[choke_on_dreams]'s diary
[omg the funniest shit EVER]
Nick: MY WIFE, MY LOVING WIFE. PLZ MARRY ME IN 10 MINUTES
Me: how about five?
*Silence*
Nick: k like, do you seriously wanna get married like when i see you this year?
Me: Um we could wait lol
Nick: nah im kiddin i would never marry you
Me: Oh gee. lets never get married
Nick: k
Me: OMG NICK YOUR BOYFRIEND POINTS = GONE TOTALLY
Nick: Fuck. okay lwell i still have husband points. lets get married so i can move onto losing those too.
Yes this is the man i will be spending the rest of my life with....how ironic
ni[Mally and Izzy's Robin Hoods Bay shit]
Scene:[In the car]
Izzy: LOOK!! SNOW!! *bang* Ow...
~*~
Mally: I don't like softmints
Izzy: Why?
Mally: They're too... Minty.
~*~
*Izzy's mom and Izzy's mom's friend talking about a mutual friend*
Izzys mom: So how is she these days?
Izzys moms friend: Dead
Scene:[Mally and Iz lying in bed... Don't ask]
Mally: Hahaha! Isobel, you kissed me.
Izzy: Yurs.
*pause*
You raped my hand
*pause*
Mally: Yurs.
~*~
*silence*
*kick*
Izzy: What?!
Mally: You're not talking!!
Izzy: Yes. I know.
*silence*
*kick*
Mally: Why aren't you talking?!?!!?
~*~
Izzy: You were saying something earlier, or something, and then I did something... Or something.
*silence*
Mally: What?
~*~
Mally: What does that say?
*Reads*
OOH haha. I thought it said scrotums...
*silence*
Izzy and Mally in unison: I dont like scrotums
~*~
Mally: i see dead breasts. they're all around me.
~*~
*Izzy lies on mally's legs*
mally: Aah, your obesity against my legs is almost....orgasmic
Izzy: *mortified*
~*~
Izzy: Death doesnt have a cock... It rotted away.
~*~
*Mally walks out of toilet*
Mally: I think i just lost my virginity to a tampon. It feels like i have 5 fingers up my ass.
Izzy: ...Up your ass?
Mally: ...You know what i mean
~*~
*mally and izzy talking about having sex in a rainforest*
Mally: We have to do that sometime *dreamy*
*silence*
Izzy: ...But not together.
~*~
Mally: Please?
Izzy: No.
Mally: Please
Izzy: No
Mally: Please
Izzy: No
Mally: Please
Izzy: NO!!!
Mally: Fine.
*silence*
*mally starts humming the song for about 5 minutes over and over again*
Izzy: OH FOR FUCKS SAKE *falls of bed*
~*~
*Izzy is talking about Stuart*
Izzy: Hes just so... Aaah... And he has such nice... Mmmmm and his... Aaahh....*make
*silence*
Mally: You know, moaning really isnt going to help me understand the situation.
~*~
*Izzy is reaching under the bed for some chocolate
Izzy: Chocolate!
*struggles*
ARGH!
*Falls head first off the bed*
Ahem
*silence*
FUCK!
THERE'S NO NO CHOCOLATE LEFT.
*pause*
Mally: I know, i just wanted to watch you fall :)
~*~
Mally: Stuart.
Izzy: Bastard.
Mally: Stuart.
Izzy: Bastard.
Mally: Stuart.
Izzy: Bastard.
Mally: You miss him, don't you?
Izzy: Yep. Bastard.
~*~
Izzy: Like, actually totally SO much.
Mally: Wow. That's all your favourite words. In the same sentence. That's SO wrong.
~*~
*Mally and Izzy talking about kissing*
Izzy: It'll come naturally when the come comes.
*pause*
Mally: ...When the come comes?
Izzy: Time. When the TIME comes.
~*~
*Izzy turns light off*
Izzy: Where's my monkey?
Mally: *hugs Izzy tighter*
*pause*
Izzy: No, Mally. You're not my monkey.
*pause*
Mally: I'm a monkey?
~*~
Mally: I'm thinking... But nothing's happening.
~*~
Izzy: Mally, you're so beautiful.
Mally: You deserve to be hit by a pillow
*pause*
*bang*
~*~
Mally: Can you imagine giving anal sex to George Bush?
Izzy: Quite frankly, Mally, I'd really rather not.
*pause*
Mally: In the white house.
*pause*
Ew
*pause*
It's no wonder they call it the white house.
~*~
Izzy: Fkooooooooorf!
*pause*
Mally: ...What?
~*~
Izzy: *mumbles*
Mally: Did you just say bastard or fuck off?
Izzy:... I think I said 'spaz, actually....
~*~
Mally: You know what part of me hasn't been loved for a while? My ears.
Izzy: No.
~*~
Mally: Isobel, we need to have passionate sex.
~*~
*silence*
Mally: Your pupils are huge.
*pause*
And you have green hair.
*pause*
And you have big boobs.
*pause*
Izzy: Fkorf.
~*~
Izzy: *breaks bed*
~*~
Izzy: I have cold legs.
Mally: What?
Izzy: I have cold legs.
*pause*
Mally: I have a cold penis.
~*~
Mally: So james actually slapped you?
Izzy: Yurs.
Mally: Really hard?
Izzy: Yurs.
Mally: Why?
Izzy: 'Cos I jumped on him.
Mally: So what did you do then?
Izzy:... Jumped on him.
~*~
Mally: I feel as bloated as a helium balloon. Touch me.
Izzy: *blink blink*
~*~
Izzy: *writing stuff down*
Mally: You look perplexed
Izzy: *Blank stare*
Mally: Actually, no. Because that would involve using your brain.
Izzy: *blink*
~*~
Mally: Why did you just totally miss out a blank page?
Izzy: I actually have no idea.
*silence*
Maybe I felt like it.
~*~
Mally: The best way to throw people off is to start the conversation again.
Izzy: Hey! I do that with myself!
Mally: *Stares*
*pause*
Izzy: Ok ignore that.
~*~
Izzy: *orgasms over perfume in a shopping centre*
~*~
*Mally is singing wonderwall*
"And I don't believe that anybody's breasts are as big as mine..."
"There are many things that I would like to do to you...."
"Because maybeeeeeeee..
~*~
Mally: Isobel, you're my thunderthighs.
Izzy: *looks up, mortified*
Mally: Oops.
~*~
Izzy: Mally, why are you so pushy?
Mally: I'm a pusher.
Izzy: Why?!
Mally: I'm a pusher, I push, it's what I do.
~*~
Izzy: *falls over* ...Ow. My insides. I think they're coming outside.
Mally: *observes carefully*
*pause*
You know, you spend most of your life on the floor.
~*~
Izzy: That requires more concentration than... *loses interest*
Mally: ... Than you're capable of?
~*~
Izzy: Can I draw a chlamydia tattoo on your arm?
*silence*
Mally: What possessed you to think of that?! I think you need an exorcist.
~*~
Izzy: Malavika, my stomach is trying to communicate with you.
~*~
Izzy: Mally, your breasts are talking to me. Please, control them
~*~
*mally and Izzy are hugging*
*crack*
*pause*
Izzy: Mally, what the fuck was that?!
*pause*
Was it your face?
Mally: No.
*pause*
It was my neck.
~*~
Izzy: *bites mally's forehead*
*pause*
Mally: You just ate my forehead.
~*~
Izzy: I'm gonna go check out that light... If I get kidnapped by aliens, please tell me.
~*~
Mally: I love you more than chlamydia.
Izzy: *drops book*
~*~
Izzy: Where are you sleeping mally?
Mally: Oh, I'll probably move on to you in a minute.
~*~
Mally: I like your forehead.
Izzy: *stares*
Mally: It's radiating heat.
Izzy: *stares*
Mally: It is!
*silence*
I think you must be sick.
~*~
Izzy: *spazzes out*
Mally: STOP or i'll pee on you!
~*~
Mally: Move your hand, I can't see.
Izzy: Can't see what?
Mally: ...The music.
~*~
Mally: I want to touch myself.
~*~
Mally: *shoves hand in Izzy's face*
Do me.
*silence*
Izzy: *stares*
Mally: No, do my hand. No. Don't do my hand
Izzy: *stares*
Im totally diaried out man.
dewd.
exams in...well on monday. it is now saturday revision done: none well okay i tried a little bit. Failed. So me trying real real hard now. Must. Luck? Thanks
When im older I want to be Michael Jackson.
Me: Yeah i was up really late last night...:)
Vag: Doing what?
Me: Just doing stuff
Vag: Doing Nick?
*lmao*
Vag: omg my shoes are STILL wet from tomorow.
wtf
vag: Ugg my periods extra early this month, i dont know why
me: *inteligently* Well maybe your not pregnent?
Vag: thanks mall
Memories
*Mally and nick have argument*
Nick: ARE YOU JUST MAD THAT I HAVE MY CLOTHES ON?
Me: YES.
Brother: Yeah we met this guy on the street who's from your school. he says he knows you...
Me: Me? he knows me?
Brother: Well yeah thats what he said.
Me: Is he in my year?
Brother: No he's in year 8
Me: And he knows me?! haha im so goddamn popular.
Brother: *stare* anyway. yeah he says he knows you
Me: Whats his name
Brothrer: I dunu :S
Me: You didnt ask him?
Brother: no i told you we just met him on the street.
Me: okay well what did he look like?
Brother: well, he had this ...face
Me: *stare* He had a face? Helpfull. Thanks brother.
Ian: *totally seriously* Yeah i always found girl knickers to be quite uncomfertable.
*stare*
Good song
Gangsters Paradise – Coolio
As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
I take a look at my life and realise there's not much left
Cause I've been brassing and laughing so long that
Even my mamma thinks that my mind is gone
But I ain’t never crossed a man that didn't deserve it
Me be treated like a punk, you know that's unheard of
You better watch how you talking, and where you walking
Or you and your homies might be lined in chalk
I really hate to trip but I gotta lope
As they croak I see myself in the pistol smoke ... fool
I'm the kinda G that little homies want to be like
On my knees in the night, saying prayers in the street light
They been spending most their lives living in the gangsta's paradise
We keep spending most our lives living in the gangsta's paradise
Look at the situation, they got me facing
I can't live a normal life, I was raised by the strip
So I gotta be down with the hood team
Too much television watching got me chasing dreams
I'm a educated fool with money on my mind
Got my 10 in my hand and a gleam in my eye
I'm a loped out gangsta set trippin banger
And my homies is down so don’t arouse my anger ... fool
Death ain’t nothing but a heartbeat away
I'm living life do or die, what can I say
I'm 23 now but will I live to see 24
The way things is going I don't know
Tell me why are we so blind to see
That the ones we hurt are you and me.
They been spending most their lives living in the gangsta's paradise
We keep spending most our lives living in the gangsta's paradise
Power and the money, money and the power
Minute after minute, hour after hour
Everybody's running, but half of them ain’t looking
What's going on in the kitchen, but I don't know what's cooking
They say I've got to learn but nobody's here to teach me
If they can't understand it, how can they reach me
I guess they can't
I guess they won't
I guess they front
That's why I know my life is out of luck ... fool
They been spending most their lives living in the gangsta's paradise
We keep spending most our lives living in the gangsta's paradise
Tell me why are we so blind to see
That the ones we hurt are you and me.
Tell me why are we so blind to see
That the ones we hurt are you and me.
James:
Come back to have another go at me?
Me:
actually yeah i do have some things to say. Firstly I dont appreciate you telling anybody to die. Especially my fucking friends. Its pretty fucking low.
James:
oh well
James:
anything elsE?
Me:
No not really , ill let you reflect on that.
James:
reflect on what
Me:
haha. goodbye asshole.
Again:
James
u guna join in wit bert [berite- my friend :)] an call me a pedo as well?
Me:
nope
James:
well u seem to take berties side ova mine in everything even tho uv nown me longer so u might as well cause shes been doin it
Me:
Yes, Im gonna take the side of the person who ive known longer even though hes telling MY FRIEND that she should curl up in a ball and die, that she's a slut and a waste of space. That is pretty fucking low james. I didnt now you could reach that far down. I guess you did, yet again.
James:
YEAH WELL MALLI IF U EVA FOUGHT Y IM HAVIN A GO AT BERTIE THN U WOULD FIND OUT SHES DA ONE HU IS EXTREAMLY LOW
Me:
Calm down firstly. So tell me James, what has Berties life got to do with you? Your not dating her, you tell her to die, so im thinking your not friends either. whats bothering you anyway? Kay if you think shes messing up her life, fine, you dont need to tell her to die. shes my fucking friend and i wont let you talk to her like that.
James:
malli like i sed if u new y i was havin a go u would see she is lower thn i am. an i neva sed she was messin her life up actualy.
Me:
woopde doo
James:
yeah see ur willin to take her side an not even listen to what she has done
Me:
and what right do you have to tell someone to go die? and that their a waste of space. and No i wont listen to "gossip", Shes told me already and i believe her because she isnt trying to buy friends with gossip and shit. I never asked her to tell me, but she did, and its almost like you WANT to tell me so i can be turn against her too. James grow up.
James:
yeah she probs has told u aload of shit malli stop bein small minded an get both sides of the story
Me:
Im sorry but this is a waste of my time. Its alot easier letting go and growing up James instead of playing childish games.
James:
im not playin childish games im stickin up for a friend
Me:
Snap
James:
Anyways your only listenin to 1 side of da story
Me:
Im going now. Bye
Kay this is a special entry in tribute of...
[IAAAAN!]
My dearest friend. We've been through so much. We were enemies during year 7. Ian was so mean. He ruined my artwork. He was a troubled child. BUT NOW PEOPLE WE ARE THE BEST. i love you IAN. I even cured him of girlaphobia, now he cant go anywhere without me clinging onto him tightly. He also does hugs now :O I know, im the best.
Yes.
Love you Nai....
Love Love is not about lovingthe perfect person. Its about loving the imprerfect person perfectly. Its not about what he/she has to offer to you. Everything they can give you. Its about what you will accept. And what you will give in return. Love is about understanding. Love their body Love their mind Love their dreams Love their thoughts Love their smile Love their tears Just love them for who they are and nobody else beacuse thats all they can be. Respect them. Love is about...
omg funny day...
After school I met this boy. Well guy. whatever. it was male. And he was like 16 years old I think
His name Is Eric
Eric is an exchange student from panama.
So we started talking and hes really cool. He said to me
"Can I please take a picture of you?"
[Which was a little weird. admittedly]. But i was like okay.
*click* lol.
So he now has a picture of me. haha. that was weird though. How often do you get like a foreign exchange student ask for your picture. I felt like a celebrity.
He said when he'de been around school hes always wanted to talk to me but never got the chance. aw lol ;p haha.
So i was like "[kewlnesssss]". And Then I said ;
well i have to get my bus, Il talk to you tomororow?
and he said
[I cant Im leaving back for Panama today, its my last day here, its a shame i didnt get to know you sooner ;( do you please have address, so i can write to you?]
lol :S *blink*
He ment like an email address. He even got a pen and Paper out for me. haha.
:P
Well.
That was an interesting day.
Cutest thing... By my little brother. For homework he was asked to write a few diary enteries describing his saddest day evar.
Before you read. Do Take note that all of this happened in a series of 3 consequtive days.
[Nothing has been edited. all in his spelling etc. My brother is 10 years old]
December 23rd
dear diary
Today was the sadest day of my LIFE.[oh no. lets have a communal weep] It was my dads funeral.[see this is what goes on in the mind of my brother. this is how much we love our daddy] I cried like a baby on my mothers shoulder.[lol dewd. you are a baby] Mum wasnt crying yet but i knew she was just holding it in. My dad died when he was coming back from work in his car when Smash![hey nice literary technique] A drunken driver rammed his car in the water and that was where he drowned to death.[oh so graphic. thanks] Just beforre the service started mum ran outside. A few moments later she came back with a hanker cheif [lol. hanker cheif] and started drying her eyes. What could possibly get worse? [well....]
December 24th
Dear diary
Today was ok but it could of been better.[you think? Your father died yesterday] Mum was in her room praying as usual [three words: what the fuck?]while I was quietly watching Tv.[oh so quietly] Mum come to me and softly said "Do you mind if you dont have any food today" [OMFG LOL YEWP]I replied yes. I knew what was happening. [mom was on Speed?] Before mom didnt have a job so dad got all the money. [DADS DEAD ] Mum was loosing money fast.[nice..]
December 25th
dear diary
I was invited to a christmas party with my friends [what friends?] and I went.[I bet they loved that] But when i got back I gave my mom a loaf of bread [a loaf of BREAD? who the hell are you, jesus christ?]that i stole from mmy friend [you STOLE a loaf of BREAD from your FRIEND?] because i knew what mum was going through.[bread berievement] It was sad to see what she does to get through life. I was stealing for a week now but at least i got something to eat. [what? like bread?]When i gave mum the haf [haf lo] she asked where i got it from and i replied that i bought it [yes. because mom was loosing money "fast"]. But there was some good news after all. [OH REALLY? what could possibly get better than FREE BREAD] Mom met this man on the street.[*blink* its been what two days? a man..on the street] Mom sounded like she really liked this man on then street [does this man have a name or is he just the man on the street?] and his name was Jack. [oh there we go...]
december 26th
dear diary
Today was the hapiest day of my life.[four days later and...tada....] My mom was marrying Jack [*blink*] and we wouldnt ever be poor agaain[yay. all my worries are gone. free bread maybe?]. All my troubles were over .[haha there we go] no more stealing.[bread....] I think jack will be a great dad [wtf? hes marrying your mother a few days after your FATHER died and suddenly what...hes gonna adopt you?] but I still cant thinking about my real dad who is still in heaven somewhere ["heaven somewhere"]. And I could see in m mums eyes that she hasnt forgot about him either. [but shes marrying jack, the guy from the street like 4 days after your father died from a raging alcoholic, fell into a river where he drowned to death, forcing you to live in starvation, with nothing but a load of bread every day that you stole from your "Friends". life is beautiful]
Just for you David.
David: Malllllly….Do you have your R.E book?
Mally: No I don’t…. I forgot it
David: hm okay. Mallllly do you have your Spanish Books?
Mally: No I don’t
*Silence*
david: Malllly? Do you have your bag?
Mally: Probably not
David: Have you seen Daddy Day Care?
Ian: No
David: ok. have you seen the part where the girls like...
Ian: DAVE. I HAVNT SEEN IT.
*Watching "Mississippi Burning " in Re*
Mally Hey he looks like Tom hanks.....and toby Maguire
Ian: What a crossbred?
*lots and lots of laughing because Ian is just so funny*
David: Hey mally, you look like...
mally: who who who?
david<?b>: that guy...
*Siilence*
<b>mally: Guy?
david: Off CBBC. Cbeebies. The tweenies? YES thats it.
(For those who do not knnow - the tweenies are creature liek things)
Ian: Dave but their like colourfull, bright pink creature things.
david: Yeah so?
Ian: How kind, Mally, dave thinks you look like a TWEENIE!
mally: yay *unenthusiasti
David: OH WAIT.. wrong one. I meant the teletubbies. LALA? no wait. PO.
Ian: lmao. the red one?
David: Yeah i think so
Mally: David will you please go suck your cock someplace else?
.Xx -+Sweet Dreams+- xX. x...May The Angels Be Watching You While You Sleep...x x...Think Of Me Because I Will Be Thinking Of You...x x...I love you...x
Kay. The time is 12:30 people and i really cant be bothered staying up tonight. Im not tired i just. i dont know. i cant even explain. this just seems so pointless.
didnt get much work done today. not much at all.
Chris helped me with history. Ive done as much as I can. so thats okay.
English is in for friday so I can do that on thursday Night.
Gotta really thinka bout media though.
hmmph.
But anyway.
Called Nicholas today.
XD
He is So beautiful.
Vag called today
:O Im so popular.
I like totally didnt speak to phill much today. only a little. he gave me a hug :P haha. but that was it. I think he feels neglected.
vAG AND Matt are going out. WHICH I AM HAPPY FOR. i just feel like i have to be less close with Matt, i mean, its only fair.I love them both. And like, i think we need to back off a little anyways.
I think.
Tomorow is Tuesday.
Ugh.
History english maths science spanish Re.
Ugh.
History NO
English NO
Maths NO
Science NO
Spanish NOOOO
Re. OKAY. :0
ugh my birthday in....
[10 days]
Not that im counting.
Im way to kewl for that.
oh man. another year has just gone by so quickly. Urgh
oh my gawd. This is hawtness at its finest. At its hawtest. Im marrying this man. *aaaah* *ooooh* *aaah* I love you Nicholas.
fucking school
Exams in one week.
We are supposed to be having revision time.
Instead of countless essays and questions and coursework to do for homework.
I cant do all of this.
I Cant do like 17 pages of history questions, ([yes . I did say 17)
I cant do approxamatley 9 pages of Media coursework from scratch.
I cant do three questioned pages of maths standard deviation.
I cant do English coursework
I cant do Drama prep
I cant do Revision for ALL my fucking subjects
All in one week
Most of them are due for sometime soon, like tomorow onwards.
I know what i can do.
I know what i cant do.
I cant do that.
fucking school
Im really starting to freak out now. I need to do good in these motherfucking exams.
I have my reasons.
I cant fail this. OMG. how am i gonna do this. kay so like i have all my subjects to revise. and in all my subjects, i have lots of mini topics to revise. We havnt had ONE revision list, of what we actually need to know. All i know is when the exam starts.
what the fuck am i gonna do guys? I cant fucking revise for fucking Everything and fucking get my fucking shit in for the fucking deadlines. And i know no matter how many times i say "fucking" its not gonna fucking help me. Fuck.
I dont know any of this. its gonna be a long night.