Well im just frusterated and pissed and the narrowmindedness of some fuckers out there. They acuse and assume some pretty whacked out shit and then labbel me and think thet got me all figured out. when alls theyve done is spoken a book about their own shortcommings. Its pathetic and im getting agravated. Oh well thats what i get for choosing this path i supose.

The next fucker who says christians are weak.. id like to see him try the walk and stand up for the choises that i have to make daily. ANYONE, as much as me or the next guy...will break and fall repeatedly... But alas God is mercy and grace that fogrives, loves and gives us another chance. So.... im picking myself up.. and going to tread on.. up and out of this misery.

I asked masterwolf to enlighten me as to provoke a conversation. To get some insight. But rather he took it as me wanting to learn from him and his teaching. This is what insued:

MW
I have a few things I feel passionately about... and some things I just haven't taken down after a few years.

Are you willing to learn about things that your church considers blasphamy? The Art of the Devil?

Are you willing to learn about things that might shock and hurt you? Things that as little as 100 years ago you could be punished, even killed for knowing? Are you ready for your world to be questioned, bent, even broken?

I am not arrogant without reason. I am a first order thanatoptic magician, an avatar, and a teacher of metaphysics. I instruct, both online and off, and am respected in both worlds. Are you truely ready

Me:
*Smirks* theres the amusment I was looking for.

Prior to being saved I was a most effective Satanist. Been there, done that. Wiccanism as well, so a feel for magic. But ive since chosen to liberate my spirit from taints and evils. I enjoyed the feeling of true power and security oh so much more than things that bring death.

My buddy knows all about metaphysics and hes shown some people some pretty, well, twisted and unreal stuff!

I was and even more so respected now in my life.

Thank you for enlightening me and giving me more insight to you than you will ever know.

Funny how presumptious we are as self centerd human beings. All trying to exault ourself with some sort of respect from others... thusly gratifying our lives.

By no means is this to say stop talkin to me, simply look deeper and learn the lesson at hand in this very message. 

MW: I see your message, but I assure you, I have never brought death to any, and rarely use magic, save in emergency... I, too, enjoy the full feeling of pure power, the white light of God in my life. Satanists are fools who find all too soon that their ideas on God and the devil are shallow and hollow, but knowing the Truth of God is beyond most, wouldn't you agree?

You, too, have given me insight into you that you would not believe... you, who believe yourself perfected by the blood of a murdered man, and who worship the very instrument of that murder...

Oh, yes, I hav experiance in the Christian world... I studied it avidly with the Bishop of my parish for a while, he even knowing who and what I was. I do not see myself as superior to you in faith, nor in power, and I was not even discussing religion, but Lyn...

Lyn has been punished for portraying herself as a slut, and for reasons that are between us, I ahve allowed her to keep her wikis up. She is my responsibility, and I have been carefully teaching her to take pride in herself and her works. It is not yours to judge her, nor mine... only to help her improve, to see the devinity within herself and become the child of the Heavens that she can be.

Me: but thats not going to happen by building her up in pride. Your only disollusioning her. Setting her up for a hard fall. Specially if she has the attitude that she IS God.

Dude, I am a REAL christian and by that I mean not that religious PIOUS CRAP. No i dont worship the instraments of his destruction. Pride and beng fake? Jelousy? No I worship love.

But by real I also mean, I'm not ignorant to the spirit realm, never have been. I know fully what is in this world more than the next guy.

The death I spoke of, no not a physicall death because that eventually comes anyway! I was talking about spiritual death. I know you have a spirit, its just weather or notyou want that your SPIRIT to live on. Thats the death that occurs.

I can help lynn in more ways than she thinks, but she needa to swallow her pride and give me a chance to see that i truly do care for her. And that its not God im offering but rather love. Not bf gf love but love as a friend, for the human being she is and her true qualities that God put into her. THAT, my friend, is what could change her life and truly show her what she is.

Other than a slut, or a slut full of pride... Think about it.

An interesting poem I wrote not to long ago... heh heh heh.

Starbucks

"A mocha frappichino grande light"
I say as I hand the man my 10 bucks.
"Can I get a chocolate, caramel pretzel sick as well?
4 Bucks is returned to me as I wait for my indulgance.
As I wait I ponder how I practically need a second language to order.
"Mocha grande light is up"

I take my fancy coffee and sit down at a table for two.
I find my thoughts wishing for someone to sit next to me.
Perhaps one of these posh,
young ladies who look like barbie dolls.
Or the 40 year old woman who is trying to look 20 again.
But as her children run to her crying mommy,
the illusion in wrecked.

A young man sits infront of me,
also enjoying the many delights.
He hides behind his paper,
his gaze ocassionally fallowing one of the ladies.
For a moment,
the temptation of talking to one of them crosses his mind.
But he continues to read his paper,
sipping from his large cup.

Several buisness men enter in,
looking grim as they oder.
No life in their eyes,
just a serious stern look painting their faces.
I wonder if these men can even taste their coffee.
Or if they even notice the world thats about them.

One of the servers has my attention now,
He jokes with the customers, amusing himself.
He's talking about his personal life openly with the other workers.
A girl's name is mentioned and his curiosity on the situation is perked.
He asks questions excitedly about her response to an apparent let down.
This young man,
with the blonde hair and funny accent,
has character.

An attractive woman in her 30's walks in and orders.
Long red hair flowing behind her,
She walks by.
The man hiding behind his paper allows his eyes to fallow.
I too watch out of curiosity.
She sets up a laptop and gets out a few books.
As she drinks her coffee,
she types away on the keyboard.
Obviously a student.

As I look around I notice several elderly people sitting upfront.
They chat lightly about the day and life experiences.
A family walks in,
A husband, wife and children all stand in line.
The poor kids look like they too want a treat.
Perhaps they would enjoy one of the many elaborate snacks.

Now there are two dolls sitting off to my left.
They talk loudly and excitedly about girlish things.
The man hiding behind his paper glances over yet again.
One of them adjusts her jogging pants as she gets up to get their drinks.
Buddy behind the paper is no longer merely glancing.
The girl has "Oilers" written across her butt.
It looks like barbie wanted to be casual and comfortable,
as she enjoys her exotic coffee.
Still, not my type at all.

I sip the last of my foreign sounding drink down.
Sit for a moment or two and ponder a thought.
After glancing at the time,
I get up to leave
With that thought lingering in my mind.
"Thats enough isparation for this observational writer".

Ron Bergquist
Nov 12th, 05

Backlog of older poems. Enjoy


A Hero-Like Friend

Take of the mask and reveal the inner being.
Peel away layers of a hardened broken heart.
There is a small child deep inside worth seeing.
But it was hurt then locked up alone in the dark.

A hero has come to free that little child.
He will lift one up to the highest places.
It's time one learnt how to truly smile.
Instead of hiding behind cold cruel faces.

The world has been hard and brutal, little one.
It sucked all the innocents right out and away.
But He's here to bring it back, with loving fun.
Show one what it means to be innocent in play.

Just listen to this rhyme and let it come alive.
He's working right now, deep down inside.
He is speaking to your heart so it will survive.
He cries with you and sobs at how they all lied.

Understanding, acceptance, wisdom and learning.
We all seek and need these things to be complete.
Most important of all, for love we all are yearning.
He offers all of this and more, especially to us meek.

He is the greatest best friend one could ever want.
He doesn't hide evil under a lying, seductive mask.
He is real to the core, never would utter a hurtful taunt.
He is a true and faithful love that will always last.

Holding a torch, He will brighten your darkened path.
With tender love, He will ease the pains of the past.
Rinse clean of guilt and shame in His forgiveness bath.
Know that you are loved and it will always last.

Just call his name now, should you want to meet Him.
He has been listening closely and waiting patiently.
You have nothing to loose, but a whole life to begin.
So just call His name and invite him on in.

Jesus.
Precious Jesus.
Save me.

Christian Warrior
September 25/05



Heart

What is a beautiful mind?
A mind that is smart.
A mind that rationalizes.
A mind that is calm.
A mind that is creative.

One may consider,
These traits desirable,
Makings for a beautiful mind.

What is a beautiful heart?
A heart that is not hard.
A heart that is full of light.
A heart that knows boldness.
A heart that is pure in love.

One may consider,
These traits desireable,
Makings for a beautiful heart.

Consider this.
What is a mind without heart behind it?
Deceitful.
Manipulative
Disillusioned.
Prideful.
Dangerous.

A mere mind on its own is nothing!
It can lie and deceive, portray the wrong idea!
A mere mind can steal and break hearts!
Causing unimaginable hurt.

A mind is easily tainted,
By drugs, lust, and power.
If the heart is weaker than the mind,
The heart too, is easily corrupted.
But if the heart is made to be righteous
The mind will be tamed by the heart.

A beautiful mind is one thing.
But a beautiful heart is something totally different!
A mind without heart behind it,
Is useless!
The heart is where everything starts!
All ideas, passions and dreams,
Are driven by the heart!

What is character?
Certainly not something cooked up by the mind!
TRUE character is MADE in the heart!

A pure, bold, loving person,
Feels with the heart.
Sees with the heart.
Understands with the heart.
And most importantly,
Loves with the heart.

Always remember,
when the heart is pure,
So will be the mind.
And that... is true beauty.

Christian Warrior
September 12/05


Simple

Simple .
Its actually really simple.
The meaning to life?
Simple.
Why were you born?
Simple.
What purpose do you have?
Simple.

God.
Simply God.
Because God simply loves.
Loves so purely and perfectly.
Loves so much He created humanity.

We exist to praise and worship God.
Why?
It's giving thanks.
Giving thanks for creation.
For living the life we live.

The life we live is full of meaning!
The meaning to life?
Simple.
Live for God.
Because God gave you that life!

He has a plan and a future for you!
He will change your life!
And give you hope!
Set an example
Live in righteousness and truth.
Change other peoples lives!
What greater purpose?
He has a WHOLE future for you!

Simply live.
Live not for self.
Live for your neighbor
Life for the lost kids.
Live for the third world countries!
To bring glory to God!
And honor,
To ones name.

Simple.
Wisdom and truth.
Brings Glory!
God is simply truth.
And God is simply wise.
His Wisdom guides.
It spreads truth and light!
It saves lives!
Brings life!

Simple.
Very simple.
Why are you so confused?
Why do you let your head get in the way?
Why do you make it more than it needs to be ?
Why do you allow your mind to confuse and complicate it all?

Its because you've blown the whole thing way out of proportion!
Figuring it all has to mean so much more and be so much more!
When its just simple.
Short, sweet.
Simple.

Simple like a child.
Like a childs mind!
We must be like children!
Full of imagination and life!
Full of child like faith!
Not limiting what God can do!

But no.
You've put God in a,
Box.
You've made Him,
Small.
You want Him to do it,
Your way.
And,
When He hasn't answered prayers,
Your way.
When He hasn't proven Himself,
Your way.

You've gotten angry.
You've blamed Him.
You've cursed Him.
You've mocked Him

You.
Hurt.
Him.

You broke his heart.
And Yet,
He wants to fix yours.

Christian Warrior
September 11/05

I speak boldly with God stiring inside! They listen and applaud! I pray in words of knowledge from God and lead my friends to Jesus! They thank me and I feel alive! WHAT GREATER PURPOSE THAN CHANGING PEOPLES LIVES!

Im on fire and there no stopping me! SATAN, BRING IT ON! WORLD BRING IT ON! This world WILL know the name of Ron Bergquist!

I used to walk in darkness for many years. Im now 19 and 4 months. For 4 months Ive been fallowing God with a heart of obediance and trust. So please, dont hold me to being some one who grew up all goody good. cuz ive seen it, done it, and tasted it all.... Its all made me puke more times than I can remember... I got tired of vomiting darkness and spreading it like the sickness it was... thats when God finally called to me, told me to look up. I looked up and saw his hand... I grabbed it, then he hauled me out from the grave that I had dug for myself.
From sitting lower than dirt to being held in his arms...
I have been saved

Sitting at home with the family for thanksgiving. Should be interesting. Hope I speak a message from Gods heart.

Still I look around this town with all my old friends... Just that old friends. Molding away going nowhere. For years we were all the same and all got along great, I was there leader and looked up too. Now I made a radical change and each time I come back, I see the only thing different is me. While they just stagnate more and more. I just pray for them, speak the wisdom thats changed my life. Hopfully one day it will bring them to life and then they too can experience what Ive experienced.

Its good to see that they all still love me and look up to me, remembering those old great times... But only in there minds. For i know of better times.... but they are not ready yet, there hearts and souls are still muchly darkened.
Well I pray for them, and lead by example of how great life can be... if you stop wallowing in self pity and do somthing to change it.

like...find God.

The god of the world blind and perverts everything. They all acuse me the very things they are all guilty of. He is sly and a master manipulator. As I once was for I was once of him.

Now I walk in truth and people hate truth. I walk in rightousness and Im the one now full of pride? People cant swallow their own pride and admit they run from truth. They live in a world they fabricated. They walk around claiming they will find enlightenment greater than God. They claim they will be fine their whole lives. Not even realizing in that alone they challenge God.

All because their lives are all sheltared and protected by mommy and daddy. No real tradgidy yet, and certainly not let loose into the real world. Where we will see how strong they are, how smart they are. And just for how long their lives will be peachy-keen tolerable. Yes. We will see.

It amazes me they base their life on their current situation. Which they dont even realize could change at ANY GIVEN MOMENT. And thusly so will life one day. On that day what I've spoken will be brought to rememberance by God. And thusly I have not labourd in vain.

God is in controll, He does see and know all.

Well the dirty work is done, a years worth of diary dealing with drugs, sex, gothism, perversion and many other subjects... Gone... Wiped clean... Only copy left... the tatterd and torn bits that remain in my mind.

Hmmm...Cleaning out the cobwebs and old random bits of my old miserable life that nearly destroyed for the last time...


Well... Life is great, better than ever now that God is in it. Working hard, loving harder and learning to renew my mind with love and life instead of hate and death. Im tired as its evening and well i worked today. Always fightin the battle as demons never stop their relentless attacks. Well... at least im no longer one of them.


Hmmm.... just a random bit for now

A message from my friend [kayletor] Its indepth and revealing, one could learn much from it. Thats why I post it.

Alas my dear friend, I fear I cannot accompany you in this holy faith in our Lord Almighty for I still have much to do before I succumb to His presence. I have to right His children's wrongs, I have to hurt some, help more, and enlighten those who I can; but all this I must do without God. I will bring The Light to those who I can, but I will not bring them to the hand of our Lord myself, that is their own decision.


A perfect love, is that His offering to me? Again, I must decline. One of the greatest bores in this entire universe is perfection. I'd much rather be second best, or even farther down the line. My logic is contestable, but my will in this matter is steadfast and only strengthens when met with resistance. I shall love and be pained through love, for I love those who some of your people leave behind. I bring light to those who people have forsaken, those who are left behind. I bring light to the lost, instead of spread it around with the rest of the world. I find those who fallen below, and turn them back into the light.


 This world is beautiful, in it's textures, tastes, and sensations. Now I have been marked as a heathen. Heretic in the name of Our Lord And Savior Himself. I know the ways of Satan, I know the ways of the Goddess through Paganism and Wicca, and finally I know the ways of demons through my own studies. I have traveled through different realms of existence, most of which left me shaken and feeling empty, but I learnt from my experiences. I have given into temptation, but I've evolved to exist within it, and even resist it if needed. The world is meant to be experienced, not thrown away because someone shakes a finger at you from over two millenia ago. I do not share in your enthusiasm of the Lord.


 I am a consequential being trapped within the unlimited amount of intervals between two sections of nonexistance. Life is too long for me to live by the book, it means nothing to me yet. But maybe in time, I'll accept that I am His child and that Jesus is my Savior. And until then, I'll be on my own path.


 Regards,
   Kyle Forester Reese Carlson

My response to his note.



There is no time like now to surrender ones self, for the sooner you do, the sooner you walk in truth. Then are you able to truly right wrongs and teach people with wisdom. Then they can lead themselves to the Lord. One can, should he choose to, lead some one to the Lord, or simply plant the seeds and God will do the rest. There is no need to hurt one, for love for someone who doent deserve love, creates a deeper pain and greater conviction that paying one back for the wrong they did to you. Or someone else. There is no enlightenment without a Godly spirit. I use to think that, use to show it in my old writing (which has since been destroyed) Enlightenment comes from wisdom, wisdom is more than knowledge. its walking in what one knows.


He doesnt offer you perfection, just love, so you can love and learn what love is. No one will ever be perfect or close to it for we all fall short of the glory of God. Love and learning to love is a never ending process. One will learn, if one is wise, till the day that person dies. In Gods kingom there is much resitance, and growth. For he will put you in many MANY trials that will strengthen, teach and flesh your character out to its fullest potention. One will not do this, nor cannot do this on his own. Ones own will and logic will only fly for so long. My people, and God, wishes NO ONE to be left behind. Only a pious christian would forsake and not love some one who is not christian. A true christian loves ANYONE, but not their sin. Id die for you friend, and your friends frinds... For they do not know God, and if one more day brought them closer to God...It would be all worth my death.


If you do what you say you do, then you and I are already alike and I should call you brother. For thats what ANY christian should do. Turn people to the light. I am always helping the fallen for I use to be one and know them best. But I can now do it better with Gods strength and love and mercy. All the knowledge and wisdom is out there, one is only left behind if one so chooses to leave him/herself behind. By ones own actions,stubber and rebellios will, one is left behind. You will not be able to reach those who choose to be subbern or rebellious, even ignorantly blind, as I once was.


I know those ways as well, as I was a satanist, a living demon for demons manifested in me, and i do not doubt they in you as well. You are not a heretic nor does or lord want this and you can be deleverd of this. God is love and mercy. You can be washed clean of ALL sins and ALL past and be rebourn as I have been. The world is beautiful indeed, but will be so much more beatitful to you once you begin to see it through clear eyes. Through Godly eyes. God will never leave you feeling empty or worthless, he has a plan for you and that intellect. He has a hope and a future for you. He just waiting for you to do your part, and accept him.
Existing within temptations will only lead to your desctruction. Death of morals, of mind, of health and well being. There is no need to exist in it, when one lives witout sin, one is bless by God. Although non of us are sinless and ALL people sin, we still can do our best to resit and be blessed for it. Opossed to running and living in it and being killed off by it.


The world IS MEANT to be experienced but with love! Without love the world is dead and lifeless, cruel and mean. Then what point is there to it like that?! Remember how I once was?! I thought the same friend, we both did. And well that thinking got me no where! NOW im experiencing it! now im alive and the world is alive in true beauty! your only experiencing if from YOUR point of view, and that view is biased and narrow minded. For God knows you, he knows how you think and your actions. He knows every little detail, so naturally he knows what would bring you and your world to true life and true beauty. He shakes his finger because he is a father who loves perfectly. When we obey, his love and blessing our showerd upon our lives, giving one an experience never before known! God has blown my mind with such experiences in HUGE supernatural ways, and thats why im suddenly enthusiastic!


Todays world, society, has perverted EVERYTHING! God has created wonders but man perverted it. Because Satan got to man. Experiencing the world as you do, it not truly experiencing it, its merely dying it in. beliving a lie the world has spoon fed you from birth. The way you experience the world... throws it away, ugly, used and broken... Never having been experienced the way it was meant to be experienced in the first place.... a paradise...


It is good to see you are wise in a way yes, as I was, in a dark wisdom... You are right friend, it will be your way with your flawed logic, your will and your path... Untel you NEED God and cry out for him. The bible will always be dead to you, untel God lives in you, then it will spring to life and be a fountain giving eternal life.


Life would not seem to long if life was lived with JOY, not happiness but JOY. a joing or a bottle of beer is happiness, but true friends, love and Jesus is JOY! When life is lived like that... it would seem all too short, and frankly it is. This life, is nothing more than a blink of an eye. Blink your eye... and thats what we have in this life. Thats how much time we have to live. Compared to the lives we will one day live in heaven. Given that one has given his life to the Lord, our God.


I pray for you in love, speak in love and preach in love.
Later my friend,