....Oh, and turtles :P

Things are going well this week. My aunt and I have been baking like crazy so that we can arrange decorative paper plates full of stuff for neighbors and friends this Christmas. So far, we've made: chocolate chip cookies, sugar cookies, divinity, rocky road, fudge, Swedish Pecans, and brownies. Tomorrow, we make peanut brittle, date pinwheel cookies, and chocolate and white chocolate covered pretzels. THEN we're done.. :) All of it completely home made, and very time consuming but great fun. You should be here [Skydancer] ;)

Two entries in one night...Everyone's asleep here, and there's not really much else to do. I've been at my aunt's again, as I usually am when I have more than an hours access to the internet. Today, we cleaned out two of her closets and found some interesting things. One of them was an OLD quilt that my great grandmother had hand-stitched. It's so interesting to me, imagining the hours she must have spent on it. My aunt suprised me by giving it to me. She has two children of her own, both a bit older than me, and the fact that she gave it to me was very honoring. She told me that I was more nostalgic than her own children were, and that she knew that I'd value it more. I wonder if there's a way to preserve quilts? I've never really had many things such as this, so I don't really know. Perhaps I can Google it. :)
Michael's at home, enjoying his alone time. I don't blame him, and definitely don't feel the slightest bit put out because of it. I'm typically a solitary person myself, which is why my closest friends were shocked that I got married at all. He, on the other hand, doesn't have the option to be solitary, since he's at work all day, and then comes home to me. Since I'm not working, unless I'm visiting someone, I'm ALWAYS home, so he's never really alone much. I think that absence makes the heart grow fonder, so these times when I escape to my aunts are as beneficial to him as they are to me. We trust each other completely, and that helps as well. I know about what he's doing when I'm gone, playing Halo, or some other video game. He's 31, and still loves his games. I'm 28, and a Zelda/Mario fanatic, so I can't say much. I don't go so far as to have a ton of stuff portraying the games though. Just a wall-hanging of Link in the living room, standing in a castle with sword drawn...and a Super Nintendo, N-64, Game Cube, and the Game Boy adapter for the Super Nintendo. Yes, while most women collect purses and shoes, I collect CD's and video games.
I wonder if we'll ever truly grow up....that doesn't really sound like much fun though, and I'd like to be the type of parent when I have children who enjoys watching The Dark Crystal, and The Labyrinth, and building fortresses and such. My own mother used to read to me a lot, and I think that helped to instill my love of fantasy. And hence my being at Elftown. :)
Ok, I'm done for now, I could ramble all night. I hope you are all having a great October :D

It must be noted that I have chosen my favorite guitarist. After twenty-something years of careful consideration, I choose David Gilmour. For those of you not well versed in Classic Rock, he is the guitarist for Pink Floyd. I choose him over Jimmy Hendrix, Stevie Ray Vaughn, and others from that genre, even Eric Clapton. Now I'm sure that by posting this, I am bound to get a backlash from other Classic Rock lovers, and I'm not saying that the others aren't awesome, but just the style of David Gilmour is so well suited to my own tastes. To hear him play Marooned, or his solos in Dogs, is awestriking to me. *Love*

I was having a nostalgic moment, listening to Tears For Fears-Head Over Heels, when it occured to me that I have a weakness for British boys with big brown eyes. They are so lovely and kind looking. This could very well explain my Duran Duran obsession of yore. I'm sure the accent doesn't hurt either.

1. What time did you get up this morning? 
10am                                                                    

2. Diamonds or pearls?
Diamonds

3. Last movie you saw?
The Bucket List

4. What is your favorite TV Show? I don't really have one                 

5. What do you usually have for breakfast?
Nothing

6. What is your middle name?
Elizabeth

7. What food do you dislike?
Olives, and intestines...

8. What is your favorite CD at the moment?
Enigma LSD

9. What kind of car do you drive?
A Mercury Sable

10. Favorite sandwich?
I'm not sure..I like Cajun Turkey with spicy mustard and white American cheese

11. What characteristic do you despise?
Ignorance, and the unwillingness to learn

12. Favorite item of clothing?
Night shirts...long ones

13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go?
Germany...someday

14. Favorite brand of clothing?
I don't really care, I go for comfy

15. Where would you retire to?
I'm not sure really...someplace peaceful

16. Favorite birthday?
My 21st when I went to Vegas with my mom and Gram

17. Favorite sport to watch?
Figure skating


18. Furthest place you are sending this?
Not really sure

19. Person you expect to send it back first?
???

20. Beach or Mountains?
Both

21. Are you a morning person or a night person?
Night

22. What is your shoe size?
9-10

23. Pets?
3 dogs, 2 cats, a snake, and four fish

24. What's your favorite holiday?
Halloween

25. What did you want to be when you were little?
An actress

26. How old are you today?
27

27. What is your favorite candy?
Reeses Pieces

28. What is your favorite flower?
Anything that smells nice and doesn't make me sneeze

29. What day are you looking forward to?
The day where I'm financially stable enough to do little things that I want to do...like clothes shop, or go to Germany, or a fair..anything really!

30. What are you listening to right now?
The fan                                  

31 What was the last thing you ate?
A taquito

32. Do you wish on stars?
Yes

33. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
It would change from day to day...today, orange, I think

34. How is the weather right now?
Sunny and warm

35. Last person you spoke to on the phone?
My aunt

36. Favorite soft drink?
Cherry vanilla Dr Pepper, but only fountain style

39. Favorite restaurant?
Carinos

40. Hair color?
Currently growing out my black hair...I wanted to go for the red lipstick black hair look, and then, inevitably grew tired of it, and now I'm stuck with it, so I'm growing it out (slowly) and then going blonde, I think..

41. What was your favorite toy as a child?
My little ponies

42. Summer or winter?
Fall

43. Hugs or kisses?
Both,

44. Chocolate or Vanilla?
It depends. I don't care for chocolate that's too rich

45. Coffee or tea?
Both

46. Do you want your friends to re-post this?
If they wish

47. What is under your bed?
Dust bunnies

48. What did you do last night?
Drove to my aunt's

                                         49. How many keys on your key ring?
Eight, six that are functional, and two that are nostalgic

50. How many years at your current job?
I've not worked for two years

51. How many towns have you lived in?
Oh shoot....I'm not really sure, 13 that I can remember

52. Do you make friends easily?
I am a bit shy, until I get to know someone, but people tend to like me once I meet them, or at least they seem to, so I guess???

53. How many people will you send this to?
I'm posting it here, so whoever reads this

54. How many will respond?
I don't know, I got it from Cia_mar..

I just wanted to write a bit and tell everyone that I'm not dead or anything. Just no internet yet, and I'm not really sure when I'll have it again.
We are enjoying our new house, and have got a zoo nearly already due to me and Michael's inability to turn down anything fuzzy, or otherwise cute. XP We now have Cali (of course), another kitten Tasha, a pomeranian mix who is my little man Skipper, Mr. Bojangles our shepherd mix, four fish who I call Lumeire, spaz, and tetra #1 and #2, a rat snake named Nake, and that's all, so far. I think it's plenty for our small home. Mr. Bojangles stays in the back yard, but my kittens and Skipper and the others of course live in the house with us. All were adopted in one way or another. However, Merlin had to be adopted out since he was more an outdoor cat, and we moved next to a highway. I miss him, but I'd rather miss him and know that he's safe in a new home than find him smushed one day.
Michael and I are doing great, and I'm very happy that I took the leap of faith and married him. He is wonderful to me, and I try to be for him as well. I'm finding myself more and more in love with him every day. It's strange, we were together two years before we got married, and yet everything has changed since we've married. For the first time in my life, I am content with the knowledge that I've found someone to grow old with, when before, I was always looking for the next best thing, full of doubt and fear. It is such a comforting feeling knowing that you are going to have someone there to share everything with, and I think as the years go by, and we share more and more experiances together, we will only grow closer. This will however be tested soon I'm afraid. Since the economy is in the state it's in here, it's hard for many people with lower incomes to get by, so to fill the gap in our financial status, and for us to live not paycheck to paycheck, but more securely Michael has decided that he's more than likely going to take a job in Washington state as a seafood processor, which means that he'll be away from home for six months..
Of course, once we become more secure, I'll be able to fly up and spend time with him, but it's going to be so hard to wake up every day and him not be there.
It reminds me of a song by Bjork called Unravel. I hope that we are able to stay close in spirit, even though he's so far away. He loves the fact that he'll be able to be the sole means of income, and I really don't mind that either. I'm not too fond of HAVING to do something every day. I've always preferred to leave my days unscheduled. It's strange that way...I'd make a great artist, if I could draw. XD I envy those of you who can make that work. You deserve it though, I know it's not all talent, but a lot of work as well. Kudos...I'll stick to making hemp necklaces and scarves of yarn. It's what I know. ;)
I feel like much of this is random..may be the pain pill I took earlier. I never take meds unless needed, so this has knocked me for a loop I guess. It's nice though...not something I'd want to make a habit of, but at the moment, it dulls the muscle pain....I don't know how I managed to strain my bum muscles....(innocent look and such should be inserted here...note to self, find new emotes)
I miss you guys! It's strange how close one can become to people they've never met face to face. I hope that you are all doing wonderfully. I'll be on tomorrow as well since I'm spending a few days at my aunts. I hope to talk to a few of you anyways. :) Take care...love and such <3

We finish moving into our house tomorrow! It's exciting, but nerve-wracking at the same time. I won't have the internet for a little while though, so I just wanted to say bye for a bit, but hopefully not for long.
Take care!

Taken from [Cia_mar] ;)

Name...................Mariah
Birthday...............October 12
Birthplace.............America
Current Location.......In the hills
Eye Color..............Green
Hair Color.............Golden brown with a few greys..^_^
Height: ...............5'6
Right Handed or Left Handed...........Right, but ambi
Your Heritage..........German, Cherokee, English, Irish, French, Scottish..etc.etc. I'm a mutt XD
The Shoes You Wore Today..............My crocs
Your Weakness..........Beautiful people and musicians, especially beautiful musicians..mhmm
Your Fears.............Death, and things that may lead to it
Your Perfect Pizza.....Michael's turned me on to the stuffed crust barbeque at Pizza Hut..
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year.....Be happy
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger.....LOL
Thoughts First Waking Up..............It varies from Ugh to Hello morning! XP
Your Best Physical Feature............I like my nose
Your Bedtime...........Anywhere from 9pm to 2am
Your Most Missed Memory...............Spending time with my grandparents when I was a child
Pepsi or Coke..........Tea or water
MacDonalds or Burger King.....MacDonalds
Single or Group Dates.................Both
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea..............Lipton Tea
Chocolate or Vanilla..................Both ;)
Cappuccino or Coffee..................Cappuccino Do you Smoke....Yes
Do you Swear..............Yes, when appropriate
Do you Sing...............See last question
Do you Shower Daily.......Most of the time...sometimes, it gets really hectic around here and it's near impossible
Have you Been in Love.....Yes
Do you want to go to College..........Twice
Do you want to get Married............I am married
Do you believe in yourself............I'm working on that
Do you get Motion Sickness............Once on a boat in Lake Huron, and a few times in a car, and once on the tilt-a-whirl after several rides
Do you think you are Attractive.......Sometimes
Are you a Health Freak................I'm getting there..
Do you get along with your Parents....I love my parents, but sometimes we don't like each other
Do you like Thunderstorms.............Yes! Love them <3
Do you play an Instrument.............Keyboard, guitar, and Native American Flute
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol.........Nope
In the past month have you Smoked................Yes
In the past month have you been on Drugs.........Nope
In the past month have you gone on a Date........Not really
In the past month have you gone to a Mall........No
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos.........No
In the past month have you eaten Sushi.....No
In the past month have you been on Stage.........No
In the past month have you been Dumped...........On my ass while wrestling around on the bed with Michael...um, nevermind
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping...........Too cold!
In the past month have you Stolen Anything...............No
Ever been Drunk.....................Oh yes
Ever been called a Tease............A few times, but not much
Ever been Beaten up.................Once, by a lesbian who hit like a man...my first and only black eye..very unpleasant
Ever Shoplifted.....................Yes, but not much
How do you want to Die..............Without fear
What do you want to be when you Grow up.........I'm not sure if I want to grow up..but I guess responsible
What country would you most like to Visit............Germany or Japan
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:...........I like them all
Favourite Hair Color...........Black or brown
Short or Long Hair.............LONG..yesss
Height.........................Tall
Weight.........................I'm not too concerned with that really. There's some built for speed, and others, for comfort ;)
Best Clothing Style............Leather..and leather..
Number of Drugs I have taken....4
Number of CDs I own.............Over a hundred
Number of Piercings.............11, but only three that I use still
Number of Tattoos...............None yet. Getting first in October
Number of things in my Past I Regret.........I don't know..

Taken from [nathie] XD

Q. Are you right-handed or left-handed?
A. Right-handed.

Q. Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
A. Yes

Q. What is the last heavy item you lifted?
A . A rather large box full of fragile things yesterday....moving is a pain.

Q. Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
A. No, but close once. I was running down the driveway with my dog at my side, and she decided to run in front of me, and my head bounced off the asphalt...that was bad.

RANDOMOLOGY

Q. If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
A. Maybe...I don't know. If you knew, then you could enjoy certain parts of life that you may have been afraid of before, but, you would dread that day as well..That's a hard call.

Q. If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
A. I wouldn't. I like my name alright

Q. What color do you think looks best on you?
A. Blues, totally

Q. Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake?
A. Yeah, the occasional fly while riding my bike...among other things..

Q: Do you smile often?
A. Sometimes

Q: Are you a friendly person?
A: Most of the time, but there are those days when being friendly is a little hard

Q. Do you hold grudges?
A. I try not to, and fail most of the time. I know it only hurts yourself, but if someone's really hurt me, it's hard to forget that.

Q. Who do you tell your secrets to?
A. Michael, and a few close friends

DAREOLOGY

Q. Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100?
A. Of course

Q. Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000?
A. No, the thought of losing a body part is a major fear of mine...that and it would hurt!

Q. Would you never blog again for $50,000?
A. Sure

Q. Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000?
A. I don't know..maybe

Q. Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
A. Depends on the type of hotsauce

Q. Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for $1,000,000?
A. It would really depend on the person. I feel a little guilty that I couldn't flat out say no, but if a person offered me that much to kill someone who hurt their child or beat on an old person or an animal..something like that, yes, in a heartbeat.

DUMBOLOGY

Q: What is in your left pocket?
A: I don't currently have a left pocket

Q: Do have a hardwood or carpet floor in your house?
A: carpet and linoleum

Q: Could you live with roommates?
A: It's hard..I'd rather not

Q: How many pairs of flip flops do you own?
A: None..I don't really like flip flops

Q: Last time you had a run-in with the cops?
A: A few years ago

Q: What do you want to be when you grow up?
A: If I grow up, happy

FAVORITOLOGY

Q: Number?
A: 7

Q: Season?
A: Autumn

Q. TV show?
A. LA Ink, Ghost Hunters

Q. Flavor of gum?
A. Spearmint

CURRENTOLOGY

Q: Missing someone?
A: Yes

Q: Mood?
A: Freshly awake

Q: Listening to?
A. My Cali cat attacking her stuffed mouse..Too cute!

Q: Watching?
A. What I'm doing here

Q: Worrying about?
A : When our tax refunds will come in

Q: First place you went this morning?
A: Here

Q: What cant you wait to do?
A. Be completely moved in to our house with everything turned on such as internet and satellight.

Q. What do you dread?
A. Moving our bed and our desk...they are heavy. I may leave that to the men :P

Q: What will you do when you answer this question?
A: Run to the restroom then have a smoke

The medication I got from the pharmacy was not Prozac, but Paxil. Since it was the generic, I didn't catch the difference until I looked a bit closer at it today, of course after I had taken a dose of it. I will not be taking another one, that's for sure. I was dizzy, and nauseated, and just felt generally like poo. Have any of you tried Paxil, and if so, how did you feel? I've been reading online that withdrawals are hell, so I know I don't want to ever have to go through that. Perhaps I can find an herbal remedy rather than these pills and such. I'm not sure...if you know of anything, advice would be most welcome. :)

Well, I went to the doctor today, somewhat eventful. I've lost a pound, yea, and she is putting me on Prozac for my night time anxiety. I hate being medicated, but I also hate not being able to sleep due to thoughts of doom and such. So...I'm not sure how the meds will affect me, hopefully I won't be zombie-like, only mellower. Just wanted to explain the situation in case there is to be a change in my outlook suddenly. XP Take care all, and I hope that 2008 is being good to you so far. Loves, hugs and such XOXO

I'm having a hard time even thinking about sleep tonight. It's nearly four in the morning, and my mind is racing uncontrollably. So much has happened in my life, and it seems to have happened so quickly that I haven't had a chance to process it at all, and that scares me.
I'm 27, and just now realizing that there are a great many parts to me, and I'm clueless as to what to do about it. Am I supposed to choose one way to be and just do what I can to be that, or should I embrace them all, even if they sometimes contradict each other?
I wonder if this is a realization I should have come to years ago, or if it's natural for me to start to see these things at this age. My childhood was anything but ordinary, and I wonder at times if the things that happened then somehow delayed this particular stage of mental development.
And now, I'm married, and though I adore Michael, and am happy with him, was this a decision that I might should have held out on until I got all of this figured out?
I've heard before that ignorance is bliss, and I'm realizing that whoever said that must have been a wise person, because having this sort of thought process is anything but blissful. Sometimes not knowing seems to be better than knowing. At least if I didn't know to worry about these things, I would be able to sleep..
In some ways mentally, I feel older than I am, and in others I feel like a child. Utter confusion.

Well, being that it is New Year's Day, the tattoo shops weren't open, so no piercing for me, but tomorrow, it will happen. ;)
Now, about the wedding:
It was very small, as I had hoped, with only mine and Michael's moms, my step-dad, and Michael's sister there. The energy was good, and we all met at Michael's Junior High English Teacher's house. She's a Justice of the Peace, and a very nice lady with an excellent sense of humor. There were lots of laughs, and my mom sobbed like a baby. XP The ceremony lasted all of about fifteen minutes, and it was so funny-Michael was very nervous saying the vows, and when it came to the exchanging of the rings, he slipped and said "With this wing" before he caught himself. It made for a good stress relieving laugh.
Then, we went to the reception which my best friend, Laura, had set up in a banquet hall nearby. It was simple, but lovely, and she really outdid herself on the decorations. About fourteen of our friends and family showed up, and even my dad came with my sister after he had in a fit of rage told me he wasn't coming. I was a bit worried at first, since he and mom divorced, my dad has been openly hostile towards her, but he was very well mannered, and we all had a nice time. Michael and I smudged cake all over each other's face, and LOTS of pictures were taken. I'll post a few if I can find any where I don't look like a deer in the headlights XP
After the reception, Michael and I went out and ate a nice dinner, during which my dad called and told us that he had reserved the jaccuzi suite at a local hotel for us. I'll leave out the details of that, but it was a lovely night ;)
We got lovely gifts, including a gift certificate to a local..um, shall I say shop for "toys" from my mom...niiiiice XP
So that was how my New Year's Eve went. I hope all of you had a safe one, and have a wonderful 2008. I'm interested in seeing what this year will bring. Hopefully lots of happiness and little heartache.

Well, I have decided after tons of contemplation that I am going to get my nose pierced today. I've always been worried about what others views on it would be, but I figure, it's a new year and a new me, so I'm doing it for me. That and Michael thinks it would be hot, which is a definite added bonus. I do however, promise there will be no gaudy hoops, or big ball jobbies. Just a quaint little diamond adding some sparkly to my visage. XD
I will write about the wedding later. I have to get ready to cry!!! I love you guys, and thank you all so much for your well wishes and congratulations. You are all very dear to me.

50 ODD Things about Me ;)

1. Do you like blue cheese?
Sometimes

2. Have you ever smoked heroin?
Nope, never have

3. Do you own a gun?
No, but I'd like to get a concealed weapons permit

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
YES

6. What do you think of hot dogs?
Depends on the brand really. I HATE Bar S, but I love kosher franks

7. Favorite Christmas song?
Carol of the Bells

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Water or milk

9. Can you do push ups?
Not many

11. What's your favorite piece of jewelry?
Anything my Gram gave me

12. Favorite hobby?
Anything dealing with music

14. Do you have A.D.D.?
I've not been diagnosed, but sometimes it seems so

15. What is one trait that you hate about yourself?
Any personality traits I've gotten from my dad

16. Middle name?
Elizabeth

17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment...
Live free
Getting sleepy
Tobagans XD

18. Name 3 things you bought yesterday
I didn't buy anything yesterday, but Michael bought gas, pizza, and sodas

19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink.
Water, milk, and tea

20. Current worry right now?
What will life have in store for me

21. Current hate right now?
People who are supposed to love me treating me like shit

22. Favorite place to be?
In nature

23. How did you bring in the New Year?
Last year, at the VFW, this year, getting married, then I don't really know

24. Where would you like to go?
the beach

25. Name three people who will complete this?
I don't know

26. Do you own slippers?
Yes, but need some new ones

27. What shirt are you wearing?
A red V-neck

28. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets?
NO!! I hate satin sheets. Cotton or flannel all the way

29. Can you whistle?
Totally

30. Favorite color(s)?
Cool tones

31. Would you be a pirate?
Already am, a butt pirate :D

32. What songs do you sing in the shower?
I don't know, it varies. Athena can tell you of a memorable time when I was in the bath tub singing Arials by System of a Down. LOL

33. Favorite girl's name?
I like my name a lot, but don't want to sound conceited, so Hannah

34.boys?
Andrew, or William

35. What's in your pocket right now?
Well, I am happy to see you, but NO, a lighter

36. Last thing that made you laugh?
Michael's refusal to let me molest him

37. Best bed sheets as a child?
Smurfs

38. Worst injury you've ever had?
Broken nose and ribs

39. Do you love where you live?
Not really, but I love those that I live with

40. How many TVs do you have in your house?
Five...wow! I hadn't counted before. But only one that I own

41. Who is your loudest friend?
Amber, but I mean that in a dear way. :) I love it when she gets all pissed and changes races <3

42. Do you like your friends?
I love them

43. Does someone have a crush on you?
I don't know, probably...I AM a sexy beast. J/K...no, no I'm not. I really am a sexy beast. XD

45. What is your favorite book?
Rose Madder by Stephen King

46. What is your favorite candy?
Reises Penis...errr..I mean pieces

47. Favorite Sports Team?
None, though I do like the Dolphins colors

48. What song do you want played at your funeral?
None, I don't want a funeral, but rather a celebration of life, followed by my ashes being scattered over the sea. Hmm...maybe In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida

49. What were you doing 12 AM last night?
Being irritated by Michael's snoring

50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

O lovely moon, I call up in my mind
Now that a year has turned how, full of pain,
I climbed this hill to wonder at your light.
And I beheld you hanging there above
That wood, as now, illuminating all.
But then you shimmered vaguely through the tears
Which brimmed my eyes, for life to me was hard,
And is, nor does it ever seem to change,
My charming moon. And yet, recapturing
And numbering the phases of my grief
Provides a certain balm. How sweet-when we
Are young, when memory is short and hope
Seems endless-the remembrance of things past,
Though they were sad, and though the pain endures.

Giacomo Leopardi-To the Moon

I had a dream about my grandma the other night, and tonight, it has really been on my mind..
She was my dad's mother, and I was very close with her and my grandpa. They were the only ones who stayed the same, even when the world around me was full of chaos. They married young, as many did back then, and had just celebrated their 70th wedding anniversary when a month later, my grandpa had a stroke. He passed away within a week, and I remember how strange it was to see my grandma without him. It was obvious that she missed him, but she was a religious woman, and believed that she would see him again, so she didn't dwell on the loss. Nine months later, she had a stroke herself and joined him, along with all others that had gone before her. They were both 88 when they died.
I know that you are supposed to cry when someone is born, and rejoice when they die, or at least that's what I've been raised to believe, but it's been a hard five years without them. So much has changed, and just when I felt I was truly healing, this dream came out of nowhere and set me back again. Much of the dream is vague to me, but the part I remember is me holding her and begging her not to leave me, that she was the last I had left, and even in my dream, I knew that I couldn't keep her.
I truly hope that there is an afterlife so that I can be with them all again, but I've been having doubts. My mother's mother loved my mom, me and my sister so much. My mom was her only child, and she often told us that we were her life. Years before she died, both my mother and I asked her that if she left before we did, to give us a sign, and let us know that the thought of afterlife was true. I know if anybody would be able to cross that boundary, with as much love as she had for us she could do it. She's been gone since February of this year, and I haven't had a sign yet. There is so much that is unknown, and I think that it is that which makes me so afraid of death.
I suppose I'm wondering if any of you out there have had such a sign. I hear of miracles and people being visited by loved ones who have passed on all the time on the television and in newspapers, but to hear it from one of you would be more believable to me. I guess I'm grasping for hope.

I think I have found my next short-term goal...
I met up with a friend last Friday who I hadn't seen in six years. We went down to the lake, to enjoy the moon, and she brought with her a Native American flute. It was really nice, sitting there by the water, and hearing the flute carry over the lake. She let me see if I could play it, and I was able to get some really good sound on it, which was amazing to me since I'd never played a wind instrument in my life. Now I've decided that I MUST have one, and I've found the one I want. It's a High Spirits flute called the Redtail Hawk. It's in the key of G, and I love it, so now, I'm working on saving up $180.75. I hope to have it by the full moon on the 26th. So far, I've got $55, wish me luck :)

As seen at [Simply_Jen]'s house..."Friends are Gods way of apologizing for your relatives" I love it :)