I'm nothing more then a plague, nothin' but a cancer that makes everyone sick, and changes the way they are be it for the good or bad

"The River"
As I walk through the valley
of the shadow of LA
The footsteps that were next to me
have gone their separate ways
I've seen enough now
to know that beautiful things
don't always stay that way
I've done enough now
to know this beautiful place
isn't everything they say
I heard that evil comes disguised
Like the city of angels
I'm walking towards the light

Baptized in the river
I've seen a vision of my life
And I wanna be delivered
In the city was a sinner
I've done a lot of things wrong
But I swear I'm a believer
Like the prodigal son
I was out on my own
Now I'm trying to find my way back home
Baptized in the river
I'm delivered
I'm delivered

[M.Shadows:]
You're from a small town
You're gonna grow up fast
underneath these lights
Down in Hollywood
on the boulevard

The dead come back to life
To the praying Mother
And the worried Father
Let your children go
If they come back
They'll come home stronger
And if they don't you'll know

They say that evil comes disguised
Like the city of angels
I'm walking towards the light

Baptized in the river
I've seen a vision of my life
And I wanna be delivered
In the city was a sinner
I've done a lot of things wrong
But I swear I'm a believer
Like the prodigal son
I was out on my own
Now I'm trying to find my way back home
Baptized in the river
I'm delivered
I'm delivered

Baptized in the river (on my own)
Baptized in the river (on my own)
I wanna be delivered
(on my own, on my own)
Baptized in the river (on my own)
I wanna be delivered
Baptized in the river (on my own)
I wanna be delivered
Baptized in the river (on my own)
I wanna be delivered
I confess I'm a sinner
I've seen a vision of my life
And I wanna be delivered!

For a certain someone, They know who they are and what the meaning of this song is

aww sleep. the beautiful, the essetial need to lay down upon a mattress preferable next to the one we love just have that a moment of lust at the ability to look deep into the one you love's eyes and to be able to see into their soul and their mind for that moment. To feel like you are finally one with someone in more then just body and feel but as well as in mind and soul. I do so miss being able to fall asleep next to someone even as a friend.

This story is based on a bit of fact and a nice illusionary conversation between a guy and his daughter or cat what ever you prefer to call his version of a daughter. It starts out more on the weekend side of things at first. So lets go back as to how he for saw things unfolding. The weekend was like a normal one for the most part: A long boring Friday evening spent with his back to the world and his eye closed to his fantasy. Now this fantasy of his is relatively simple to understand a simple but in his eyes perfect family and future which is a rare thing in itself for a person to wish for something perfect and yet not believe in it, So he gets a visit from someone who he trust more then his own family, hell she is his family in the eyes of this guy. She asked him if he would like to come help her move out of what could only be described as a step away from hell and about a half a step away from being considered slave hood which he graciously accepted to no second guessing. He left his version of home sweet hell but not without the scars of two more cuts to his body to help her move into a great idea. So he ends up spending the night at this person's new home and a night by her side again for old times. He laid there next to her contemplating only one solo thought to himself. What if this could be part of his perfect future. Could she possibly be the very fabric of space and time that holds him together anymore? The morning arrived with great interest as he got to spend it waking up to see her laying next to him in her utter beauty as the light shined through the blanket over the window. A mutual friend of the two was called to see if she wanted to hang out and what not. They walked to his home to gather a few things that needed to be used in the near future then they proceeded back to her new place as they sat around and joked like a family would do in a certain case or so. He stayed well into the night and as good-byes were said his heart did dread the idea of being gone from her a night as beautiful as that one was.
Next the day of Monday came which went well over, He had an idea of spending it with her but that idea was set aside at the rememberance of her having to baby-sit that night and him going off to his class to hopefully have a job to support this futuristic idea. He sat in class working on the subject that a year earlier he could barely do but after a few days of spending with this girl earlier in the year he some how became great at this subject.
Tuesday came and it was a good but odd travelings through his mind. He was unaware of not having class but still he conversed with this girl as she waited to be lifted by this creature she bestows unfortionately as a mother. Something changed that night and he did not for see the outcome let alone the change that did happen. He has destroyed as he was accused of telling his girl's mother of her being supposedly pregnant. It destroyed his whole mind to think that she would think he could betray her like this when she knew that he would and could not speak with her mother about anything for the many years that they have been close. So to bed he went with eyes that were red from losing the tears that he once was able to hold onto as if his entire life depended on it.
The most disaster day of this latest dreams were shattered upon that following day of Wednesday. He not only felt like he was used and destroyed by the previous night but to his discovery found out that this girl had betrayed him by sending a boy toy of hers from Texas to attack him. To try and cause even more damage to his state of mind. The soul mate of his dreams, the person he would kill and be killed for him had betrayed his trust and ran off to tell him of the conversation that they had the other night.
Many will sit and ponder as to what this has to do with a conversation with his daughter. Some may just ignore it as a rant of some insane bloke but those people never were true to him as they like to propose to time and again then. This guy sat on the couch with his daughter and he looked to her and told her that he would rather be like a cat and have no worried to the world then actually give a care towards everyone he was close to. This struck me as a deep blow because this guy has set his whole life and soul into helping others, To care for those that no one else would! His cat or daughter sat there and swished her tail twice and walked off but not before she looked up at him and commented as to the fact that no matter how many pints of blood you bleed for someone. It does them no good if you are going to bleed yourself to death without thinking that maybe just maybe that you don't need to bleed for them but instead that maybe some day you'll find someone to bleed a little bit for you just to keep you alive.

SINCE I WAS A CHILD
I'VE SEEN HER IN A DREAM
A CAPTURED FAIRY TALE
THAT ECHOES CROSS MY LIFE

AND THOUGH I'VE COURTED HER
SHE'S ALWAYS STAYED UNSEEN
NOW ALL AT ONCE SHE
GLITTERS IN THE NIGHT

BUT THAT WAS YESTERDAY
AND THAT ALL WAS BEFORE
WHEN SHE WAS FAR AWAY
A SILHOUETTE OF DREAMS

BUT OTHERS WHISPERED
THAT SHE WAS SO MUCH MORE
AND SUDDENLY I NOW
KNOW WHAT THEY MEAN

DREAMS CHANGE
YEARS STRAIN
LOST ILLUSIONS
LAST STANDS
GOD'S HAND
ABSOLUTION
FOUND

FAIRY TALE SINS
VISIONS BY GRIMM
ALL FORGIVEN
LIVES SPENT IN VAIN
NEVER RECLAIMED
TAKE THEIR FINAL BOWS

PICTURES AND WORDS
VISIONS ABSURD
MADDENED POETS
ALL WITHIN SIGHT
FAILURES IN LIFE
WHO'LL NEVER KNOW IT
LAZARUS CRIES
THERE IN HIS EYES
HOPE HAS RISEN
DEPTH AND FACADE
ALL BEFORE ME NOW

Remember when we held on in the rain
The night we almost lost it
Once again we can take the night into tomorrow
Living on feelings
Touching you I feel it all again

Chorus:
Didn't we almost have it all
When love was all we had worth giving?
The ride with you was worth the fall my friend
Loving you makes life worth living
Didn't we almost have it all
The night we held on till the morning
You know you'll never love that way again
Didn't we almost have it all

The way you used to touch me felt so fine
We kept our hearts together down the line
A moment in the soul can last forever
Comfort and keep us
Help me bring the feeling back again

Chorus

Didn't we have the beat of times
When love was young and new?
Couldn't we reach inside and find
The world of me and you?
We'll never lose it again
Cause once you know what love is
You never let it end

Chorus

Taking a break for the weekend, just need to be away from people and the b/s that follows them, If you want me you've got my cell number and if you don't then you've got to wait. See Ya

E.P.B.

America is calling, let's care enough to give our very best.
For if we give our very best,
I know that we will more than pass the test.
If I could have three wishes, I'd wish that you'd live free,
I'd wish for amber waves of grain from sea to shining sea.

Yeah, let's do it for our country, the red, white, and the blue.
It's Uncle Sam who's asking, so your mother will approve.
Tomorrow I'll be fighting, and I'll win this war for you.
Let's do it for our country, our country wants us to.

Bullets are exploding, they'll soon be at the door,
Give something to America you never gave before.
Yeah, let's do it for our country, the red, white, and the blue,
If the President were standin' here, I'm sure he would approve.
I'll be a mighty soldier before this night is through.
Let's do it for our country, our country wants us to.

(Spoken)
Just think about it -- it would be like as if we were doing it for the Statue of Liberty, or the Grand Canyon, or the New York Yankees... it would be like as if we were doing it for... Disneyland!

Yeah, let's do it for our country, the red, white, and the blue,
It's not a lot to ask of us, our parents will approve.
Tomorrow I'll be fighting, and I'll win this war for you.
Let's do it for our country, (spoken) we owe it to our country.
Let's do it for our country, our country wants us to.

Your subtleties
They strangle me
I can’t explain myself at all.
And all the wants
And all the needs
All I don’t want to need at all.

The walls start breathing
My minds unweaving
Maybe it’s best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.

When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.

A falling star
Least I fall alone.
I can’t explain what you can’t explain.
You're finding things that you didn’t know
I look at you with such disdain

The walls start breathing
My minds unweaving
Maybe it’s best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.

[chorus]
When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right
It’s too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.

Now I’m on my own side
It’s better than being on your side
It’s my fault when you're blind
It’s better that I see it through your eyes

All these thoughts locked inside
Now you’re the first to know

When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right
It’s too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends when darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right
It’s too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Tonight, Insight
When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight.

Feeling like shit, In a majorly upset mood, and just out right don't feel like putting up with any kind of crap this week so if I'm not on as often don't get surprised because it'd be a waste of time....... so peace out and enjoy your stay at

I don't have the time nor patients to wait for hell to freeze over or for eternity to finally decide it wants to finally do me a favor. So enjoy what you have and embrace what you know because the pillow that everyone thinks they can use is gone because I'm tired of being the soft spot for everyone to freaking land their asses on and then just walk all over to go back into hell. It ends now.

"The District Sleeps Alone Tonight"

Smeared black ink... your palms are sweaty
And I'm barely listening to last demands
I'm staring at the asphalt wondering what's buried underneath
Where I am
Where I am

I'll wear my badge... a vinyl sticker with big block letters adherent to my chest
That tells your new friends I am a visitor here...
I am not permanent
And the only thing keeping me dry is
Where I am
Where I am
Where I am

You seem so out of context in this gaudy apartment complex
A stranger with your door key explaining that I am just visiting
And I am finally seeing
Why I was the one worth leaving
Why I was the one worth leaving

D.C. sleeps alone tonight

Where I am
Where I am
Where I am

You seem so so out of context in this gaudy apartment complex
A stranger with your door key explaining that I am just visiting
And I am finally seing
Why I was the one worth leaving
Why I was the one worth leaving

Where I am
Where I am
Where I am

The district sleeps alone tonight after the bars turn out their lights
And send the autos swerving into the loneliest evening
And I am finally seeing
Why I was the one worth leaving
Why I was the one worth leaving
Why I was the one worth leaving
Why I was the one worth leaving

here we go again another horrible week in the waiting just to fall on me, not even 6 in the morning and I am already to the point that I just want to end it all. I feel like I'm missing something, like a part of me has been removed and that at one point it actually had a use. I don't feel anything for anyone anymore, not even friend wise. I sit and stare into the black and all I want to do is cry and scream until the blood flies everywhere. I can't sleep, hell I tried almost anything that doesn't involved beating myself with a board or something and yet I am still awake. This disease or whatever it is, it's destroying me, it's got me so bad that I can't even sleep in my own house anymore. I am so damn tired of all this shit. just so tempting to walk off the bridge outback and end it, not like I'd really be missed. people that say they will miss me either don't know me or don't really ever have time to even call me anymore so can't honestly say that you'd miss me. I think I'm going to just go and finish this thing else where so if you message me or call me I probably wont be answering it any time soon......

Your Eyes
As We Said Our Goodbyes
Can't Get Them Out Of My Mind
And I Find I Can't Hide (From)
Your Eyes
The Ones That Took Me By Surprise
The Night You Came Into My Life
Where There's Moonlight
I See Your Eyes

How'd I Let You Slip Away
When I'm Longing So To Hold You
Now I'd Die For One More Day
'Cause There's Something I Should
Have Told You
Yes There's Something I Should Have
Told You

When I Looked Into Your Eyes
Why Does Distance Make Us Wise?
You Were The Song All Along
And Before The Song Dies

I Should Tell You I Should Tell You
I Have Always Loved You
You Can See It In My Eyes

 Ever been so sick that you end up vomitting up blood?
 or cough so hard that it rattles your rib cage and your skull?
 Ever get that feeling that your body and soul just want to die just because you feel like you've lost all that every really made a difference in your life?
.....................................
 For those that randomly do give care even if it's a little you should know something then.
 I have been vommiting up blood as well as when I do use the restroom it comes out normally as a mix of blood and what naturally should be coming out
 I have been coughing so badly lately that it's scaring the hell out of anyone that hears it because they say it sounds like someone's dying
But most importantly I know my heart and soul feel like they are dying because I feel like I'm dying I feel like I've lost all those that I honestly grew to care about more then just a close, good friend. My future is non-exsistant anymore I have no reason to go back to college when I'd end up having to pay for it all out of my own pocket and many know that there isn't a snowballs chance in hell of that happening so my dreams are shattered!!!

Well I got the answer that I didn't want to hear, My fucking bastard of an ex roomie is still there on campus, so if you randomly get a lot of insulting messages and such any time soon I'd ignore them because the flood gates are being released

Consider this a warning/informational/protective kind of message
Read All Please

The only picture of a blue mage I could find that I actually liked a lot.

The Nice Guy Curse

This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly
reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honour of the guys with open minds, with laid-back
attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honour of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but
give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favour cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all
ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in Halo2 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for
that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you
knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.

The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends
at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is
that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim
they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen,
they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most
frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks.

Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure
out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that
train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile.

For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.

I may be coming home this weekend but I wont be on that long cause I'm trying to have my friend come with me. so she and I will probably be hanging around town randomly, but I'll try to get on some this weekend if I do come home