[~/xCurley x Jeffersonx\~]'s diary
this guy told me tht he knew this blonde tht was so thick tht ....
she called me to get my phone number.
she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said
"concentrate."
she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
she tried to drown a fish.
she thought a quarterback was a refund.
she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
she tripped over a cordless phone.
she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
she studied for a blood test.
she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice
instead.
when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said
"Airport Left" she turned around and went home
Born screaming small into this world-
Living I am.
Occupational therapy twixt birth and death-
What was I before?
What will I be next?
What am I now?
Cruel answer carried in the jesting mind
of a careless God
I will not bend and grovel
When I die. If He says my sins are myriad
I will ask why He made me so imperfect
And he will say 'My chisels were blunt'
I will say 'Then why did you make so
many of me'.
[Spike Milligan-Bethlehem Hospital Highgate 1966]
[THE 10 COMMANDMENTS OF A CHEMICAL ROMANCE]
1. Thou shalt not put a gun to thy lover's head.
2. Thou shalt be willing to die for love.
3. Thou shalt seek revenge on those who wrong you
4. Thou shalt be a demolition lover
5. Thou shall unleash the bats
6. Thou shalt protect thy lover from everything (even vampires)
7. [Thou shalt respect the lord, Gerard.]
8. Thou shalt sing the holy hymns of the chemical romance
9. Thou shalt see beauty in thy love.
10. Thou shalt rock hard
[Swollenfish] has been very annoying so he has now been blocked. He messaged me about my username, so I dictonary spewed to him, which I never knew I could do, and the left a message in my guestbook.
He is now blocked for wasting my time and being annoying ^_^
Written about Monday 2005-05-30
Written: (6930 days ago)
Wooo! Took me hours but I now have yahoo messenger!
I am so bloody fed up of assholes messaging me about my username! Everytime i log on I have at least 3 messages saying OMg your so evil, you shot Bambi's mom! People say I shouldn't have it as my username if it pisses me off, but I like it. It's an origonal ammusing username. Most of the people her are called hotty123 and so on. People can't think of origonal things to call them selves. So that is why I have put up a message at the begging of my profile in huge writing, because then, people will hopelfull not message me about my username!
I just thought I'd say, I've decided I am a goth. Not a proper goth with, just a goth. I'm totally fed up with people walking past me in the corridor coughing 'goth' and the chavs calling me shit. It's stupid. So I've decided to go the whole mile on the goth thing. Well...maybe not the whole mile, maybe 3/4 of it. I'm my own style of goth I think. Goth/punk. Ha! I'm a gunk! Or a poth, deppends how you look at it i suppose. So, from now on I'm a gunk! Yeah!!!!!! I don't see why I have to be one thing or another anyway. Oh well....lmfao. I sound so stupid when I'm trying to write what I think lol.
It totally sucks that I can't get the new msn. My stupid computer *kicks tower*
You know what?
I don't
OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG...........
FUN STUFF TO DO AT THE MALL!!!!!!
1. Drop all your change on the ground near a vending machine and pick it up via crawling.
2. Ask for a price check at the Dollar Store- without the tax.
3. Follow a family and pretend you are the long lost child they gave up for adoption during the blizzard of 76. When they deny it, walk away.
4. Set up a DDR right in the middle of a walkway and REVOLUTIONIZE THE MALL WALKWAY!!! (You may need some extension cords for this, but that'll be the least of your problems)
5. Only use pennies to pay for things (or you can cheat and use dollar bills too)
6. Talk to inanimate objects.
7. Have a staring contest with a statue and wonder outloud why you keep losing.
8. Follow people and make loud footsteps. Tell them to stop it when they look at you-that's your cue to walk normal. Continue.
9. Obscure extremely important signs.
10. Make funny faces while trying to hold a conversation.
11. Poke fake food.
12. Hide in clothes racks and jump out at shoppers, but make sure there's room for you in there first. When this goes wrong, it hurts.
13. Introduce yourself as 'Meryl' and 'Millie' to random passersby (this only works with two people, duh). It's more convincing when you ramble about insurance, too.
14. Poke people.
15. Try the products.
16. If ever you find your hands too moisturized in the Bath and Body Works, comment on the soft robes they have. (This makes no sense to you, but it still makes for a good time.)
17. Draw on people's faces and send them to buy stuff or ask questions.
18. Beat up random things.
19. Sit on a bench and feed imaginary birds.
20. Play 'The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly' on the Carousel.
21. Make piles of stuff and then bury people in it.
22. Put your face real close to glass windows.
23. Bump into things (preferably glass windows).
24. If you do bump into a shiny glass window, ask people "What this new age contraption is”
25. Host Woodstock '04.
26. Dance your brains out at Woodstock '04.
27. Hide in the directories if they're leaning against each other in a triangle shape- sorta like ^, but bigger.
28. Make it your mission to cut as many people off as you can. Have a contest with your friends.
29. Say a certain word in every sentence, like 'macaroni'.
30. Stare at things. People will then stare at that thing. Then stare at the person.
31. Stare at someone, but when they look, look away. Slowly look back. Continue.
32. Speak Gibberish. Ask questions in gibberish.
33. Ask questions with obvious answers.
34. Sit on people and when they realize it say "Oops- Sorry! I didn’t see you there!"
35. Put on a fake mustache and act dastardly.
36. With a friend, pretend you're a foreign exchange student from some made up country. Who are they to know every single country in the world?
37. Host an art/stuff you found in the garbage auction.
38. Tell a store clerk that you lost your brother as a friend stands right next to you.
39. Run up to people and say "Here she is!"
40. Bring your imaginary friend.
41. Wear signs that say funny stuff (like pointless Trigun quotes)
42. Go into a picture booth. Take pictures, then hand them out to random people. Autographs optional.
43. Jazzercise in the elevator.
44. Act like the elevator operator in the elevator.
45. Start a conga line, and go into the elevator, which will hopefully cut off the end of the line, and tell the people in the elevator that you're "Glad they're gone".
46. Stick little notes on merchandise (like a ring that says 'The One' or you can try to put the whole inscription on it, but that's really hard to fit on a piece of paper)
47. Try to use words starting with the same letter as much as possible.
48. Have a fake fist fight with a friend.
49. Put random things on your head.
50. Salute people who walk by.
51. Go shopping for your attack hamster (see Safety Tips by Martha)
52. Pretend to be sick and cough/sneeze on people.
53. Stuff notes in pants pockets (like 'I'm your new pocket-gnome, Larry' or 'Camphor').
54. Tape things together.
55. ‘Accidentally’ fall down. Crutches come in handy for this one. So to digital cameras.
56. Buy dog collars for you and your friends. Better yet, get some ID tags to eliminate any confusion.
57. Pretend the glass elevator is a teleporter and scream, "BEAM ME UP, SCOTTY!"
58. Tape "Kick Me" signs on people.
59. Act out famous movie scenes.
60. Talk like a robot.
61. Consult your handy stuffed animal on which shade of blue eyeshadow you should get.
62. Act like James Bond and roll around on the ground whenever you have to get somewhere.
63. Slap people with a glove and say, "I challenge you to a duel!"
64. Actually duel in the proper Harry Potter fashion, pencils and all.
65. Talk through a sock puppet.
66. Save some ketchup packets from McDonald's to snack on later--and tell the nice people staring at you that it's 'astronaut food'.
67. Teach some parrots at the pet shop some new vocabulary.
68. Build a porch/deck at sears--they have all the tools ya need.
69. Ask any appliance salespeople if they have a tv that speaks English.
70. While you're at sears in the tool section, ask a salesperson how well certain saw cuts through bone.
71. Rummage through a bin of jellybeans in a candy store-and claim you're looking for an expensive earring.
72. Answer any service phones that ring with the traditional 'Pizza Hut' (or if you're a spaz like me, Pizza the Hut)
73. Pretend to be a manequin and stand very still in store windows. Scream occasionally.
74. Wave at the secrurity cameras.
75. Make up songs about mispronounced words.
76. Sing 'Toxic' to bystanders and do all the coreography from the video. They won't mind at all.
77. Ride the Hate Doll around!
78. If you're at the national mall, fly little egg-shooting monkeys around, preferrably aiming at bush. It would help to have a camera mounted on the monkey as well
I'm goin to the mall tomorrow!
I'm so lonely!!!!
I log on after 3 days and i have no messages!!!!!!
I want one!!!!!!!
Fun Things To Do At Walmart
Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
Start playing Football; see how many people you can get to join in.
Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms.
Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.
Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to "10".
Play with the automatic doors.
Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this crap, anyway?"
Repeat Number 13 in the jewelry department.
Try putting different pairs of women's panties on your head and walk around the store casually.
Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the mannequins.
Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.
As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"
Ask to put M&M's on layaway.
Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying,
"I'm Batman. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"
TP as much of the store as possible.
Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down.
When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask,
"Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
I stole this from someones house
whey!!!!!! Devon was better than I thought it would be!!
1. Learn to skateboard
2. Learn bass as well as electric guitar
3. Get all ma hair pink
4. Get a Gibson 335
5. See Blink-182 in concert
6. Get the lyrics to a song tottaed round my wrist
7. get ma lip pierced in the corner
8. Ride a motorbike
9. Smash a bar stool across someones back
10. Bitch slap someone
now for the soppy ones
11. fall in love
12. fall out of love
Back to normal now
13. Punch a person in a white suit
14. Dive a larda o see how bad they are
15. Shoot a frog
16. Make my brother cry
17. Finnish school
18. Not get sent out of geography anymore
19. Live in America
20. Form a band and get real good :)
21. Go on tour in a band with Blink-182
22. Make a anime comic
23. hmmmm finnish this!
now im stuck lol
im gonna make a list of 30 things to do before im 18 i think. I'll start it tomorrow
your never alone with insanity
Maybe she born with it, maybe its insanity
your never alone with insanity
[Definitions]
Adult- a person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle
beauty parlor- a place hwere women go to curl up and die
chicken- the only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead
committee- a body that keeps minutes and wastes hours
Dust- mud with the juice squeezed out
egotist- someone who is usually me-deep in conversation
handkercheif- cold stotage
inflamation- cutting money in half without damaging the paper
mosquito- an insect that makes you fly better
rasin- grape with sunburn
secret- something you tell to one person at a time
skeleton- a bunch of bones with the person scraped off
toothache- the pain that drives you to extraction
tomorrow- one of the greatest labour saving devices of today
yawn- an honest opinion openly expressed
there's more coming
THE DONKEY
One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.
He invited all his neighbours to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quietened down.
A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.
As the farmer's neighbours continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.
Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
1. Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.
2. Free your mind from worries - Most never happen.
3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less
NOW --------
Enough of that crap . . .
The donkey later came back, and beat the sh*t out of the farmer who had tried to bury him. The gash from the bite got infected, and the farmer
eventually died in agony from septic shock.
MORAL FROM TODAY'S LESSON:
When you do something wrong, and try to cover your ass, it always comes back to bite you.
Sound Track to my life
Opening song: Blink-182- All the small things
Waking up: Clocks-Coldpla
Theme Music: Blink-182- Give me one good reason
First date: Blink-182- Please Take me home
First kiss: Jimmy Eat World-Polaris
Falling in love: Travis- SIng
Seeing an old love: Blink-182- Dammit
Heartbreak: Blink-182- Dysentry Gary
Driving fast: Jimmy Eat World- Nothing Wrong
Getting ready to go out: Blink-182- First Date
Dancing at a club: Blink-182- Violence
Flirting: Blink-182- Josie
Feeling sexy: Blink-182- allways
Walking alone in the rain: Blink-182-Adam
Missing someone: Blink-182- Im miss you
Summer vacation: Blink-182- The rock show
Fighting with someone:Green Day- Homecoming
Thinking back: Jimmy Eat world- kill
Feeling depressed: Blink-182- Roller coaster
Falling asleep: Jimmy Eat World- Get it faster
Closing song: The Goons- The ying tong song