so im casually browsing through my email. What do i have? 28947398750396704363466546 chain letters.
this angers me
. Heres a letter to all you
assholes:
Hello. My name is, actually, im not going to tell you. Im suffering from a very deadly desiese, bad luck, EXTREAM virginity, and the fear of being kidnapped and decapitated by a headless girl dressed in tight leather with buckles and a whip, because her redneck father had killed her the night before or something like that. I am also suffering the painfull guilt for not forwarding a billion chain letters out so that a poor little 6 year old kiddy winky in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her parents sell her to some circus somewhere. Do you honestly believe that bill gates is going to give you and everyone else you send this letter to is going to receive a thousand pounds? OOOH looky here, if I scroll down this page and make a wish, every play boy bunny in the magazine will visit me! Ill meet the love of my LIFE. What BULLSHIT.
So basically this is a wake up call to all the people out there who have nothing better tto do than send me stupid chain mail. Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my room and terrorise me in my sleep for not continuing the tradition stated my Jesus himself in 25 A.D and was brought to this country by pilgrims and if it makes it to the year 2098. BY GOLLY GOSH ILL BE IN THE GUINNES BOOK OF WORLD RECORDS for the longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity. If youre going to forward me something, please send me something mildly amusing. Ive seen the whole “send to 50 of your closest friends and this poor wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a cent from some omniscient being” forwards about 90 times. Does it look like I care? Do you still not understand the meaning of a chain letter? Here, let me explain.
(scroll down)
(make a wish)
(it will come true)
Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do. First of
all, if you don't send this to 5096 people in the next 5
seconds, you will be assaulted by a mad goat and thrown off
a high building into a pile of manure. It's true! Because,
THIS letter isn't like those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!!
Really!!! Here's how it goes:
*Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you
for sending them a stupid chain letter.
*Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at you for
sending them a stupid chain letter.
*Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at
you for sending them a stupid chain letter, and may form a
plot against your sorry little life.
*Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at you
for sending them a stupid chain letter and will send a nuclear war missile to your house.
Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!
Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. I am a poor starving little boy in Bakalivatiogsl
ovakia who has no arms, no legs, no eyes, no penis and no sheep either. But you can save me if you please pass this on to 9357598745309745 people in the nexy 30 seconds. Every time you pass it on a dollar is donated to the little starving legless, armless, sheepless, parentless, cockless and sheepless souls of Bakalivatiogslovakia.thank you. You are saving lives here. So send it to 9357598745309745 in the next 30 seconds, have a heart. Ooh and please remember, if you send it to five people accidently, you will die, instantly. I will gouge your eyes out with my testicles. Thanks again J
Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This
is absolutely incredible because there was no email then and
probably not as many sad fucking assholes with nothing better to do. So this
is how it works... Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 34 seconds
or something horrible will happen to you like:
*Bizarre Horror Story #1
vagina fook-me was walking home from school one day when a magical pelican handed over this letter. She ignored it. BIG MISTAKE. Because then she tripped on a crack in the floor, and fell through a drain pipe which was full of poo. She came out in a waterfall. She died. THIS COULD HAPPEN TO YOU!
*Bizarre Horror Story #2
Jesus , a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail
and ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his
boyfriend (hey, some people swing that way). They both died and
went to hell and were cursed to eat adorable toads every day for
eternity.
This Could Happen To You Too!!!
Remember, you could end up just like jesus and vagina. Just
send this letter to all of your loser friends, and everything
will be okay. Trust me. Im a pile of words compiled together by a fat man lacking sex in his life. Who else could possibly know better? Hmmm bacon.
If you don’t send it. Not only will you die. You will remain shagless for the rest of your life. Ill also appear in spandex on your ceiling when you least expect it. I'll bring a whip. Beware. hmmm Bacon.
get it FUCKBAGS?