[jennbob.]'s diary

1028189 Link to this entry
Written about Friday 2008-05-09
Written: (6044 days ago)

1013616 Link to this entry
Written about Friday 2008-02-22
Written: (6121 days ago)

Shiiiiiiit.
All these entires are mighty old.
o.O

Well, other than the Watermelon Balls.

991613 Link to this entry
Written about Monday 2007-11-12
Written: (6223 days ago)

Next in thread: 992299

Just so you know: this is not meant to be serious. m'kay. :]

Watermelon Balls

Hello, my name is Humongonoid Von Ballsac, and I have abnormally large testicles. My friends call me Hugh. My story begins on a beautiful night, when my girlfriend (Tiffany Tittyfuck) and I were taking a long, long drive. There must have been something in the air, because an object in my pants began to obstruct my view of the road. Tiffany couldn’t stop staring and licking her lips, so we decided it would be wise to pull over. We couldn’t keep our grubby, horny paws off each other, so we just jumped at the nearest secluded place. If only I had known it was someone’s backyard.

We were going at it like wild animals; she was screaming, I was screaming, I thought my balls were going to explode. As soon as we finished, an ugly woman appeared behind a cloud of smoke. Tiffany screamed, and the lady pointed one bony finger in her direction. Her eyes were bulging out of their sockets, and on her face was a look of joy and pure insanity. A blast of fire erupted from her fingertip, and Tiffany was ripped to shreds. She howled at the moon: a malicious laughter I hope to never hear again. Then, she looked in my direction. I kept my mouth shut. “So, you like for your balls to be slappin’ against things, do ya?” I shrugged. What man doesn’t like that, honestly? “Well, I’ll teach you to be knockin’ boots in my yard! See how you like these babies!” With another fiery explosion from her fingertip, I felt something extremely heavy drop into my pants. She chortled again, and disappeared. I looked down, and it seemed as if my balls had grown ten times their normal size. I stripped my pants, and it was true. My nuts were the size of watermelons!

After that, I never left my house. I knew the humiliation I would go through with balls like mine. My friends tried to convince me to party with them like the old days, but even they hadn’t seen my deformity. After a few months, they grew some more; not because of the evil witch’s curse. I needed some ass. I still didn’t want to leave the comfortable seclusion of my home, so I watched; I watched everyone that passed. When I finally saw a beautiful young thing; blonde hair, nice onion bootie, and grapefruit titties, I knew she was the one. Grapefruit goes good with watermelon, right? “Hey!” I said; a sort of loud whisper. “Hey, hot stuff. I wanna put my dick in you. You down?” At first, I thought she was disgusted. She just stood there, staring at me through my window. Shit! I thought, too straight forward; I should have at least flirted a little. But, she was down. She jogged over to my window, grapefruit titties bouncing like a little slice of gelatin heaven. She smiled at me, and climbed through. She was not shy, that’s for sure. She stripped down immediately, and did a little dance for me. I got a little nervous when she started to take my pants off. What if she laughed, what if she fainted, what if she tells all her girlfriends? There were a million thoughts running through my head. My mind was spinning and I was ready to back down (jacking off isn’t too bad, you know), when I heard her gasp. Oh shit. “You must have a huge load” she said, and smiled up at me. She wasn’t afraid of watermelon balls, after all. She wanted to do it in the bathroom; she looked like she had a plan. I didn’t care. We went at it like maniacs; she was definitely nastier than Tiffany could ever think about being. Before we finished, she jumped in the tub. What was this girl thinking? She giggled like a school girl as I covered her with my hot, steamy man juice. It kept rising around her, filling the tub to the brim, and finally spilling over. She kept giggling, so I guessed that was the plan. Is it every girl’s dream to swim around in fresh semen? She stopped giggling, though, when she was pulled under. I could hear her muffled screams, but I didn’t know what to do. I just watched, until her arms finally stopped flailing above the “water”. It was a glorious day. I am the only man in history to actually have fucked a girl to death.

900267 Link to this entry
Written about Friday 2007-01-19
Written: (6521 days ago)

Longing for childhood

During childhood, everything is so simple. Friendship is simple; you have fun together, you love each other, and there is no drama - at least, that is how it was for me. Now I feel that, no matter what I do, it is not good enough. Every day, I feel like the most horrid beast to ever walk the Earth. I do nothing but hurt people, when what I wish for is to make their pain stop.

I have a big heart, and I give my love out to anyone who will accept it. I want nothing more than for everyone to be happy. So, why is it that my love is never enough? Why is it that my very best friends find me replusive, evil?

Once upon a broken heart:

I was walking, alone, in the dark. Looking for a way to start again. What I wouldn't give for a friend.
- The Beu Sisters

857245 Link to this entry
Written about Wednesday 2006-09-27
Written: (6634 days ago)

So...best friends are not forever.
They just fuck you over.
..at least, mine does.

719684 Link to this entry
Written about Thursday 2005-12-22
Written: (6913 days ago)

Today is December 22, 2005.
Roseanne is on the television.
It is 12:06; a.m.
Tomorrow, I will be sixteen.
In six days, I will get my license.
Rather, I will try.
In seven days, I'm going to Texas.
For five days.
On January 3, I will be back.

612008 Link to this entry
Written about Thursday 2005-06-30
Written: (7088 days ago)

Next in thread: 659661

When you're with me, I can't breathe.
When you're near me, I can't see.
When you say that you don't love me, I can't be.

Don't you know that you're my weakness.
No matter how I try, I cannot stop this.
Don't you know that you're my happiness.
Please don't stop this.

I can't help but to love you.
You give me every reason in the world to.
I can't help but to need you.
Without your love, what can I do?

612006 Link to this entry
Written about Thursday 2005-06-30
Written: (7088 days ago)

I wish I could bring you back. My eyes are burning with the thought of you. My heart pounds, as if it will burst from my chest. I lie awake at night sometimes, talking to myself about you. I cry myself to sleep on these nights. I can't help but to wonder how it would be to hold you every day. To teach you things, be a role model. I miss you, I love you. I will always love you. There is a neverending space for you in my heart. But, I can't stop the pain. It hurts me so much to know we'll never meet again. To know the only time I see you is in my dreams. To wonder if you would love me as I love you. This is the tale of a sister. A sister in pain. Living everday in grief. In pain. A sister who cannot be a sister at all. But, can only dream of how things could have been.

612002 Link to this entry
Written about Thursday 2005-06-30
Written: (7088 days ago)

Thank you, dear, for opening my eyes. Helping me see that inner beauty apparently isn't enough. The society concetrates so much on outer beauty that there are hardly any really beautiful people at all. Why is beauty based on physical appearance alone ? Appearance isn't what it's about. It's about mind, spirit, soul and heart. There are so many people who have hearts like no other, souls like no other, but no one sees it because they're not beautiful. No one is perfect, no one will ever be perfect. This is because standards have become so high. If people could look at inner beauty instead of outer beauty alone, we would be much happier. Falling truly, deeply, and madly in love wouldn't be so rare and almost impossible to do. Thank you, dear, for helping me see that it doesn't matter how much inner beauty lies within me. Helping me realize that I will never be good enough for you.

612000 Link to this entry
Written about Thursday 2005-06-30
Written: (7088 days ago)

You mean everything to me. You're my heart, my soul. You'll be the death of me, it's true. What will kill me is my love for you. My neverending love. Believe me, it's just that. It will drive me to insanity, drive me into the ground. I'll eat dirt, I will. I'LL EAT DIRT. But I won't care. What a way to go, what a way to go. My love will be the death of me. But, die happy, I will. Love; such a great thing to waste and throw into the garbage. It will be the death of me, the death of me. ...Happily and willingly dying for you. Throwing myself into the ground for you. I'm covered in dirt, I'm rotting away. My love has taken the life of me. I'm covered in dirt, I'm rotting away. ...Happily and willingly rotting away. For you, my love. Who else ? My love has taken the life of me. But you were behind it all along. Because my love is for you, neverending, eternal. My love for you will remain, even here... In my wonderful, new abode. Neverending, eternal, as I said. My love has been the death of me. But to die loving you, makes it all the more worth it.

611997 Link to this entry
Written about Thursday 2005-06-30
Written: (7088 days ago)

You never meant to hurt me, I know. So you ripped me apart instead, you tore my very soul to bits. Shattered my heart to pieces. Leaving me aching, and breathless. Is this what it is to love? To give somone so many feelings, feelings you could never give to another, give someone a part of you no one has ever seen, ALL of you - for that matter - , Only for them to rip and shred it from existance ? To tear every bit of you from their heart ? To leave you alone, struggling for something you though you once had. Love is reciprocal. Or is it ? It never seems that way, does it ? You give someone every bit of you -your mind, your body, your spirit, your soul -, but they never return those feelings. You're left alone and cold in the dark. Breaking more by the second, because you know that you're meant to be that way. You never meant to hurt me, I know. So, you shot me down instead. You're love is like a loaded gun to my head. Seeing it, knowing it, feeling it gives me the greatest fear. Yet, I am not afraid. Kill me, dear. Do it. Come on, you know you want to. I am not afraid. Because the feeling I get when I'm near you -be it reciprocal or not- is worth a thousand deaths. Love me, dear. I know it's not easy. Is it easier to kill ? No matter what you say, I know you will. Love me, dear. It's as simple as that. The feeling is like a fucking heart attack. Love me, dear. But kill me on the way. Because this feeling is unbearable - loving you this way.

611996 Link to this entry
Written about Thursday 2005-06-30
Written: (7088 days ago)

I listened to the stories, and knew I had none
I was faced with a question. Somewhat of a difficult question..."Are you an only child ? Are you the oldest ? Are you the middle child ? Are you the youngest ?" We were to split into groups, I put myself with the group of the oldest. I decided I was no longer going to consider myself an only child. Because the truth is, I have a sister. Calling myself an only child would be like saying she never existed. When in the groups, we were asked to write the advantages and disandvantadges of being in whatever group we were. I sat in silence, because I didn't know. I listened to the stories, and knew I had none. I listened to them complain about their younger siblings, and I thought...You don't know how lucky you are to have someone to share those memories with. How lucky you are to be able to say "My sister said this, my brother did that." Because one day, something will happen to them, and no matter how much you say you hate them, you will miss them. And you will regret everything you ever said or did to them. I sat in the floor, with my head bowed. And I cried. People asked me what was wrong, and, of course, I said nothing. I just listened to the stories, knowing I had none.

611991 Link to this entry
Written about Thursday 2005-06-30
Written: (7088 days ago)

She writes with a little red pen, symbolizing her life. Blood, hate, pain. She stops, thinks, stares. She pulls out a big pink marker, and writes about her life. Full of love and happiness. And then she realizes...She pulls out a black marker. The one with which she used to draw stitches upon her skin. And writes about her love. There is no stopping the words from spilling onto the paper from her soul. Compassion, empathy, passion, desire, pining, loving, losing, wanting, needing, crying, wishing, hoping, and finally...Dying. She sees an old friend. One with which she used to spend much of her time. One who helped vent her rage and pain. She slides this friend across her wrist, and for once in her life...She is numb. She cannot feel. With tears in her eyes, she lies on the ground, silently. Silence. There is only silence. Nothing more. Nothing less. While inside, she is screaming. The reality is slowing, gradually. Everything disappears. Her pain, her love, her passion.

...Her life...

611990 Link to this entry
Written about Thursday 2005-06-30
Written: (7088 days ago)

I'm screaming your name, because it's all I've been hearing.
You're in my thoughts, my dreams,
even my nightmares, it seems.
I'm screaming your name, because it's bottled inside me.
I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU.
Can you say it, as I do ?

Say you love me, you love me.
And mean it whole heartedly, please.
I'm begging, no lies, look, I'm on my knees.
Say it truthfully, no lies just to please me.
I want an honest reaction, because this isn't a game.
Don't lie or deny, to reject is the same.

Just hold me, kiss me, and know I belong to you.
You have my heart, you have it completely.
I'll hold it out to you, for all to see.
I love you, dear. And I will not apologize.
There's no need for it, you see.
Because I'm proud to be in love with you, but.. Do you love me ?

611986 Link to this entry
Written about Thursday 2005-06-30
Written: (7088 days ago)

Stupid stupid supid. I'm so stupid. I don't understand ! BLAHHHRRRGGHHH !!!!! I'm bored. So very bored. -Going INSANE- Blah, blah, blah. o_O' Purrdy. Wait, what's purrdy ? I don't remember. I forgot. Pretty colors, maybe ? Pretty color on the computer screen, yes. Pretty pretty lime green that I like very muchly. Aww, sadness on the television. Hotness in the room. Very hot. Sweating ! Perspiration ! I'M MELTING !!!! Oscar Mayer weiners on t.v. And cute little kiddies who can't sing. And whistling. I see Mountain Dew, and Dr. Pepper everywhere. And, I'm thirsty. That's no good. I see Spongebob, and Carebears, and a coloring book page that I colored of a little girl blowing bubbles...Very cute. I see faeries on a unicorn. Evanescence, Good Charlotte, Atreyu. Sign on my closet door that says MSI. And I picture of me on a little kid's toy motorcycle. Caution tape over my closet door, because it's scary in there. Lots of monkeys, and Hot Topic Bags. Glasses, clickers, food. Paper, empty c.d. cases. Markers. Camera. Books. 1, 2 books. There are more, but not visible. All Stephen King, and one Anne Rice. Calendar with picture of me and my bestest friend at age 8. Happy Bunny, Jack Skellington. Spongebob boom box, sexy stereo with blue lights. T.v. Spongebob blankie, tye-die blankie. Prettyful pink and white striped blankies. Mouse with cool red lights, computer with blue and orange lights. Big, stupid desk that I don't like. Cool computer desk, that I like. Big computer moniter, bigger than the t.v. WOOSH ! Bunk bed. Cool thing over the light, purple sphere. Very dark, very hot. Very messy. A dresser with lots of writings on it. Stupid sayings, that I wrote when I was young, immature, and naiive. Spongebob pillows, stuffed Spongebob's, stuffed Patrick, Spongebob pinata. Fan, that doesn't give off much air. Blue, fuzzy guitar. Sexy pimp hats. Plaid skirt, studded belt, happy bunny shirt. Orange towel. Bunches of c.d's, inside c.d cases. Spongebob house shoes, movies. Half - eaten poptart. Big black spice - like shoes. Hummm, more boredome. And I shall go now. Because it is late, late, late. And I need to go beddy bye.

611984 Link to this entry
Written about Thursday 2005-06-30
Written: (7088 days ago)

I think I will start wearing a bag over my head. Maybe paste a picture of a beautiful woman, icon, on the front. Will you look at me then ? Will you look past my not so beautiful appearance, and look deeper to see what's inside me ? How much love I have to offer ? See the inner beauty I contain ? Yes, I sound arrogant. But is it really arrogant when you know it's true ? Can you see me now. Am I beautiful now ?

611983 Link to this entry
Written about Thursday 2005-06-30
Written: (7088 days ago)

I AM ANGRY. Why am I angry... I think I am angry at myself; for being so imperfect. For hating myself so, for beating myself up when I shouldn't. For wanting to cry, for wanting to scream, for wanting to die. I am angry because I am stupid. I give myself too much credit, I'm not worth it. I think too much of myself, I'm not worth it. I hate myself, I despise myself. I've said it far too many times. I'm like a little girl who needs her mommy, but her mommy's not there. So she screams. ...And she never stops. She screams, and screams, and screams. For the rest of her life; but no one can hear her, because she won't let them. She hides; behind anything she can find. A fake smile, laughter, friends. But she cannot hide her fear of being alone. She cries, and bandages cannot fix a cut as deep as this. She cries, she screams. ...And she never stops. She wants her mommy, but cannot find her. She runs; searching desperately. Through fog, through deep woods; no where. So she falls to the ground and cries, only this time... ...She stops. And she never screams again. Because she finds her mommy, somewhere she would never have thought she would be. But she's there because she wants to be. This poor little girl. She wanted to die, only so she could finally be with her.

601812 Link to this entry
Written about Saturday 2005-06-18
Written: (7100 days ago)

I'm trapped in a box with locks and chains. No matter how I try, I can't escape. I've created a tiny torture chamber for myself. I'm being ripped apart, but no one can tell. I hide myself behind a plastic smile. I laugh, pretending everything's alright. But I cry at night, trapped in my little box again. Wondering where I will be when it all ends. The scars can be seen, but no one opens their eyes...They just laugh in my face when they see me cry. So I hide behind my plastic smile, pretending I'm O.K. for a while. I hold my tears, and stifle my screams. Despite my smiles, you'll still forget me. So I hide in my box, and let myself die. So, despite my smiles, you can see me cry.

601807 Link to this entry
Written about Saturday 2005-06-18
Written: (7100 days ago)

Hearts in Rage
Chapter 1
The Rant

"You've had me shattered for all these years. Now I will show you pain. Pain worse than you could ever imagine. Worse than your most terrible nightmare. I will continue to love you. I will give you my all, my everything. And I will sit back and watch what you do when it's all gone. Erased. Tucked away in a magic little history book that no one will ever read. I will watch you try to scratch and claw your way out of the terrible little world you've built for yourself. I will watch your every selfish attempt to escape the little box of terror you've trapped yourself in. I will watch in amusement as you try to escape. As you resort back to your old ways of drug abuse and self destruction. But what you don't see, is that you're digging yourself deeper. And I will watch as you continue to scratch and claw. I will watch you bleed and cry. Watch you fade and disappear. Watch you die. Are you satisfied? ANSWER ME, YOU FUCKING WHORE ! ARE YOU FUCKING SATISFIED? You've thrown away everything I've given you. EVERYTHING. I love you, I do . But I'm sick of your whining. You do nothing but whine and complain like the fucking emo cunt that you are. You do nothing to fix what is breaking you. You do nothing to piece together your so-called "broken heart". I'm not broken, nor am I shattered. I am merely bruised. You're not in love. Don't you see? It's all in your head, little one. You're not in love. You're simply searching for a way out. Yet, you do nothing but cry like a fucking baby. Well, cry me a river, build me a bridge, slit your wrists, and jump off it. "Drown in your sorrows." As you might say. But there is no comparison, is there? There is no worse pain that what you feel now. Did I not warn you? I sit and watch you cry yourself to sleep, holding your aching, bloody fucking wrists. You've thrown away everything I've given you. EVERYTHING. There is nothing left but the small depictions of yourself. Tiny captions of your "broken heart". All tucked away in a magic little history book that...

No one. Will ever. Read."

Chapter 2
The Reaction

I sat in my corner, my legs pulled to my chest; rocking back and forth; tears streaming down my face. "Why ?" I whispered.
"What ?" Said the terrible voice inside my head. "What did you say ? Speak up, because I can't hear you."
"Why are you doing this to me ?" I growled behind closed teeth.
"Why am I doing this to you ? Look what you've done to me."
"What have I ever done to you ?"
"Don't you see ? You're so pathetic. You think you're so broken, so upset. But you're not. You break me into a thousand pieces, and claim that it was someone else's doing. You're the one breaking your heart. The people around you do nothing but try to please you, and make you happy. But that never works does it ? NO - Because you're too convinced that you're broken inside. ...Pathetic."
"Bitch, you don't know what I've been through."
"Honey, I am you. I know perfectly well what you've been through. It's no where near as terrible as you describe it to be."
I sat in silence. Thinking about what the voice had said. Was this true ? Did I exaggerate everything ?

Chapter 3
Revelation

I sat in the darkness, thinking again about the things the voice had said. It all made perfect sense, but how could I stop it ? These were my feelings, I can't control them; real or not. I looked at pictures of myself when before I became what I am.
"Heh, I was so happy then." I said, smiling.
I tacked the pictures on my wall; reminders of my happiness, I suppose.
"That's it." said the voice "That's all you need. Remember the times when you were happy, remember them well. They will eventually rid you of your broken heart. I will fall together, one whole piece at last. Stop breaking me, child. It's all in your head. Just remember, remember. ...remember; ...remember."
The voice faded away. It was right, all I needed were reminders. I can develop a beautiful future, if I remember the things that made me happy. ...

Chapter 4
Flashback

"Come on !" Said a young, blonde haired girl.
"If you wanna be my lover..." They sang in unison.
"Stop that, right now !!" Said a teacher from across the schoolyard. The girls looked back, and continued swinging.
"Sometimes, I run" They sang.
"I said stop that !" Came the teachers voice. The girls ran away, laughing. The teacher chased after...

Chapter 5
Better off pt.1

I sat for hours in my dark corner; thinking.
"Can I really let the past run my life to the extent that it brings back my happiness ?"
"You fool ! You're not letting the past run your life. You've just realized that you can't let what's happening in the present destroy your future."
I gasped. "You're right !" I screamed, and jumped to my feet.
"Of course I'm right, child. Your heart knows best. You can't let your mind control your feelings, dear. That's what I've been trying to tell you all along."
"Yes, yes. And I'm sorry I didn't understand it then, but I understand completely now."
"Good, girl. "

601806 Link to this entry
Written about Saturday 2005-06-18
Written: (7100 days ago)

Yes, this is private. Only for me to see. Who knows, perhaps I'll show it to her one day. But for now this is to stop the tears from flowing, though I'm not quite sure it will work as well as I'm hoping. I'll start by stating a quote that I found on a banner a while back. "Is it possible to love someone so much, you live to hear them breathe ?" Because that's the way I'm feeling. In love; oh, so in love. When I talk to this girl, it's like my heart stops. I'm afraid to speak, in fear of sounding idiotic. I'm afraid to move, in fear of looking idiotic. Now, I'm usually not the type to try to impress people. But with her, it's different. Just a simple thought of her makes my heart burn with desire, makes my eyes burn with hot tears crawling to the surface, aching to break free. It hurts more, because now, I know how she feels. She loves me, this I know. But I'm afraid never in the way that I love her now. I'm at a loss of words, there are no words deep enough to describe my love for her. Call me crazy, but I think this is the furthest I've ever fallen. I dream about her, I think about her constantly. I cry over her. Yea, yea, yea. I'm only fifteen, too young to understand love, right ? NO - There is no other way to describe this feeling. It is not only desire, pining, lust. Yes, I want her, but even more so - I need her. I feel I need her to breathe, to merely walk a step forward. My lungs feel as if they will cave in at this moment. My heart feels as if it will burst from my chest, beating rapidly, high speed, non-stop. No, there aren't any tears. Only because they can't escape. This is a much too strong a feeling for tears. Yes, it hurts so much I can't cry. I stare blankly, waiting for the tears to come. But they don't, not knowing that they feel good to me. I'm shaking, I'm aching. OH NO - Soon I'll be breaking. Breaking more than I am now. I am talking to this girl now, acting as if nothing is wrong. Not thirty minutes ago were we talking about our feelings toward each other. She knows how much I love her, she knows how much I want to be with her. But does she know how much I need her ? Does she know how much I love to see her smile, how I wish to be the one causing the smiles ? My heart is breaking, it just can't take the pressure. But I need these feelings to keep my heart beating. Is it strange to enjoy the things that hurt you ? I hate it, I love it, I need it, I can't live without it. It's driving me mad, yet keeping me sane. Driving me into the ground, yet keeping me on my feet. Puncturing me severly, yet completing me completely.

601805 Link to this entry
Written about Saturday 2005-06-18
Written: (7100 days ago)

I want to be there, every waking moment, making sure she's alright. I want to be there, at all times, keeping her safe, holding her tight.Is it wrong that I want to protect her ? To make her nightmares go away. To make the bad times seem not so bad. To make the good times seem greater than ever. She's been hurt before, as have we all. I want to make it so she never has to hurt again. Tears will be far from the surface, there will only be laughter and smiles. Tears will be locked away in some magical container, for she will no longer need them. Her screaming will fade away, only laughter and smiles. Blood red vision, turns to bright-ness. Sunny-days; happiness. I am overflowing with love to give her. My only problem is, she doesn't accept. She wishes to stay in her blood-drenched world, darkness overpowering her will to be happy. No laughter, no smiles. Only screaming and crying. I wish to take it all away, but how ? Things aren't as easy as they are in my dreams. I get scared. How do I help when I'm overpowered by fear ? How do I help her when she won't allow it ? How do I transform her blood-stained face back into its once beautiful form ? How can I turn her world back into the land of happiness in which she once lived... I can save myself, by saving her.

The logged in version