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[.F o r  N i c h o l a s.]

e[X]plicit

.Interesting Day.

I slept in.
late.
I could tell that mom was
purposly taking her
own
sweet
time.
Which btw
is
fucking
[.I m m a t u r e.]
It was hot again.
"Bloody English Weather"
Im such a hypocrit
I complain when its
[T O O C O L D]
and then Again
when its
[T O O F U C K I N G H A W T]
I helped put up the
gisibo (-Dont know how to spell it)
today.
Infact
We did two
Because we were having a party for
those
leaving day care
and transfering into
big school.
So that was fun.
A new [s k i l l .]
Ide say.
My hands are fucked
Because I had a couple of hundered
rounds of
Rock
paper
Scissors
Tree
With the guys
and they went crazy
and my wrists are
Screwed
completely.
Jack is OH-SOSWEET
He was gentle when he punched my wrists in
afrad that
"[My skeleton will fall out]"
which was Sweet.
At the end, Charley
the disabled boy
Asked me to carry him
and he lay in my arms
saying
"[awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww]"
and "{{big hug}}"
I moff work early
CUZ
mommys going to see my brother in a play
and some complications
result in
me coming home early
So i couldnt
[E N J O Y  ]
All the party.
Thought I was late, and rushed across the street.
But it was okay.
[.m.o.m. .w.a.s. .l.a.t.e. .a.n.y.w.a.y.]

:://Fo Shi[.z.z.]le mah Ni[/zz/]le//::

Dear diary,

hey
Today was pretty tiring. It was just so fucking hot, and I cant concentrate. I woke up with my eyes puffy and I just wanted to go and die. It was horrible. I walked up to mom and said "Mom I dont want to go to work today" and she said "why not?" and so i replied "I just dont want to " and she was like "Well you have to go" and there was a long pause and I said "Mom, I dont want to go to work today".
That argument didnt get very far.
I arrived at work kinda late.
I really feel like im getting through to Jack. Hes taking a much greater intrest in reading and sitting still for long time periods :) He gave me a hug today. He seems much more mature for his age, and understands basic concepts much faster. After spending so much time with these kids, I dont really want to leave. At the same time, I never imagined how difficult it is to work in childcare. I think that this experiance just proved to me how much I Could not ever, ever , Ever work in childcare. But it was fun. Oh so fun. I really want to see them when they'r older. Especially James and Jack, and lauren and Mary-anne. Whos going to be SO Hawt when they are older. I taught Todd to write oroperly today (he writes backwards- perfectly). I tried teaching Elliot, Jack, Todd and some other kids "Rock Paper Scissors". It was difficult at first because Jack insisted that it should be "Rock paper scissirs Tree". For some reason. I was like "No Jacko :) there is NO tree"
and hes like b-b-b-b-but I want a tree.
Okay fine. we can have a tree.
It was crazy, but then i gradually weened them all out of choosing a tree.
And then they would all choose the same thing that I picked.
"Rock"
"Rock"
"rock"
"Rock"
Then they started understanding the concept a little better, and then waited till I chose, then chose the thing that would instantly destroy me (apart from a tree which aparantly defeats them all).
And when they destroyed me, boy did they love it. They would practically beat the shit out of my hand.
I havae bruises and scratches everywhere.
I think my pointy finger is broken.
ouch.
But it was a learning experiance.
Then we tried playing wink murder.
Failed.
I realised, that with little children, you have to Show them how to do something as apposed to Tell them. I spent about 10 minutes explaining the concept of the game. and they were nodding inteligently so i was like "my gosh i think they got it" but we started playing and. oh man.
The [.Detective.] Walked in and [.Murdered some one.] and was like "Umm I think you killed him"
and im like
"no hunny, you did" arhg lol.
So we played a little longer, and it was gradually coming to them, but we had to stop (milk time) but im sure that if we could continue they would have got it.
Then we tired I spy.
that was crazy.
Jack: I spy with my little eye something begiining with...um C!
me: ummm...give me a clue
jack: its what caterpillers turn into.
me: uh. butterfly?
jack: YES!
me: oh lol.

So the "Something begining with..." part doesnt actually mean anything whatsoever.
Drink time is fun :) I had a cup of juice.
I did a few paintings today but we didnt have any play dough out :(
Lauren, is so cute. i was watching her today.
She takes some paper, and draws like a line on it, and then asks me to fold it up and put it in an envelope. she then repetes this process 1235 times. lmfao. and then she walks around guarding her "invitations" with her life, in her little hands. She hands them to her mom at the end :)
James is pr0 at the construction kit. really - talented.
Mary-anne loves dressing up as a princess. she told me she loved me today.
They all ask me at the end of the day if ill be back tomomrrow.
that makes me feel good.
Charley, whos mentally disabled, but omg hes so cute.
hes going to be SO SO SO HOT when hes older.
a little stud.
I carried him today and he kissed me. and jsut hugged me for so long.
It was so special:)

Jack and I always read together every day for a long time. He wants to read the dinosour and the lamb book over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. Analysing EACH lamb fur and EACH dinosour and all the different routes you could take to slide down the dinosours back. Its so tiring because we do that every day.
And then when its quiet time, its like a fucking stampede. they all uhuddle around my feet and hug me and pull me and jump on me and climb on to me for me to carry them and are like "PLEASE CAN MALLY COME AND SIT WITH US IN THE QUIET CORNER. MALLY SIT WITH ME, SIT WITH ME PLEASE"
its really sweet.
but. kinda. painfull. lol
Today I helped get their profiles and reports done :)
Its so nice to look through all their work and how they goot through this year.
Next year many of them are starting year one, real school.
Its going to be really differnt for them. I almost forgot how young you are as you get into year one. I hope theyr okay. IM SURE theyll do fine :) Im not sure how theyr gonna cope from making snad castles and drinking milky every hour to having to do math.
But Ionnu. Its just the kind of lifestyle changes that everybody has to go through. even when your much older. I think.
Tomorrow we're having a little party for those leaving.
We're having 40 kids in this little classroom.
and its going to be so fucking hot.
it should be interesting.
gaaah. I love this.

Two Monks were wondering through the forest when they come upon a beautiful courtesan standing on the banks of a flooded stream.
Because they had sworn a vow of chastity, the younger monk ignored the woman and crossed the stream quickly.
Realizing that the beautiful woman could not get safely across the steam herself, the older monk gathered her up in his arms and carried her across the stream. Once they had reached the otherside, he gently returned her to the ground. She smiled her thanks, and the two monks continued on their way.
The young monk quietly seethed as he replayed the incident againd and again in his own mind.
How could he?
The young monk thought angrily to himself.
Does our vow of chastity mean nothing to him? The more he thought about what he had seen, the angrier he became and the argument in his head grew louder.
Why had I done such a thinkg. I would have been thrown out of the order.
This is disgusting. I may not have been a monk as long as he has but I know right from wrong.
He looked over at the older monk to see if he at least was showing remorse for what he had done, but the man seemed as serene and peaceful as ever.
Finally the young monk could stand it no longer.
[“How could you do that?”] He demanded.
[“How could you ever look at that woman let alone pick her up and carry her? Do you not remember your vow of chastity?”]
The older monk looked surprised then smiled with great kindness in his eyes.

[“I am no longer carrying her, brother, are you?”]

I love this story. I think it says alot. More analysing of it later ;) I have to go home now //::

[Heres something to think about...x]
Contrary to the majority of peoples beliefs, Perhaps our deepest fear isnt that we are inadequate in this universe.
Perhaps our deepest fear is that we possess a power beyond our measure.
Perhaps it is our light and not the darkness that truely frightens us.
Who are you?
Really who are you?
Not the pretence you put up.
Not the act, not the fake,
just the real, you.
We sometimes ask our selves; Who am I to be beautiful, talented and just brilliant?
Actually, Who are you not to be?
You see, you are a child in this universe.
Just like everybody around you.
Your act of being smaller than the person you really are doesn’t serve any useful purpose in this world.
There is nothing enlightening about belittling yourself
When on the other hand you could be the spectacular
And intriguing person
You were born to be
Just so other people wont feel insecure around you.
Trust me.
We are born to manifest the glory of the universe that we have created within ourselves.
Its not just in a select few of us, but all of us.
And as we begin to realise that its okay to let our own light shine,
We are unconsciously giving the people around you permission to do the same
And as we are liberated from our own fears.
We are liberating the people around us with just our presence

[Don’t be afraid of confirming]
[Don’t feel like you have to.]
[Because no matter how hard you try]
[To confirm or not]
[You wont.]

[Nicholas and Mally
Sitting in a Tree
K.I.S.S.I.N.G.
first comes love
then comes marraige
and then comes the baby
in the baby's carraige]

/C/r/i/s/s/c/r/o/s/s/b/u/r/n/s/o/n/m/y/h/e/a/r/t/

I look at you, lookin at me

I just painted my ["Toesies"] {//[Pinksies]//}

It has come to my attention that.
I like my elftown house.
And apparantly so do some other people
because they message me saying so
lykewoah

.Ego.Trippin.

Today I made pretty [+Pictures+] 
With My Fingers
And [+-Candy Striped-+] Paints.
I used +safety+ scissors
And Huge chunky [ C r a y o n s ] 
I drew [.Love.Hearts.]
Pretty blue skies
Green Green grass.
It was always brighter
On My Side.
I got my clothes messy
I put my hand Deep into
Pink [.S.trawberr.y.] play dough.
I laughed at the silliest things.
I danced to crazy music.
I sang along to [Old+songs]
And listened intently
To
Little Miss Muffet
I miss the fairytales.
I miss the 
[ H a p p i l y  E v e r  A f t e r]

Im trying not to hate you For pushing me aside

Proof that Vag Had anal

Me: Do you think anal hurts?
vag: It doesnt the second time round.

me:I know what you did last summer
vag: what did I do last summer
me: you had anal
vag: that wasnt last summer

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me: how do you spell no