[choke_on_dreams]'s diary
She doesnt trust me.
What can I do if she doesnt trust me.
She says she doesnt "Know who I am Anymore".
And that she "Doesnt trust me".
What Kind Of Girl Am I?
How Can I Do This To Everybody?
It will take some time to get her trust back…
I know that:
.I.m . .n.o.t. . .T.h.e. . .G.i.r.l. . .M.o.t.h.e.r. . .W.a.n.t.e.d. . .M.e. . .T.o. . .B.e.
But believe me mother, Ive tried.
For you.
For Me.
I never wanted to let you down.
If anything I wanted to make you proud of me.
And I will
I pr0mise Yew
She says she “Doesn’t know me”
She doesn’t
I don’t even know me.
But she cant know me.
It would kill her
I dont really fit in. I dont really stand out.
[*Mally in mid conversation*]
Nick: I feel like jesus
mally: so then..what
Nick: lol, i dont have shoes on and my hair and stuff. lots of people have told me i look like him today
me: you feel like jesus because you dont have shoes on?
nick: JESUS DIDNT WEAR SHOES MALLY
[++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++]
nick: *constantly bouncing on pillates ball*
me: NICK. JESUS CHRIST
nick: mally you dont have to call me by all my names
[++++++++++++++++++++++]
me: nick, jesus...I love you
nick: please dont call me by my stage name
[Ianio]
.XxX.
hung over over over over.
Im not drinking again.
And I Know I say that All the time and then..well....drink but this time im serious.
I dont enjoy it. Well I do but just a >> Little bit << .
After sometime, it just stops being funny and just painfull...
I dont like it.
I felt sick all today.
ughhh..
well anyway, onto other news.
aaah more later.
I have pizza
Goodbyeeeee!
[I heard about your failed suicide attempt. Im sorry. Better luck next time. Make it count. ]
This is amazing
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Hatty: *hands me 45p*
me: thankee
*vag walks in*
Me: Oh hey, Harriets just buying some shrooms off me...
Vag: right
me: yeah look shes just given me...*counts* 45p change
Vag: are you sure its not just change to buy you a twirl?
me: shut up.
[+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++]
me: omg and then i woke up and i was ASLEEP!
ian: *laughs*
me: *whiny* iaaaaan . *SMACKS HER ELBOW ON THE TABLE* FUCK.
miss: *doing register* malavika...
me: *wimpering* yes...miss.
ian: lmfao
Me: *mumbling for about five minutes while hatty and vag are having a conversation. hatty is drinking. so im mummbling right...and then suddenly i say...* BULLSHIT *with soo much venom in my voice lol*
Hatty: *chokes*
*we were just having a conversation about precum*
mally: *spills water all over hatty*
hatty: *shouts* UGH LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE NOW. YOUVE MADE ME PRECUM.
Written about Friday 2005-05-20
Written: (7129 days ago)
Friend: calls your parents by mr. and mrs.
Best friend: calls your parents dad and mom.
Friend: has never seen you cry
Best friend: has always had the best shoulder to cry on
Friend: never asks for anything to eat or drink
Best friend: opens the fridge and makes herself at home
Friend: asks you to write down your number.
Best friend: they ask you for their number
(cuz! they can't remember it)
Friend: borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
Best friend: has a closet full of your stuff
Friend: only knows a few things about you
Best friend: could write a biography on your life story
Friend: will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing
Best friend: will always go with you
Friend: Will help you up if you trip over
Best friend: Will help you up if you trip over, then trip you up again and laugh.
Friend: Sympathise
Best Friend: Cry with you
im nbebver drinkng again.
ever
jdy yd dftinl
dp giml
dp gfimo
do
so
crnk#
srunk
drunk
[i grrl dvik
ffeell div
fivl
scik
feel
sick
lovr yu awlal
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Fin.
I do Believe that second hand smoke will kill me one day.
.Whoopdefuckin
Malavika's having serious issues.
For one , she's wearing suspenders.
For another, she's discovering deep feelings for her computer.
And finally, she is speaking in third person.
...
Today shall be an interesting day.
There are three things people shouldn't talk about: religion, politics, and my mother's mind.
Me: *looks at phil Baguley* That fluffball needs some pussy.
a smitten kitten
who was wearing a mitten
was bitten
by a chicken
Me: HAHHAHAHAHAH NO ONE IS EVER GONNA LOVE YO! *you AND YOUR GONNA DIE A COLD AND ALONE AND THE ONLY PERSON AT YOUR FUNGERAL WILL BE M!
friend: no ones gonna love I?
me: TO LAUGH!
friend: okay but whos M!
me: shut
me: UP
friend: XD
me: I will kill you as you sleep
me: *throws shoe*
friend: HEY wahts that for
me: *shrugs*
friend: oh well, i wasnt wearing shoes before anyway
me: *blink*. what did i throw then?
friend: *pause* mally, where the hell is my sandwhich.
friend: I love you?
me: I lover your daddy
Me: Should it be a sunny day, a cold day or a moony day?
friend: you mean night?
me: shut up
me: omg the pope is like "TEH POPENATOR. - ILL BE BACK!"
[Me lecturing my brother about the importance of homework]
me: sure dont study if you dont want. go work in macdonalds , spunk in all the batter. flip burgers or something. have fun.
brother: *mortified**lo
me: [helping in the education of my brother] okay this bits really boring, pay attention.
brother: no.
me: okay.
[me teaching my friend..]
me: okay you need to trust me now. just imagine this. this ball here has te charge of + 1. This has a charge of -2 and i am an extreamly attractive young woman.
Today was super fun.
Now you must have read all about my drama lesson in the previous entery. since I know you follow my life so very closely.
We had ballet : Couldnt do much as of my broken back. Sorta painfull. however Ive sort of come to terms with the [pirrouettes.]. However the fuck you spell them. The insane twiddly leggy thingy that you do. I became s t r a n g l e y fixated with my Eyes and engaged in long gazes into the depths of my pupils.
Pretty fun.
Imma be a ballerina.
I realised how much i actually miss dancing. The happyness it gives me, i dont think i could ever explain.
I love it
. Every moment of it .
I feel so [g.r.a.c.e.f.u.l.l.].
Just completely [A.b.s.o.r.b.e.d] in the music. In the movement. In my Body.
By lunch time [I.x.x.Y] And I wrote our first
::::::
[. l o v e . l e t t e r .]::::::I shall explain this in the next entry.
Dont you Dare change the fucking channel.
Media was relativley interesting.
Physics was uneventfull as usual.
Mark talked to me :O he said "oh hey your back!" and other little comments like that.
I love Bertie Hutley with a .passion.
[I
♥
NICHOLAS
TO
DEATH]
omg. hows that>>>>>><<<<<<
It was So funny in drama today.
Everybody else was away on the Fountains Abby trip.
So in class, it was just Ian, Ryan and I.
Ian had to leave for about ten minutes at some point during the lesson.
Which i was not happy about.
Oh well.
So we're doing physical theater and anyway, we have to make letters of the alphabet using our bodies.
Anyway Ryan was standing there, and im trying really hard to find a way of forming a particular letter.
First position I tried out looked like he was giving me anal.
I didnt realise.
I turned around the other way.
It looked like I was giving him head.
So embarrasing.
Infront of everybody aswell.
Anyway, one of our tasks was to "be" a....
what are those things called.
Those barriers that let cars in once you pay for it?
Well you know what i mean
(or dont - in which case. please kindly fuck off)
Anyway, Ryan and I were the, um, gates.
And Ian was the "car".
He drives over to us, and takes out his fabricated "ticket" and pauses for a moment. Not sure where to slot it in.
he said "uugh where do i put it"
And ryan said "Where it usually goes. just slot it in" And points at my crotch.
I almost died.
The teacher walked past and started laughing.
She misheard the conversation.
Thank god.
I think.
Finally, for our production peice. im the princess.
Ovbiously.
And im on top of my tower, waiting for my prince.
The tower is played by Ryan.
Im like "oh where oh where is my prince..."
At which, Ian trots along (he is playing a horse)...
Ryan says "him"
me: "wheres my prince"
ryan: "him over there"
me: "Thats a HORSE"
ryan: "Its the twentieth century love"
At this point, philip runs along.
I guess nobody will quite understand, until I explain to you about phil..
Phil has a history of bo.
He has long curly ginger hair.
Hes rather...large
He...well you get it.
Im always nice to him though, i would hate to be treated like that.
But anyway, he comes prancing along.
ryan the tower then says "oh wait, THATS your prince"
Me: Ill take the horse.
Improvisation.
.Is.
.Great.
In drama we are learning about "Physical Theater"
Its where the actors themselves, play their characters and their set.
Its quite convenient because you can go anywhere
With a basic piece of drama in mind
With nothing else other than yourself
All you need is space.
And your theaterical capabilities.
You are your own world.
Everything Around you.
Fasinating.