y do i have to feel like shit so often cant i just have more then one day in a row that i feel good and dont have to deal with crap someone please help me

i feel like shit y the fuck am i thinking these thoughts i promised i wouldnt but how can i not my life just fucking sucks there is nothing else to it someone help me please

i fucking hate all this shit about the fucking hit list it needs to fucking stop and some fucking limits have to be put on her (its so fucking stupid how she can go walking down the fucking street by herself?) i just think it should all end i dont want to make it so its just me that ends
~ baby i dont want to do anything stupid please help me urgh when will the rest of my life start to be good enough for me to stop fucking hating it

i am so fucking stupid i didnt mean to but i almost screwed up the only great thing in my life god if i did that then i would probably have to just fucking leave this place then life wouldnt be able to suck i fucking hate this i need a fucking drink