[choke_on_dreams]'s diary

545618 Link to this entry
Written about Friday 2005-04-08
Written: (7046 days ago)

MATT AND I'S COMMENTS TO THE SONG "BEAUTIFUL" BY CHRISTINA AGUL*cant spell*. we both agree that the songs cute, but we dont really like >.her.<. Enjoy

Don’t look at me
[okay sure. but why the fuck did you bring out a video to be publiciised on television yet not want people to "look at you"]
every day is so wonderful
[oh yeah?]
And suddenly, it’s hard to breathe
[die bitch. choke bitch.]
Now and then, I get insecure
[slit...your...wrists...]
From all the fame, I’m so ashamed
[Me too hunny. go hide in a corner some where dark]
I am beautiful no matter what they say
[they say alot]
Words can’t bring me down
[no I think they can sweetie]
I am beautiful in every single way
[name one]
Yes, words can’t bring me down
[what about a knife?]
So don’t you bring me down today
[How about tomorow?]

To all your friends
[you have friends?]
you’re delirious
[wow can you say that word?]
So consumed in all your doom
[if you want to die, nothing's stopping you]
Trying hard to fill the emptiness
[*from matt* masterbate. or get a cock.]
The piece is gone and the puzzle undone
[*from matt*undo your clothes]
That’s the way it is
[no really. its not]

*chorus*

No matter what we do
[really? it doesnt matter? really really? anything? wow. really?]
No matter what they say
[die biatttch]
When the sun is shining through
Then the clouds won’t stay
[*from matt* my cock will]
And everywhere we go
[You go chrissy, we'll just stay right here]
The sun won’t always shine
[maybe check the forecast before going "everywhere" you go]
But tomorrow will find a way
[huah? wtf?]
All the other times
[yeah, that doesnt make sense]

We are beautiful no matter what they say
[yeah, we are, but your not]
Yes, words won’t bring us down
[I think they can]
We are beautiful no matter what they say
[yewp, we are sooo beautiful. wtf are you]
Yes, words can’t bring us down
[this is getting kinda repetative eh?]
Don’t you bring me down today
[oh jebuuuus]

Don’t you bring me down today
[wow one more time?]
Don’t you bring me down today
[and AGAIN incase we can hear?]

545583 Link to this entry
Written about Friday 2005-04-08
Written: (7046 days ago)

Funny day today...

[me talking about my dad....the whole time thinking of good words to use]

me: uuugh I really dislike him, i mean, he has NO right to talk to me...he didnt raise me, he didnt concieve me *realises* uh, wait, shit he did, anyway, he didnt concept me *realises* wtf, um, he didnt...what the fuck is the word that means love me?....?

vag: love me?

me: exactly. HE DIDNT LOVE ME.

[matt and i talking in media about christina agularrriaaa however the hell you spell her name anyways]

me: maaaattt
*matt turns around in really sexual way*

matt: hmmm yesss *licks lips*

me: ew matt dont look at me like that

matt: hahaha like that christina agulara song, you know, when she's like "dont look at me"

me: omg yess. hey matt *SEXY christina agulara voice from the song....* dont look at me

matt: okay *Turns around*

me: MATT lol. *throws book*

[

OMG

]

for once i was not kept behind in chemistry. I repeat- I Was Not Held Back in Chemistry.

It was the end of class and i was just waiting for him to tell me to stay back. As fucking usual. but my gosh ....HE DIDNT. I almost had a heart attack as i scurried out of the classroom incase he changed his mind.

Matt was like.

[mally. Do you realise that you just got out of class without being told to stay behind?]

and im like, in a really cool voice

"yeah dude, i know"

[MALLY DO YOU KNOW HOW FUCKING RARE THAT IS]

*Scared face*.

I tried hard this lesson actually.

Apart from the fact that i got TO lesson like 15 minutes late lol :P

BUT that was because nobody told us we were in the computer room.

fuck them
its their fault.

And when I got TO class, i just got on with my work.

I only Really talked to Matt.

But i ignored him msot of the time.

I think he feels neglected.

Im so proud of myself

however in physics...

BLAH

I DONT CARE ANYMORE

I had fun.

Greg is actually alright when you get to know him.

Well, He is still a dick head. But i can live with that. kinda sorta.

He does have a small penis.

He does recon he is ["DA BEST YO"].

hes not.

But a guy Can dream.

omg: confidence update :::::I felt pretty confident and good about myself today::::::omg.

Mr. Brown is an asshole.

But joe ball is funneh.

Was with Ben and Ian in maths.

IAN is a fucking calculater.

ben and I however, realised we outstupid ourselve sin many occasions.

we did shit on

standard deviation

WTF?

no questions asked , none answered.

finally they got non healthy food back in the cafeteria.

finally.

History is a jackass.

Especially with HIM.

he tries to hard.

Harriet complains that, even though im the smallest person i take up the most room Evar.
Which is not true
I am compact
I am a miniature c o l l e c t a b l e.

Ask nicholas. He's *collected* me alreadys.

Yah so, she keeps freaking out and pushing me over the other end of the desk because im "[taking up too much room]"

fuck her :P

And i was writing real neat.

and she pushed me

and screwed up my neat handwriting.

SO I ripped her book.

lol. well

No. not really.

I just scribbled on it real bad.

She let out this like, giant wail. And everyone waws like Wtf.

I was like. "hatty wtf are you DOING"

544542 Link to this entry
Written about Thursday 2005-04-07
Written: (7047 days ago)

kay on the topic of this whole confidence thing which i keep talking about....

I realised that :

 if your confident as a person, you can pull of almost anything.

Even if you have no ideea what your doing

And its true isnt it?

I mean. IF you believe in yourself, you just have to keep going and people iwll still think whatever your doing was amazing or what ever because you did it so well.

hmmph.

gotta work on that

544508 Link to this entry
Written about Thursday 2005-04-07
Written: (7047 days ago)

I <3 you

hmm Today. well. woke up, you know, the usual.

missed the bus.

uugh. it was freezing.

Ian told me today that to be confident you have to b e l i e v e you can be confident first. He says thats a form of confidence in itself.

 it made a lot of sense to me

Just sometimes difficult to put it into practice you know?

Ian is my buddy.

Anyway. tom is an ass. but he makes me laugh nonetheless.

uggh our school is going on some "healthy eating" thing and THERE WAS NO CHIPS. oh man. All i had was some pizza. and some jaffa cakes to compensate.
But it had to be done. I guess.

 Ryan and I are....: Smokey and shorty

taaadaaaa

brilliant.

excellent

fantabulastic baby

*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*

something interesting.

Pretty Amazing I think.

Well, there's this year seven class in our school.

They line up by the school building every day.

Their form tutor is Mrs grant.

Mrs grant was my PE. teacher. I love her lots. Shes really cool but scary as shit. no seriously. shes so loud for a cute blonde person :P lol. shes just really strict but at the same time a good friend. ugh cant explain. but anyways. somehow she has managed to craft her rowdy year 7 form into like fucking robots.

They line up in single file.

They dont talk

They dont move

They probably dont even breathe.

They just stand there and wait.

And she walks past the window. raises her eyebrow.

and then...

one by one, they follow. still maintaining the single filed line, and the non speaking/breathing thing.

They walk straight up the stairs along the right, all holding the railings and then into their class.

Its fucking amazing.

I just cant understand. I just watch them thinking. omfg.

She's been giving them something. im sure.

Anyway, im talking to my form tutor Miss Hobbs and I was just explaining the weirdness of the situation. I was like " we were never like that!!"

and she was like "oh I knnow"

and im like sniggering and say "hah. must be the teaching then"

She looked at me with her mouth slightly open and said "malavika! excuse me"

haha. she loves me really.

OMFG.

I tried really hard not to talk today in chemistry.

No but I DID.

And then the ONE time i said something stupid about Richard "flexing" his "muscles" the motherfucker dr. Koritsas heard me. THE ONE TIME. uugh. anyway.

He was like at the end of the lesson, pointing out the students that could leave the class, and kept me and some other people behind. I was like wtf.

uggh. I HATE CHEMISTRY.

so much.

543809 Link to this entry
Written about Wednesday 2005-04-06
Written: (7047 days ago)

Im sorry. I have a 
husband.

His name is Nicholas

He is So beautiful

mmmm
all mine

543764 Link to this entry
Written about Wednesday 2005-04-06
Written: (7047 days ago)

 Really sleepy...

omfg : [IMMA DO BALLET AGAIN]!

*Extra big smile*.

dancing makes me happy.

ballet makes me happy.

Fuck you.

Hhehehe. uber excited.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

[today....]

vag: yeah did anybody watch that episode, a couple were taken into hospital because they were like stuck to eachother. *silence* like in eachother....*hahaha*
mally: what the fuck
vag: well they were having sex...
mally: again...what the fuck
vag: mally they were just stuck OKAY
mally: haha maybe they thought the glue was lube...
vag: like in american pie?
mally: exactly

([okay. Right now im sitting backwards on a chair and im really really uncomfertable, i have my hand like on the rim of my trousers, well, down my pants kay, lol, BECAUSE i was just like. rearranging stuff...kay])

mally: *Really long silence* im stuck....(I MEANT THE CHAIR. I COULDNT MOVE FROM THE CHAIR. I WAS STUCK BACKWARDS FALLING OFF THE CHAIR)

vag: *looks at hand in pants* Mally. have you been using teh glue again?

*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*

mally: *Really really loud as teacher stands behind her* I HAVE NO ERECTILE DIFFICULTIES THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

I could have died

543626 Link to this entry
Written about Wednesday 2005-04-06
Written: (7048 days ago)

gah.

-Got to school (extreamly cold).

- On the bus I was just huddled up in the corner, and i managed to fumble my Cd player out. no batteries.

-Ian offered to stay inside with me while the other lunatics waited outside in the coldness. that was nice of him seen as I did poison him just yesterday.

-Drama. Aragh. Our next assessment is a two minute long monologue.

not good

fuck. shit. cunt.

I mean, I cant talk for two minutes continuously in a large group of people - [IN CHARACTER].

Imma neverous already.

I dont feel very confident latley.

Reminds me of something harriet said to me . She was like :

[Mally you are SOOOO confident, i wish i could hold me self like you do when you're around people. i dont understand]

this ofcourse is the stupidest thing. Ever. Lol doesnt she realise, that latley, when im talking to people i feel like a part of me is dying. lol. I dont feel confident at all.

542786 Link to this entry
Written about Tuesday 2005-04-05
Written: (7048 days ago)

*_*Hehe piano went pretty well actually *_*

*_*I played one of my peices really well... *_*

*_* my piano teacher asked me to play at a concert this may*_*

*_* oh my gosh*_*

*_*I am a pianist *_*

*_*Love me *_*

*_* So much*_*

*_* Its cold in this house.*_*

*_* Where is the goddamned heating*_*

*_* This is england you know.*_*

*_* ugg. whats going on with this world. Anyway. Vag called.*_*

*_* Phil picked me up today. He sorta dislocated my ribs. ouch*_*

*_* Matt is so funny. he makes me giggle.*_*

*_* Religious education was so kewl. I poisoned Ians eyes with ink from his fountain pen.*_*

*_*He swore he would NEVER give me a fountain pen again. *_*

*_*Haha. we'll see about that *_*

*_*Exams in two weeks. uh oh speggetio.*_*

*_*How come i dont know these things ever? *_*

*_* EVER?*_*

542584 Link to this entry
Written about Tuesday 2005-04-05
Written: (7049 days ago)

Next in thread: 542607

Spoke to David today. After a long time.
I simply said to him.

"David I am not going to continue i g n o r i n g you or disliking you, because quite frankly its a waste of my time and my energy. However, I what you did was low, Infact it was past low, but now its in the past. I dont know what you must have possibly got out of it. If it made you feel more important, involved or just good about yourself. It definatly didnt make me feel any of those things. But you know what?I hope that you felt like it was worth it."

He just said : "Im sorry Mally, but you cant go on like this.."

To which I replied.

["Trust me. I can. But I wont because you're right, its not worth it. Especially You. I can forgive you, but i cant forget it. Bye]

*And then i walked away*

I was so proud of myself. I didnt totally loose it. I didnt shout or [s. c . r . e. a. m]. I said eactly what i needed to say, and then left it.

Its just that I realised that theres no use constantly fighting. For what? Anyway? What do I really get out of making ascene? Sure, some attention maybe, and maybe i can realease some anger, but im just releasing it into another form. If i just let it go, accept it, and get on with my life, all the hurt or anger, or whatever i do, or did feel in me, can totally go. Instead of just being transfered or kept inside me.

I dont need attention.

I dont need to make a scene.

Although he pisses the Shit out of me. He was right. What is screaming about it really gonna do anyway? Nothing.

My point exactly

We just talked about it, I dont need to hear his petty excuses. I just told him what i needed to say, and that was the end of that. What else do I need?

I hope things are okay

Oh man. He's actually consuming teh most of my diary entry. fuck him

hmm well. today seemed to go pretty fast. I think. We have a new biology teacher who strangly resembles my uber tall P.E teacher - MR tiffany. who also looks like Buzz lightyear. His height is so amazing.

Ben and Matt are planning to camp out in my back garden soon.

mom might need to be notified about that.

Maths was boring. as usual. paid NO attention.

Matt and I had a conversation about masterbation. O_o. I think I Made MATTHEW BARTON BLUSH.

thats a big thing.

Blah. Izzy's new hair is hawt. Im so jealous.

New hair doesnt make me hawt. ew. But im happy.

Im feeling rather subdued today, as you might have probably noticed. If you know anything about me at all....or if your just a random person reading this right now. ~.HI.~.

But if you know me, and read this on a daily basis (mwhahah, im so kewl) then you might have noticed. heh.

Im not using pretty fonts. I gave up a while ago. heh. Well you can still Read cant you?

Media essay to do tonight. Im making a real effort with homework this half term. This half term is fucking EIGHT WEEKS LONG. dewd. I cant handle that shittttttt.

Last one was only 5. and suddenly they expect me to have another THREE and be totally okay with that? I think Not. Who do you think I am?

I need a shower. Maybe I'll wake up. hmm. after Piano lesson. Shit. I havnt practised. fuck.

542580 Link to this entry
Written about Tuesday 2005-04-05
Written: (7049 days ago)

[In Religious education today, we were talking about prejudice against gays....because we do that sometimes O_O]

Teacher: Generally Gay men are more prejudiced against that gay women....

me: *super loud* YAH BUT GAY WOMEN ARE HAWT.

*everyone stares at me*

me: Im not a lesbian. Honestly.

[Kay this one we're talking about transvestites...I love R.E]

Teacher: So just imagine if one of your male teachers came to school in a dress...
me: Like you sir?
Teacher: *laughs a little* no not like me, i cant really imagine myself in a dress..
me: *loud* oooh I CAN

*silence*

Ian:Mally please stop imagining him inna dress
me: *laughs* hahaha but i cant help it

541728 Link to this entry
Written about Monday 2005-04-04
Written: (7049 days ago)

Im sorry. I have a 
husband.

His name is Nicholas

He is So beautiful

mmmm
all mine

541369 Link to this entry
Written about Monday 2005-04-04
Written: (7050 days ago)

Yah sure my opinions may have changed.

But not the fact that I am right.

annoying person: malllly why are you being so anti-social
me: i am not antisocial. I just hate you.

me: *mummebling*

[someone tries talking to me]

me:. Hello. Conversation going on here. dont talk to me when im trying to talk to myself

.....................................

If it doesnt fit, force it, if it breaks.

it needed replacing anyways

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Some poems rhyme
but not mine.

*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*

Uggh. History esssay.

going okay thanks for asking.

imma just thinking of when everybody came around, it was so funny.

My moms always wondering why I have to stay up so late to do "homework". When II'm really just talking to nicholas on msn.

lol.

Anyways, i got my friends to cover for me when they came over, and just say that they also stay up to the ridicules hours of the mornining.

hatty just takes it a step too far.

lol:

mom: So how much sleep do you guys get usually?
izzy: hmm coouple of hours :)
rosie: yah same here
hatty</b: I just dont sleep

([the best part was was how casually she said it....i cant describe it. She just shrugged as was like, yah no biggie..])

<b>mom: So what time do you go to bed?
izzy: Two or three?
vag: yeah two to three thrity? sometimes four
hatty: *in all seriousness* I go to sleep at seven am.

*Silence*

me: you know hatty, theres over the top, and THEN theres you.

541365 Link to this entry
Written about Monday 2005-04-04
Written: (7050 days ago)

emailing is fun.

541264 Link to this entry
Written about Monday 2005-04-04
Written: (7050 days ago)

I woke up just now.

Its 14:02

540736 Link to this entry
Written about Sunday 2005-04-03
Written: (7050 days ago)

homework to do before tuesday(that i can think of right now:

[+] English essay ------------ 30 minutes max if i try really hard. It would help if i had the book or the sheet. Right now i have neither. note to self: this may pose as a problem at a later date.
[+] History essay------------- 10000 hours minimum. This Will pose as a problem
[+] Chemistry coursework---- No fucking idea. blah. ask matt. 10 minutes
[+] Biology revision-----------eww. half an hour i guess
[+] Media evaluation----------An hour? But its in for wednesday anyways.

fuck me

539665 Link to this entry
Written about Sunday 2005-04-03
Written: (7051 days ago)

If you wish, you may disguise your hAndwRitiNg.

539642 Link to this entry
Written about Saturday 2005-04-02
Written: (7051 days ago)

um..question...

Why is elftown looking very fucked today?

539372 Link to this entry
Written about Saturday 2005-04-02
Written: (7052 days ago)

money cannot buy happiness

It can however rent it

time is a great teacher

unfortunatley it sometimes kills its pupils

[You take my breath away]

I was watching the most Retardest programme on tv. Ever. Just made me realise that Television has raised writing on to a NEW LOW

know thyself? Man. If I knew myself i'de run away

Im feeling really bruised today. I dont know why. Its like, everything just hurts and what doesnt hurt just doesnt work.

I like children

properly cooked

uggg. School starts on umm tuesday. Not looking forward to it.

You can lead mally to the school. But you cannot make her think.

You know guys, the truth is not always the same as the majorities decision. majority can just mean all the fools are on the same side.

dont give up

538904 Link to this entry
Written about Saturday 2005-04-02
Written: (7052 days ago)

SO MUCH FUN LAST NIGHT

mally: MATT. YOU CAME (he wasnt going to come but he was here so i was happeh)
matt: yah i know, no need to rub it in
phil: no matt, if you rub it in, you'll NEVER get the stain off

izzy: mally. are you a sperm whale?

omg guys it was so much fun.

We watched ten minutes of porn.

SO not worth it

.

We danced around in underwear.

SO worth it

Listened to britney spears.

So worth it

.

Wrestled Matt and Phill to the ground until they almost cried.

So definatly worth it.

Taught Phil to dance.

now that was just Funny

.

Filled vag's top full of sooo much shit.

SO FUNNY

morning:

hatty is awake at like SO EARLY IN THE MORNING...

hatty: the best things happen in the day. the early bird catches the worm

mally: THE EARLY BIRD SHOULD BE FUCKING SHOT.

537100 Link to this entry
Written about Thursday 2005-03-31
Written: (7054 days ago)

Eww.

Its 10:59.am.

I just woke up. People coming over in um...half an hour.

i cant be bothered moving.

Ugggh.

536493 Link to this entry
Written about Wednesday 2005-03-30
Written: (7054 days ago)

Now here's a song everybody knows

.

Even if they hate it.

At first i was Afraid.

I was petrified.

Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side.

But I spent so many nights

thinking how you did me wrong

I grew s t r o n g

I learned how to carry on

and so you're back

from outer s p a c e

I just walked in to find you here

with that sad look upon your face

I should have changed my stupid lock

I should have made you leave your key

If I had known for just one second

you'd be back to bother me

Go on now go walk out the door

just turn around now

'cause you're not welcome anymore

weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye

you think I'd crumble

you think I'd lay down and die

Oh no, not I

I will survive

as long as i know how to love

I know I will stay alive

I've got all my life to live

I've got all my love to give

and I'll survive

I will survive
.

 the bohemian Rhapsody

is an incredibly weird song.

But then again so are most of the beautiful things in life.

The logged in version