[choke_on_dreams]'s diary

489620  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2005-02-07
Written: (7107 days ago)

mom pissed of at me. again
no idea

oh well.

I am hungry.

theres no food in my system.

im going to be right back :)

toodles

[two minutes later in a galaxy far far away]

weee. I have

cheerios

im a happy bunny

well 
souriya
what shall we talk about today? Too early in the morning to have actually done anything interesting, but im juts in a writing mood.

I was thinking ([aaah oops i dropped a cheerio on the keyboard lol]) about inteligance: you know like geniouses....

inteligence is not about knowing all your times tables or about finding a formula to count the number of stars in the universe. neither is knowledge for that matter.

I think its 'something more'...oh god. i cant even explain it, but it makes sense my mind.

I think that the poorest man on the streets could be a genious....

why? Because....

well.... just because

Isnt it funny how it takes someone of a lower inteligence </u> to tell you when you are wrong?

Doesnt that say something?

Or it takes yourself to tell yourself that your being an ass hole.

you would be nothing with out the people around you



isnt wreid taht you can raed tihs eevn
tuohgh the wrods are all mxied up? its 
bcaeuse the hauman eye isz triaend to
olny look at the frsit and lsat ltrets of a
wrod..kndia lkie buaeuty.. poelep olny
look   at   the   outside..


^^ yeah. very ^^

ok something funny

so im on 
msn

and one of my friends comes on ([shes in france right now for the holidays]):

Friend: hey!
me : hihi
Friend: how are you?
me: im okay, you?
Friend : you are bi
me: im bi?


anyways she was like, '[omg im sorry, im at france i have a french partner who knows all these swear words and was like trying to call you a bitch]'.

but its okay, im not a bitch, im just bi. lol. no really. im not lets just get that settled.

And then the french girl added me on msn...okay but she speaks german too

so i was IMPRESSED. because i learn german at school. weeee. WATCH ME GO BITCHES


well anyways, ended up she started correcting my grammar.
.............
.........................
....................................
..........................
;..............

 in english


lol.

im a disgrace to the english language


at least i tried.

 lots of love

the eternal fuck up
489173  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2005-02-06
Written: (7107 days ago)

when you laugh, the world laughs with you
but when you cry, you cry 
                                    alone



i appologise in advance if i seem depressed or anything today. I'm not im just pissed off

You know when you pass the stage of crying . You just cry your fucking eyes out for so long and then you're okay. you got the sadness outta your system.

Ive been there and done that :)...now im just pissed of

ok so lets begin. (once again im sorry for seeming so depressed or upset - this isnt usually me :) - [on a happier note: i love you])

Things are not going too good at home. not good at all

its like. My mom is NEVER happy with anything i do. I can try my best. but its never good enough....

I come back with an

A


the first thing she says to me is : 'how come you didnt get an

A*


because im FUCKING STUPID MOTHER

I just have to sigh and walk to my room. She thinks she has it ' all worked out ' . Apparantly she " knows what im going through".....

its just some fucking teenage phrase. or something.

She think she knows how people 'my age' work. That we simply have to be rebellious but you know what, 
 we dont have to be rebelious
....

Im not doing anything purposely trying to be rebellious. I mean, does she think i enjoy always trying to be better than i can ever be?

no, i DONT

Im not trying to be rebellious, or difficult, or stupid, or vain, or anti social (Which is SO not me) or anything like that.

she think I am becuase 'she has it all worked out'.....

its like, everything i ever do , they destroy it.

I was writing something on word today. something loooong and something i put 
 alotta time and effort
into...

so my mom comes prancing in, tells me ive been on the computer long enough and deletes it.

               
 just like that


i couldnt do anything about it. I just sat there. thinking. well not even thinking.

everything i do, they destroy it. but im gonna keep doing it anyways

MY DAD. where do i even begin.

hes just waiting. just constantly waiting for me to fuck something up. say something wrong. just DO anything.

So he can...aragh.

it drives me insane


my brother is just a bastard

he shouts at me and then prolly just hit me.

i just cant get the energy to go kick his ass anymore because i know ill get into shit for it anyway....

there isnt any point.


nobody listens to me anymore

im always wishing to be away from home, or at a friends place or something because at home, i have NO space. OR if i do have space its so empty.....

I know thats contradicting myself but i just cant work myself out anymore. I dont know what i want.

The only think 
 that gets me through are my friends
especially ones on msn. I just talk to them and i feel

so much better

about everything.

I go back to my room afterwards, my brother fucking starts screaming at me, and my dad makes me keep my 
 door
open.

I cant even cry by myself.....
489091  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2005-02-06
Written: (7107 days ago)

this is from my beautiful [indigo boy].




1. Who are you?

Umm... probably your boyfriend

2. Are we friends?
Yep

3. When and how did we meet?
Met a few months ago (not very long ago eh), on the internet.. on elftown

4. Do you have a crush on me?
To say the least :)

5. Would you kiss me?
More than once

6. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
Mallygirl, because it sound s cute an affectionate :D:D:D

7. Describe me in one word.
HOT

8. What was your first impression?
Oh wow, another girl messaging me on elftown, how novel.

9. Do you still think that way about me now?
hell NO. you're the BEST. nobody can compare.

10. What reminds you of me?
the color purple :)

11. If you could give me anything what would it be?
myself :) im willing to give myself up for you...

12. How well do you know me?
i'd say pretty well.. I want to know more about you though

13. When's the last time you saw me?
Never in person :(

14. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
Nope

15. Are you going to put this on your house and see what I say about you?
Probably not

16. What do you think of my personality?
you're wonderful. you're funny, you're smart, supportive, clever, intuitive, you are adept at problem solving and getting along with others (oops, it turned into a report card :P)

17. What do you think of my looks?
10 out of 10

18. If we met, what would we do...?
Go for a long walk in the most beautiful place i could think of.
Then i'd have my way with you :P

19. would you say that we were very good friends..?
more than that.

20. Could we ever be anything more than friends?
We are :)
488951  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2005-02-06
Written: (7107 days ago)

so there i was morphing into the new me ....


but then the new me slept in.


late



not a very promising start.


but still....
    

          
 shit happens
488436  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2005-02-05
Written: (7108 days ago)

I decided.

that i need to change.....like be a new person...you know. grow up a little.

Not because people are telling me to. but because i want to

488376  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2005-02-05
Written: (7108 days ago)

I realised.....

Life

is soo beautiful but we spend all our time focusing on the bad stuff...

Therefore. Lets not. :) to put it bluntly.

people forget how amazing everything really is. Not the

big things

....

the little things.

its the little things that make the

big things

happen.

i spent the last five minutes thinking about this.

first it was hard because eveyrbody(including me) is so warped around how shit things can be ([believe me - it can]) its hard to think of the godo things.

a little outta practise


.....but it got easier....

1. Falling in love. ([I dont think ive ever been in love. So i dont know this for sure. But people tell me.....])
2. Laughing so hard it hurts.([oh man...now this is definatly lifes little pleasures...:D])
3. A hot shower.( [yeah dont you just love it...?])
4. No lines at the supermarket ([yeah somebody told me that one. i guess it can make people happy? lol])
5. A special glance.([even if its not a big deal. even if it lasts for like a milisecond. it really means something :)])
6. Getting mail([okay, is it just me who LOVES getting mail. email, or whatever. (althought written ones are more special i think)])
7. Taking a walk on a pretty road.([just looking around....])
8. Hearing your favourite song on the radio.([you know, like your favourite song, when your just sitting somewhere, feeling lonley, and suddenly this song comes on the radio....man it makes my day])
9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.([lying in bed fullstop is amazing. but adding sound affects?! man it gets so much better.])
10. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.([clean sheets. hmmmm])
11. twirls ([personal favourite. what can i say?])
12. A bubble bath.([its good aslong as the waters not to hot, or i faint or something because it gets so humid...])
13. Giggling.([nothing beats that])
14. A good conversation.([there arnt so many of them these days.])
15. The beach([and empty beach])
16. Finding a 20-dollar bill in your coat from last winter.([ok this is one I LOVE...just fumbling through your pockets and you find it, just there....its amazing])
17. Laughing at yourself.([hahaha...thats all i ever do])
19. Midnight phone calls that last for hours.([their so cute :) and i have quite a few of them aswell :) ])
20. Running through sprinklers.([for those who havnt tried it....its gotta be on your to do list])
21. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.([insane. but FUN])
22. Having someone tell you that you're beautiful.([okay, so i get so embarased. but if they really mean it, gosh it feels so special :) and i feel beautiful...its sounds silly, but i really truley feel beautiful.])
23. Laughing at an inside joke.([haha, ya know, when sometimes happened, noones laughing...but you...and they think your insane, you think your insane. but HELL who cares? because you know what its about, and they dont :) ])
24. Friends([ well, what can i say])
25. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.([leaves me smiling for the rest of the day])
26. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep.([ maybe one of my favourites, especially if i can get to sleep, i wake up and realise i have maybe an hour left. WOW])
27. Your first kiss ([yes yes yes ])
28. Making new friends or spending time with old ones.([there are so many interesting people])
29. Playing with a new puppy([eeee like an andrex puppy. or a black labrador. yum])
30. Having someone play with your hair.([ooh yes!])
31. happy dreams.([i love dreams. i remember EVERYTHING from them. they feel so perfect])
32. Hot chocolate. ([ its okay...unless you replace the hot and the choclate with a twirl...then its better])
33. Road trips with friends.([not done it yet...but it sounds fun])
34. Swinging on swings.([ok i LOVE this. just sitting on some swings at midnight, swining as high as you can go, by this huge river. man, its beautiful.])
35. Making eye contact with a cute stranger.([really...:D its fun])
36. Making chocolate chip cookies.([ lol well..what can i say ])
37. Having your friends send you home-made cookies.([haha DONT POISON ME])
38. Holding hands with someone you care about.([yeah definatly])
39. Running into an old friend and realizing
that some things (good or bad) never change. ([yeah, just realising to youreslf....])
40. Watching the expression on someone's face
as they open a much desired present from you.([i love that])
41. Watching the sunset.([nature's beauty. im sure sunrises are pretty to. but i mean. whos gonna be awake at that time?])
42. Getting out of bed every morning and
being grateful for another beautiful day.([there arnt many of these days, but when they do come along. you cant beat that.])
43. Knowing that somebody misses you. ([that somebody loves you....])
44. Getting a hug from someone you care about deeply. ([hmmmmm])
45. Knowing you've done the right thing,
no matter what other people think.([sometimes when you believe in something so much, it doesnt matter what other people think anymore. even though you may loose to everybody, you feel like a winner. ])
46. having a stranger say hello([sure you migth start blushing or give them a strange look before walking away. but you'll remember it for a long time.])
47. saving a stranger say something nice to you([same as above ^^ to think, that someone who doesnt even know you, just complimented you. that must be something])
48. jumping in puddles([just forgetting what will happen if you get your pretty white dress messed up..just DO it])
488249  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2005-02-05
Written: (7108 days ago)



[From izzy.....]
1. Who are you? Im IZZY!!!
2. Are we friends? Actually... We're lesbian lovers...
3. When and how did we meet? Year 7. Rosie and Hatty introduced me to you.
4. Do you have a crush on me? Omg. So much.
5. Would you kiss me? Been there, done that... Actually got the t shirt.
6. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it. Dollface. Because all my special people are called Dollface.
7. Describe me in one word. Fantabulistic
8. What was your first impression? Small. XD
9. Do you still think that way about me now? Yes.... But you have a seriously big personality. It scares me. o.o
10. What reminds you of me? Weed, Booze... Photos... Victorian Fayres... Photos photos photos... EVERYTHING!
11. If you could give me anything what would it be? My undying love.
12. How well do you know me? Better than anyone
13. When's the last time you saw me? Thursday. At school. Now it's SATURDAY! =O Im gonna miss you soo much this week. ;.;
14. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't? Yes. A lot of things.
15. Are you going to put this on your house and see what I say about you? Hm. Possibly.
16. What do you think of my personality? Radiant
17. What do you think of my looks? Drop dead gorgeous
18. If we met, what would we do...? Hug?
19. would you say that we were very good friends..? Yes
20. Could we ever be anything more than friends? Omg. We so already are.

OKAY, so this is a special entry about izzy.
because....

i love her


shes definatly there for me.

so are her boobs
^_^

always and forever

When i want some alcoholic drugabusage action....we both know where to go ([psst: to eachother])

We have SAME MUSIC TASTES and we have a collection of power ballard anthems we know all the words too and SCREEEEAAAAM it out...

remmeber:

silence is golden.........but screamings just fun



488242  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2005-02-05
Written: (7108 days ago)

souriya seemed pleased to see me. So i just had to write a new entry.

Yesterday, i went shopping YAY. nothing beats shopping. :)

I got.....
- pink and black legwarmers([weee])
- earings ([very very pretty])
-School bag ([ i do actually need one. my old one is totally fucked])
-A really pretty bra. ([its baby pink with red hearts on it. its my SPECIAL lucky bra :):) me = very happy])
-underwear ([oh my. Now this is beauty my mom got very pissed off thought because i have an underwear fetish and i HAVE to buy new underwear everytime i go out. its my passion lol. yeah, so yeah...])
-Red top ([oh my. just amazing.])
-hair dye ([RED hair dye :) ^_^])

uh. i think thats it. but somehow i managed to spend

ALL

my money.

I was with my good friends emma and dearest steven who by the way were making out the whole time. kinda awkward.

Anyways, we went into macdonalds ([i really despise it but emma wanted cola]). So i was just standing there and the server guy says to me...

'

smile. it aint that bad

'

hahahaha.

oh man

Highlight of my day
487452  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2005-02-04
Written: (7109 days ago)

So, todays my 'day off' right?

So obviously i am sleeping in....

I get a call saying my brother is not feeling well so i gotta go pick him up

UGGGGG lol. 

talk about the presures of society

486856  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2005-02-03
Written: (7110 days ago)

its disgusting

So there are the 'populars' that seem to inhabit our school.

*eeerrrrruuuugh* - 

i know, i know


They dress the same
They talk the same
They walk the same
They think the same
They look the same
They have the same bags
                the same shoes

THEIR FECKING CLONES I TELL YOU...

whats worse is they think they have the right to judge you

But nobody and i mean nobody has the right to make a judgement on YOU. Apart from you. Right? Sure, you shouldnt be an

asshole


You should know 
 when and where to stop
. But No one BUT you can tell you how to Be :)

[^^ just a little something for you ^^]

LAST DAY

 of school :) one whole [entire week of freedom]

Weeeeeeee. lol. I know i know 
 i am a retard


anyways. [ i never got my lemon cheesecake].

BUT i was reading [good housewife] (one of my dearest moms uber cool magazines) gosh it was 
 amusing


To say the least.....

Articles like :
[honey, i shrunk my but]
[now you can eat ALL the pies] (which is now my msn name
and
[why are you ALWAYS HUNGRY]

Really, i think these women have problems. Im happy about the

size of my ass

, and i like

eating my pies

and I dont care if im hungry or not.

See, 
souriya
and

I

are [HAPPY PEOPLE I TELL YOU].

We have EVERY RIGHT to be aswell..

I'm with my friends as the moan about how their
[hips are too big]
[teeth are screwed up]
[too fat]
[too thin]
[the sound like a man]
[voice is too high]
[their eyes are too dark]
[eyes are too bright]
[hair is greesy]
[hair is too soft to be tied up]
[their ass is HUGE]
[they have no ass]
[no money]
[too much money, dont know what to buy]

and shit yes <SHIT> like that.....

Why cant people just be happy with what they got ?

Im not saying [by any means] that I am the most beautiful, most amazing , happiest person on this plant.

[im far from it actually]....

but you see the difference is, that, I'm happy with myself.

[sureeee i could be better] but no bodies

perfect


Everybody knows that right? But yet we still strive for bloody perfection 

 its non existant


Know what you can get, what you want to get, and go GET IT. But dont ever regret who you are. Because who you are is

everything


and your are [always somethingto somebody]....


you just may not know it yet....


 I dont want to be everything for everybody, i just want to be  something</b> to somebody


I just hope there is somebody out there :) ([psst: for me])
486289  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2005-02-02
Written: (7111 days ago)
Next in thread: 486297

<pre> good day </pre>
:) really...it was [isnt that great ? wooop wooop]...

Well you know lessons were as interesting as they can get (not much - i know but still).

I swear. wednesdays kick <pre> ass</pre>

Ofcourse, nothing compares to fridays or Saturdays , but we're talking about school here.

I have DRAMA first [two perdiods] which is just

uberly

amazing because...well..... just because....<i>

Then P.E....[we're doing aeoribics baby, and whats better than bouncing around on those huge ball things anyways?] - <pre>nothing</pre>

e.x.a.c.t.l.y.

ahh then ofcourse its media and physics (which sucks but still)

O.M.G today, i was hanging out with my friend Ryan. we are <i> totally differnt , as in, what we are in to and stuff, but maaan he makes me laugh.

Anyways, there are these cute little year 7s. Who we <pre>LOVE</pre> to <pre>scare the SHIT</pre> out of :P .....We were standing right infront of them and talking about how 'he was going to bring the weed tonight'....and ofcourse....

HAHAHA you should have seen their faces

It was almost like they were going to [spontainiously combust]....

thats something i learnt. Not that i do weed with ryan everynight but that people a.c.t.u.a.l.l.y [spontainiously combust!]

<pre> kinda creepy huh> </pre>

people just randomly ,

COMBUST


well...[you learn something new every day] :D

note to self: <pre> Avoid self explosion of any sort. (sorry guys)

knee HURTS

walked into plant pot. FUCKING huge plant pot.
It was just THERE in the middle of the playground.

I mean, who keeps a plant pot<i> ([a really HUGE concreate one]) in the MIDDLE of the path. ?

do people DO that kinda thing?

I mean, <i> me being me their just ASKING for an accident....

Which evidently did happen.

note to self: please for the love of god watch where your going.

<pre> lunch today: </pre>

- iced bun
- twirl
-twirl
-sausage roll

and people say i have a bad diet HOW DARE THEY :P... lol, naah i was just [letting loose ] you know? people need to do that from time to time. :D


[aragh. mind. blank. will. write. later. i . know. you . love. me. i . understand.]

10:04

Baah. Science coursework just isnt working for me. I think i'll write my poems instead :D it sounds more fun anyways lol....

its [SOOOOOOO] annoying. my mind is always active i cant help it. It just IS. im always thinking about anything and everything. Sometimes of no relevance sometimes of

so much


People dont understand. But it makes sense to me. I guess sometimes, you just gotta [leeeet goooo] right? Just follow YOUR instincts. Just do what

you

feel is right. Maybe it is wrong but, it feels too right to be wrong....


there ^^ somemore of my insane rambellings.

^_^ FUN FUN FUN...

Well, so wheres this leading to...? you know what im thinking?

n.o. i.d.e.a.?

yeah, me either. isnt that kinda frightening

note to self: stop scaring yourself .

oooh wait. I think i know what im talking about *applause*

Its like. Because im always thinking of [something or another anyways], i cant concentrate when i need to. [i can read for maybe 20 minutes] - get through a few pages...not taking anything in. And i think. WTF? what the hell just happened...

I just hope that

life

doesnt go like that. Even though sometimes it does. Ya wake up thinking, WOOAAAH, duuude, what the hell just happened ....

You still dont get the answer.

I havnt...

note to self: Buy lemon cheesecake.
485553  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2005-02-01
Written: (7112 days ago)

[previously on todays show....]

hehehe. Good evenin' [Souriya]....

Hmm well today what an eventfull day.

[it just goes from Bed to worse]

here here! 

I found a friend in a person i never imagined....ever

He and I started talking, and he really listened to me. Im the kinda person who hates ([with a burning passion]) talking about myself</i>.....

I feel selfish
                 big headed
     <u> You know, i just hate thinking about myself all the time

Sometimes it just feels like, people ask me ['HOW ARE YOU'] and before i get a chance to reply....their....
g.o.n.e.


I cant ever tell when people are being genuine<i>. Because oh my, there are so few of thse kinda people around on this planet.

[Sometimes its like...] Whenever my friends need anything or sometimes going on in their life, i always drop <i>everything and im 
there for them


Even if its to talk [for hours and hours and hours] about the SAME thing until it drives them

I.N.S.A.N.E.

I'm there to go insane with them

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>

BUT

then finally. When sometimes going on in [My life, thats prolly not big anyway (its not some global crisis but my shit feels pretty big to...sometimes) [nobody is there] for me when i really need it. Im not asking them to drop EVERYTHING, i would have just really really liked if i got maybe just [30 seconds] just to you know.... talk 

 i guess thats stupid of me right ? and selfish. I THINK  so especially because
 [im always like 'uug i hate talking about myself'] 
but  then all i feel like doing is talk about whats going 
on with 
 me


I know. I hate it.

484847  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2005-02-01
Written: (7113 days ago)

1:00 am


pretty early, comparativly.

but ooooh i have a funny story to tell ([im just so full of wise words :D])

so i was talking to

[the guy with no name (yeah for privacy reasons - sorry ladies]

on the phone like umm two nights ago i think ( yeah i just thought of it now)....and like i was thinking:

earlier on in the day (my life is so eventful:[its like: previously on last weeks show....] or not) i realised that like. ok let me try to explain this.

So baby me was born in beautiful India.

Moved over to beautiful England when i was around three years old. ([awwww]). so yeah, something got <pre>screeeewed</pre>
along the way so i kinda have a an American kinda accent. I dont know why. [im just weird]. I prolly dont but hey, so I'm told anyways.

So yeah. When I say the word 'sure' i say it like shur and other people just say it like shore

but yeah. So this is how our conversation went:
<pre>Me</pre>: Hey, mr.x ([thats what were calling him guys]), say s.u.r.e. ([i was spelling it out])
<pre> mr.x</pre>: f.u.r.e ([and so was he- lol DUMBASS])
<pre>Me</pre>:nooo say it
<pre>mr.x</pre>: f.u.r.e ([and again....])
<pre>Me</pre>: lol mr x....., i mean, say s.u.r.e
<pre>mr.x</pre>:f.u.r.e ([well this is mr. xfor you :P])
<pre>Me</pre>: S.U.R.E
<pre>mr.x</pre>: F.U.R.E ([yes if you are wondering, he was saying F instead, which i didnt actually realise till later in the convo...keep reading])
<pre>Me</pre>:No i mean like, say IT
<pre>mr.x</pre>:oooh you mean say the word ([F.I.N.A.L.L.Y])
<pre>Me</pre>: YES
<pre>mr.x</pre>: oh urm *thinks* furey, fure, fuuuuur, frrree, fure ([and all the other possible ways of saying Sure with and F])
<pre>Me</pre>: *laughing till it felt like i swollowed my brain* an S mr.x S
<pre>mr.x</pre>: ooooh! aaah. um . S. *thinks* s..u...r..e....OOH

SURE



lol <pre>well i found it FUNNY mr.x your soo funny. this is a special place in my diary just devoted to your funnyness</pre>

[OH MY YOUR SPECIAL]


<pre> time : 1:16.

that is : 16 minutes of my life wasted. oh wait now its 19 minutes wasted. WASTED i tell you :P. ah well. the sun will come out tomorow....bet your bottom dollors that tomorow...therell be suuun. just think of a day thats gray and lonley, just lift up your chin and grin and saaaaaaay.....toooo....

STOP

i really should stop before i burst out into song.

Bai bai souriya.

thanks for listening
484594  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2005-01-31
Written: (7113 days ago)

woah


Second entery in one day. [i must be on a roll]
but i like this roll. 
 why should i stop?


my point exactly

hmm anyways, enough of the random talk. [Lets get down to buissness]

ugg my moms pissed of at me because i was on the phone pretty late last night. And apparantly im on a [phone ban] but i mean. COME ON Who does that? but yeah im sucking up

big style

so i think ill be okay. oooh as you can see a little bit of the [rebellion shining through]

haha

 No wonder i have friends Goddammit

         im joking im joking

so like, yeah, the half terms coming up in 4 days ([training day on friday]) not that im counting or anything- ovbiously. :P but im so totally [lonered] because all my friends are going to stupid FRANCE for a stupid SKI holiday. Like come on, we are talking about BEAUTIFUL ENGLAND Vs Sking in france.

lol yeah yeah yeah, i should be happy for them. I am. see [smiling here].
:D.
Oh well, i guess my people on

Elftown

are gonna have to keep me occupied :D.

mwhahahaha. [be afraaaaid]

Yeah so anyways. you know whats 
pissing me off?


well your gonna have to know now...so theres this guy at school (aww gawd a GUY)...lets call him. hmm. FABIO (
 see i told you the name would come into use somewhere even if souriya doesnt decide to have a sex change
) ok thats just retarded lets just call him Chris

so less retarded huh?


well anyhoo. Online, he thinks he loves me. *raises eyebrow* and dont get me wrong, i would NEVER not EVER take it for granted because im so glad that someone, even just that one person would even like me. Im so flattered to think that someone would actually LIKE ME even if it is chris. But yeah. So we talk on msn, and everything, (not even much though, usually just the typical hi hi, how are you, fine, you, good, great---silence---- sorta msgs but anyways) the next day whenevr i try talk to him, he just sorta freezes over. He looks like hes waiting for the conversation to end, sorta avoiding the contact as much as possible and i dont understand because im doing my best to be NICE :D.

uuurgh. GUYS CONFUSE ME

its like, i had a really really good friend. like a best friend. And we were pretty close. But no i never thought of him in that sense, and i felt kinda secure around him because i knew that nothing would ever happen which is definatly a good thing. Anyways, he told me everything, i told him everything. It was nice

He started dating my best friend. which was even better because we were are really close and stuff. But yeah, recently, well not recently, hes drfted away. Hes SO differnt its unbelievable


i cant talk to him like i used to [things wont ever be the same again] beacuse its passed the stage where i think you can go back on things. you know? even though ide like it. There were SO many rooooomers going around [and once that trust is gone, its kinda hard to get it back]. I cant talk to him like i used to, and yeah, ofcourse i miss it. i guess i just have to accept it now

when i look in his eyes, i dont see what i used to see. it sounds stupid but its true. Hes started haning out with these differnt people ([the people he hangs out with now were always part of their little group thing,but he sorta had a tight circle of friends...now i guess he doesnt...]) so yeah, hes turned bitchy and bitter and back stabbing - [wow clever use of alliteration there...my english lessons are paying off baby]
484447  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2005-01-31
Written: (7113 days ago)

SOURIYA

 um hey


WoW

quite and interesting day today actually. For once i wasnt COUNTING THE SECONDS till i could get out of school.

Actually today went 
preeeetty fast


No particular reason really. I think its the lack of sleep. its making me

hysterical

.

I mean 
REALLY
I woke up this morning to raring to get on with the day it was wonderfull :D and from that second on wards everything went so fast. Eveything was good. WOW. see souriya is not one of those depressing diarys.
She has a happy life.

 and so she should


uuug i came on when i got home to talk to my beautiful nick but hes not online *raises eyebrows* lol. MSN just isnt the same with out him. Paaaathetic I know.

 so souriya, what shall we talk about today?


Hey, do people actually even read this? Like the diaries? i do but you know, thats just me.

But like i said im not writing this for people to read and think 'oh man, what a retard'<i> or <i>'wow what an interesting life' Because You know, i might be a little of a retard but im just writing because I WANT TO

Just speaking my mind. Which is prolly why its so fucking random...

[Hmm. mind . blank. talk. to. you. later. toodles.]
484021  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2005-01-30
Written: (7114 days ago) 

good day my
Beautiful souriya

hmmmph.

i have two pages of essay writing and counting. GOD SAVE ME.

okay well you know, i can do this. its all about the breathing. iiiin...ooout...iiiiin....out. careful not to hyperventalate though.
:P

oh well I'll live....

no really i will.

well anyways i gotta go, its bed time :) which is weird because i dont actually sleep. im nocturnal baby. and im loving every minute of it. :D mwhahaha. um yeah. so yeah anyway, i take these GROSS sleeping tablets. which smell like theyve bin up someones ass, which is only the start because THEN you have to put them in your mouth. which is when you realise they taste like it too.

 so its not very good


*sighs* but anyway. Lifes just a giant sedative. :s something like that anyway

hah. ok so today, anyways.


my dad left for london again after the weekend, and my mom makes me say bye to him. Ok the bye part isnt all that bad but its when i have to HUG him. its so fake and put on . we both know neither of us want to be there, but we do it anyway. 

that sucks right?


but I do it for my mom.


ok FOCUS its now 12:15 am. homework. still not done. 
not good. definatly not good


aaah just SCREW IT. i mean REALLY. when will any of this be relevant in every day life?

NEVAR

uug. gonna go.

Nighty nighty my dear souriya.

 may the angels be watching you
483085  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2005-01-29
Written: (7115 days ago)

Hey chick. well diary, whatever.
So i was bored one day (actually today) and i realised that my diary is both sad and empty. So, me being the caring person i really am, decided to make it um, happy and full :D. I know, I know. how nice of me. :D. Ok first things first, I think the dairy needs a name.
How about...
hmmm...Fabio! yeah, that’s kind of weird. My diary kinda looks like a dude, but feel free to change whenever you want...im okay with that.
ooh how about
Ursula Andréa’s phileepo the second.
Now that has a special ring to it. apart from it sounds kinda girly. ooouuug im confused. What about Souriya. Pronounced like Soriya...Now that’s pretty.
Yes I know its a chicks name but screeew you, maybe tomorrow you'll be a real boy Souriya.

so souriya, lets get some serious diary action going on here. Well right now its 2:26 and I’ve just had my cereal :D yummy. Cheerio’s. <<Even better. Well last night I went out for Chinese (my favourite) with some family and I think I may have possibly had a leeetul bit to drink. Vodka and lemonade lol…yummy. Well anyways I have a pretty big family, the kind that just love being centre of attention, Not my mom and dad, just my aunt and uncle who are SO loud. I was just sitting there, quietly sipping on my alcohol like a good little girl, while they laughed as loud as is humanly possible. Got home after walking into like 5 tables and sleeeped. Lol. Sleeeped. I am a brilliant drunk :D. but I got a really bad headache and I was wondering, is it possible to have a hangover while your still drunk? Ug, well if not, theres a start for everything.
I woke up bright and early (1:00 pm) and had my cheerio’s in bed, which then started a huge row with mom how eating on my bed will get it messy and since she does the washing ‘all the time’ its more work for her. Which actually isn’t true because:
A) Its my bed
B) She does not do the washing ‘all the time’. Sometimes I do it.
C) She never asks me to do it anyway.

anyways today I woke up bright and early (1:00) all raring to go. Ate my cheerios as I mentioned and went down stairs to have a joyous conversation with my parents. Don’t get me wrong, I like my mom, its just My DAD I have a problem with. Well its not really a problem anymore because we’ve kinda accepted it that we don’t get along. He doesn’t talk to me and I don’t talk to him. When he does talk to me its like ‘how are you’ (in a really patronising voice which drives me INSANE) and before I can even answer he’s gone. But its okay. Its life. He’s living in London right now because he’s jobs over there so its just my mom and my brother over here (they haven’t broken up or anything, he just works there and comes back for the weekend). So you know, life is good. Im not one of those people who are constantly depressed. Im a happy person. :D you see, Souriya isn’t one of those diaries who are full of depressing shit about how they wanna kill themselves followed up by some beautiful images of slitted wrists. That’s really not my style :D.
This is why Souriya is BEAUTIFUL AND DIFFERENT AND YOU SHOULD READ HER.
Well you know, im not writing this for people to read, im writing this because I just need to talk about stuff and writing is such a good reliever for me because I know that no matter what I say noone can correct me (I swear that if you message me now telling me about my spelling or something I will punch you :D) or tell me how I should be feeling. I can just say what I want to say and feel okay about it.

Sometimes it feels like life goes to quickly for me. Or maybe it’s just that im slow. Yup. Im slow. But sometimes life seems to be going sooo slow, agonisingly boring and yet your raring to go. Its like nothing really goods happening and you have no motivation to make something good happen. You cant be bothered getting up off your ass to do something that will change things encase it all blows up in your face. Well its prolly just be but still. J

Well theres nothing to do now. Im gonna go eat some cake.

Toodles Souriya.
I love you xxxx

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