You are a hate machine wrapped all pretty

I am off to AZ (to finally put my dad at rest). I will be gone for about 10 days!

Don't miss me too much :-P




kthanksloveyoubye <3

I swore I would be through with this depression mode but I cant kick it. I still feel the tears swell in my eyes as people talk with me. Why must they always say you are in a better place?! I am so confused right now. The better place was here with me....by my side. They all ask what is bothering me when I cant keep a smile. Duh!! Well lets see....I lost a very important person to me, I am an emotional wreck, My life is slowly breaking. Things were going good until....Well until you left me here all alone. People do not understand how I deal with your passing. I may not be a blubbering fool at you funeral and then get over it....I was mostly calm and softly sobbed and I am not over it. My tears still come easily as others do not anymore. I guess now that your funeral is over we all should just forget?! How fucked up some people are. I do not think there will be a day that goes by where I wont even think about you. You were just so memorable!

[ Hearts ]

[ To You: My friend that passed away before my dad.]


Pain overwhelmed me when I was told
I would no longer be able to see you
There would be no more talks
No more hugs
Not even smiles with you
They have been stolen from me
It was not your time to go


I am not ready for you to leave me yet
High school just passed
I still need you to help me through my life
I fucking let you into my mind and heart
I do not let people close to me but yet you found a way


It does not seem fair that you were fucking ripped from my grasp
I hate the fact that I cry when memories flood my mind
I cant seem to speak to my family without crying
The tears don’t seem to disappear
Emotions like this have not ran through me in a while
Wait…….more like years


I just do not think it is fair that you are no longer here
People say it was your time to go and God needed you
Well FUCK GOD!! I need you here
Selfish?! Yes I know but you were so fucking young!


People say that you will watch over me......
It should not be that way
You should still be here with your contagious smile
That laugh that filled the room
Those eyes that people fell head over feet for


I never got to say goodbye though
Time seemed to beat me to you


The last I saw you I was rushing around and I had no time
You wanted to talk that night but I had a concert
How fucking pathetic.....a concert
I just quickly hugged you and ran out the door
I replay that over and over in my mind


I will always [ Heart ] you so much more than I took time to show you!


[ -ME- ]




[ </3  RIP LUV 6/14/06 </3  ]

I left the house tonight.....and try a concert with a few friends.. I could not have true fun. I was like the black cloud that brought everyone down. So I decided to leave that place. I do not think it is time for me to venture out and do anything besides work.

Mucho hearts for now!

Doesnt it seem that once you start to let a person into your life that they are ripped from you? I mean fucking come on! I am not the easiest person to get to know. I do not open up easily. I am afraid that I will be hurt more than I was the last time. I may be a coward but fucking A!!! I loved a person. They were apart of my life. I loved the hugs and the warm welcomes. But that seemed to drastically change while I was at a concert having fun! What a spoiled bitch I was. I was always too busy to take life slow. I wanted to be on the go 24 hours a day. I hated to work and sleep becuase I always felt as if there was something I needed to be doing. And there was.....spending more time with the people I love. It did not dawn on me until that one person was ripped from my life......forever. There was no turning back once my dad called and told me what happened. A simple car crash....how could that so drastically change my life. It seems as though I started to take life for granted. I needed to be taught a lesson. What a fucking shitty lesson! I felt as though it was all a lie....a sham......nothing more than a hurtful joke. What fucking land was I living in? Acorse it was real! I am torn at the fact I could do nothing....I never got to say goodbye or those simple three words "I Heart you". I was hours away having fun. I could not make it back in time to bid my goodbyes. That is what is so shitty....All I needed was just a few more hours and I would have been there but no....That is not how it works. I had all this spare time in the past to spend with them.....but I never took the oppurtunity to. Now I cry while all of the memories flood my mind....I did not think I could be so emotional. what a wreck I am now. I need the people I love now more than ever....but I cant seem to let them in....for fear that they will leave me aswell......I just wish this would all be a bad dream....acorse it isnt....this is FUCKING LIFE!!

I am fucking pissed off! I hate it when customers just want to bitch because that puts me in a shitty mood! I have this dick of a customer that keeps saying his old phone worked and this new one never works! He is a liar and that pisses me off. We gave him his old phone back and called him maybe 5 - 6 times and he never picked up. Well we called his home phone and he picked up. We said we have been trying to call him on his old phone. he said nothing came through. Then he has enough nerve to stand in my store to bitch at me saying his old phone is better! I fucking think not!!!
If you sold cell phones you would understand! I am just fucking fuming!!


Have a nice fucking day!

Well....There is this boy. I actually wanted to punch this kid in the face. He has a g/f but he thinks it is okay to go around and flirt with other girls. Yet he complains that his g/f is in his business all the time and basically doesn't trust him..... 0_o He is actually serious that he thinks she should not even get mad when he flirts with others. Hmmmm well I am not the type of girl to flirt with anothers b/f. So I made that crystal clear yet he seemed to have missed the boat. I decided upon waking up today not to talk with him any longer. When we talk as just friends he flirts! So hmmmm...



This is just a note to all of you guys that think its okay to flirt with others while having a g/f....IT IS NOT OKAY!! It shows what pigs you are.


kthanks

MY MYSPACE ACCOUNT:


The link to my kick ass page..
http://www.myspace.com/twistedinside

Quotes that I have grown attached to:


"It's better to be hated for who you are, than loved for the person you're not"
Kurt Donald Cobain (February 20 1967- April 5 1994)

"Our sweetest songs are those that tell of saddest thought." Percy Bysshe Shelley

"Men fear death as children fear to go into the dark; and as that natural fear in children is increased with tales, so is the other." Francis Bacon

"Life can be found only in the present moment. The past is gone, the future is not yet here, and if we do not go back to ourselves in the present moment, we cannot be in touch with life." Thich Nhat Hanh

"Independence is happiness." Susan B. Anthony

"Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them." James Baldwin

"There is a way that nature speaks, that land speaks. Most of the time we are simply not patient enough, quiet enough, to pay attention to the story." Linda Hogan

"Punk is musical freedom. It's saying, doing, and playing what you want. In Webster's terms, 'nirvana' means freedom from pain, suffering, and the external world, and that's pretty close to my definition of Punk Rock." - Kurt Cobain

     


"Youre about as smart as you'll ever be while youre a teenager, before you let the world drop its knowledge on you."