[choke_on_dreams]'s diary
You seem to spend your whole life w a I t I n g for that Second c h a n c e .
Just something to make it okay.
There always seems to be a reason to make you feel
Not good [E”n”o”u”g”h]Its just hard at the End of the day.
Its So easy to get Distracted as the
memories [s-e-e-p] through your veins.They feel so
e.m.p.t.y.
Just so
w.e.i.g.h.t.l.
and
h.o.l.l.o.w.
But I Hope you find some
[Peace within y0u]…May you find some [.c-.-o-.-m-.-f-.-o-.-r-.-t.] here…
Its so t I r I n g following the Straight [LiNe…]
With the v.u.l.t.u.r.e.
May you make up for all that you feel that you…
[+-L-a-c-k-+]But in this
[..S.w.e.e.t.+.M.a.d.d.n.e.s.s..]
May you find yourself in the Arms of
[--.Y.o.u.r.+.A.n.g.e.l.--]May you
:::.F.l.y. . .a.w.a.y. . .F.r.o.m. . .H.e.r.e.:::
And when you are
Pulled up from your [+.w.r.e.c.k.a.g.e.+]:::.Of your silent p a I n.:::
I hope You find some
[.p.e.a.c.e. . .w.i.t.h.i.n. . .y.o.u.]:::In the arms of your [:::+a+n+g+e+l+:::]
Im In a write-long-wor
Just warning you.
Im a fifteen year old girl. I dont know really know anything. Im only a little child. My life hasnt even really begun. What would I know. The world is cruel. You dont really make a difference. Everything is just coated in this sickly sweet pretence that there is such thing as a happy ending. I cant really make a differnce, barley and imprint on this world. Im just another girl. Another person. Another statistic. I dont really stand out.
The world is evil.
Im not special by anybodies standards. Im not special by societies standards. Im just another person on this earth. Dreams dont really come true. People are out to hurt you. Plastic friends. Stone cold love. It doesn’t really leave much to hope for. But I know. I know theres more than that. But what would I know about the world?
Im a teenager.
My sole purpose in life is to rebel. To hurt. To be extreme. I don’t know anything about people, friendships, trust and most defiantly nothing about love.
Everything I think is wrong, everything I say is wrong, and my god, everything I do is most defiantly wrong.
Im told by so many people that I have no idea what im talking about. What I am supposedly feeling. Im too young to understand. But tell me, what is it that you so clearly understand, but I seem to be failing almost instantaneousl
How is it that every time I try I fail. But yet I some how manage to find some courage to try again. With open wounds. Drowning in an ocean of bitter salt. It burns. And my god, does it burn. But I still don’t give up. Im going to keep swimming to my horizon.
But im sick of it. Im sick of the gravity. The one thing that brings me down is you. And im sick of it. The truth is, your right. You are absolutely right. I don’t know anything, but you know what?
Im learning. And everyday im growing a little bit more. As a person, just another statistic searching for her individuality and originality in this world. It is all so generic now. Too lies, broken truths, pain and regret. Sweet madness and a glorious sadness.
Everyday Im accepteing the evils in this world a little bit more. Everyday im appreciating the beauty right in front of me.
And your right again, I am probably wrong. But its just so hard when it feels so right. Maybe it will hurt me. :::::But they say that::::
“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”.
That saying drags me through life.
Nothing will kill me. . Because I know im stronger than that. So maybe I am wrong, Maybe ill fuck everything up, but it wont kill me. It will make me stronger.
And that just feels so right.
You tell me I know nothing about love, but really what do you know about it?
Fine, I agree with you, I don’t know anything about it.
But I feel it.
Its an abstract verb.
You feel it.
I feel it.
Love is not a statistic and in this plastic society, sometimes it becomes one. Maybe I’m not perfect at it, maybe it’s a “mistake” but the only crime I’m commiting is to love Nicholas Lane Bremner unconditionall
Im doing okay…
Every moment im learning a little more, and theres no body else on this earth that I want to learn it all with but Nicholas. So you are right, I have no idea what im talking about it. But you know what? I have the rest of my life to learn it. To experience it. To feel it.
No matter how many times I fuck things up, im not failing. If you try, then you cant ever fail. Just By loving Nick, I know im not failing him. I know that im making one more person in this world happy. And if I died tomorrow, ide die knowing that, I maybe made a difference to at least one person. :$. I made just one person feel like he meant the whole universe to me. And he does. I want him to feel it. That’s all I ever wanted.
Every day, its getting a little harder but its nothing we cant handle. Ill never walk away. Ill never let go.
All I know is that what I do have with nick is so right and it’s the one thing that im willing to fight for. No matter what. No matter what the consequences. I know that I can face them with him. No matter how long it takes, and no matter how far away we seem from eachother.
Im always with you my love.
I know people are cruel. Sometimes. I know that its so easy to get hurt. Everybody judges you. Everybody has expectations of some sort. The world can be bitter and prejudiced. Pride and status mean everything. I know that much. But I know that is now who I ant to be. And if that makes me a little bit more than another statistic.
So be it.
I did try to warn you
Nick: You are though Mally
me: Yeah but what if im really NOT good enough for you..
Nick: *sigh* then ide make my self less good, to be the same as you...
me: *melts*
Nick: Are you Horny?
Me: No but I could be
It doesnt take much to learn
But the bridges that you burn can leave you feeling stranded. Alone. Weak.
It doesnt take much to cry.
Just another tear
Another scar
Salty tears die on your lips.
But your living in a lie and your decieving the one that care about you the most.
I would risk everything for you, my whole world.
Dont tell me its too late.
Its never too late.
Cause I would give the whole world for you....
Its easy to like mess around
Its harder to keep the faith
Some people want it all
Im all about the love.
[~]You took my hand and held it in yours
[~]Yours was twice as big as mine
[~]It felt so right when I was held in your muscular arms for the first time
[~]I felt safe, as if nothing bad could happen.
[~]And I felt as if you were the one for me, forever.
[~]You look into my eyes and without saying anything you told me you love me
[~]I cant describe my feelings in words
but I can tell you,
[~]You dont know how long I've waited for this.
1) Dated one of your best friends: No.
2) Loved/Liked: Yes. And Its "Loving" not "Loved".
3) Cried:Yes. Plenty of times
4) Drank alcohol: Yes. Plenty of times.
5) Done drugs: Yes.
6) Broken the law: Yes.
7) Broken a bone: NO! Isnt that stoopid. I Deserve to have broken something by now!
8) Cheated on a test: Yes.
9) Skinny dipped: no! Not yet. Why the hell not.
10) Played Truth or Dare: Yes.
11Ridden in a fire truck: No:(.
12) Come close to dying: I doubt it.
13) burned yourself: Yes. With And Iron.
14) Given someone a piggy back ride: Yes. Haha.
15) Eaten a worm/mud pie: Naw.
16) Stayed up till four on the phone: Yes. :)
17) Tipped over a port-a-potty: Omg. Yes. I cant believe I have, and like, its part of teh questions.
18) Fell asleep while eating: Yes. But not In teh food.
19) Met someone famous: Yeah. Fame can be an asshole.
20) Been in a school play: Yes.
21) Cried in public: Yes.
22) Seen someone die: I dont know. Cant remember. Youde think youde remember something like this though right?
23) been in a fist fight: pfft
24) given someone a bruise: Yes
25) gotten a bruise: Yes. Plenty
26) knocked somone out: No.
27) been knocked out: Yes.
28) flipped any vehicles: No.
29) cut someone: Yes
30) been cut: Yes
31) burnt any buildings down: Not yet
32) sex in public: Naw
33) mooned someone: Probably
34) acted kidnapped in a car: LoL yes.
35) flashed someone: Naw.
36) kissed an ass: Yeah.
37) blew something up: Yes. I was so scared though.
38) caught your yard on fire: Nah
39) threw a firecracker at someone: No!
40) been in any wars: Yes
41) stayed up all night: Yes
42) slept all day: Yes
43) watched the sunrise: Yes :)
44) rode a motorcycle:Yes
45) driven a car: Yes. For like three seconds. lol.
46) wrecked a car: I ran into one. Wrecked me more.
47) gotten a tity twister: What
48) given a tity twister: What.
49) posed for a nude pic: No. I wouldnt.
50) been suspended: Nope
51) been expelled: No
52) been arrested: No
53) been in jail: No
54)Watched the sun set: Yes. Its beautiful.
omg my house is totally refurbished baby.
Whatdya think.
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omg I love my aunt.
She makes everything possible.
HOw DOES she do it.
*a girl asked a boy if she was pretty*
*he said no*
*she asked him if he wanted*
*to be with her forever*
*he said no*
*she then asked him if he would*
*cry if she walked away*
*he again said no*
*she had heard too much*
*she needed to leave*
*as she walked away*
*he grabbed her arm*
*and told her to stay*
*he then told her:*
*you're not pretty*
*you're beautiful.*
*i don't want to be with you forever,*
*i need to be with you forever.*
*i wouldn't cry if you walked away*
*i would die*
this applies to us
Todays a fun day :)
Spoke to Jonny
Hes so sweet! and always there whenever I want to go on and on and on about my nicholas....
:)
She put him out
ike the burnin' end of a midnight cigarette
She broke his heart
he spent his whole life tryin' to forget
We watched him drink his pain away
a little at a time
But he never could get drunk enough to get her off his mind
Until the night
He put that bottle to his head and pulled the trigger
And finally drank away her memory
Life is short but this time it was bigger
Than the strength he had to get up off his knees
We found him with his face down in the pillow
With a note that said I'll love her till I die
And when we buried him beneath the willow
The angels sang a whiskey lullaby
*broken singing*
The rumors flew but nobody knew how much she blamed herself
For years and years she tried to hide the whiskey on her breath
She finally drank her pain away a little at a time
But she never could get drunk enough to get him off her mind
Until the night
She put that bottle to her head and pulled the trigger
And finally drank away his memory
Life is short but this time it was bigger
Than the strength she had to get up off her knees
We found her with her face down in the pillow
Clinging to his picture for dear life
We laid her next to him beneath the willow
While the angels sang a whiskey lullaby
*Broken singing*
Written about Friday 2005-06-03
Written: (6988 days ago)
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The Boobas
1. Zumbah 2.Humbah 3.Jingbah 4.Jumbah 5. Zingzingzingbah
kay I woke up some time ago, and i just ate a um two croissants :)
Im listening to teh supreams! :P
so so so bored.
It sorta just dawned on me, the amount of work I need to do before school starts.
Which is on monday.
okay.
Great.