Reality!!!!
I just reliezed something, I was never ment to be a gay guy or a straight guy as well. This is how I figure it out to be no relation I've ever been in has really worked out as well as either party would of liked it to be, so I've been thinking lately "is there something wrong with me that doesn't make this work out like it should" but I finally figured out that there is nothing wrong with me or anyone else. I am just ment to help everyone that needs or wants my help along there lives. I am not happy with this but in reality of things im not pissed about it as well, I mean I am trying to go to college for a chance to get more help so I can turn around and help people out so why not just stick to what I do best and let the dating up to everyone else. There is probably no way of changing my mind on this! I instead ask for people to support me in this decision instead of fighting me on it because it's what I truely want to do even at the cost I must pay for it as well!!!!
I Will Talk To You All Later.....Maybe

Wow it's been awhile since i've done one of these but i figured why the hell not....My biggest thing as of late that has me pissed off and upset is the fact that my "best friend" that i thought was that at least has a b.f/fiance/asshole is being a dick becuz of a stupid fucking mistake that me and his g/f did and now he wants to kill me and im calling the friendship off so it don't end up hurting her. The worst thing is the fact that he doesn't understand that me and her are so damn close that if i end up dead it'll probably end up killing her but then again i don't think he really gives a fuck as well. So i want my friend's whatever to come and so we can get this fight over with and so i'll end up dead becuz then i can actually do something worth while becuz im not getting to far now in life. The funny thing is if i end up dieing he is going to get to live through everything i have lived through for the past 4ish years all the depression and all the tears i've helped her through and the pain of watching her life slip away becuz of everything that is going on. I don't want to leave her but i will probably, I just hope that he is ready for it all becuz i've spent alot of time trying to figure out how to help her just that little bit even further to get her life some what settled. well actually if he can deal with it then maybe it is a good thing that he's going to come kill me and take the job over. im done with this but i want everyone to know if he does kill me that i will always love you guys and thank you for making it worth while!!!!!!!!!!!

for the quiz below http://www.quizfarm.com/ go there it's the site

ok got bored, did quiz have fun:

You scored as Paganism

Your beliefs are most closely aligned with those of paganism, Wicca, or a similar earth-based religion. You may also follow a Native American religion.

Buddhism 79%
Paganism 79%
agnosticism 71%
Satanism 71%
atheism 71%
Islam 54%
Judaism 38%
Hinduism 29%
Christianity 21%

want address for said quiz ask and i will send it

god this thing is getting a work out lately but still something thats been bugging me i guess is this: one of my biggest fantasy's that i wish would happen is that this tall sweet guy would come up behind me and whisper something into my ear and then take me by the hand after he blind folds me and then takes me to his house and guides me into the kitchen and sets me down and removes the blind fold and ther ein front of me is a table that has two places set for me and him with candles all around and in the middle of the table is one single rose...then we eat and we get o talking about random things and he doesn't make it sound like he is pushing for it but gentally asks if i would want to go to bed with him and i would do it and then after we get through all that we end up sleeping through the night and wake up early and go off to the mountains that would be near by and we go up to our spot and out of know where he proposes and we end up tigether........but then again this is to much to ask for to every happen so why'd i even bother with it

I got this from a friend of mine....thanks cookie:

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn’t have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

Repost this if you believe that homophobia is wrong.

one thing i have to say the one that hits me the hardest is the one about the sister holding her gay brother through the nights the reason is becuz even though its hard at least the boy has someone with him go through the times i never even got that at all from my family or anyone else...-begins to cry- damn it why did i get cursed with something that most seem to think of as a deadly venom contagious by the touch of someone that is different from them why?? of all things this?!?!?!?!?!

  My Life


 My life is not perfect,
 nor is it grand.
 But my life is my life,
 So let this begin.
 I've seen the future,
 from life to death,
 from dawn to dusk,
 ashes to ashes and dust to dust.
 My life is hard,
 and quite a pain.
 Both physically and mentally,
 and it drives me insane.
 My life was not perfect,
 Nor was it grand.
 But my life was my life,
 And this is the end.
This is my sister becca's and if you steal it from me or her i'll kill ya even if i did steal it but if becca wants to sue me then she knows she is more than willing to but she knows i don't have shit and she owes me an ass kicking anyways so :P

Dear Soulmate


I didn't know where you were, but I knew that you
existed... I felt you in my heart and in my
dreams....

There were times that I would gaze up at the stars,
feeling comforted knowing that somewhere you were
starring up at those same stars, searching for me.
Both lost in thoughts of one another and the life
that we would someday share...

Everything and everyone before us was a lesson, a
chance to learn who we were. A part of the journey
towards finding ourselves and one another. Our own
private Forever.

Trust in me and I will honor your love. You're all
that I have dreamed of and more... You are my
destiny. You are the fairy tale that was created in
my mind and heart when both were feeling pain and
unhappiness. You are my private hope and my faith
when all else was lost..... You are all that I
believed you would be. I waited for you, patiently
and faithfully...

I wanted you for myself, right then, right there,
but I knew that you could not come to me until you
were ready..Until all chapters that would allow you
to come to me, were closed.

In my soul, even though we were apart, not known to
one another, not visible, I truly knew you. You were
the one always standing by my side when all was
falling around me. Your eternal promise, I've always
felt inside. It was always there, always true.

Our love is one that was waiting for us, waiting
with pureness and innocence, blessed by angels.
Created in our dreams, unconditional, eternal,
living only in our hearts. Two hearts that beat as
one. And as the sun rises each morning, I thank God.
I thank God for for giving me a new day, for giving
me you. I love you....

Ten Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car ?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter :
Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool.
Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight.
Places where there is darkness.
Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness.
Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat.
Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay.
Hockey games are okay.
Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine

A Teddy Bear Commits One Crime In The World And That Is Theft For He Steals Hugs From Someone That Is In Love And They Never Get Punished For It Instead They Are Thanked For Being Then When The Special Someone Can't Be There To Remove The Falling Tears.....i just thought of this off the top of my head and i thought it was really sweet so i decided to put it on here

well its another night of hell i need to get to chicago and away from this family and it looks like its not going to happen and i guess im going to end up killing someone or myself which ever would be easier and its looking like suicide is alot easier then homicide

well its official i've lost it i been here thinking all night i've blown all my friends and my family off becuz of it and i've tried to sleep but all i do is lay there crying and can't seem to stop unless i quit thinking and for anyone who knows me knows that impossible for me to do...im lost anymore i mean i don't know what to do i mean i can't stick around here for much longer if i do my ass will most likely end up in jail becuz of kayla's mom wants to get me for rape and all she has to do is tell enough people that hate me her plan and boom im gone and mel's offered to help be on my side but no offense but one againist half the town wont do me much good and i want to go to either kansas or texas either place i would be alot happier and wouldn't have to put up with half the problems i have now but we all know that its not going to end up happening anytime soon if ever and i just wish i could either vanish from this planet or some how walk into a portal that would transfer me to somewhere away from here and im getting sicker i mean i've felt like i've had to barf all day and its only getting worse becuz my chest starts to hurt and it felt like someone was standing on my ribs this morning and my back is killing me and all, maybe i'll get lucky and be the next one in my family to die then i wont have to worry about everything and my family will actually care about -imagines the thought- nope never mind they would just throw me in a box and let me go i mean there would be a few that would be sad like my cousins amber,amy,mindy,aaron, and karen but thats becuz we all grew up together and are normally there for each other when they needed it but that hasn't happened since we were little so i dunno maybe if i crawled into a hole then everything would be alot better for me then

well its official i want to die and kayla's mom is to blame and if i get my way her mom will die be4 i do but just be4 i do becuz i want to be the one that slits her throat becuz she is ruining her own daughters life and trying to get shit started

the goat is going to be butt fucked with an iron tree then it is going to be molested by a horny little monkey then it will be thrown into the river of blood that leads to my veigns

Well I official snapped again i mean everything here is going wrong i mean people think me and kayla are doing shit becuz im over there all the time...one of the main reasons im over there is im trying to get her clean of all the shit she is doing and im keeping her company until justin gets back from texas then i think im going to disappear from around marshall for awhile except for a few times but i think im going to just stay away from town its only causing more trouble anymore........i wish i could move up north to be honest so that i can have it better with kiersten.....i hope she knows im here for her if she needs me and i wish i could talk to her right now

This is Me When I Decide To Go Evil And Demonic Which Might Happen More Often If The Future Continues On The Path That It Is Taking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I figured when i moved to marshall i would end up feeling like I would belong here becuz god knows that i never felt that way anywhere I used to live but then again I was wrong to think that wasn't I. I guess when i decided to run my own life people got pissed becuz they lost that power. i hope they enjoyed their little power struggle becuz it no longer exsist in this plane of earth or in this universe that is known becuz im taking back every ounce of control i gave to those who thought they would control my life. Those who thought it be fun to control my life i pity you for he is a great guy that you tried to break but never will you get the chance becuz his heart belongs to someone he loves......
    I know this is a bit evil and all but it's how i feel right now and it's off the top of my head but everyone that reads this will know how i feel about this piece of shit town of marshall the those that who live here that i've tried to help but when i do something they don't like they just up and leave me even after all the help i gave to them...guess someone's past of friendship and struggle to help alot of people doesn't matter when you go againist everyone's ideas about what is right..you are seen as an outcast something lower than that of the thought of something normal when you go againist the majority of the world but that is how i decide to fly be it solo or with great numbers at least i am true to myself and that is all that matters be you like it or not
                   ~Joshy~

god i officially hate my life and then some. i mean i've lost alot of people that are cooler than i know. i mean joey was cool and i hear he still is...nikki is still the same old sweetheart even if we don't talk anymore...i've lost the best girl i've ever met next to Nikki and Trish to my best friend and now it's got to the point that we can't stand each other...god im turning out to be everything that i hate and promised myself that i wouldn't become. Maybe if i just disapear then life would return to normal for everyone else god knows i've only ruined everyone's life since i entered it...i mean i can't find my true love thats supposed to be out there while everyone else is off either happier than hell or getting married or at least are engaged while i just sit here and watch just like when i was little...I'm sorry to everyone that ever met me and if your wondering why im appologiezing it's becuz of the fact that i ruined you life and to be honest if everyone just up never talked to me ever again i would really understand......IM SORRY EVERYONE PLEASE FORGIVE ME!!!!!!!

god im going to sound like a lunatic but here we go, first of all no matter how much i try to not love him,i still love him even though i know it would never work out together and mel i love her to but i can't be with her becuz the fact that i've got a nutcase running around saying that i'll end up dead if i stay with her, god someone shoot me or at least kill me becuz im so fucked up i don't know what to do any more...........X_X-(K) X_X-(I) X_X-(L) X_X-(L) X_X-(M) X_X-(E) X_X-(P) X_X-(L) X_X-(E) X_X-(A) X_X-(S) X_X-(E)

Why do I bother coming on here i mean no one he cares if I come or not and the way things are going i'll probably say something that will piss every one off any way so i think im gonna get off of here forever i mean i lost someone special to me last night and im losing my friends because im actually stupid enough to think they care about my problems....So I Guess This Farewell Forever I'll Miss You Guys I Guess.....FOR ALL THOSE WHO WANT TO BE DICKHEADS I SAY THIS TO YOU AND FOLLOW IT PLEASE:GO FUCK A RABID DUCK THEN GO KILL YOURSELF AND DO USE ALL A FAVOR AND DISAPPEAR AND IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE TAKE A GUESS BUT I WILL TELL YOU THAT EVERYONE IM TALKING ABOUT ARE GUYS WITH THE EXCEPTION FOR ONE GIRL OTHER THAN FUCK OFF PEOPLE!!!!!!!!

For Everyone That Talks To Me I Will Be On Here Once A Day Random Times If You Miss Me Then To Bad Your Lose I Guess, for this u can thank all those of my so called friends that decided that they would believe a whore over me than fuck them all and i'll see all of you in hell

in this world people make do things that they regret and soem things they cant control but there is only one thing that gets us through it and that is that people make mistakes and it will always happen its there destiny to really fuck up and there is nothin to do againist it but if i could i would take everyones pain and make it to where i would suffore for it instead of them so everyone can live the way they want to