[choke_on_dreams]'s diary

576842 Link to this entry
Written about Tuesday 2005-05-17
Written: (7131 days ago)

Izzy and I have magical RainBow Prisims.

Therefore we are teh rainbow people.

I stole them from the science department.

To shed colour onto our lives.

We are teh rainbow people.

576836 Link to this entry
Written about Tuesday 2005-05-17
Written: (7131 days ago)

I believe in angels. The kind that heaven sends. i'm surrounded by Angels. But I call them my best friends

Dear Malavika,

This is a [♥Love letter♥] In order for me to express my unparalleled love for you.

This is going to be One of those notes that you have to keep, because it means [-...more...] than any simple words ever could.

Apart from these three:

[. I . L o v e . Y o u .]

3 magical little words that are so very small mut mean so very much

Do you know what they mean Malavika?

Lets start with some definitions, shall we?

[+ I +]:  The person speaking or writing used in referring to himself or herself.

[+Love+]:  A strong liking for someone or something ; a passionate affection for another 
person, the obect of such affection.

[+You+]:  Second person singular or plural ; the person or persons spoken to.

Love is generally believed to come from the heart, a hollow muscular [Organ....] that pumps blood around the body.

Ovbiously this is rubbish, as [love....] is an emotion. The heart cannot [Feel...], And all emotions come from the brain.

[♥ HOWEVER ♥ ] ,I love you with all my brain, does not have the same ring to it as [I love you with all my heart], so the error is universally accepted.

Okay now for my bit.

.[We are teh rainbow people].

576832 Link to this entry
Written about Tuesday 2005-05-17
Written: (7131 days ago)

["I want to hear a poem where ideas kiss similies so deeply that metaphors get jealous..."]

576827 Link to this entry
Written about Tuesday 2005-05-17
Written: (7131 days ago)

 I'de Die For You










I'de Kill For You

576773 Link to this entry
Written about Tuesday 2005-05-17
Written: (7131 days ago)

My piano teacher said that Im "Musically Inclined"

And That I make a "good sound"

Which many much older and more experianced pianists,

dont do.

Not that im boasting or anything.

No actually.

I am.

Makes me Happy.

576604 Link to this entry
Written about Tuesday 2005-05-17
Written: (7132 days ago)

Why do all superheroes wear spandex?

I can cry under water

576592 Link to this entry
Written about Tuesday 2005-05-17
Written: (7132 days ago)

[I <3 IxxY]

x .For being my best friend. x
x . For loving me unconditionally . x
x . For never judging me . x
x . For instead of sympathising when I cry. She cries with me . x
x . For controlling me when I freak out . x
x . For Never letting me go . x
x . For all the warmth . x
x . (From your breasts) . x
x . For All the Underwear . x
x . For All our ballards . x
x . For Britney spears . x
x . For all the colour . x
x . For all the nothing . x
x .  For it will always be my something . x


[=======================================]

x . For All The giggles . x
x . For All The tears . x
x . For All The courage . x
x . For All The fears . x

x . For All The Times . x 
x . For All The twirls . x
x . For All The Rhymes . x
x . For All The swirls . x

x . For All The Smiles . x
x . For all the songs . x
x . For All the Short . x
x . For All the Long . x
x . For all the drugs . x
x . For All The weed . x
x . For All The Love . x
x . Its All I need . x

576171 Link to this entry
Written about Monday 2005-05-16
Written: (7132 days ago)

omfg

I think im going to cry.

I just broke my back.

Again.

I cant move

576127 Link to this entry
Written about Monday 2005-05-16
Written: (7132 days ago)

mom: So how are you planning to teach them?
me: Well basically I just give them the facts about drugs, like the effects and stuff....
mom: uhhuh
me: you know, I havnt once told them NOT to take drugs.
mom: you havnt?!
me: nope. I think there are better ways to handle the situation. We're not there to run their life, and make desicions for them. We just provide them with all the information that they need to make them themselves
mom: oh come on! surely you should tell them that drugs are wrong.
me: whats the use though? if you tell a child not to do something, they WILL do it. Whether its specifically in spite of you, and in an act of rebellion or not. it happens mom. I know
mom: okay but shouldnt you stress the fact that drugs are bad for you?
me: moooom, yeah ill tell them what they do to you and what can happen IF you take them but i cant say to them "dont do drugs. you will die". Its probably not even the truth
mom: I guess so
me: *pause* I would never ever inject any drug into me
mom: you would never ever take a drug again (she knows about the weed) young lady
me: lol mother. Im a drug addict. I cant help it.
mom: well...
me: *back click EXTREAMLY LOUDLY* AHHHHHHHH
mom: oh wow. have you noticed that everytime you sort of answer back to me, something like that happens to you.
me: OMG I MOVE. *jumps up and dances* MOM I CAN MOVE. MY BACK DOESNT HURT ANYMORE. IM CURED. OMG. I CLICKED IT BACK TO PLACE
*silence*
me:...What were you saying
mom: oh shut up.

lol

Me: So yah mom, I feel much more confident in class and stuff. its really good. I even volenteered to read in english :D you know how much i hated that. Also I play the part of Elizabeth Proctor when we;re acting it out :)
mom: thats really really reallys good! so what do you think made you change?
me: mmm. Maybe its the drugs.
mom: really?
me: *Seriously* yes

*end of conversation*

576090 Link to this entry
Written about Monday 2005-05-16
Written: (7132 days ago)

That is just so wrong.

Im Extreamly Bored.

Well Its Just 10:48.

I Found My Rancid and Oasis Cd.

Back Of The Drawer.

Makes Me Happy.

Well tomorrow Im Teaching 6 Lessons On Drugs.

.YaY.

I refuse to tell them not to take drugs.

If you tell anybody not to do something...they are ovbioulsy going to do it.

I know that.

Instead, I think its important to tell them all the information they need to know about something.

The effects etc....

And let them make the decision.

Its stupid telling them otherwise.

Telling them "Drugs are Bad. Dont do drugs. you will die.".

Fuckers.

Okay I feel like diving head first into a fully fledged conversation with you. My love. Im feeling exteamly articulate and fluant today with my words. Which is good. I like talking. I like writing. I like. I like I like I like. :D:D:D.

576041 Link to this entry
Written about Monday 2005-05-16
Written: (7132 days ago)

I <3 VAG

576039 Link to this entry
Written about Monday 2005-05-16
Written: (7132 days ago)

name: brian
male
age 72

widowed

smokes 40 cigs per day

smoking for 50 years

he no longer works but was a teacher till he retired

health is reasonable

He sniffs various solvents on his own

576037 Link to this entry
Written about Monday 2005-05-16
Written: (7132 days ago)

I have found a quick an easy way to ingest resin that works really well!
Simply crumble some heated resin ontop of a MacFlurry ice cream - my
favourite is the Cadburys Chocolate one - stir in the magic 'chuncks' and
eat as normal.

The cold ice cream helps mask some of the bitterness of the resin and
crunching on the chocolate chips - along with the odd resin chunk - helps
grind it up and make it easy to absorb.

Normally within an hour, sometimes as much as two, the full effects kick
in and can be very trippppppy!!!! Much much better than smoking.

Cannabis Toast
You will need:
1. Lump of Butter
2. Cannabis (solid resin)

How?:
1. Crumble finely a good amount on to some butter.
2. Put under grill to melt cannabis into butter.
3. Repeat as necessary
4. Toast the toast
5. Spread the butter with added cannabis onto the toast.
6. Enjoy!

Me and Ixxy are going to have some FUN

575997 Link to this entry
Written about Monday 2005-05-16
Written: (7132 days ago)

http://www.cannabis.net/weblife.html

Strange

Im not a spider

575906 Link to this entry
Written about Monday 2005-05-16
Written: (7133 days ago)

Im a Creep

Im so creepy

575891 Link to this entry
Written about Monday 2005-05-16
Written: (7133 days ago)

If I get two cats. Im going to call them ~:


                              Lucifer
                                 and
                              Vodka

How very hawt.

I like the name Rhianna

Megan too. But pronounced Maygen.

Turquoise.

eww. Turkey!

Canvas.

And as suggested by Nicholas :

.Zen.

And isnt that the hawtest name you have Ever come across?

[+] willow
[=] Coral
[+] Indigo

575856 Link to this entry
Written about Monday 2005-05-16
Written: (7133 days ago)

Things to Do:

[.1.)] Shave my Legs

[2)] Wash My hair --->Shampoo ---> Condition ---> Dry

[3)] Curl My hair

[4)] Paint My Nails.

[5)] Sing along to Power ballards.

[6)] Light insence

[7)] Prance around in my underwear.

[8)] Marvel at the colour [x-x Pink x-x]

[9)] Draw doodles in your diary of little fluffy bunnies and hearts.

---------->[And you say its not fun to be a girl?]<----------

575854 Link to this entry
Written about Monday 2005-05-16
Written: (7133 days ago)

[.F o r . T h o s e . W h o .  C a r e . ]

Well its difficult to explain who I am. Its not something you can write down for you in words. I can try.
Firstly I’m a very opinionated person. If I think something. I say it. If I say something. I’m thinking it. Sometimes I can be brutally honest. But I hate hurting people. I hate it because if I hurt someone. If somebody is hurting, I can see it in their eyes. And that kills me. I can be somewhat vain. I am an extreme camera whore. Not because I think I’m beautiful. But because I enjoy taking pictures. Even if it is of me. Somedays I can wake up and feel so amazing. Just so beautiful. So pretty. So confident. So alive. I want every one to know it. I want every one to feel how I feel. Otherdays I wake up feeling ugly. I look in the mirror, and I see this distorted image of a girl. Somewhere in-between something she’s doing. Not quite started. Not quite finished. Not knowing where to go. Just sort of…there. Alive. Breathing. Aching. Hurting. Smiling. Laughing. Loving.
I cant explain my feelings.
I never seem to find my place. Somewhere I can just be myself. To fit in. to be apart of something on a much larger scale. Larger than my universe I have created in myself.
I am an open person. Ill discuss almost anything and everything with you. But it takes me along time to trust somebody completely. Im afraid of getting too close to somebody because I know they can hurt me. When I love somebody, and they love me back, I let them in completely. I sometimes go through a phase when I suddenly push them away because I fear that they will hurt me. I don’t want to get hurt. I havnt felt that way with Nicholas. He’s different. But more about him later.
I love spending hours in my room creating things. I am a very crafty person. I love using my hands :D I love touch. I love using all my senses in whatever I am doing. I put a lot of time into the people I love. I can spend hours reading. I have adopted one of the steps on my staircase. I sit there for hours and read. I love spending five minutes early morning just staring out the window. Just watching the world go by. In slow motion. Time doesn’t seem to pass. Just takes a moment of my empty time to use for something worth while. I think everybody is beautiful. Nobody is ugly. The only time where somebody seems ugly is if they hate too much. You can see it in their eyes. That is ugly. I watch the people around me and I envy them. I wish that I could be as beautiful as they are. But I know I cant be. Its okay.
I find it extreamly difficult to sit still. I have to be doing something. With my hands. With my legs. With something. I love loners. I love the punk boy who sits at the back of the bus. Nobody sitting next to him. I crave love. I crave being wanted. I don’t want to be accepted and I don’t want to be understood because I don’t understand myself. Its difficult to accept the unknown. I know that. I see strangers, I see people I don’t know everywhere. But I feel familiar. I feel familiar with their pain, and with their happiness. I love eyes. I am pretty intelligent but I don’t put it to use. I don’t try as hard as I could some of the time. I’m not special by anyones standards. Im not special by societies standards. Im just a 15 year old girl in world of billions of people. I don’t stand out because I don’t try to. I don’t fit in because I don’t try to. Im just. .There. I don’t do great in all my subjects. But there are some I do okay in. I love to talk. I love to use big words. I love my vocabulary. Im very literate. I like typing out words to the full. Or I invent words of my own. Its because I’m cool.
I manage to fuck things up without even trying. One of my many talents. Even with instructions given to me at hand, my retarded side always prevail. I frustrate people easy. People frustrate me easily too. I am not patient. When I want something. I want it now.
I keep promises. I hate letting people down. I hate being ignored. I can’t stand it. I rather confront a problem straight away than be ignored for it.
I find it difficult to read time straight away. Especially if I’ve had weed. I like weed.
I like alcohol. It takes me a long time to tie my shoelaces. I have confidence problem sometimes. I feel insecure in places where there are a lot of people. I love to smile at people. Just strangers. Because I know that they will be thinking about it a long time after it happened. It lingers. And I love it.
My mind works in a strange way. I observe. I have so many thoughts in my head. All rushing around. I am not organised. I cant organise. I take my life as it comes. And its worked out fine so far.
My heart belongs to one they call Nicholas. I love him more than I could ever say. He is my everything and more. My anti-drug. My hero. My everything. He makes everything worth while. He is the smile upon my face.
I love pretty things. I love bright colours.
I don’t judge people but I observe people. I watch the same people everyday. Doing what they do. Not doing with they don’t do. Laughing, smiling, crying…. I love to watch people when they don’t think anybodies watching. I love to see how they interact with different people. The ones they love. The ones they “hate”. I amazing to notice that you are most like the ones you hate. I take note of what they wear, how they do their hair, how they act, how they smile and how they really feel. When one of them changes, I simply smile at them. They smile back. In a hint of confusion. But they know what I know. Nobody else.
I love awkward silences. I love just watching peoples reactions as one approaches. Their struggle to make it better. I’m laughing inside.
I love to be alone.
But I love to be around people.
I love to talk and I love the silence.
I <3 eyeliner.
I love ballet. I love dancing and music. I love my feet. I spend hours making my feet look pretty even though they arnt. I decorate them in little trinkets and toe rings and candy striped nail polish. I enjoy making cakes and other deserts. I don’t eat them. Ever. I just make them. I love licking the batter for the bowls afterwards. I sit on the floor of the kitchen and carefully devour each dollop. I am easily distracted and brilliant at procrastinating. I do it almost instinctively.
I sometimes stare fondly at my homework. Hoping it might be done through mind power. I fail. But I manage to talk my way out of detentions etc.
I have a talented tongue. In more ways that one.
I love dying my hair either red or pruple. But I might be completely rebellious and turn turquoise or something.
I wear a turquoise scarf which I love so much. I have matching gloves. None of my clothes match however.
I have lots of friends. But only a few I would call best friends. And I love them with all my heart. I would die for them. I used to have a lot of problems fitting in. I didn’t know who I was or what I wanted to be. All I knew was that what I wanted to be wasn’t who I was. But now im completely comfortable with the person I am. It has made ma much more confident person. Much more accepting of differences.
I have sleeping problems. I don’t call it a problem though because im sued to it. I sleep between 3-4 am everymorning. I wake up at 7:30 and leave for the bus at 7:55. I don’t take much time to get ready. I don’t wear make up. Only eyeliner. I have nothing to cover up. I love going to school with a new hair cut. Or a new coat. I love it how people appraoh me and say “wow you have a new hair cut” almost as if I didn’t realise.
Sarcasm is one of the many services I offer.
I love singing along to Disney songs. I love knowing lyrics to songs. I love reading subtitles at movies. I cant watch them other wise. Well I can. I just have great difficulty in doing so. I don’t believe in “god” but neither do I believe in “Satan”. I believe that religion is a form of hope given to those who seek answers. I don’t seek any answers. I have a hell of a lot of questions though.
My favourite questions are “why” and “why not”. I have an unhealthy obsession with underwear. But its okay, my boyfriend and I benefit.
I spend a lot of money on underwear. I have all the different types of panties you can imagine. And probably about 10 in each style. I wear them according to how I feel. I feel according to what panties I wear. It’s a vicious cycle. I am extremely forgetful but I have a good memory of the important things. I love keeping keepsakes of my past to remind me of everything. I keep a diary. I have kept several diaries since I was six. I love writing. Poetry and other literature. I enjoy drawing nude pictures of women. I love colouring in with crayons on colouring books. I’m still a little girl. I’ve got a lot of growing to do in more ways that one.
But right now….
I’m happy where I am.

----x----The End----x----

575851 Link to this entry
Written about Monday 2005-05-16
Written: (7133 days ago)

[P.o.e.m. . .T.o. . .A. . .H.o.r.s.e]

-Shakira

Too far
To bring you close
To high
To see below
Just hangin on your daily dose
And you never needed anyone
Butthe roling papers for your grass
How can you give what you don't have

You keep on aiming for the top
And quit before you sweat a drop
Feed your empty brain
With your hydroponic pot
Start out playing with yourself
You get more fun within your shell
Nice to meet you but I gotta go my way

I'll leave again `cause I've been waiting in vain
But you're so [in love with yourself]
If I say my heart is sore
Sounds like a cheap metaphor
So I won't repeat it no more

I rather eat my soup with a fork
Or drive a cab in New York
`Cause to talk to you is harder work

So what's the point of wasting all my words
Ifit's just the same or even worse
[Than reading poems to a horse]

You keep on aiming for the top
And quit before you sweat a drop
Feed your empty brain
With your hydroponic pot
Start out playing with yourself
You get more fun within your shell
Nice to meet you but I gotta go my way

I'll leave again `cause I've been waiting in vain
But you're so [in love with yourself]
If I say my heart is sore
Sounds like a cheap metaphor
So I won't repeat it no more

575845 Link to this entry
Written about Monday 2005-05-16
Written: (7133 days ago)

I <3 Ixxy

Letter number: 38836170
From: [Izzles] (•You•Are•My•Anti•Drug•)
To: [choke_on_dreams] ([x][+] Suck My Strap-On [+][x])
Sent mail 2005-05-16 15:42:46
Comment to: Diary entry 575812
Comment in 38837016

Hey mals.
Atko said there are plenty of places.
They got enough places for everyone who's doing history.
You just need to take in your money and they NEED the risk assessment form.
So yeah.
Take it to him tomorrow reg.
Ill come with you.
I have to take my blodge book to Firthy.

[xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx]

A song for my lover. One we can really connect with . XDxdXDxDxDxD

Uh-huh,
[Life's like this]
Uh-huh, uh-huh
[That's the way it is]
'Cause life's like this
[Uh-huh, uh-huh]
That's the way it is

[Chill out,]
What you yellin' for?
[Lay back, it's all been done before]
And if you could only let it be
[You will see...]

I like you the way you are
[When we're, driving in my car]
And you're talking to me
[One on one....]
But you become

[Somebody else......]
'Round everyone else
[Watchin' your back]
Like you can't relax
[You're tryin' to be cool]
You look like a fool
[To me.....]

Tell me

Why do you have to go and make things so [complicated?]
I see the way you're
Acting like you're somebody else gets me [frustrated......]
Life's like this, you
[And you fall and you crawl]
And you break and you take
[What you get and you turn it into]
Honesty Promise me I'm never gonna find you fake it

[No, no, no]

You come over unannounced
[Dressed up like you're something else]
Where you are and
[Where you sat, you see]
You're making me
[Laugh out........]
When you strike a pose
[Take off all your preppy clothes]
You know
[You're not fooling anyone]
When you become

[Somebody Else....]
'Round everyone else
[Watchin' your back]
Like you can't relax
[Tryin' to be cool]
You look like a fool
[To me....]

[Tell Me .......]

Why do you have to go and make things so [complicated?]
I see the way you're
Acting like you're somebody else gets me frustrated
Life's like this, you
And you fall and you crawl
And you break and you take
What you get and you turn it into
Honesty Promise me
I'm never gonna find you fake it

No, no, no...

Chill out,
What you yellin' for?
Lay back, it's all been done before
And if you could let it be
You will see

Somebody else
'Round everyone else
You're watchin' your back
Like you can't relax
You're tryin' to be cool
You look like a fool
To me, to me

Why do you have to go and make things so complicated?
I see the way you're
Acting like you're somebody else gets me frustrated
Life's like this, you
And you fall and you crawl
And you break and you take
What you get and you turn it into
Honesty Promise me I'm never gonna find you fake it

[No, no]

Why do you have to go and make things so complicated?
I see the way you're
Acting like you're somebody else gets me frustrated
Life's like this, you
And you fall and you crawl
And you break and you take
What you get and you turn it into
Honesty Promise me I'm never gonna find you fake it

575812 Link to this entry
Written about Monday 2005-05-16
Written: (7133 days ago)

Next in thread: 575826

oh my god.

Ive hurt my back seriously badly.

I cant move.

I think im going to Cry

The logged in version