O lovely moon, I call up in my mind
Now that a year has turned how, full of pain,
I climbed this hill to wonder at your light.
And I beheld you hanging there above
That wood, as now, illuminating all.
But then you shimmered vaguely through the tears
Which brimmed my eyes, for life to me was hard,
And is, nor does it ever seem to change,
My charming moon. And yet, recapturing
And numbering the phases of my grief
Provides a certain balm. How sweet-when we
Are young, when memory is short and hope
Seems endless-the remembrance of things past,
Though they were sad, and though the pain endures.

Giacomo Leopardi-To the Moon

I had a dream about my grandma the other night, and tonight, it has really been on my mind..
She was my dad's mother, and I was very close with her and my grandpa. They were the only ones who stayed the same, even when the world around me was full of chaos. They married young, as many did back then, and had just celebrated their 70th wedding anniversary when a month later, my grandpa had a stroke. He passed away within a week, and I remember how strange it was to see my grandma without him. It was obvious that she missed him, but she was a religious woman, and believed that she would see him again, so she didn't dwell on the loss. Nine months later, she had a stroke herself and joined him, along with all others that had gone before her. They were both 88 when they died.
I know that you are supposed to cry when someone is born, and rejoice when they die, or at least that's what I've been raised to believe, but it's been a hard five years without them. So much has changed, and just when I felt I was truly healing, this dream came out of nowhere and set me back again. Much of the dream is vague to me, but the part I remember is me holding her and begging her not to leave me, that she was the last I had left, and even in my dream, I knew that I couldn't keep her.
I truly hope that there is an afterlife so that I can be with them all again, but I've been having doubts. My mother's mother loved my mom, me and my sister so much. My mom was her only child, and she often told us that we were her life. Years before she died, both my mother and I asked her that if she left before we did, to give us a sign, and let us know that the thought of afterlife was true. I know if anybody would be able to cross that boundary, with as much love as she had for us she could do it. She's been gone since February of this year, and I haven't had a sign yet. There is so much that is unknown, and I think that it is that which makes me so afraid of death.
I suppose I'm wondering if any of you out there have had such a sign. I hear of miracles and people being visited by loved ones who have passed on all the time on the television and in newspapers, but to hear it from one of you would be more believable to me. I guess I'm grasping for hope.

I think I have found my next short-term goal...
I met up with a friend last Friday who I hadn't seen in six years. We went down to the lake, to enjoy the moon, and she brought with her a Native American flute. It was really nice, sitting there by the water, and hearing the flute carry over the lake. She let me see if I could play it, and I was able to get some really good sound on it, which was amazing to me since I'd never played a wind instrument in my life. Now I've decided that I MUST have one, and I've found the one I want. It's a High Spirits flute called the Redtail Hawk. It's in the key of G, and I love it, so now, I'm working on saving up $180.75. I hope to have it by the full moon on the 26th. So far, I've got $55, wish me luck :)

As seen at [Simply_Jen]'s house..."Friends are Gods way of apologizing for your relatives" I love it :)

The path of excess leads to the tower of wisdom....

I never realized how much I could miss the rain. We have been having a dry spell here, which has lasted several weeks, and finally, these past two days, it's been raining. I fear it may be too late to help us have the fall colors I enjoy, but it's refreshing none the less. I decided quite suddenly, to go for a walk in the rain. It was actually nice to just let it fall, not worrying about carrying an umbrella or wearing a rain coat. I think I needed that more than I could say. It was cleansing for my spirit, and my spirit has definitely been thirsty lately. I pray that there will be no more sadness, at least for a while.
I've been seeing on many houses sentiments for [Kileaiya], and though I never got the honor of speaking to her, I can see that she definitely is loved by many. Her story is inspiring, and though I feel sadness for all of her friends, for the loss they are feeling, I know that heaven has another angel. It is always refreshing to see a life not wasted...it seems as though she spent her time not wallowing in self pity, as easy as it is to do so, and rather spent it making others feel happy. What a blessing for her friends, and all who had the chance to know her. It certainly gave me some food for thought.

It's A Beautiful Day~White Bird

White Bird
In a golden cage
On a winter's day
In the rain
White bird
In a golden cage
Alone

The leaves blow
Cross the long black road
To the darkened skies
In its rage
But the white bird
Just sits in her cage
Unknown.

White bird must fly
Or she will die

White bird
Dreams of the aspen tree
With their dying leaves
Turning gold
But the white bird
Just sits in her cage
Growing old.

White bird must fly
Or she will die
White bird must fly
Or she will die

The sunsets come
The sunsets go
The clouds Float by
And The Earth Turns slow
And the Young Birds Eyes
Do always Glow
And She must fly
She must fly
She must fly

White bird
In a golden cage
On a winter's day
In the rain
White bird
In a golden cage
Alone

White bird must fly
Or she will die
White bird must fly
Or she will die
White bird must fly
Or she will die
White bird must fly

Sarah McLachlan~Possession

Listen as the wind blows from across the great divide
voices trapped in yearning, memories trapped in time
the night is my companion, and solitude my guide
would I spend forever here and not be satisfied?
and I would be the one
to hold you down
kiss you so hard
I'll take your breath away
and after, I'd wipe away the tears
just close your eyes dear
Through this world I've stumbled
so many times betrayed
trying to find an honest word to find
the truth enslaved
oh you speak to me in riddles
and you speak to me in rhymes
my body aches to breathe your breath
your words keep me alive
And I would be the one
to hold you down
kiss you so hard
I'll take your breath away
and after, I'd wipe away the tears
just close your eyes dear
Into this night I wander
it's morning that I dread
another day of knowing of
the path I fear to tread
oh into the sea of waking dreams
I follow without pride
nothing stands between us here
and I won't be denied
and I would be the one
to hold you down
kiss you so hard
I'll take your breath away
and after, I'd wipe away the tears
just close your eyes...

Celine Dion - I Don't Know

A mountain of stone, a door of steel
Can't stand in my way, I'd go on
Brutal machines, unbending laws
Can't slow me down, I'd go on
I've learned how to deal and when to fight
I know what's real, I know what's right
I'm not afraid, a wounded dove
I can be tender in a world so tough

I'm sure I could face the bitter cold
But life without you, I don't know

The winds of the heart can blow me down
But I get right up and I stand my ground
I've tasted fear, my share of pain
The wasted tears of love in vain
I've held you tight, pushed you away
Now with all my might I beg you to stay

I'm sure I could face the bitter cold
But life without you, I don't know

I know what I want, I know what I need
But there's just one thing I must believe
Deep in the night by a dying flame
You will be there when I call your name

I'm sure I could face the bitter cold
But life without you, I don't know

I don't know

Once more-

Jethro Tull- Songs From The Wood

Let me bring you songs from the wood:
To make you feel much better than you could know.
Dust you down from tip to toe.
Show you how the garden grows.
Hold you steady as you go.
Join the chorus if you can:
Itll make of you an honest man.
Let me bring you love from the field:
Poppies red and roses filled with summer rain.
To heal the wound and still the pain
That threatens again and again
As you drag down every lovers lane.
Lifes long celebrations here.
Ill toast you all in penny cheer.
Let me bring you all things refined:
Galliards and lute songs served in chilling ale.
Greetings well met fellow, hail!
I am the wind to fill your sail.
I am the cross to take your nail:
A singer of these ageless times.
With kitchen prose and gutter rhymes.
Songs from the wood make you feel much better.

And now for something with a little, bounce in it ;D

Cat Stevens- Moonshadow

Oh, Im bein followed by a moonshadow, moonshadow, moonshadow
Leapin and hoppin on a moonshadow, moonshadow, moonshadow

And if I ever lose my hands, lose my plough, lose my land,
Oh if I ever lose my hands, oh if.... I wont have to work no more.
And if I ever lose my eyes, if my colours all run dry,
Yes if I ever lose my eyes, oh if.... I wont have to cry no more.

And if I ever lose my legs, I wont moan, and I wont beg,
Yes if I ever lose my legs, oh if.... I wont have to walk no more.
And if I ever lose my mouth, all my teeth, north and south,
Yes if I ever lose my mouth, oh if.... I wont have to talk...

Did it take long to find me? I asked the faithful light.
Did it take long to find me? and are you gonna stay the night?

Black~Pearl Jam 

Sheets of empty canvas, untouched sheets of clay
Were laid spread out before me as her body once did
All five horizons revolved around her soul
As the earth to the sun
Now the air I tasted and breathed has taken a turn
Ooh, and all I taught her was everything
Ooh, I know she gave me all that she wore
And now my bitter hands chafe beneath the clouds
Of what was everything?
Oh, the pictures have all been washed in black, tattooed everything...
I take a walk outside
I'm surrounded by some kids at play
I can feel their laughter, so why do I sear
Oh, and twisted thoughts that spin round my head
I'm spinning, oh, I'm spinning
How quick the sun can, drop away
And now my bitter hands cradle broken glass
Of what was everything?
All the pictures have all been washed in black, tattooed everything...
All the love gone bad turned my world to black
Tattooed all I see, all that I am, all I'll ever be...yeah...
Uh huh...uh huh...ooh...
I know someday you'll have a beautiful life, I know you'll be a star
In somebody else's sky, but why
Why, why can't it be, why can't it be mine

Mono~Life In Mono

The stranger sang a theme,
From someone else's dream
The leaves began to fall
And no one spoke at all
But I can't seem to recall
When you came along
Ingenue,
Ingenue,
I just don't know what to do
The tree-lined avenue
Begins to fade from view
Drowning past regrets
In tea and cigarettes
But I can't seem to forget
When you came along
Ingenue,
Ingenue,
I just don't know what to do
Ingenue, I just don't know what to do X5


 
 

As darkness falls you close your eyes
To hide yourself within the night
You toss and turn sleep's slow to come
Your mind it races, your thoughts undone
Your lover beside you in blissful slumber
You wish your mind could be so eased
The shadows move beyond your lids
And nightbirds make their twillight calls
The air is warm and sweet it smells
It seems the night has it's own spells
Your mind it drifts your body released
All worries forgotten at last your at peace

Dido- My Lover's Gone

My lovers gone
His boots no longer by my door
He left at dawn
And as I slept I felt him go
Return no more
I will not watch the ocean
My lovers gone
No earthy ships will ever bring him home again
Bring him home again
My lovers gone
I know that kiss will be my last
No more his song
The tune upon his lips has passed
I sing alone
While I watch the ocean
My lovers gone
No earhly ships will ever bring him home again
Bring him home again

The Moody Blues- Nights In White Satin

Nights in white satin,
Never reaching the end,
Letters I've written,
Never meaning to send.

Beauty I'd always missed
With these eyes before,
Just what the truth is
I can't say anymore.

'Cause I love you,
Yes, I love you,
Oh, how, I love you.

Gazing at people,
Some hand in hand,
Just what I'm going through
They can understand.

Some try to tell me
Thoughts they cannot defend,
Just what you want to be
You will be in the end,

And I love you,
Yes, I love you,
Oh, how, I love you.
Oh, how, I love you.

Nights in white satin,
Never reaching the end,
Letters I've written,
Never meaning to send.

Beauty I'd always missed
With these eyes before,
Just what the truth is
I can't say anymore.

'Cause I love you,
Yes, I love you,
Oh, how, I love you.
Oh, how, I love you.

'Cause I love you,
Yes, I love you,
Oh, how, I love you.
Oh, how, I love you.

Roberta Flack- The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face

The first time ever I saw your face
I thought the sun rose in your eyes
And the moon and the stars were the gifts you gave
To the dark and the endless skies, my love

The first time ever I kissed your mouth
I felt the earth move through my hands
Like the trembling heart of a captive bird
That was there at my command, my love

The first time ever I lay with you
I felt your heart so close to mine
And I knew our joy would fill the world
And would last till the and of time, my love

Sleep...wonderful sleep. With it worries fade and dreams appear. Let them be good ones tonight~

Ebb Tide-The Richeous Brothers

First the tide rushes in
Plants a kiss on the shore
Then rolls out to sea
And the sea is very still once more

So I rush to your side
Like the oncoming tide
With one burning thought
Will your arms open wide 

At last we're face to face
And as we kiss through an embrace
I can tell,
I can feel
You are love
You are really mine 

In the rain, in the dark, in the sun
Like the tide at its ebb
I'm at peace in the web
Of your arms

~Ahh...I love this song. Absolutely beautiful.