Doesnt it seem that once you start to let a person into your life that they are ripped from you? I mean fucking come on! I am not the easiest person to get to know. I do not open up easily. I am afraid that I will be hurt more than I was the last time. I may be a coward but fucking A!!! I loved a person. They were apart of my life. I loved the hugs and the warm welcomes. But that seemed to drastically change while I was at a concert having fun! What a spoiled bitch I was. I was always too busy to take life slow. I wanted to be on the go 24 hours a day. I hated to work and sleep becuase I always felt as if there was something I needed to be doing. And there was.....spending more time with the people I love. It did not dawn on me until that one person was ripped from my life......forever. There was no turning back once my dad called and told me what happened. A simple car crash....how could that so drastically change my life. It seems as though I started to take life for granted. I needed to be taught a lesson. What a fucking shitty lesson! I felt as though it was all a lie....a sham......nothing more than a hurtful joke. What fucking land was I living in? Acorse it was real! I am torn at the fact I could do nothing....I never got to say goodbye or those simple three words "I Heart you". I was hours away having fun. I could not make it back in time to bid my goodbyes. That is what is so shitty....All I needed was just a few more hours and I would have been there but no....That is not how it works. I had all this spare time in the past to spend with them.....but I never took the oppurtunity to. Now I cry while all of the memories flood my mind....I did not think I could be so emotional. what a wreck I am now. I need the people I love now more than ever....but I cant seem to let them in....for fear that they will leave me aswell......I just wish this would all be a bad dream....acorse it isnt....this is FUCKING LIFE!!

I am fucking pissed off! I hate it when customers just want to bitch because that puts me in a shitty mood! I have this dick of a customer that keeps saying his old phone worked and this new one never works! He is a liar and that pisses me off. We gave him his old phone back and called him maybe 5 - 6 times and he never picked up. Well we called his home phone and he picked up. We said we have been trying to call him on his old phone. he said nothing came through. Then he has enough nerve to stand in my store to bitch at me saying his old phone is better! I fucking think not!!!
If you sold cell phones you would understand! I am just fucking fuming!!


Have a nice fucking day!

MY LIKES AND DISLIKES



Things I do not like: </3
Liars
The dark
Pop (aka soda)
Meat (frickin nasty!)
Fake bakers (The people that tan A LOT)
Birds (They make noise too early)
People who talk with no point in mind
Beer (smells like nasty sweaty gym socks)
Drunks (They are mean)
Most of my family
People whose vocabulary consists of like and that’s hot and like umm well like you like know.hehe (People like that make me angry!)
Smelly people (You know the ones who smell like they haven’t showered in frickin weeks...nasty!)
Technology
The president
Emotions
Tears
Abusive Assholes!
Guys who think its an honor to be with them (Guys like that make me angry!)
Driving
Toledo (People drive crazy there)



Things I like: <3
Bunnies
My kitties
The select few I socialize with
Concerts
Lists (They tend to keep me organized)
Technology
My own hard earned money
My 1992 van! (HECK YES IT IS AWESOME!)
Writing
Singing
Smiles
Jokes
Dorks
Lotion (Victoria Secret crap.....It SMELLS GOOOD!)
MUSIC
Jeans
T-shirts
My 2 rings that I barely take off my fingers (They mean a lot to me!)
The stars
Messy Hair
My fluffy bed
The cold air
Walking in the woods
Screaming and running around stores

Heh speaking of screaming and running around stores... I went to Lowes (or something like that) with my brother and a friend. We were walking around and came across this pile of fluffy stuff. I have no idea what it was. It was like insulation wrapped in plastic. But anyways I stopped dead in my tracks and began giggling...Then they stopped and asked if I was okay. I nodded my head then jumped in the big pile of fluffy stuff. I just sprawled out on it and they took off running while laughing. As I was attempting to get out of the pile it went everywhere in the isle. I took of running trying to find them while I was crying from laughter. It was amazing.....I tend to do crap like that when I need to entertain myself.

MUSIC / OPINION

I absolutely LOVE concerts.

**My list of music includes** (I have not updated this since 2004)
Lola ray ( you may not know them yet but they are awesome live)
The used (hell yeah the Taste of Chaos tour is gonna be sweet!)
Under oath
Slow Coming Day
Further Seems Forever
MARILYN MANSON (I ♥ HIM……one day I shall see him!)
Scars of Life
Senses Fail
Skillet
Something Corporate
OTEP (FRICKIN AWESOME \m/)
Kittie
The Postal Service
The Vines
Thursday
Tool
With Broken Wings
Funeral for a Friend
From First to Last
Ice Nine
Eighteen Visions
Die Trying
COLD (<3 them…..they are frickin kick a**)
Cinderella
Bleed the Dream
JET ( ♥ ♥ )
HAWTHORNE HEIGHTS (they were frickin awesome live!!)
HIM
BACKSTREET BOYS (Yes you are reading that correctly :-P)
The Beautiful Mistake
Driving in Silence
Bleed the Dream
From Autumn To Ashes
Letter Kills
My Chemical Romance
MAE
The Killers
Matchbook Romance (ehhh I bought their "cd" and it is frickin awesome!)
Poison the Well
Dashboard Confessional
REVIS (Yes that is correct!!! They are awesome!)
ZAO (I LOVE THEM!!!)
CHEVELLE (If you dont know them please leave my page.)
Opiate for the Masses
A PERFECT CIRCLE (If you dont know them SHAME on you!)
Ramones
36 Crazyfists (<3 They are awesome<3)
My Amercian Heart (AMAZING)
A COMING TRAGEDY ( I just found them and I LOVE LOVE LOVE THEM!!!!)
Juliana Theory
LAMB OF GOD (FUCKING HELL YES!)
Breaking Down (hahaha I just found em!!)
Minus 200
Left Foot Forward
NonPoint (<3)
Aiden
Name Taken
Tragic Romantic (Good!)
April Sixth (THEY ARE FUCKING GREAT!!!<3)
SHORTIE (THEY BLEW ME THE FUCK AWAY)



I simply have a passion for music <3
I love music but I do not let change my appearence.
If you listen to one type and that is all then you are missing out!



MUSIC DOES NOT DEFINE YOU (Plain and Simple)


[A note to all of you: If you feel you must dress a certain way due to the music you listen to then gain a brain. </3 
Also recently I AM overly annoyed with the fact that people only know fucking fall out boy , hawthorne heights , my chemical romance , death cab for cutie (the list goes on). FUCKING CHALLENGE YOURSELF TO LISTEN TO MORE THAN WHAT IS POPULAR AT THE MOMENT! DO NOT PREACH TO ME ABOUT MUSIC WHEN WHAT I LISTEN TO YOU HAVE NEVER HEARD! IF IT IS NOT IN STYLE THEN YOU THINK YOU ARE TOO COOL TO LISTEN TO IT? PEOPLE LIKE THAT FUCKING ANNOY ME MORE THAN ABOUT ANYTHING!! Sorry for the rant but I am pissed off that people really only listen to MTV! I could go on but I am purdy angry so I shall leave it at that.]

Well....There is this boy. I actually wanted to punch this kid in the face. He has a g/f but he thinks it is okay to go around and flirt with other girls. Yet he complains that his g/f is in his business all the time and basically doesn't trust him..... 0_o He is actually serious that he thinks she should not even get mad when he flirts with others. Hmmmm well I am not the type of girl to flirt with anothers b/f. So I made that crystal clear yet he seemed to have missed the boat. I decided upon waking up today not to talk with him any longer. When we talk as just friends he flirts! So hmmmm...



This is just a note to all of you guys that think its okay to flirt with others while having a g/f....IT IS NOT OKAY!! It shows what pigs you are.


kthanks

MY MYSPACE ACCOUNT:


The link to my kick ass page..
http://www.myspace.com/twistedinside

Quotes that I have grown attached to:


"It's better to be hated for who you are, than loved for the person you're not"
Kurt Donald Cobain (February 20 1967- April 5 1994)

"Our sweetest songs are those that tell of saddest thought." Percy Bysshe Shelley

"Men fear death as children fear to go into the dark; and as that natural fear in children is increased with tales, so is the other." Francis Bacon

"Life can be found only in the present moment. The past is gone, the future is not yet here, and if we do not go back to ourselves in the present moment, we cannot be in touch with life." Thich Nhat Hanh

"Independence is happiness." Susan B. Anthony

"Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them." James Baldwin

"There is a way that nature speaks, that land speaks. Most of the time we are simply not patient enough, quiet enough, to pay attention to the story." Linda Hogan

"Punk is musical freedom. It's saying, doing, and playing what you want. In Webster's terms, 'nirvana' means freedom from pain, suffering, and the external world, and that's pretty close to my definition of Punk Rock." - Kurt Cobain

     


"Youre about as smart as you'll ever be while youre a teenager, before you let the world drop its knowledge on you."

I lurv these songs


EVANS BLUE [♥]

"Cold (But I'm Still Here)"

Hello, I'm your martyr, will you be my gangster
can you feel my trigger hand, moving further down your back
when you hide, hide inside that body
but just remember that when I touch you
the more you shake, the more you give away

cold, but I'm still here, blind, 'cause I'm so blind, say never
we're far from comfortable this time
cold, now we're so cold, mine, and you're not mine, say never
we're far from obvious this time

wait, another minute here, time will kill us after all
now can you feel its second hand wrapped around your neck
so fall into my eyes and fall into my lies
but don't you forget
the more you turn away, the more I want you to stay

cold, but I'm still here, blind, 'cause I'm so blind, say never
we're far from comfortable this time
cold, now we're so cold, mine, and you're not mine, say never
we're far from obvious this time

you're so endearing, you're so beautiful,
well I don't look like they do, and I don't love like they do
but I don't hate like they do
am I ever on your mind?

cold, but I'm still here, blind, 'cause I'm so blind, say never
we're far from comfortable this time
cold, now we're so cold, mine, and you're not mine, say never
we're far from obvious this time

COLD, you broke me from the very first night
I'd love you 'til the day that I die
we're far too comfortable this time
COLD, I loved you from the very first night
you broke me 'til the day that I die
I'm far too obvious this time







   WEEZER
"This Is Such A Pity"

How is your heart little darling?
I didn't mean to get so mad.
Let me just hold you closely.
How did things get so bad?

I know how to pick on you.
You pushed me over the edge.
We caused so much agony.
We can't seem to move ahead.

This is such a pity.
We should give all our love to each other.
Not this hate that destroys us.
This is such a pity.
(This is a pity)

What kind of future will we have?
Will we ever find peace?
Everybody thinks we're crazy.
They're about to call the police.

I don't want to be a chump
You think I'm a fascist pig.
Right now everything is black.
I don't think we'll ever give.

This is such a pity.
We should give all our love to each other.
Not this hate that destroys us.
This is such a pity.
(This is a pity)


This is such a pity.
We should give all our love to each other.
Not this hate that destroys us.
This is such a pity.
(This is a pity)

This is such a pity.
We should give, we should give
All our love (destroys us)

People with cell phones are frickin idiots! (Yes I have one but I am required to have one for my job!) Have you ever been in a movie theater where some idiot left their frickin ringer on? I think that is rude and it makes me angry! I paid my 9 dollars to see a damn movie not hear a person talking to another over a phone. Then most of the time they talk really loud because their signal is going out. The last time I went to the movies a chicks phone ringed and she actually picked it up! WTF? She started to talk really really loud about how some guy is a cheater then she began talking about how hot she looked that night! (All I could think was  are you fucking serious!) I tried to focus on the movie again but her fucking screeching pulled me away! I finally had it so I took my perfectly good popcorn and threw the whole bucket at her! I was beyond pissed off now. She had the fucking nerve to ask me what the hell my problem was. She ended up getting off her phone after that incident. I mean come on who the hell sits in a movie talking on a cell phone? I really wish people like that were allergic to oxygen!

The Keys to Your Heart (MY RESULTS FROM A QUIZ)

You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you don't need.

I am currenlty torn.


That boy and I got into a tiny disagreement.
He called to pick a fight with me.
It was not like we were going out.
You had no reason to pick a fight with me.
That call broke my heart (well what was left of it).
You wanted your answer right now!?
Why was that I love you back so important?
Patience was all I asked for.
I actually enjoyed being around you.
When you read my previous diary entry you were so happy because you finally knew how I felt.
I love you should not be thrown around.
When I say it then I will mean it.
Until then I will not say it just to make you feel better.
When I feel it I will let you know.

Things can't always work out I guess.

The doctors..............


Well they drew my FUCKING BLOOD!!! Which I have weak veins due to my past. So they poked me in total 13 times in order to get blood samples. (I am terrified of anything sharp coming towards me. So it was very colorful (language) in the room. I was not nice because they had a fucking smile while stabbing me!)

Out of all of that I have low fucking iron. Wow! All that pain only for them to tell me I have low iron and need sleep. I am currently not a happy trooper!

They are putting me on a sleeping pill and an iron supplement. ASSHOLES!

There is this boy.
I think I like him.
He makes me laugh.
He is on my level.
He is sweet.
Our random conversations keep me interested.
He likes to talk.
He intrigues me.
I love how he is okay with who he is.
I love that he is bold.
I love his mind.
When he talks to me I get those butterflies.
The sight of him makes me happy.
I am like a little school girl with a crush when he is around.
His gestures take my breath away.
I can not seem to get my words straight when he is near.
There is not many times a boy can take the words away from me.
I think I like him.
But I am not sure.
Just wanted to let everyone know!!

Thanks.


MUCHO LUVO

I just found this poem I wrote (an hour before it was due) about a picture of Amanda (my best-friend since 3rd grade) and I. It was for an english credit.



…Simple Memory…

Many years of watching us grow into the young women we are today
Those years flew by and you wonder where they have gone
That simple flash of light made time stand still to create a simple memory
The only gift I have for you is nothing but a simple memory

We sat together with faces next to one another
Oh what a simple memory
Amanda’s wide childish smile barely being serious
Oh what a simple memory
My tongue flopped out to the side replacing my tired smile
Oh what a simple memory
Her eyes closed from the light yet mine wide and eager for the light
Oh what a simple memory
A shade of pink romancing our faces
Oh what a simple memory
The light filling the room showing my messy nature behind us
Oh what a simple memory
The dark consuming the doorway behind us
Oh what a simple memory

Still to this day we remain close
Neither of us wanting to bid farewell to this happiness
An angel was always there helping us through our rough spots
That angel was you
Thanks for all that you have done
I hope this simple memory brings you happiness

Rain.......






:-(









A WHOLE WEEK OF NOTHING BUT RAIN!!!!!!





:-(















THE NEWS SAID WE STILL HAVE ANOTHER WEEK BEFORE IT WILL QUIT!







:-(


























RAIN......

Graduation:

I graduate June 4 which is only a few weeks away. I have yet to send out invites for my family to come. I am not sure when I will be having a party. I have not even thought of who I will invite.


As of today I realise I am a procrastinator.