Im In a
write-long-words in
long-sentences in a
long-paragraph-of-writing mood.
Just warning you.
Im a fifteen year old girl. I dont know really know anything. Im only a little child. My life hasnt even really begun. What would I know. The world is cruel. You dont really make a difference. Everything is just coated in this sickly sweet pretence that there is such thing as a happy ending. I cant really make a differnce, barley and imprint on this world. Im just another girl. Another person. Another statistic. I dont really stand out.
The world is evil.
Im not special by anybodies standards. Im not special by societies standards. Im just another person on this earth. Dreams dont really come true. People are out to hurt you. Plastic friends. Stone cold love. It doesn’t really leave much to hope for. But I know. I know theres more than that. But what would I know about the world?
Im a teenager.
My sole purpose in life is to rebel. To hurt. To be extreme. I don’t know anything about people, friendships, trust and most defiantly nothing about love.
Everything I think is wrong, everything I say is wrong, and my god, everything I do is most defiantly wrong.
Im told by so many people that I have no idea what im talking about. What I am supposedly feeling. Im too young to understand. But tell me, what is it that you so clearly understand, but I seem to be failing almost instantaneousl
y at?
How is it that every time I try I fail. But yet I some how manage to find some courage to try again. With open wounds. Drowning in an ocean of bitter salt. It burns. And my god, does it burn. But I still don’t give up. Im going to keep swimming to my horizon.
But im sick of it. Im sick of the gravity. The one thing that brings me down is you. And im sick of it. The truth is, your right. You are absolutely right. I don’t know anything, but you know what?
Im learning. And everyday im growing a little bit more. As a person, just another statistic searching for her individuality and originality in this world. It is all so generic now. Too lies, broken truths, pain and regret. Sweet madness and a glorious sadness.
Everyday Im accepteing the evils in this world a little bit more. Everyday im appreciating the beauty right in front of me.
And your right again, I am probably wrong. But its just so hard when it feels so right. Maybe it will hurt me. :::::But they say that::::
“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”.
That saying drags me through life.
Nothing will kill me. . Because I know im stronger than that. So maybe I am wrong, Maybe ill fuck everything up, but it wont kill me. It will make me stronger.
And that just feels so right.
You tell me I know nothing about love, but really what do you know about it?
Fine, I agree with you, I don’t know anything about it.
But I feel it.
Its an abstract verb.
You feel it.
I feel it.
Love is not a statistic and in this plastic society, sometimes it becomes one. Maybe I’m not perfect at it, maybe it’s a “mistake” but the only crime I’m commiting is to love Nicholas Lane Bremner unconditionally.
Im doing okay…
Every moment im learning a little more, and theres no body else on this earth that I want to learn it all with but Nicholas. So you are right, I have no idea what im talking about it. But you know what? I have the rest of my life to learn it. To experience it. To feel it.
No matter how many times I fuck things up, im not failing. If you try, then you cant ever fail. Just By loving Nick, I know im not failing him. I know that im making one more person in this world happy. And if I died tomorrow, ide die knowing that, I maybe made a difference to at least one person. :$. I made just one person feel like he meant the whole universe to me. And he does. I want him to feel it. That’s all I ever wanted.
Every day, its getting a little harder but its nothing we cant handle. Ill never walk away. Ill never let go.
All I know is that what I do have with nick is so right and it’s the one thing that im willing to fight for. No matter what. No matter what the consequences. I know that I can face them with him. No matter how long it takes, and no matter how far away we seem from eachother.
Im always with you my love.
I know people are cruel. Sometimes. I know that its so easy to get hurt. Everybody judges you. Everybody has expectations of some sort. The world can be bitter and prejudiced. Pride and status mean everything. I know that much. But I know that is now who I ant to be. And if that makes me a little bit more than another statistic.
So be it.
I did try to warn you