I found out kc comes back soon...or he already is back...I hate him...I fucking hate him...what he did to me...what he TRIED to do to me...still makes me sad...I cant believe he tried to do that shit...yes Im sure you loved me FUCKIN PERVERT enough about him I fuckin hate him

william should call me...like...now...I need to talk to hiiiiiiim and Im scared to call him...I will always be scared to call him...I dunno why...it was funny after school we saw him and Tessas like "wow I thought he would be ugly...after all you DID like my brother" then I yelled to william "dude tessa thinks your fuckin hot" he just laughed...I wish I could talk to him more...wtf is wrong with me lol

Arg..Tyler sucks..He's leaving in march..probably before my birthday too..

we may not hang out a lot like we used to but he made a BIG difference in my life and he was there when no one else was........................and I mean NO ONE

He was one of the first people I told when my mom died..and I only knew him for a few weeks..Im glad I met him..we became good friends really quickly..things change..especially when youve gone through what I have..Kayla <3 Tyler!!!!!

last night/early this morning was kinda fun..I had a lot of "ninja fights" so I have bruises everywhere..I had little kids jump me haha it was funny..then I got into fist fights with a 17 year old guy and a 19 year old guy and got my ass KICKED still fun though..but now I'm in pain..soooo much pain..lol and i think one of them sprained my ankle..it hurts really bad..but I doubt it lol..I didnt get to do my "mission" which kinda sucks..but I didnt wanna kiss him anyways..no..I lied..lol I do! of course I do..but thats ok..since our sisters are best friends we're kinda stuck with eachother for awhile hehehe..I think thats funny..

Man..when I logged in earlier..I looked at the "Last Logins" and ALL of them had "Dark" before their names..I'm thinkin time to change my name..because..Im not all that dark of a person lol in a way..yeah sure I am..but if everyone thinks their dark too..I mean..how dark can I be?..enough babbling..Im sure Im the only one who speaks "Kayla" here..

Love Much,
Dark Romances

Wow I havent written in here for awhile.....haha like 5 days..... but anyways...a certain friend is annoying me...so Im ignoring her...JOSH CALLED ME OMG IM SOOOOO GLAD HES ALIVE!!! WHOOO...he told me that if he wasnt gay...because Im just so damn awesome...that he would marry me...lol yay? I think...but anyways I was supposed to call him back yesterday but I forgot...cuz I dont ever call people...so hopefully he calls me today...lol and I need to change my answering machine message to give out my cell phone number...but I dont like my voice lol I guess Im in a pretty good mood today whooo

Love Much,
Dark Romances

I'm not looking forward to christmas...I miss my mom...it isnt the same...I can barely live without her...I dont even feel HALF alive anymore...Ive lost all spirit...spirit for everything...god this sucks...I guess I just wanna feel loved...and Im not getting that from anyone at the moment...ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I just wanna scream...god I wish I could scream...this is bullshit

Love Much,
Dark Romances

Hmm...Kadie Kadie Kadie..I never thought no one would read my diary..I dont really care..thats why i put it in here...you dont see me going as detailed as you though now do you? hmm yeah didnt think so...every single fucking time I fuckin hear you or read what you write and its something about me...you ALWAYS personally attack me for no reason...thats why I dont hug you..thats why I dont talk to you as much...I dont know why you do it...and I cant really stand it anymore...I hug shaunice because shes still there for me even if she is mainly my sisters friend...but theres no trust between you and me anymore...first you say you dont wanna tell me cuz I'll give you a pity party which is such bullshit...and then you dont even bother to tell me shit that happened at school which really made me realize how much you dont trust me...I just cant handle you anymore...its hard being friends...but Im working on it...and Im trying...oh well...sigh

Love Much,
Dark Romances

I Need Some Serious Help...I Can't Do This Alone Anymore




Always So...Alone

10 Questions. Pick A Band/Singer And Answer Only Using That Band/Singer's Song Titles.

Chosen Band/Singer: Red Hot Chilli Peppers

1. Are You A Male Or A Female: Someone
2. Describe Yourself: Naked In The Rain
3. How Do Some People Feel About You: Nobody's Weird Like Me
4. How Do You Feel About Yourself: Stranded
5. Describe Your Family: Warped
6. Where Would You Rather Be: Road Trippin
7. Describe What You Want To Be: Out Of Range
8. Describe How You Live: Parellel Universe
9. Describe How You Love: Love Rollercoaster
10. Describe What You Hate: My Friends

This Was Fun..And It Worked Out Pretty Well Too..Luckily They Have A Lot Of Songs To Choose From

Love Much,
Dark Romances

I hate diary's..The only reason why I write in mine is because I know no one's gonna read this shit lol plus with all that has happened there has only been very few there for me..stupid people

Love Much,
Dark Romances

My New Questionaire

((09 Things You're Looking Forward To))
1-Happiness
2-Seeing Tonia Again
3-Closure With..err..Things..Yeah..Things
4-Leaving The Country
5-Getting A Boyfriend
6-Having Kids..We'll Give That A Few Years Though..haha
7-Weekends
8-The Military Ball
9-Eventually Getting Married..I Guess.....

((08 Things You Wear Daily))
1-A Bra
2-Black Eyeliner
3-My Braceletes
4-My Necklaces
5-My Rings ((lol Jewelry Yay))
6-Nail Polish ((Almost Daily Anyway))
7-Silver Eyeshadow
8-A Shirt..((I Would Say Pants..But Thats Not Entirely True))

((07 Things That Annoy You))
1-How I Don't Know What He's Thinking
2-People That Say One Thing But Mean Another
3-My Family..They Don't Understand The Pain..Even Though Their Going Through It As Well
4-Getting Into Trouble
5-People That Assume Things About Me/What I'm Thinking
6-When I Forget My Locker Combination
7-When I Don't Get To See Friends I Haven't Seen In Forever

((06 Things You Touch Every Day))
1-My Computer
2-The Toaster
3-My Doorknob
4-My Phone
5-My Cell Phone
6-The Couch

((05 Things You Do Every Day))
1-Take A Shower
2-Chat Online
3-Talk On The Phone
4-Miss The Good Old Days
5-Drink Atleast 2 Soda's

((04 People You'd Want to Spend More Time or Hang out With))
1-Tonia!
2-Chris!
3-Amie!
4-uhh..Sadly..This May Sound Sick But My Mom Of Course! I Miss My Mommy.........

((03 Movies You Could Watch Over and Over))
1-Bio-Dome MMmmMM Pauly...
2-Nightmare Before Christmas
3-So Many Others!...

((02 Of Your Favorite Songs At This Moment))
1-Bother-Corey Taylor
2-This Is The New Shit-Marilyn Manson

((01 Person You Could Spend the Rest of Your Life With))
1-Hopefully Myself..I'll Find Her Someday

Love Much,
Dark Romances

I should've just given him a hug! I should've! ahh why didnt I! omg Im stupid..............I will on monday though...oh yes...I will...or I will continue to make him jealous by hugging other guys...hey I dont go up to them...THEY come up to me...and it just usually happens to be in front of Chris...lol he...he...he...

Love Much,
Dark Romances

Last night was great I wont go into details because that will compromise what people think of me lol I dont really care right now but hey...well we went over to Jake's house again and the creepy native dude that was there last time was all tryin to hit on us so me and Tessa pretended like this guy derek was our bf lol yes we shared him although I think he really liked tess...but anyways the creepy native dude kept comin up to us tryin to sit all close and derek was defendin us it was funny then Tess got into a fight with this deaf dude cuz she sat down in his seat and when we got her seat back he got mad and called her ugly...it was soooo funny...cuz he cant talk so it was difficult to aruge...it was cool though and he though it was funny too so it's all good and I think my sisters friend Jon likes her...he always has...and I kept tryin to wink at him because they kept goin off alone together and I couldnt wink and he just laughed at me...I know he didnt like me that much before but he laughed so Im guessin he doesnt really have a problem with me now...so its all good...I wont go into last night too much else though cuz "whatever happened, whatever didnt happened and whatever couldve happened at Jakes house stays at Jakes house" lol that should be our motto........well I think it's brilliant

Love Much,
Dark Romances

Ahh Grr..I'm so pissed..but I'll get over it I guess..eventually but it still hurts to know that someone that you tell practically everything to doesnt trust you enough to tell you something because they dont want you to keep them from killing themselves..thats so retarded..on another note..

I'm about ready to give up on Chris..it's been fun and all and we can still be friends but nothing more because if we start any kinda relationship now its bound to end badly so I just won't go through with it..relationships suck..I'm gonna wait awhile until I actually go into a relationship..a long awhile too..Or just until I find someone I really trust..I've been broken hearted too many times..

Love Much,
Dark Romances

Well last night I spent the night at chris ((the guy I like)) and me and my sisters friend tessas house..it was fun we played truth or dare and it pissed me off becaue, I think it was my sister who asked chris his truth question, but yeah she asked "do you like Kayla?" and he looked at me and smiled and was like "err...uhh...pass I want a dare" and I was like noooo thats bullshit lol and his dare ((which I gladly gave to him)) was to fall down the stairs ((kidding of course)) but he did it anyway and it made their dad come down stairs and he told us the girls had to go upstairs and the boys had to stay down stairs and we thought hey maybe if we're quiet enough he wont come back down and he didnt until chris decided to fall down the stairs again ((somethin like that anyway..truthfully I dont remember lol)) and he came down and us 3 hid ((me heidi and tess)) heidi hid around one corner and I hid around another...he found heidi first and shes like "uhh...omg! I lost my contact!" and hes like get out of here and I started laughing so he found me next then I told him "no way..this isnt where I parked my car.." and everyone started laughing and we were tryin to hide tessa by sayin no shes not in that room...no shes not in the bathroom while we were starin at the closet where she was actually hiding so he eventually found her..it was funny though..but chris is mean cuz now he wants to meet tessa's other friends little sister ((also our age)) and that upsets me cuz yeah I like him duh ((but he said this before the whole truth and dare thing so I dont know if its changed or not)) but it still kinda hurts but theres more guys I guess...plus no one wants me to go out with him anyway cuz when we break up itll be akward tryin to hang out with tess...so I think either I'll wait awhile just to see what happens or try and find someone else...which I cant cuz all guys are either stupid or have gf's...I hate them lol

Love Much,
Dark Romances

Well I met Nathan in person a few days ago it was fun..we had ((or atleast I'd like to think it was)) "The Best Moment Ever" which was Nathan swinging a Hot Topic bag around his head and accidently hitting Ryan with it...the guy in the Poloroid shop was laughing so much and his customers thought he was crazy cuz they didnt see what happened I fell down laughing...Im pretty sure its one of those things that you "had to be there or else its not as funny" lol anyways...besides that things lately have been depressing but I'm over that now..since like the past 20 mins...after I got over "its not all about looks thing" and repeated "I'm Not Ugly" 10...million...times over..as soon as I post pictures I might even be able to prove that...well doesnt matter its your guys' opinions..

Love Much,
Dark Romances

I finally talked to Nathan on the phone! it was great..we're talkin like we usually do online its cool.. hmm wow well I'll write more when I have time...

Love Much,
Dark Romances

Guys are confusing.."I like you" "I don't like you" "blah blah blah, blah blah blah" Stupid Boys

Love Much,
Dark Romances

Oh goodness...too much thinking...my friends don't realize that their not helping...last year was so much better...people called for no reason...now when I need them to call for no reason the most...they don't...no one understands...I Miss My Mommy...I cry every night...even if it's not litterally crying...I hurt so bad...and I don't want sympathy...I just want someone to be there...but no one is...the one person I would be calling right now is my mom...and I slap myself in the face everytime I try and pick up the phone and call...because...shes...not....there.....and she...never will be again...I wish things were how they used to be...but no matter how much I wish it it will never be like that again...and I despise people who have a good relationship with their mom...I also despise people who have a bad relationship with their mom...because they have a mom...I wish I could atleast fight with my mom...because atleast she'd be here...and I would love her even if we were fighting and she knows that but the point is she'd be HERE...god I wish she was here...we were always very close...everytime I talked about her I would say how much I missed her...and everytime I saw her when I went to her house...I remember sitting on her lap petting her head because she was always very sick...and I'd tell her how much I love her...and she better be there at my wedding...and we'd laugh...because she knew she would be...she absolutely KNEW she would be...and she won't be...she...cant...god Im crying...Kayla is not a crier...I never cry...I miss her so much...I remember one time when she got on a plane to visit my brother in Montana because he's doing a program thing up there for his anger problems...and she didn't tell me and my sister...and she called like 2 weeks later and I was freaking out yelling at her why she didnt tell me what if something happened I couldnt imagine losing her...now that I have...I still can't imagine losing her...I haven't full-on felt it yet...but it's coming and I'm about to have a mental/emotional breakdown...ha...well I already have, way before this even happened...what else is there in life to breakdown on?...oh yes...my spirit...the ambition to do much of anything............Life Itself...too late for all of that I pretty much already gave up...Im so bitter and angry inside...and no one see's it and no one will...no one is there for me as much as they say they are...they don't understand enough to be there for me...no one can be there for me...not even family...and that's just sad...I Don't Have Anyone Anymore...It's all lost...I lost my sense of self...I Give Up

Love Much,
Dark Romances

Don't Be A Hater Vote For Nader!
Can't Decide Bush Or Kerry? Be Safe-Vote Nader
I Be Liken The Nader

lol 3 of the many campaigns I had for Nader...I am also conducting a mass suicide if Nader just happens to lose lol no jk since I KNOW he's gonna lose...I know he has no chance lol...its so sad thats why I support him lol I mean come on! SOMEONE HAS TO! RIGHT?!?!

Love Much,
Dark Romances

My House...In The Middle Of Elftown...My House

So Yes...Tomorrow Is Sahmain...How Fun...I Wish I Could Go To Kadie's House And Help Her Out With That But I Don't Think I'm Gonna Be Able To...I'm So Annoyed...He's So Shallow...He Doesn't Even Realize It And That's The Sad Part...Damn Him And His Crazy Shinanigans...Shinanigans Is A Funny Word...Kinda Like...Topika...hehe Topika

Love Much,
Dark Romances