school today. I only know one person on et [exodus_origin (eep I messed up big time)] veronica. shes the coolest person in this hellhole i call school. actually school isnt that bad, but the kids are really mean to Veronica, they're not mean to my face, but i know they're planning something against me. i can hear them snickering at me. if they're gonna plot against someone, they should choose someone less aware. normally people going to a new school are shy and just go with the flow. they just want to make friends. so they will go to desperate measures to make friends. not me. i have friends but that was out of pure luck. it seems to be that way with me. i make friends easilly. but if i dont want to see someone, i will go to desperate measures NOT to make friends with them. so i got to tell you something. i only know one person here as i said before, so i dont mind telling you everything. anyway. im starting to cut again. yes i know its a bad habit. but thats why i havent tried to stop veronica, that would be hypocritical. i cant do that to her. i used to cut, but now im starting again. im also loosing interest in eating but veronica always wants food, so i give in, ive mad a decision. Im not getting food with her anymore. its not her, i just think i need to eat less. so ill just get a few snacks now and then. it worked over the summer so why not? i guess thats why i havent been interested in boys lately. because none are interested in me. they never have. its because im too fat. really. i am. thats why alan didnt like me, thats why no guy is ever going to like me. my mom doesnt understand. she says thats how we italians are, but ive seen her photos of when she was my age. she was thin and pretty. and in art i could hear tyler mutter something about me looking like i was pregnate. im not. but thats my new fear, what if i get snt to the "help" thingy because people think im pregnate? i dont know anymore. i dont care what people think normally but im getting out of control now. it just hurts to know you have no chance at love. not even a girls love.

I wonder. Just like everyone else. I question. I question heavens I question hells. I'm not that different. I'm not just what you see. I'm sure your trying. I'm sure your trying to beleive. It's not your fault. You just got sucked in. It's contagoius, your like everybody's twin. So stop staring, it's not like your not strange too. You think your the spectator, were all just your zoo. But were not fuzzy, we bleed. So before you feed us take heed. Were not everybody's friend, sometimes were just our own. Alot of the time, we need to be alone. So don't try to help me, I'm easily accostumed. I just wear my costumes everyday. You can be real, you can show you feel, just not like me. If you were in love, you would cry, if you really wanted, you would try. But your fake, non-exsistant, like I am told I am. So look away. Don't stay where you are. Just like you do everyday. I'll see you tomorrow. You are watched. You are stung, I promise I won't be hung over. I'm just like you, your just like me. Thats how it is around here isn't it? Thats how your supposed to be? I told you before, I am easily accustomed. But I just need to know. Why? Why is this your way? I wonder. Don't you?

yes. this is my diary. and for once it has the date right. obviously nobody cares to read my diary. yeah. my life is normal. it's not depressing. everyone pretends to either have a perfect life, or a terrible life. i don't understand. i'm so hungry, as always i didn't have breakfast or lunch. but i can smell dinner. my fingers are so cold. i have been going to a charter school w/ uniforms for the past 4 or 5 yrs and now that i'm in a public shool, i forgot how great it is! the guys here are cuter, at first i liked this one girl, but now were just friends. the odd thing is here, everyone says things like "thats gay" like it's nothing. at ccs, nobody ever said anything like that. i can't beleive it, and theirs not one kid here willing to admit if they believe in gay marriage. i noticed that the kids here are more mature in some ways, and less mature in others. i thought my class in 6th grade wouldn't be able to handle highschool, what about these kids? also, i'm really worried about my friends from drama camp. all of them are in the 8th grade, and i'm stuck in 7th. even though i don't go to that school, i'm worried that they will treat me differently. when they go to highschool, i'll still be here. i don't want that to happen. i might just be the one little kid sitting there listening to them talk and complain about everything, and them tell me "oh yeah, you don't know about that stuff do you? well you will, and it's so fun/terrible!" i also noticed that i care so much more about what other people think. it never used to happen to me until i met anna [Of Mice]. is that what happens to everyone? they meet someone like her and everything changes? when will it go away? no wonder anna's not self concies, shes is herself. the things she says normally worry people, but the way she says them, just makes me listen.

School. It's always the same. It's always to blame. For mistakes, early wakes, and "posers" and "fakes". But i don't care, if they like my hair, or what i wear. I'm not scared. Take me. Tie me to a chair, pull away my hair, take my clothes and stare. I have nothing to hide, it's all inside, make my day just don't take my night. I read the books, I know it all, about atoms, and china, and to divide decimals. Yet theres one thing, that i do not understand. In this free and open land, why do some suffer, more than others? Here in this place, us all of different race, all at different pace, just give me a little space, to think, to wonder, about this problem. Were all human, with feelings inside. You know the rules, but were all fools, to a place we put down and rise. School.

Hi guys! I thought it was the 14th! thats what all my teachers said! Anyway. this is liz and i have tomorrow (thursday) off! Yay! and anna is coming over to go to the movies. I wish i knew her username. Shes so.... mysterious. She says she has no life but she has more of a life than me! i just realized that i'm bisexual. isn't that lovely fluffy stuff? ick. well. the other day me, dan, and reachel (how do u spell her name?!) went 2 the pennsylvania rennaissance fair! we sat on the kissing bridge the whole time and yelled at people to kiss us.! yahahahah! i had to babysit this child 2day. hes a fat little baby! yes he is! well. i got35 bucks in 4 hrs worth of crying so i guess it was worth it. (considering my brokeness) well, i gotta talk to my self consies friend sarah! byby fellow freaks!