My ex.. is behaving like a little kid :| seriously! I thought that we could be friends because he obviously didn`t care about me anymore but then I broke up with him and he`s suddenly behaving like a 5 year old towards me :S
I don`t get it.. I must`ve hurt his ego or something or maybe its just the fact that I dumped HIM and not the other way around. He can`t be really sad or anything.. If he loved me , he would`ve treated me better.
I`m feeling sorry for him though.. And maybe he has the right to be angry at me .. but I don`t know what I did wrong exept for dumping him and I did that very gently also.. I didn`t use bad words or anything..
And he asked me if we could be friends.. well yeah sure I said and I thought it would be okey but he`s not behaving friendlike at all :S
Geesh I really think its his ego or something .
Well.. I hope he can act normally around me soon because I would really like to be at least friends with him..And he`s a little pathetic now with he`s childlike behaviour. He`s making a huge fool of himself and it pains me just seeing it.
Maybe he really did love me..Because..what else would make him act like this.:S Aah well. He should`ve treated me better, if he did I didn`t have to break up with him and he wouldn`t behave like a total ass right now.

Okey so I have a diary. Lets use it! XD
I broke up with my boyfriend last friday although I`m still deeply in love with him. He just didn`t seem to be interested in me anymore.He never took me out (and if I wanted to take him out he just said " no some other time" ) He never cuddled or kissed me anymore , Said rude things to me. I barely got to see him even though we go to the same school and he practically lives accros the street. " I don`t have any time " He said. What he meant was " I don`t want to make time for you " This last month was really the worst. I knew that I had to break up with him because he was obviously not going to make me happy like this. But I still kept hoping that he would change. He didn`t..it got worse. He stopped saying sweet things to me , ignored me completely and although he said he loved me .. it sure didn`t feel like it.
So I decided that although I love him , it isn`t worth the effort if he doesn`t love me. And so I had to do the hardest thing uptil now in my life. I`m a big fat coward actually because for weeks I just couldn`t tell him (but that was also because I didn`t want to say it in front of his friends ..that would`ve been cruel)
And so.. after a month of doubts and hopes I finally did it. Strangly enough I feel happier now.. although it really does suck that I`ve lost him. But in the end I know it was the right decision... He didn`t have any intentions to change his blunt behaviour towards me even though I begged him for it.Well..I guess it can`t be helped. Maybe my breaking up with him made him realise what he`s lost. Or not because he didn`t react hurt or mad or anything.
He used to be very sweet and nice to me..I just wish he had stayed that way..
Last time our relationship lasted 6 months and 1 day
This time it lasted 8 months and four days ..
I just hope that there won`t be a next time ^^

Hatred is such a useless feeling
You won`t solve anything with it
I used to think the other way around,
but now I know that to hate is to die a little
Everytime you let hatred get into your hearth,
your soul will become darker.
My soul has been dark...because I hated.
But now I know , it was foolish of me..
Don`t spend all of your energy into hating someone..
Its not worth the effort .
I`d rather spend my days without hate and love
Than having a dark soul one more day.
Because it was love..that learned me how to hate.

Don`t cry
Don`t cry...please don`t cry
I can`t bear to see you sad
My heart has also torn apart
but still I try
To keep on smiling ,
and put on a happy face
just to make sure..I won`t die
so I can keep protecting you.

Masks
I can`t believe it has happened again
That I`ve once again been fooled
I`m not sure if I will survive this time
Look at what you`ve done to me
I was happy untill now
Now there`s only a shadow of me
I don`t exist anymore
Its someone else making jokes
Its not really me thats laughing
Its only the mask I wear
That prevents me from killing myself
I will pretend like I`m not hurt by you,
But on the inside, I`m already dead
You killed me and my will to move on.
But I still can`t hate you...even if I tried
Not to feel anything , thats my only wish
I`m afraid theres only one way left
But untill then, I`ll wear my mask
And fake my happy smile

  My promise

I told you I`d love you always
And for always I`ll keep loving you
Even tough you broke my heart
I`ve finally forgiven you
Even tough I would never want to try again
Even tough I don`t want to be with you
Even tough I would never want you back
You`ll have a place in my heart
Because I promised you
And if you would know me for real
You would know I keep my promises
Always
I kept my promise to you.

All fear
she has come .
Her eyes can freeze you to the bone.
Don`t try to run cause she will get you.
All fear
She has come
Her voice will nail you to the ground.
Don`t cry I will protect you
All fear
She has come
Her Revenge can let you shiffer
Don`t hide cause she will find you.
All fear
She has come
She will make you Wish you`ll die allone.
Don`t be affraid I tell you

Its only the Icequeen
She will go away..
and we will be together
She has come to take revenge on you
but I won`t let her.
Don`t be mad
She will go away
Like a bad dream that faints in the morning
I`m here

I do not love you like the first flower in the spring.
I do not love you like the singing birds.
I do not love you like an distand star far away.
I love you like I love dark things.
In shadows...secretly but strong.

Why?

Why won`t you talk to him? what has he done
Why are you ignoring him? what did he do wrong?
Since when is it wrong to love?
Since when is it forbidden to feel?
Since when did the world turn around you?
Why did you speek of love, while everybody knows you never loved him.
Why is it You who`s hurt..while he`s the one who has the right to be.
So tell me miss, why do you hate him..he`s done nothing wrong.
All he did was getting over you and only because it did not took very long...you hate him for it.
Why are you crying fake tears, You are not fooling anyone
Why do you say he`s a jerk..you were the one who`s been lieing all allong.
Why do you keep messing up our lifes..get your own
Why do I even care about your feelings? Why can`t I just let you be?
Maybe its because I love him..and I know he loves me.
So mind your own cases ,and leave mine alone.
You don`t have the right to hate us
So why miss Ice queen? Why?

When I open my eyes, before the sun has awakened
Everything sleepes..its all silence...but not my dancing heart.
Its not affraid of dancing anymore
All because of you.
Before I knew you ..I did not live
I was dead and my heart remained in silence...it was too hurt to dance.
I could only feel hate.
But you, you learned me how to love again..how silly it was to loath.
How wonderfull life can be when you love someone
How wonderfull life can be when someones loves you.
How to always look at the bright side of things.
How to smile and mean it.
You make me smile..and thats just one of the million things I love about you.
I love you and finally I can really say it..I love you..

  Thank you

Thank you for making me stronger.
Thank you for all the lies.
Thank you for making me think that love would last longer.
Thank you for leaving me to die.
Thank you for releasing me ,
from the iron chains you call love
It took me so long to find all the pieces of my heart.
4 months it took me to get my heart back.
Thank you for breaking it.
Because now I can love again.
And this time, it will be someone worth my love.
So.... thank you.

   The Ice queen.

I used to like you..but now I don`t know anymore..
I used to talk to you..but now theres only silence
I used to laugh with you...but now there are only tears.
And when I look at you...I do not see you anymore.
All I see is hate.
All I see is the Ice Queen.

When you look at me , my heart is frozen solid.
Cause youre eyes are filled with Ice.
And when I stand next to you, I can only feel coldness.
You used to be my best friend.
And now you call me youre enemy
All because of the Ice Queen inside you.

Choosing

I`m confused
cause I have to make a choise
And it will always be the wrong one.
But I will choose
And if I would die this very moment,
I would not feel.
I do not fear death anymore
Cause the choise I have to make
will cost more pain then death will ever do.
And whatever I choose..it will be the wrong one.
But I shall make a choice...and live my life without
a smile.