ET: Member blog

[choke_on_dreams]'s diary

662310 Link to this entry
Written about Friday 2005-09-09
Written: (7014 days ago)

Eeeek Im Pretty excited Now.

Its been a long time since Ive had Anybody over. Especially a Night in with my Girlies :)

I miss those.
I always loved those.
Nights when I can be as [Pink <33333333] as I want to be.
Listen to cheesy cheesy cheesy pop.
Dance in Underwear.
And talk.
Till we cant talk anymore.

But this time, I'll be high too.

662239 Link to this entry
Written about Friday 2005-09-09
Written: (7014 days ago)

Got My [.Weed.] Today For Saturday.

Its going to be awesome.

And Ian Can Come Too.

662237 Link to this entry
Written about Friday 2005-09-09
Written: (7014 days ago)

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

662235 Link to this entry
Written about Friday 2005-09-09
Written: (7014 days ago)

We Have A Song Now. <3

Goodbye My Lover - James Blunt.

661855 Link to this entry
Written about Thursday 2005-09-08
Written: (7015 days ago)

I dont want to talk to Martyn again.

Because that day just proved that

It really is over.

I didnt want things to change

But they did.

And...

I dont want them back.

661766 Link to this entry
Written about Thursday 2005-09-08
Written: (7015 days ago)

But Watching Stars Without You.
My Soul Cries.

661743 Link to this entry
Written about Thursday 2005-09-08
Written: (7015 days ago)

Till Everything Burns
Till everyone screams
Burning their lives
Burning My Dreams
All of this hate
and all of this pain
burn it all down
as my anger reigns.

661735 Link to this entry
Written about Thursday 2005-09-08
Written: (7015 days ago)

When I look into your eyes
I can see a love restrained.
But darlin when I hold you,
Dont you know I feel the same.

Nothing Lasts Forever.
And we Both Know Hearts Can Change. <3

I disagree.
Nicholas is forever. <3

661733 Link to this entry
Written about Thursday 2005-09-08
Written: (7015 days ago)

Yea,
I think I should be with you.

661730 Link to this entry
Written about Thursday 2005-09-08
Written: (7015 days ago)

Itsokay.

Ivegotaplan.

661729 Link to this entry
Written about Thursday 2005-09-08
Written: (7015 days ago)

My Life Is Brilliant.

661728 Link to this entry
Written about Thursday 2005-09-08
Written: (7015 days ago)

Ok Day.
Going to LightWater Valley tomorrow With school.
That should be alright.
Matt promised to sit next to me on the eagles Claw.
OoO.
Phil Spat today.
I talked to David again.
He seems good enough for My vag.

661727 Link to this entry
Written about Thursday 2005-09-08
Written: (7015 days ago)

Here I am Where Ive been Ive walked a Hundered miles in tobacco skin. And my clothes are worn and gritty. And I know ugliness. [Now Show Me Something Pretty.] I was dumb punk kid with nothing to lose. And too much weight for walking shoes I could have died From being boring And as for lonliness. She Greets me every morning. At the most im a glare Im the hopeless son whos hardly there Im the open sign thats always busted Im the friend you need that cant be trusted. Here I am Where Ive been Walked a hundered miles in tobacco skin And my clothes are Worn And gritty. And I know ugliness. [Now Show Me Something Pretty.] At the most im a glare Im the hopeless son whos hardly there Im the open sign thats always busted Im the friend you need that cant be trusted.

661724 Link to this entry
Written about Thursday 2005-09-08
Written: (7015 days ago)

You Had A Bad Day..

Get Over it.

661723 Link to this entry
Written about Thursday 2005-09-08
Written: (7015 days ago)

*My Hubby and I talking about "What If I cant cum When we're together"*

Nick: Hell, If YOU cant come, Thats YOUR problem.
Me: Gee. Thanks.

661329 Link to this entry
Written about Wednesday 2005-09-07
Written: (7016 days ago)

me: NICHOLAS I PROMISE I WILL NEVER EVER EVER EVER LET ANYONE ELSE TOUCH ME SEXUALLY OR ENTER ME WITH THEIR TINY WEENY "NOT-AS-BIG-AS-NICKS" PENIS. I WILL NEVER EVER HAVE SEX WITH ANYBODY ELSE BUT YOU. MY BODY IS FOR YOU AND YOU ONLY.

Nicholas: Malavika I promise I will never ever ever let anybody else touch me sexually or take advantage of my penis with their loose, gross "not as tight as mally's" clit. EVER. I will never ever have sex with anybody else but you. my Body is just for you and you only.

And So It Was Said <3

661188 Link to this entry
Written about Wednesday 2005-09-07
Written: (7016 days ago)

This Saturday Is gonna be Fucking AWESOMEr.
Rosie, David, Matt and Harriets coming over.

They're gonna get Wasted On My Field.

Yes MY Field.

I dont Drink.
So Instead Ill get High.

Works For Me..

I intend on Using Dave's Pipe that he doesnt Use.

I also intend on creating my OWN pipe using : Tin foil
Coke Bottle
Water
Tube
Lighter
Skunk
.....

Well thats the Plan.
Its going to be awesome.
Ive always wanted to get high In MY field.
At sunset.
Its going to be Special..

661182 Link to this entry
Written about Wednesday 2005-09-07
Written: (7016 days ago)

Some people are Cruel

Last night I realised that things had to change between Martyn and I.
For you who dont know what happened,
Im to tired to Explain.
It was some where at the start of my diary, so,
Dont bother with that.
Anyway.
I printed off all the emails we had ever written eachother.
All the friendly words.
All the "lol"s.
I came up with about 35 reasons why I missed being his friend.
And a poem I had written for him, and he'de always asked for
But I never got a chance to give it to him.
A diary entry I never thought Ide show, of some notes Me Mert and Andy passed in maths.
And just a paragraph or so about Him I wrote a year ago.
And a short letter.
In it I wrote about how much I sometimes wish he was around.
Or what it would be like if things were the same.
And that Im so happy that him and Hatty are happy because they both deserve to be.
And the End I wrote.
Things Have Changed. I Just Want You To Know, I never Really Wanted them to.

And I put it in an envelope.
And put it in my bag.
I was so excited.
I really thought things were going to Change.
I went to school and said to him
"Can I give you something"
He sort of just looked at me, I couldnt quite read the Expression.
It wasnt that friendly.
It wasnt totally mean.
I persued though and was like "um..."
I could sense he didnt really want it, but I thought he would be joking,
and just take it.
He was moving away from me.
So I was like "Im not going to touch you." :S
and He said.
"Yeah dont touch me"
I was moving closer to pass it to him, like a step or something.
But he was moving back and telling me to stay there.
I told him im not going to touch him But
I needed to give him something.
Everyone was watching by now.
He was just like "Just step away. I dont want anything. Dont touch me"
And that hurt so much.
I sort of looked at him, infront of everyone.
And Said. "Whatever".
And walked away.
It hurt alot.
And No I dont want him to see it anymore.
I want to forget about it all.
Because I made such a big effort.
And...
No its okay.
Nevermind. Ill talk about it later maybe.

661177 Link to this entry
Written about Wednesday 2005-09-07
Written: (7016 days ago)

.By. .Nicholas.

Hey babygirl, sorry we didn't get to talk much today... AGAIN. This is really driving me insane. I miss you so much.. I really do. I need you :(

I need to talk to you... I miss hearing your laugh and I miss your beautiful voice. When I you speak to me, my heart just overflows with lovvvee :$. I'm not going anywhere Mallu, I'm gonna be here forever and ever.

You know I just said forever, right? I mean it. I'm not leaving you. Ever since the first time I said forever, I meant it.

I've made a promise to you Malavika. One that I intend to keep. I promise to love you forever and always be by your side.. Through the good and the bad... and the worse. If you hit rock bottom I'd still be there for you, holding your hand, supporting you.

I'll pick you up if you fall down.

I'll carry you if you can't walk...

I will dry your tears when you cry...

I'll hold you when you need to be held...

I'll give you my coat when you're cold...

I'll help you... always - with everything.

You need to remember something I think: We're partners in this, right? I know you'd do the same for me. Don't think you're not holding up your end by not offering as much as you think you could.

You offer more than you know. You are the best companion I could have ever dreamt of.

And you're my friend Mally... my best friend.

Friends dont leave friends behind - they dont abandon eachother. They stick together and hold their heads high even when things are rough.

I'm never going to abandon you. I'm going to grow old with you. We're going to live together. We're going to die together.

I love you when you're EXTREMELY happy... and I love you when you're really sad.

You always make me proud...

---You're a brilliant woman---

... Even though you dont believe that. (Its true.)

You're beautiful. No, Mally - shut up - you are beautiful. Dont deny it.

You have low self esteem at times I know.. just like me - hey, we match.

You play piano wonderfully :)

You write masterpieces :)

You're wise beyond your "ears" ^_^

Your smile is angelic.

Your body is perfect.

Your eyes are so bright...

You have the best sense of humour :)

It's easy to make you laugh :)

It's even easier to make you blush :)

You're the perfect height for me. :D

I love your thighs ;)

You have AMAZING breasts :D

But actually... here I think... are some of the most important reasons why we're together baby...

::You care about me. You love me - nobody has ever done that before, really. Not like you do... you're so sensitive towards me. You care about my needs - you take care of me emotionally. And I know that once we're together you will take care of me physically just as well.

And haven't we worked so hard for this?

Haven't we gotten so far?

Why the fuck would either of us give up now? :)

We've made it through the hardest part!!

Look how far we've come... look at what we've accomplished... think back. And now think forwards:

This relationship is beautiful and it is going to blossom into something even more beautiful than it is now. You and I, though already great... have the potential to be even greater.

Try and find strength in these words Malavika... I wrote them for you. All of them.

Don't be sad my love... you have someone in Canada who simply adores you and loves you with all his heart, and its not some fat 13 year old kid on elftown...

Its me, hehe. :) Your Nicholas.

If I hadn't written anything of the above, I could have just said this... it means the same thing. Whenever you are in doubt of anything, read these words... they are timeless. They will always be true. ALWAYS..................................................................................................................................................................................

I love you Malavika.

I Guess Im In Love. <3

660715 Link to this entry
Written about Tuesday 2005-09-06
Written: (7017 days ago)

Next in thread: 660721

CASSANDRA. ARE YOU READING THIS.

I knew it.

Faggot.

(but you work it like no other.)

660712 Link to this entry
Written about Tuesday 2005-09-06
Written: (7017 days ago)

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