So I was thinking......Maybe this job is not for me...I can't tolerate people yelling at me. I get pissed and I want to kick them in their ass! I do not know why I am here. I have no relationship holding me back. I know I can find a new job! Today is a day that I can not take! Stressful!!! I do not handle alot of stress well!

I sit here and think what is holding me back. Why am I so afraid to move on with my life and find a new job! I am only 18 and yet I act like I am 29 with a family of my own. I have nothing holding me back so why can't I put one foot infront of the other and just walk away? I am sitting here screaming at the top of my lungs yet people don't bother to care. They just pass me by. I just want to get out of here. Go somewhere not a soul would know me. I want to start a whole new life and just be me. Not this bitch that is miserable. Hmmmmmmmmm.....see why it is bad when I get time to think about my life. I second guess everything I do and want to do....pathetic I know. I just can't seem to get myself to make any life changing choices!

MSI OCTOBER 28!!!!



EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.......HMMM.... IF YOU DO NOT KNOW MSI YOU MUST LOOK THEM UP THIS MOMENT! WAST NO TIME...


Here is a link for you lazy one :-P

http://www.mindlessselfindulgence.com/


KTHANKSMSIROCKS

Soooo. I am currently at work ALONE!!! Yeah I can handle it but not a damn person tells me whats going on. I guess I just decorate! My boss had crap to do for half the day and there was supposed to be a person to cover her....Well due to lack of communication there is noone to cover. So I am here all alone and feeling angry! They then called and explained why I was alone and said if I get busy to call them and they would send someone over. Well the nearest store is 35 mins away! By the time I call them when I am busy the rush is over within 20 mins!


I AM FUMING!!!


kthanksloveyouallbye

You are a hate machine wrapped all pretty

I am off to AZ (to finally put my dad at rest). I will be gone for about 10 days!

Don't miss me too much :-P




kthanksloveyoubye <3

I swore I would be through with this depression mode but I cant kick it. I still feel the tears swell in my eyes as people talk with me. Why must they always say you are in a better place?! I am so confused right now. The better place was here with me....by my side. They all ask what is bothering me when I cant keep a smile. Duh!! Well lets see....I lost a very important person to me, I am an emotional wreck, My life is slowly breaking. Things were going good until....Well until you left me here all alone. People do not understand how I deal with your passing. I may not be a blubbering fool at you funeral and then get over it....I was mostly calm and softly sobbed and I am not over it. My tears still come easily as others do not anymore. I guess now that your funeral is over we all should just forget?! How fucked up some people are. I do not think there will be a day that goes by where I wont even think about you. You were just so memorable!

[ Hearts ]

[ To You: My friend that passed away before my dad.]


Pain overwhelmed me when I was told
I would no longer be able to see you
There would be no more talks
No more hugs
Not even smiles with you
They have been stolen from me
It was not your time to go


I am not ready for you to leave me yet
High school just passed
I still need you to help me through my life
I fucking let you into my mind and heart
I do not let people close to me but yet you found a way


It does not seem fair that you were fucking ripped from my grasp
I hate the fact that I cry when memories flood my mind
I cant seem to speak to my family without crying
The tears don’t seem to disappear
Emotions like this have not ran through me in a while
Wait…….more like years


I just do not think it is fair that you are no longer here
People say it was your time to go and God needed you
Well FUCK GOD!! I need you here
Selfish?! Yes I know but you were so fucking young!


People say that you will watch over me......
It should not be that way
You should still be here with your contagious smile
That laugh that filled the room
Those eyes that people fell head over feet for


I never got to say goodbye though
Time seemed to beat me to you


The last I saw you I was rushing around and I had no time
You wanted to talk that night but I had a concert
How fucking pathetic.....a concert
I just quickly hugged you and ran out the door
I replay that over and over in my mind


I will always [ Heart ] you so much more than I took time to show you!


[ -ME- ]




[ </3  RIP LUV 6/14/06 </3  ]

I left the house tonight.....and try a concert with a few friends.. I could not have true fun. I was like the black cloud that brought everyone down. So I decided to leave that place. I do not think it is time for me to venture out and do anything besides work.

Mucho hearts for now!

Doesnt it seem that once you start to let a person into your life that they are ripped from you? I mean fucking come on! I am not the easiest person to get to know. I do not open up easily. I am afraid that I will be hurt more than I was the last time. I may be a coward but fucking A!!! I loved a person. They were apart of my life. I loved the hugs and the warm welcomes. But that seemed to drastically change while I was at a concert having fun! What a spoiled bitch I was. I was always too busy to take life slow. I wanted to be on the go 24 hours a day. I hated to work and sleep becuase I always felt as if there was something I needed to be doing. And there was.....spending more time with the people I love. It did not dawn on me until that one person was ripped from my life......forever. There was no turning back once my dad called and told me what happened. A simple car crash....how could that so drastically change my life. It seems as though I started to take life for granted. I needed to be taught a lesson. What a fucking shitty lesson! I felt as though it was all a lie....a sham......nothing more than a hurtful joke. What fucking land was I living in? Acorse it was real! I am torn at the fact I could do nothing....I never got to say goodbye or those simple three words "I Heart you". I was hours away having fun. I could not make it back in time to bid my goodbyes. That is what is so shitty....All I needed was just a few more hours and I would have been there but no....That is not how it works. I had all this spare time in the past to spend with them.....but I never took the oppurtunity to. Now I cry while all of the memories flood my mind....I did not think I could be so emotional. what a wreck I am now. I need the people I love now more than ever....but I cant seem to let them in....for fear that they will leave me aswell......I just wish this would all be a bad dream....acorse it isnt....this is FUCKING LIFE!!