Im all depressed and uber stressed... ha kinda rhymes.... blah

I try to talk to people and I always end up either pissing someone off or hurting some ones feelings... I don’t know some times I feel the only thing I’m good for is being upset and stressed, and causing people to be upset and stressed...

I stated my new job today, the boss lady called and asked when I could start, I said as soon as I can, she said ok tomorrow at 1:30 I said ok, I am still sick, probly from stress, my job lol I work at a pet shop now lol I though I was going to do something , that I’m not going to be doing... all I am doing now is stock, that’s slang for messing with 20-50 pound bags of dog food and staying till 5am to watch people goof off and others unload a truck... it sux... also I found out the other day my uncles dieing, well I know he was dieing, but they were giving him about 10 years, now they said he might not last though the weekend, this is my dads only brother, his older bro.. he’s really upset about it, he dose not show it like most people, he’s been drinking lots of milk, pacing around the house, and sighing a lot... I really don’t know my dads bro, the last time I seen him was like almost 10 years ago, but I feel really bad for my dad and my grandmother, she’s not doing to well either, I feel so bad for my dad, he’s basically watching his brother and mother die right in front of his eyes... I cant show how upset I am, my dads the type that’s like "real man don’t cry" all crap... so I have to play like everything’s happy and all...

lots of other things going on, kinda personalish, lots of things... like I am starting to feel like maybe I should not be so trusting, I’m so confused about lots of things, feelings and such, I have slowly been saving money up for something, I have 800 saved up now, but the way things are looking I will have about 400 ever 4 weeks so in the endish of August ill have 1600 saved up, by September, it be about 2000, maybe a bit more, I donno, there lots of think I used to know, that now I’m not sure of... I’m kinda scared, and also hurt, you know... I should stop, I know how everyone loves these long old' emo journals...

I think I may go away for a bit... I don’t know yet if it would be best or just make things worse....

just got back from the hospital, i went in with chest pains, everyone thought i was having a mild heart attack >> but after getting doped up and ekgs and xrays they saud my hears was good BUT i shoudl talk to my doc about it, the all decided i was over stresed heres what it says on my discharge papers: Anxiety and Stress Reactions, Chest Wall Pain, Administered Narcotic Medication

im such a mess i think i messed up big time, shes going to be gone a bit to vist friend so i cant talk to her any, but i dont think she wants to talk to me anymore... i dont know what to do, i messed up, but we were talking about it, i though really did though things were going to work out.. i still do, but i dont know..

the doc says i am way to stessed and i need to get thing undercontral, and he says that im to young and good looking to be soo stressed LOL! i have been put on meds to keep me "calm" lol more stress pills

i am suposed to talk more about my feelings and problems lol the doc said that my stress is really bad and that it can be a threat to my life, he was talking about when your upset and or stressed you budy reacts by doing something or other, aand like the # of white blood cells drop making it ez for you to get sick,

well im not suprized, i have been sick most of this past week i have been runin feaver, throwing up, stuff like that

i think i know what it is, its my fault, i messed up soo much... it hurts...

i feel weak, empty, alone, helpless..

but i was told to not care anymore, about anything, then i can happy... im not like that, but maybe shes right.. should i just stop careing about everything...

Just a dog, a dog neglected by his master ... should he runaway, or stay and be obedient ... poor dog ...