[choke_on_dreams]'s diary

593358  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2005-06-08
Written: (6983 days ago)

Tom:Bitch
Me: Whore
593299  Link to this entry 
Written about Wednesday 2005-06-08
Written: (6983 days ago)

[OMG. I can dew t3h SPL!TS!]

592838  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2005-06-07
Written: (6984 days ago)

I Discovered a new...discovery while talking to nicholas. Its called :

COVALENT BONDING IN LETTERS


Its like you share the last letters of a word like covalent bonding.

Like for example:

"I was justying mah shoe laces."


etc.
592836  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2005-06-07
Written: (6984 days ago)

I had an amaxingly satisfying ([hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm])
phone conversation with nicholicholaso.

for those who are stupid:

amazingly is a mixture of like....

AMAZING

and

MAXIUMUM

fuckheads

592828  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2005-06-07
Written: (6984 days ago)

[I LOVE NICK SO MUCH HE MAKES ME FEEL FUZZY AND WARM...EVERYWHERE]


[On teh phonsey]


*ring ring - nick calls mally - ring ring*
*Mally picks up*
*silence for about 7 seconds*
*both burst into laughter*



me:You are SUPPOSED to say HELLO so that i could have surprised you and phone kissed you.
nick: oh im sorry sweetie *laughs*
me: yah :( can we do it again please?
nick: yes we most certainly can :) ring ring...*pause* ring ring...*pause* RING RING, *whispers* mally! pick UP.
me: OH SORRY. click. uh..
*silence*
nick: MALLY!
me: WHAT i PICKED UP OKAY!
nick: oh okay. click.
me: MWHA! ([thats a phone kiss])
nick: MWHA
me: hi sweetie
nick: hi pretty
592741  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2005-06-07
Written: (6984 days ago)

Acting kinda loco
Im just another local
kid on the street
getting paid for my vocals










Time for some action
Just a fraction of friction
I got the clerence
to run the interference
592620  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2005-06-07
Written: (6984 days ago)

Its only cool if You want it to be.
Its only fun if you want it to be.
Its only long if you make it.
It only hurts if you let it.
It only gets out of controll if you let it.
Its only good if you say it is.
Its only bad if you make it.
Its All about you
592614  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2005-06-07
Written: (6984 days ago)




.S.a.d. . .D.a.y.






[...I dont want to talk about it...]





592612  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2005-06-07
Written: (6984 days ago)

[Me and teh vag talking at lunch]


Me: Oh theres this really really beautiful song I heart...
*pause*
Vag:...who...
Me: Its by westlife.
*pause*
*stare at eachother*
*erupt into laughter*
Me: seriously
592549  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2005-06-07
Written: (6984 days ago)

[With teh vag on teh msn]


Vag: Are you going to Joe's party?
me: No
Vag: oh yea. your not drinking rite?
Me: right. Heads down thumbs up ra ra ra
Vag: lol.



I dont know. just something about it, gives me the giggles.
592103  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2005-06-06
Written: (6985 days ago)


You seem to spend your whole life w a I t I n g for that Second c h a n c e .

Just something to make it okay.

There always seems to be a reason to make you feel

Not good [E”n”o”u”g”h]


Its just hard at the End of the day.

Its So easy to get Distracted as the

memories [s-e-e-p] through your veins.


They feel so

e.m.p.t.y.

Just so

w.e.i.g.h.t.l.e.s.s.

and

h.o.l.l.o.w.

But I Hope you find some

[Peace within y0u]


…May you find some [.c-.-o-.-m-.-f-.-o-.-r-.-t.] here…

Its so t I r I n g following the Straight [LiNe…]

With the v.u.l.t.u.r.e.s. feeding at you back.

May you make up for all that you feel that you

[+-L-a-c-k-+]


But in this
[..S.w.e.e.t.+.M.a.d.d.n.e.s.s..]

May you find yourself in the Arms of

[--.Y.o.u.r.+.A.n.g.e.l.--]

May you
:::.F.l.y. . .a.w.a.y. . .F.r.o.m. . .H.e.r.e.:::

And when you are
Pulled up from your [+.w.r.e.c.k.a.g.e.+]


:::.Of your silent p a I n.:::

I hope You find some

[.p.e.a.c.e. . .w.i.t.h.i.n. . .y.o.u.]





:::In the arms of your [:::+a+n+g+e+l+:::]

592093  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2005-06-06
Written: (6985 days ago)



Im In a write-long-words in long-sentences in a long-paragraph-of-writing mood.

Just warning you.




Im a fifteen year old girl. I dont know really know anything. Im only a little child. My life hasnt even really begun. What would I know. The world is cruel. You dont really make a difference. Everything is just coated in this sickly sweet pretence that there is such thing as a happy ending. I cant really make a differnce, barley and imprint on this world. Im just another girl. Another person. Another statistic. I dont really stand out.

The world is evil.

Im not special by anybodies standards. Im not special by societies standards. Im just another person on this earth. Dreams dont really come true. People are out to hurt you. Plastic friends. Stone cold love. It doesn’t really leave much to hope for. But I know. I know theres more than that. But what would I know about the world?

Im a teenager.

My sole purpose in life is to rebel. To hurt. To be extreme. I don’t know anything about people, friendships, trust and most defiantly nothing about love.

Everything I think is wrong, everything I say is wrong, and my god, everything I do is most defiantly wrong.

Im told by so many people that I have no idea what im talking about. What I am supposedly feeling. Im too young to understand. But tell me, what is it that you so clearly understand, but I seem to be failing almost instantaneously at?

How is it that every time I try I fail. But yet I some how manage to find some courage to try again. With open wounds. Drowning in an ocean of bitter salt. It burns. And my god, does it burn. But I still don’t give up. Im going to keep swimming to my horizon.

But im sick of it. Im sick of the gravity. The one thing that brings me down is you. And im sick of it. The truth is, your right. You are absolutely right. I don’t know anything, but you know what?

Im learning. And everyday im growing a little bit more. As a person, just another statistic searching for her individuality and originality in this world. It is all so generic now. Too lies, broken truths, pain and regret. Sweet madness and a glorious sadness.
Everyday Im accepteing the evils in this world a little bit more. Everyday im appreciating the beauty right in front of me.

And your right again, I am probably wrong. But its just so hard when it feels so right. Maybe it will hurt me. :::::But they say that::::

“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”.

That saying drags me through life.

Nothing will kill me. . Because I know im stronger than that. So maybe I am wrong, Maybe ill fuck everything up, but it wont kill me. It will make me stronger.

And that just feels so right.

You tell me I know nothing about love, but really what do you know about it?
Fine, I agree with you, I don’t know anything about it.

But I feel it.

Its an abstract verb.

You feel it.

I feel it.

Love is not a statistic and in this plastic society, sometimes it becomes one. Maybe I’m not perfect at it, maybe it’s a “mistake” but the only crime I’m commiting is to love Nicholas Lane Bremner unconditionally.

Im doing okay…

Every moment im learning a little more, and theres no body else on this earth that I want to learn it all with but Nicholas. So you are right, I have no idea what im talking about it. But you know what? I have the rest of my life to learn it. To experience it. To feel it.

No matter how many times I fuck things up, im not failing. If you try, then you cant ever fail. Just By loving Nick, I know im not failing him. I know that im making one more person in this world happy. And if I died tomorrow, ide die knowing that, I maybe made a difference to at least one person. :$. I made just one person feel like he meant the whole universe to me. And he does. I want him to feel it. That’s all I ever wanted.

Every day, its getting a little harder but its nothing we cant handle. Ill never walk away. Ill never let go.

All I know is that what I do have with nick is so right and it’s the one thing that im willing to fight for. No matter what. No matter what the consequences. I know that I can face them with him. No matter how long it takes, and no matter how far away we seem from eachother.

Im always with you my love.

I know people are cruel. Sometimes. I know that its so easy to get hurt. Everybody judges you. Everybody has expectations of some sort. The world can be bitter and prejudiced. Pride and status mean everything. I know that much. But I know that is now who I ant to be. And if that makes me a little bit more than another statistic.


So be it.





I did try to warn you
591864  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2005-06-06
Written: (6985 days ago)

[I <3 My nicholas]


Me:What If Im not good enough for you?
Nick: You are though Mally
me: Yeah but what if im really NOT good enough for you..
Nick: *sigh* then ide make my self less good, to be the same as you...
me: *melts*
591326  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2005-06-05
Written: (6986 days ago)

Nick: Are you Horny?
Me: No but I could be

591270  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2005-06-05
Written: (6986 days ago)

It doesnt take much to learn

But the bridges that you burn can leave you feeling stranded. Alone. Weak.

It doesnt take much to cry.

Just another tear

Another scar

Salty tears die on your lips.

But your living in a lie and your decieving the one that care about you the most.

I would risk everything for you, my whole world.

Dont tell me its too late.

Its never too late.

591262  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2005-06-05
Written: (6986 days ago)

Cause I would give the whole world for you....

591258  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2005-06-05
Written: (6986 days ago)

Its easy to like mess around

Its harder to keep the faith


Some people want it all

Im all about the love.


591214  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2005-06-05
Written: (6986 days ago)



[~]You took my hand and held it in yours
[~]Yours was twice as big as mine
[~]It felt so right when I was held in your muscular arms for the first time
[~]I felt safe, as if nothing bad could happen.
[~]And I felt as if you were the one for me, forever.
[~]You look into my eyes and without saying anything you told me you love me
[~]I cant describe my feelings in words
but I can tell you,
[~]You dont know how long I've waited for this.


590969  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2005-06-05
Written: (6986 days ago)

Light Mah Spliff
590633  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2005-06-04
Written: (6987 days ago)


1) Dated one of your best friends: No.
2) Loved/Liked: Yes. And Its "Loving" not "Loved".
3) Cried:Yes. Plenty of times
4) Drank alcohol: Yes. Plenty of times.
5) Done drugs: Yes.
6) Broken the law: Yes.
7) Broken a bone: NO! Isnt that stoopid. I Deserve to have broken something by now!
8) Cheated on a test: Yes.
9) Skinny dipped: no! Not yet. Why the hell not.
10) Played Truth or Dare: Yes.
11Ridden in a fire truck: No:(.
12) Come close to dying: I doubt it.
13) burned yourself: Yes. With And Iron.
14) Given someone a piggy back ride: Yes. Haha.
15) Eaten a worm/mud pie: Naw.
16) Stayed up till four on the phone: Yes. :)
17) Tipped over a port-a-potty: Omg. Yes. I cant believe I have, and like, its part of teh questions.
18) Fell asleep while eating: Yes. But not In teh food.
19) Met someone famous: Yeah. Fame can be an asshole.
20) Been in a school play: Yes.
21) Cried in public: Yes.
22) Seen someone die: I dont know. Cant remember. Youde think youde remember something like this though right?
23) been in a fist fight: pfft
24) given someone a bruise: Yes
25) gotten a bruise: Yes. Plenty
26) knocked somone out: No.
27) been knocked out: Yes.
28) flipped any vehicles: No.
29) cut someone: Yes
30) been cut: Yes
31) burnt any buildings down: Not yet
32) sex in public: Naw
33) mooned someone: Probably
34) acted kidnapped in a car: LoL yes.
35) flashed someone: Naw.
36) kissed an ass: Yeah.
37) blew something up: Yes. I was so scared though.
38) caught your yard on fire: Nah
39) threw a firecracker at someone: No!
40) been in any wars: Yes
41) stayed up all night: Yes
42) slept all day: Yes
43) watched the sunrise: Yes :)
44) rode a motorcycle:Yes. Well On the back of one....
45) driven a car: Yes. For like three seconds. lol.
46) wrecked a car: I ran into one. Wrecked me more.
47) gotten a tity twister: What
48) given a tity twister: What.
49) posed for a nude pic: No. I wouldnt.
50) been suspended: Nope
51) been expelled: No
52) been arrested: No
53) been in jail: No
54)Watched the sun set: Yes. Its beautiful.

590602  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2005-06-04
Written: (6987 days ago)

omg my house is totally refurbished baby.


Whatdya think.

 The logged in version 

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