[choke_on_dreams]'s diary

575302  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2005-05-15
Written: (7008 days ago)

Maybe its intuition.
But somethings you just dont question.
I love you Nicholas

575285  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2005-05-15
Written: (7008 days ago)

I think I am going to S c r e a m.

Everything I create, somebody fucking destroys it. Its happened so many times in this fucking life.

Even if its a small thing, my fucking father (usually is him) destroys it.

I was drawing a picture on paint. okay so its not a big deal. but im kinda, "good" at drawing on paint, and like ,i spent a long tme drawing this one thing.

I get off the computer for my dad to use it for a moment.

I come back.

and hes deleted it.


another time, i was sending this HUGE file to my friend.

He comes on.

closes it.

I think im going ot S c r e a m

575283  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2005-05-15
Written: (7008 days ago)

Me: I enrolled you onto a website :D
Vag: *silence* *Sternly* What ?
Me: cannibals annoymous
Vag: mally. please PLEASE tell me your joking
Me: no :)

574691  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2005-05-14
Written: (7009 days ago)

http://www.mayhem.net/Crime/cannibals1.html

strange.

just read some of it.

574680  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2005-05-14
Written: (7009 days ago)

My brother is fucking hillarious:



([Our indepth discussion about cannabals])

Brother: So like can they do anything special?
Me: anything special?
brother: like do they have special powers
me: who? cannibals?
brother: yeah. like can they climb up trees really fast
me: *LMFAO* lolololololol "can they climb up trees really fast" lol. no they're just normal people who eat...people.
brother: no but i mean, about the trees thing..like (we are tlaking about the scene in hannible when he throws that dewd out of the blacony with his intestines hangingout)...how did hannible get up to the top of the building if he cant climb trees really fast?
me: lmfao....there is such thing as stairs you know.
brother: oh are they allowed to climb up stairs?
me: omg lol YES. they can climb up stairs.
brother: so like, they eat other people
me: yewp thats what they do
brother: why?
me: i dunu, OOH if HUMANS ARENT meant to be eaten WHY ARE WE MADE OF MEAT!
brother: because thats the only product available at the supermarkets.


HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I <3 MAH BRO

Me: *points at picture of mary kate and ashlee* whos prettier
brother: well they kinda look the same to me


574571  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2005-05-14
Written: (7009 days ago)

My conversation with Mark:

Mark: i wnt boxxing lst nyte
me: oh nice! did you kill anybody?
Mark: no onli ad 2 fytes
Me: you had two fights and you didnt kill anybody? oh man. You suck.
Mark: well 3 but 1 wlked away.
Me: oh go you. okay Mark you need to start spelling your words correctly.
mark: lol
Me: its not a laughing matter.
mark: wot u up 2 2nyte
Me: wtf.
mark: I fort u wer cewt
me: what
mark: sweet innocent mali
me: as apposed to what? oh gosh no, im harcore mon.
mark: u broke mah heart
Me: I did what?! When :S?!

574556  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2005-05-14
Written: (7009 days ago)

.poop.

Ive become insanly addicted to this online dairy thing.
I enjoy writing.
Therefore I write.
Its simple really.

I also like to write in...
.short.
.quick.
.abrupt.
.sentances.
Its more dramatic.

I write about things.
That are unUsual.
Somethings people wouldnt normally write about.
weird.
eh?

.I <3 the ".".
.Teh fullstop.
.Just placing it randomly on sentances.
.Makes me happy.

x .Looks sexy too. x

I also write in different

sizes

Big

or small.

Bold or italic.

Maybe even underlined.

.Rebellious. I know.



I write with spaces.

Inbetween each line of text.

^^such as^^

Breaks down large clumps of writing.

Makes it easier to read.

My eyes go fuzzy.

And its boring to read

a large block of black text.

[So i incooperate colour....]

Its boring to read about exterordinary things.

trust me.

its all the same to me.

Its the small things,

the mundane things

that really interest me.

I dont care if you managed to anally screw the president of the united states.

Partly because I hate him.

But sure. it would be pretty funny.

Actually, if you did that. tell me.

I want to know all about that.

I would rather read about a little girls plight to reach the swings at a park

with out dropping her ice lolly.

Im just like that.

Odd I know.

Its good shit.


I have my own way of spelling words.

i dun tipe lik dis tho.

tis fuckin anoyin.

I can read.

I can write.

I am literate.

I do have an education.

hehe.

I like to add "w"'s into words.

eg:

hawt
kewl
kewt
sewn

also:

kyoot.
shexay

more later.
























.I like you.









.Already.























x .Thank you. x













. x . Youve already given me so much . x .
574555  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2005-05-14
Written: (7009 days ago)

     You are special....
                       You matter to me...
                           Im thinking of you...
                              I love you.................
                                More than anything......
574442  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2005-05-14
Written: (7009 days ago)

oh wow.

One of my Friends invited me to joing HI5 maybe a year back or so.

I thought it was Stupid.

Infact I Still do.

I never uploaded a picture of myself on it and i never got any msgs etc.....

f i n a l l y today I decided to do it.

I >uploaded< a picture and did my profile ect.

I left the computer for maybe 30 minutes

and when i got back....

I had 15 emails

I was like w.t.f.

It was All from hi5.

All these random people had added me.

made testimonials for me.

:S

and like msgsed me.

it was Weird?

I like declined all of them. lol. strange.

574432  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2005-05-14
Written: (7009 days ago)

oww I had to cancel my sleepover because im a s i c k b u n n y.

Which by the way I am not happy about.

I had the strangest dream.

My mom bought me like so much weed.

And i was like jesus christ woman.

I heart you like no other
.

-----The end-----

odd eh?

My aunts coming over today :D which is a good thing because we get on really good.

gotta catch up :D:D:D:D

omg she asked me if i could get weed for her and my uncle and if I would s m o k e it with them.


I was like "I think I love you"

how strange

But I am So lucky! lol. I mean how many people have aunts like that.

Not many eh.

lol.

She was saying how she wants to make a giant bong in the bathtub. haha. Ide do it....

Anyway Im going out with meine mutter sewn...

-->>Some german there<<--

I havnt eaten yet.

I probably should

I Dont feel like going out At all.

Oh well.

Lifes a bitch

[I love you all.....]



574138  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2005-05-13
Written: (7010 days ago)

im always happy exept when im sad

574132  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2005-05-13
Written: (7010 days ago)

The things that dont kill you make you stronger
574130  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2005-05-13
Written: (7010 days ago)

"*"*"*"*"ON MSN"*"*"*"*"*

matt: hihi
me: DONT TALK TO ME I HAVE AIDS
matt: dont care. prolly have it too
me: fair enough

574095  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2005-05-13
Written: (7010 days ago)

My mom just hugged me and said

"God I love you so much"

It .b.r.o.k.e. my heart.

574089  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2005-05-13
Written: (7010 days ago)

[smoke it like you mean it.....]

574069  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2005-05-13
Written: (7010 days ago)

x .Nicholas, I dreamed you into my life. x
574061  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2005-05-13
Written: (7010 days ago)

I'll be your dream
I'll be your wish
I'll be your fantasy.
I'll be your hope
I'll be your love
Be everything that you need.
I love you more with every breath
Truly madly deeply do..

I will be strong I will be faithful
'Cos I'm counting on a new beginning.
A reason for living.
A deeper meaning.

I want to stand with you on a mountain.
I want to bathe with you in the sea.
I want to lay like this forever.
Until the sky falls down on me...


And when the stars are shining brightly
In the velvet sky,
I'll make a wish
Send it to heaven
Then make you want to cry..
The tears of joy
For all the pleasure and the certainty.
That we're surrounded
By the comfort and protection of..
The highest power.
In lonely hours.
The tears devour you.

.
I want to stand with you on a mountain,
I want to bathe with you in the sea.
I want to lay like this forever,
Until the sky falls down on me...


Oh can't you see it baby?
You don't have to close your eyes
'Cos it's standing right before you.
All that you need will surely come...

I'll be your dream
I'll be your wish
I'll be your fantasy.
I'll be your hope
I'll be your love
Be everything that you need.
I'll love you more with every breath
Truly madly deeply do...

x.savage garden.x : fuck bags. but a cute song
574048  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2005-05-13
Written: (7010 days ago)

Emotions can be overwhelming.

We all know that.

We all know how our minds can be litterally obbsessed with a patricular emotion.

for example : love :D

It doesnt get much easier but i guess it helps to know that its all really in your head.

no. im not doubting your feelings here.

not even a little bit.

but you need to understand the power of the mind.

the conents we humans use of this storage is so minimal. its astounding actually.

Yet....

our mind is the most powerfull organ in our body.

we find outselves dwelling on possibilities and fantasies

rather than physical facts.



but it is in these possibilities that we build and construct our dreams.

We conform around this, the world to fit in these dreams like a lost peice of the puzzle.


This is not bad. because learning this and accepting, we are able to make changes in our lives to go with what confroms

OR


to go against what has been driven in our brain even before conception.

Patterns are able to be changed. New roads can be built.

Now you ask what does this have to do with your problem?

Simple.

Accept you are in control.

And you dont really have to change a thing.


this probably didnt make much sense to anybody.

It did to me however.

I just answered my own problem

and It feels good :D

573384  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2005-05-12
Written: (7011 days ago)

I was dying for the tinkle room today on the way back from school.

It was murder.

When I got home, my mom was fumbling for the keys downstairs, and then upstairs and then downstairs again.

I felt my life flash before my very eyes.

[Trevor 6879]

oh. my. gawsh.

^^Ide do her ^^

Im not saying shes ugly at all. Im just saying, could you possibly be more up your own ass?

I think not.

Anyway.

I AM SICK

HELLO

HELP ME PLEASE.

.ugghhh motherfucker.

tom is being an asshole.

hatty is doing drugs squad (yes I know im cool, yes I know im a hypocrit. fuck the hell off assholes) with me on tuesday.

My Dear partner, burnsy isnt here because of study leave :D

that fucking year 8 cunt Aaron is in my Class
well the class im teaching <.

I cant be bothered explainging what this drugs squad thing is.

too sick

IM SICK.

573343  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2005-05-12
Written: (7011 days ago)

I think im sick.

573338  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2005-05-12
Written: (7011 days ago)

ok I just gargled but i dont feel much better.

I think im going to cry.

 The logged in version 

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