorrow and go to tutoring and do it....damn i really need to stop goin out all the time...but then again i hate my house.....i cant wait til we move maybe ill like our new house...cuz this ones a piece of shit and its weird felling and way way to small for me.....its horrible......yes i am moving but not like you think i am were just moving to a different house either on edna or huaco one of the 2.....i really think were gonna move to the one one edna cuz its bigger and prettier and i can have a pool table in there..my mother said so....so instead of everyone payin 3 dollars a person and 15 dollars a table it be free...but ill have to wait til I GET A JOB....ewww working its sucks ass but it'l give me something to do....

i know i said yes to goin out with him but i just dont see it working....he doesnt know me very well and i the same...i mean i like the guy alot i just want to wait until i get to know him better before i go out with him...it just makes more sense to me

I NEED HELP!!!!!! alot of you already knew that though......

what to do....... what to do.....i really dont know yet

bored to tears cuz im at school with nothing to do were watching the same fuckin movie in 2 of my classes and im so tired of it but its better than work i suppose......

why does all of this have to happen to me.....i dont get it i didnt mean to hurt anyone especially a certain person and im sorry if i did.....i had no intention of doin that to you......none at all......shit shit shit shit......(as you can tell im kinda fucked up in the head right now and i cannot help it...i need to fix a bunch of problems that i have with myself but i just cant seem to find my way to do it...i am hoping that i can find someone to help me with that) i need someone anyone to help me i dont know how but i need it...i need a friend that can help because god knows that the friends i had werent good for me...and i just hope that troy michael kristein amanda JT darrell chad and andrew are going to be good for me cuz i really need them but i just started hangin out with them so i dont want to put all of this shit on them...which i belive i have but im gonna stop...im gonna start over or try to.....it just upsets me to think about what ive been doing and what its gonna do to me later.......im a piece of worthless piece of shit....... with a tendency to fuck shit up for a lot of ppl.....