http://www.freewebs.com/benstroozies/

 its some funny shit people

 a rather dangerous combination actually

I guess its my Birthday today.

Happy birthday to me

I <3 him

A note From TEH VAG

[A Note To Teh Nicholas from vag]

 i appologise for her um. uniqueness. 

*Mally telling vag who was online on her contact list*

Me: this guy called tom, this girl called kirsty, this guy called Ian, This guy called Brad, this guy called Cal, this girl called nikita, this guy called uh girl.

Ian Is TEH SHITZ muthafucka.

And Im a

motherfucking gangsta

:::Ian's Just Jealous Cos I Got Nice Legs:::

Fifteen years ago yesterday two days tomorow today one day tomorow I was born

Fifteen years ago yesterday two days tomorow today one day tomorow I was born

fifteen years ago two days tomorow I was born

Anybody?

Yes please

Nick: Its because i dont feel I have to be "cool" around you.
Me: Trust me. your not.

Chemistry: I dont want to talk about it.

But Ian thanks for all the help. I still dont understand Balancing equations. Yeah i dont care if you find it easy. I dont.

please fuck off and die

[Not you Ian. I <3 you. Just everybody else please. Thanks].


And on the topic of thank yous and call outs to people :

[+] Ben I appologise for um, saying, well I believe my exact words were "Please Die". Im really sorry. I dont want you to die. I just. I was just pissed off. You can continue talking to me on msn if you want. No more death threats. Promise.


[+] Matt PLEASE stop asking my mother for her phone number its just wrong. And no i didnt tell you that you could "touch her" and no you cant educate my brother on the joys of puberty and masterbation.


[+] Izzy I DEW love you. Even though our conversation was sorta like :

Izzy: Mally! I love you
Me: *Silence* I hate you.

You know I love you. I just dont Love chemistry thats all.

[+] Nicholas. Thanks for the anal.

[+] Joe, im still coming over to play Halo. I dont care if your afraid.

[+] Joe ([yewp and again]) its not funny writing "[Mally loves cock]" Places I cant reach. One day Ill grow and really hurt you. Actually Ill hurt you now and just grow later.

[+] David you may possibly be the most annoying motherfucker on this planet but you know I <3 you. kinda. sorta. Thanks for getting me out of that study room though.
Very brave of you. But next time Ian's tryiing to teach me, please just die, temporairly or something.

[+]Izzy Im coming to your house tomorow. I hope you read this before Tomorrow. If not, oops, and doesnt matter, Im Still coming over. If you do, imma be spontainious and come over to your house tomorow. this conversation never happened.

[+] Mark I know your new and everything. But that is no excuse. Smugly raising your eyebrows and saying "alright" to me doesnt make us friends Yet. I know you think Im weird but i really dont care. Your not too great either but im not complaining. btw. nice hair.

[+] Bell Me miss you.

[+] Phil My reflexes Are improving. Sooner or later you'll never be able to attack me during break, lunch and other gaps that we may cross eachother. Oh and thanks for the breif sex just before my spanish orals. Too bad you came too soon. I mean, too bad you left too soon. Phil. I hate you.

Phil: *following mally* mally turn around
me: NO I DONT LIKE IT FROM BEHIND.
phil: ooh thats not waht you said last night *picks up*
me: shit.

[+] MATT. Muffy muffy muffy. I know you are stressed but thats no excuse for totally screaming at me today. And no breast luck either. hah. people saw you.





Brother: Your so gay you idiot ([vicious I know])
Me: Uh whats wrong with gay people? are you homaphobic?
Brother: no its just gross . like gay men *Shudders*
Me: so why are you calling me gay like its an insult. homopobe
Brother: what does that mean
Me: people who are anti gays
Brother: oh I thought it ment people who were afraid of gays.
me: lmao
Brother: it said phobic on it. you gay idiot.





Matt: mally, would you ever fuck a fat person?
Me: lol hmm i dont think so :P unless i was REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY DEEPLY IN LOVE WITH THEM. AND HEAVILY SEDATED.

Kay im bored. I think if i revise anymore my brain will implode with nothing ness. Its a weird feeling.

I know so little that i cant possibly know more than all that i do know already.

Kay this ones gonna be a long one. lets get prepared.

Firstly, last night , at around 3 O'clock i decided this Really wasnt working. I packed my bag (Well just pencil pen ruler and shit) and went into my beautifull bed.

The floor of my room was not visable.

usually im the type who must get up and sort it out. But it was late. I WAS STRESSED (YES) and I just thought "fuck it" and got into bed. With my giant tigger which know your all jealous off.


[I huggled him ever so tightly]


I was like praying, just saying that i know i didnt prepare for this really well but i PROMISE that i will next time and like, yeah im a Stupid girl and um. yeah. that sorta lordy shit.

It was a last resort lol.

I must do well on these exams.


Anyway, sooner or later i guess Gawd gave me a sedative.

I Fell asleep.

Woke up to the wonderfull noise of the birds chirping in the trees.

I felt like i could have shot them. .

So the day was starting of great.

XD I wore my super furry socks which i thought would Trap heat since its a cold day.

Little did Mally know that it would also trap water.

So fucking aragh.

I wore my boots and my furry socks and my anklets and toe rings and shit ([im just like that i cant help it. i like prettty feet]). And Within the first 5 minutes of leaving my house my socks were soaked through. The water was even trapped in the super furryness of them
.

super pissed off

Cos nothing lasts for ever
And we both know hearts can change
and its hard to hold a candle
In the cold November rain

Oh take me back to the stars

YESSSSS.


My exams were a sucess thanks for asking.

I was totally freaking out.

As you can imagine.

german: Okay I guess, most of the questiosn were okay...some i think i made a few stupid mistakes on but fuck off and die please.

Physics: OMFGFGFGFGFGFG. SO EASY. i almost had a heart failure when i saw the questions, I was thining "wait a sec. I KNOW THIS". Somethings gotta be wrong eg?

German Orals: Seriously freaking out here. ask izzy. she had to drag me to the orals. but the teacher was really helpfull and definatly helped me out. at teh end she said :
"Mally, why dont you talk like this in class time, ive never heard you speak german so fluently. youve definatly passed with flying colours. im extreamly impressed!!! well done"

[that made my day]


S.h.i.t.

 Spanish, English and Chemistry tomorow.


argh

Newp Most definatly not.

I am offically fucked.

Oh and Nicholas.

I <3 Oral sex with you.

I also love you.

I also love fewd.

Please stare at me fondly.

















Thank you.
That was Beautiful.


I felt it.

Newp Most definatly not.

I am offically fucked

there are not even hours in teh day

For me to do this

**mom puts the most hideous coat on ever**
Mom: I don’t care what you say. I like it, imma wear it. I asked your aunt and she said it looked fine!
Me: Mom no, please don’t do this…
Mom: do WHAT!
Me: Mom you look half male and maybe a tiny portion female, and the rest I don’t even know…mom please no
Mom: Mall, that’s not very nice! **laughs**
Me: yeah im sorry but neither is that thing your wearing
Mom: OH come ON
Me: Mom I will not be seen with you in that. **both laugh**
Mom: Ugh why do you make me do this **Takes of coat and puts it in the closet**
Me: THANK YOU
Mom: Why do you do that!
Me: Do what
Mom: that!
Me: Im protecting you

[omg the funniest shit EVER]



Nick: MY WIFE, MY LOVING WIFE. PLZ MARRY ME IN 10 MINUTES
Me: how about five?
*Silence*
Nick: k like, do you seriously wanna get married like when i see you this year?

Me: Um we could wait lol
Nick: nah im kiddin i would never marry you
Me: Oh gee. lets never get married
Nick: k
Me: OMG NICK YOUR BOYFRIEND POINTS = GONE TOTALLY
Nick: Fuck. okay lwell i still have husband points. lets get married so i can move onto losing those too.

Yes this is the man i will be spending the rest of my life with....how ironic

ni[Mally and Izzy's Robin Hoods Bay shit]

Scene:[In the car]

Izzy: LOOK!! SNOW!! *bang* Ow...

~*~

Mally: I don't like softmints
Izzy: Why?
Mally: They're too... Minty.

~*~

*Izzy's mom and Izzy's mom's friend talking about a mutual friend*
Izzys mom: So how is she these days?
Izzys moms friend: Dead

Scene:[Mally and Iz lying in bed... Don't ask]

Mally: Hahaha! Isobel, you kissed me.
Izzy: Yurs.
*pause*
    You raped my hand
*pause*
Mally: Yurs.

~*~

*silence*
*kick*
Izzy: What?!
Mally: You're not talking!!
Izzy: Yes. I know.
*silence*
*kick*
Mally: Why aren't you talking?!?!!?

~*~

Izzy: You were saying something earlier, or something, and then I did something... Or something.
*silence*
Mally: What?

~*~

Mally: What does that say?
*Reads*
OOH haha. I thought it said scrotums...

*silence*

Izzy and Mally in unison: I dont like scrotums

~*~

Mally: i see dead breasts. they're all around me.

~*~

*Izzy lies on mally's legs*
mally: Aah, your obesity against my legs is almost....orgasmic
Izzy: *mortified*

~*~

Izzy: Death doesnt have a cock... It rotted away.

~*~

*Mally walks out of toilet*
Mally: I think i just lost my virginity to a tampon. It feels like i have 5 fingers up my ass.
Izzy: ...Up your ass?
Mally: ...You know what i mean

~*~

*mally and izzy talking about having sex in a rainforest*
Mally: We have to do that sometime *dreamy*
*silence*
Izzy: ...But not together.

~*~

Mally: Please?
Izzy: No.
Mally: Please
Izzy: No
Mally: Please
Izzy: No
Mally: Please
Izzy: NO!!!
Mally: Fine.
*silence*
*mally starts humming the song for about 5 minutes over and over again*
Izzy: OH FOR FUCKS SAKE *falls of bed*

~*~

*Izzy is talking about Stuart*
Izzy: Hes just so... Aaah... And he has such nice... Mmmmm and his... Aaahh....*makes strange noises*
*silence*
Mally: You know, moaning really isnt going to help me understand the situation.

~*~

*Izzy is reaching under the bed for some chocolate
Izzy: Chocolate!
*struggles*
ARGH!
*Falls head first off the bed*
Ahem
*silence*
FUCK!
THERE'S NO NO CHOCOLATE LEFT.
*pause*
Mally: I know, i just wanted to watch you fall :)

~*~

Mally: Stuart.
Izzy: Bastard.
Mally: Stuart.
Izzy: Bastard.
Mally: Stuart.
Izzy: Bastard.
Mally: You miss him, don't you?
Izzy: Yep. Bastard.

~*~

Izzy: Like, actually totally SO much.
Mally: Wow. That's all your favourite words. In the same sentence. That's SO wrong.

~*~

*Mally and Izzy talking about kissing*
Izzy: It'll come naturally when the come comes.
*pause*
Mally: ...When the come comes?
Izzy: Time. When the TIME comes.

~*~

*Izzy turns light off*
Izzy: Where's my monkey?
Mally: *hugs Izzy tighter*
*pause*
Izzy: No, Mally. You're not my monkey.
*pause*
Mally: I'm a monkey?

~*~

Mally: I'm thinking... But nothing's happening.

~*~

Izzy: Mally, you're so beautiful.
Mally: You deserve to be hit by a pillow
*pause*
*bang*

~*~

Mally: Can you imagine giving anal sex to George Bush?
Izzy: Quite frankly, Mally, I'd really rather not.
*pause*
Mally: In the white house.
*pause*
     Ew
*pause*
     It's no wonder they call it the white house.

~*~

Izzy: Fkooooooooorf!!!!!!
*pause*
Mally: ...What?

~*~

Izzy: *mumbles*
Mally: Did you just say bastard or fuck off?
Izzy:... I think I said 'spaz, actually....

~*~

Mally: You know what part of me hasn't been loved for a while? My ears.
Izzy: No.

~*~

Mally: Isobel, we need to have passionate sex.

~*~

*silence*
Mally: Your pupils are huge.
*pause*
     And you have green hair.
*pause*
     And you have big boobs.
*pause*
Izzy: Fkorf.

~*~

Izzy: *breaks bed*

~*~

Izzy: I have cold legs.
Mally: What?
Izzy: I have cold legs.
*pause*
Mally: I have a cold penis.

~*~

Mally: So james actually slapped you?
Izzy: Yurs.
Mally: Really hard?
Izzy: Yurs.
Mally: Why?
Izzy: 'Cos I jumped on him.
Mally: So what did you do then?
Izzy:... Jumped on him.

~*~

Mally: I feel as bloated as a helium balloon. Touch me.
Izzy: *blink blink*

~*~

Izzy: *writing stuff down*
Mally: You look perplexed
Izzy: *Blank stare*
Mally: Actually, no. Because that would involve using your brain.
Izzy: *blink*

~*~

Mally: Why did you just totally miss out a blank page?
Izzy: I actually have no idea.
*silence*
    Maybe I felt like it.

~*~

Mally: The best way to throw people off is to start the conversation again.
Izzy: Hey! I do that with myself!
Mally: *Stares*
*pause*
Izzy: Ok ignore that.

~*~

Izzy: *orgasms over perfume in a shopping centre*

~*~

*Mally is singing wonderwall*
   "And I don't believe that anybody's breasts are as big as mine..."
   "There are many things that I would like to do to you...."
   "Because maybeeeeeeee.... You're gonna be the one that fucks meeeeeeeeee... And after aaaaaaall... You're my wonderbaaaaaalls...."

~*~

Mally: Isobel, you're my thunderthighs.
Izzy: *looks up, mortified*
Mally: Oops.

~*~

Izzy: Mally, why are you so pushy?
Mally: I'm a pusher.
Izzy: Why?!
Mally: I'm a pusher, I push, it's what I do.

~*~

Izzy: *falls over* ...Ow. My insides. I think they're coming outside.
Mally: *observes carefully*
*pause*

     You know, you spend most of your life on the floor.

~*~

Izzy: That requires more concentration than... *loses interest*
Mally: ... Than you're capable of?

~*~

Izzy: Can I draw a chlamydia tattoo on your arm?
*silence*
Mally: What possessed you to think of that?! I think you need an exorcist.

~*~

Izzy: Malavika, my stomach is trying to communicate with you.

~*~

Izzy: Mally, your breasts are talking to me. Please, control them

~*~

*mally and Izzy are hugging*
*crack*
*pause*
Izzy: Mally, what the fuck was that?!
*pause*
    Was it your face?
Mally: No.
*pause*
     It was my neck.

~*~

Izzy: *bites mally's forehead*
*pause*
Mally: You just ate my forehead.

~*~

Izzy: I'm gonna go check out that light... If I get kidnapped by aliens, please tell me.

~*~

Mally: I love you more than chlamydia.
Izzy: *drops book*

~*~

Izzy: Where are you sleeping mally?
Mally: Oh, I'll probably move on to you in a minute.

~*~

Mally: I like your forehead.
Izzy: *stares*
Mally: It's radiating heat.
Izzy: *stares*
Mally: It is!
*silence*
     I think you must be sick.

~*~

Izzy: *spazzes out*
Mally: STOP or i'll pee on you!

~*~

Mally: Move your hand, I can't see.
Izzy: Can't see what?
Mally: ...The music.

~*~

Mally: I want to touch myself.

~*~

Mally: *shoves hand in Izzy's face*
     Do me.
*silence*
Izzy: *stares*
Mally: No, do my hand. No. Don't do my hand
Izzy: *stares*