[choke_on_dreams]'s diary
It was Beautiful.
...We had spoke plenty earlier that day...
We didnt want to say our G0odby3s.
Its always so [♥harD♥].
He had his house alone to himself :(
My house was [ FulL ] of people.
It was so lonely.
But then, just before I went to [.Zz.Sleep.zZ.].
It was [-4-] eh am
I called him.
In my room.
The lights were off.
The moon was [.Leaking.] into my ♥room♥.
I felt empty
I needed him.
He seemed happy to talk to me *blush*
The sky was light.
It was beatufiul♥
We spoke for quite a long time.
It was so ♥[.B.]eautifu[.L.]♥
And just S♥ [R0mantiC]
There was a .s.i.l.e.n.c.e
And he said :
"Oh, My Little [.X//x. Princess .x\\x.]"It made me Flutter.x.x.x.
And then he sang to me,
He has a ♥Beautiful♥ [x...V0ice...x]
He sang...
[+Incy Wincy +Spider+]
and -Hummed-...
[**x**Twinkle Twinkle Little Star**x**]
I cant even begin to describe how close
I felt to him
that night.
It was Perfect
I could almost...
Reach out
And
[x-xKiss himx-x]He had my sunrise.
He has Me.
Wow lots to say today. Maybe a seperate entry for each of the major things you know :P
Well firstly, nicks just left for work.
I dont know why I make it such a big deal,
I mean im going to be speaking to him tomorrow night
once he gets back from saving the world and everything.
My hero.
And also, I should be happy with all the time
I got to spend with him this weekend
It was basically just us :)
We were so close
As close as we could be with an ocean in between us.
But more about that later.
Anyway, I was talking to my mother
and she was lecturing me
about something I did wrong
as usual
but anyway, just as we were leaving to go to bed
the phone rang
and she picked it up
(it was nicholas)
and she said "is it nick?"
and i was like "NO MOM"
cos i figured that cos she was mad at me at the time
she'de proabbly be like "Nicholas, Malavika is busy" or something lame.
But she didnt :)
She conversed with him.
and I was so proud of her.
It was hard for her to do but
she was actually smiling
and laughing etc
She also said he was very "handsome"
and im like "mom - hes hawt"
hehehe.
Things are looking good :)
Things will work out,
Im sure of that
undoubtedly.
I guess the only problem here is time.
I can wait.
He can wait.
But I dont have time to be patient
I want him now.
We spoke briefly and said our goodbyes :)
Im so silly sometimes *blush*
And now hes gone
But its okay
I can speak to him tomorrow right
and its going to be fun fun fun :)
Well this entry is getting too big.
Ill make another one now about another aspect of our
beautiful relationship
------ .Welcome to my ♥[.N.i.c.h.o.l.a.s.]♥. ------Because nothing compares :) I love him with all my .<3.h.e.a.r.t.<3. The most beautiful Man I know. Madly in love with ["Teh gym",] music, and ofcourse me. Has the most beautiful smile ever. Makes me .Melt. Likes to eat at subway ;) Makes teh kyootest typos. H4w7 hair :O
[- x .]My best friend[. x -]
-My Boyfriend-
Incredibly .sexy. - beyond words. Now our relationship can take over [<3Elftown<3] too. We are on a roll. Uses big words to seem >.inteligent.<, but hes really not. hehe im joking poop. Hes very clever *Nerd*;) uh. has the reading age of maybe a 3 year old[.?.] but still, hes cute, so it doesnt matter. Forgets things really easily. ["OOH OOH OH MALLY!.....oh i forgot"] sorta thing. you get used to it.
.E.x.t.r.e.a.m
//{YOU}♥[EFFING]♥//Rawk.[Me and hatty walking to ballet.]
me: *ever so seriously* so how are things with martyn?
hatty: things are good :)
me: aah good good :) *even more seriously* are you still climaxing regularily?
hatty: *pause and stares*
A thousand [.x.Kisses.x.] My way.
Nick doesnt want anyone to know he;s THAT sexual. K?
me: im on my bed. with my head in the duvet and my legs huddled up and my ass in the air.
nick: awww
*silance*
nick: kay well i come up behind you and..
me: nick!
nick: the ONLY Way I want to lose my virginity is with you. At the same time as your losing yours.
[#TOP#] wow
Im .15. For a moment
Caught inbetween .10. and .20.
[.15. Theres still time for you.]
I think that Part of the reason that this world is so screwed up right now is because of a little thing we call Fear. People are just so scared of what they dont know what they dont understand What they cant see What they cant touch This causes you to shut youself down in an fighting effort to not feal what that Fear sometimes makes you feel like. Lost. Alone. C0nfused? Unfortunatly this makes things worse. By seperating your hearts from the ones around you, Your just causing yourself to live a life filled with numbness Nothingness. Acceptance of difference is the catalyst for... Well.. For the changes that are coming to be positive. You must understand that really there is nothing to fear in these changes. Whats happening in the world is for the best. It may not seem like it now I am life. You are life. Another thing. Whatever you believe in terms of spirituality is okay Because What everything means can only be comprehended by you. But you have tor realise that your truth and your meaning is no better than some one else's because they are all one. Its so simple But so cryptic [x.We can only understand what we are ready to understand.x]
Who am I? A question that warrants my attention. Deep longings to become aware. Awareness beyond this existence. Am I really there?
If only you knew me
Then maybe youde see
Im not all the things that I appear to be
You judge me so viciously in your ice world of hate
You judge me like youve seen the stars with my fate
You judge me by my appearance and the way that I talk
By the way that I act, or the way that I walk
if only you knew me deep down inside
Perhaps you would see the soul that hides
Hiding from the cold wold that you knnow and you love
A corrupted passion of anger from the skies above
If only you knew me then maybe you would see
See your best friend, Im just another you in me.
A friend you need through good times and the bad
A friend to be near when your happy or sad
Our spirits will soar happy and free
God constructed these unique creations
If only you knew me
:::Just some thoughts:::
The reality that you create within your self is nothing more than an audio-visual demonstration of where your attention lies at the time. The universe is Beautiful. It simply presumes that whatever your attention is on, is what you want. Then graciously and quite abudantly it provides you with it. Once you come to understand this basic idea, you may start to understand why the publicized declaration of "[ A war on drugs ]" only serves to create more drugs in this world. Since the Attention is focused on drugs. Just an example.Of this same dynamic applies to increasing everything you Think you appose because you spend so much time and energy fighting to Appose it in the first place. You see, you are your own creator. You construct your mind, build your lives. Your in charge.
However when you put all your attenion on denial instead of addirmation, you seem "shocked" when the universe serves you up a double serving of something you thought you didnt want.
Thats all.
There are millions of things out there that I would love to explain to you. So many wonders, So many exciting and incredible truths. But there are all one thing really, one thing that is just so simple but you need to search so far to finally find the words to do it justice.
Firstly, no matter what race you are, what relgion, what sex, whatever. Theres a strong force that exsists in our universe today that unites everybody. The filling and beautiful feeling, the exsisance of love in each persons heart. The basis of anything and everything, a substance, and abstract noun. A feeling. A warm and fuzzy feeling in which everything else evolves from.
Realtity. That intricate and subtle thing that helps you define your boarders. Whats real? Whats not? Its your own person creation.
You decide. So in effect, you are exsisting inside your self. your own perosn, created by none other than you. Or the power of your own mind. In this way, everything is a simple reflection of an aspect of yourself. Is there no such this as polarity? No right and wrong? Only is and it is you. Do not judge what it is, dont label it, it just creates a seperation.
In that, everything is you. So you are everything.
This is the meaning of the saying "all is one"
You are complete.
Love completes you.
Once you find it, you want no more.
Beacuse everything you need you have.
Everybody else is a part of this wonderfull creation of you. And thus you are a part of everybody else. Love is the recognition and celebration that one person is another facet of yourself. A joining. A explosion of souls. The merging of hearts. One.
Love can be learnt of all things and non things. Fear is a seperation of these parts and the unnacceptance that that is a part of what you think of yourself. But to join these parts, as painful as it may seem, its easy and fulfilling. Its worth it.
If you love something you do not like. Something you do not understand. Again, that is to make it apart of yourself again. To unbreak into yourself. To erase that line of seperation. To accept that the differnce in this world makes it beautiful. This differnce is another part of you.
So reach out.
Be that thing, find its faint reflection in your soul, resonate with it and love it. Accept it for being there and you will be whole again.
I am... .A. spectacualar. Incredible. Wondrous. And Beautiful. Creation. .An. Intriguing. fantastical. mysterious. breathtaking. awsome. Dreamy. Fantasy. .An. Explosive. Forcefull. Frightening. Intimidating. Powerfull. Strong. Creator. .A. Talented. Creative. Crafty, Intelligent. brillant. Little Girl. .A. Curious. Inquisitive. Cheeky. Infuriating. Child. .A. Calculating. Patient. Wise. and slow seer. .A. Sensual. Soft. Caressing. Gentle. Romantic. And Warm. Lover. .An. Ugly. Lonley. Distorted. Abandoned. Fractured. Bleeding. Victim. .A. Selfish. Narcissistic. Obsessive. Cruel and proud. Victor. .A. Bright. Blinding. White. Light. .A. Compelling. Persuasive. Member. Of. This. Society. .A. Mighty. Gust. Of. Wind. A star. In the. Inky Blue. Sky. Cloud. .A. Im. Not an. Angel. .A. A vision. Of. Imperfection. .An. Aid. To. The. Beautiful. The. Wings. Of. The. Angel. .A. Falling leaf. .An. Old Oak Tree. .A. Rain. Drop. A wave. A River. An ocean. .A thought. A Feeling. A touch. .A. Vision. A Dream. An illusion. .A. Letter. A. Sentance. A paragraph. A novel. .A. Cryptic Code. .A. Sketch. An Image. A film. A painting. In oils. .An. Earth. A sun. A satrun. A milky way. .A. Rhyme. A cry. A song. Poetry. .A. Me. A you. A them. An us. .A. Me. Alone. .I. Am.