ET: Member blog

[choke_on_dreams]'s diary

672712 Link to this entry
Written about Tuesday 2005-09-27
Written: (6999 days ago)

Izzy: **asks someone** Uhh Have you seen Sara?
Person : uhh…?
Izzy: well she’s tall and has blonde hair.
Person: jeesus do you know how many of them there are in that school?
Me : haha yeah everyones tall and blonde. No wait there are like two people who aren’t BUT WE’RE OUT HERE.

672706 Link to this entry
Written about Tuesday 2005-09-27
Written: (6999 days ago)

And He Left.

Again.

672028 Link to this entry
Written about Monday 2005-09-26
Written: (7001 days ago)

me: Man, I think your the submissive one in this relationship.
Izzy: Mally, anyone in a relationship with You would be submissive.

me: *says something repulsive*
Ixxy: *LOOKS FIERCE* Mally you sick retarded bitch.

672015 Link to this entry
Written about Monday 2005-09-26
Written: (7001 days ago)

I need to SuSu.

671276 Link to this entry
Written about Sunday 2005-09-25
Written: (7002 days ago)

Everything you can do//

I can do Better.

671275 Link to this entry
Written about Sunday 2005-09-25
Written: (7002 days ago)

And when all hope is gone.

Im here.

671272 Link to this entry
Written about Sunday 2005-09-25
Written: (7002 days ago)

I love you Nicholas.
Im so glad I met somebody whos..taught me so many things.
Now I know that

you dont need to have touched a person to get butterflies
you dont need to have held a person to trust them completely
you dont need to have fucked a person to feel like you need them inside you :P
you dont need to have kissed a person to love them totally
you dont need to have met a person to need them, with everything you have
you dont need to have held hands with a person, to know they complete you.
In everyway possible.

Youve taught me so much. I dont want to let that go.
ever.

669767 Link to this entry
Written about Thursday 2005-09-22
Written: (7005 days ago)

He hits her.

669730 Link to this entry
Written about Thursday 2005-09-22
Written: (7005 days ago)

I Pretend to Understand
But Really....

I
.Hate.
It
When He Needs.
"Space."

669417 Link to this entry
Written about Wednesday 2005-09-21
Written: (7005 days ago)

The barriers are back Up.
The defences are On.
My dad is Still and ass.

Nothing really changes.

It was only a few tears.

669416 Link to this entry
Written about Wednesday 2005-09-21
Written: (7005 days ago)

I really dont see the point anymore.
Ive given up.
And He'll Never Know.

669415 Link to this entry
Written about Wednesday 2005-09-21
Written: (7005 days ago)

Acid.

668823 Link to this entry
Written about Tuesday 2005-09-20
Written: (7006 days ago)

My Immediate [To Do List:]

Shrooms.

668822 Link to this entry
Written about Tuesday 2005-09-20
Written: (7006 days ago)

Yuhhp.

Goodnight.

668820 Link to this entry
Written about Tuesday 2005-09-20
Written: (7006 days ago)

So Is This A Goodbye?

ITS A FUCK OFF.
and
DIE

668725 Link to this entry
Written about Tuesday 2005-09-20
Written: (7007 days ago)

Im going to
S C R E A M.

668025 Link to this entry
Written about Monday 2005-09-19
Written: (7008 days ago)

.My Messages To God.

668022 Link to this entry
Written about Monday 2005-09-19
Written: (7008 days ago)

Come On'
Give Me Some.

667393 Link to this entry
Written about Sunday 2005-09-18
Written: (7009 days ago)

&& Its Love.

666834 Link to this entry
Written about Saturday 2005-09-17
Written: (7010 days ago)

&&Let Me Tell You About Last Night.

Let Me Go SUSu first.
It means, the verb To "Pee"

Done.

Well last night, after my conversation with nick on the phone.
Which btw was really really good,
We talked about, well what important things I could remember.
Before or after my "memory relapses".
Hehe.
And everything felt brilliant again :)

He went to play a game.
So I went to my mom and dad downstairs.
Kirans gone to a friends to stay over.
Me and mom talked really good
and my dad was drunk
he didnt say much so it wsa okay.
But THEN it started.
he got mad at me
and lectured me
for like an hour
stuff like
"If you were out on the streets I wouldnt really care"

and then

"But if kiran (brother) was, I would because he listenes to me."

That hurt a little bit.

Finally, My father
Who I always thought was so strong.
SO reserved.
Had no feelings,
That man started crying.
Crying.
Right in front of me.
Crying his heart out,
Crying about how his own daughter didnt love him.
Crying about he is living for only himself.

I just sat there, I was going to die.
But i didnt.
Mom was just like "come on no"and holding his hand.
She was going to cry too
I dont think shes ever seen my dad cry.

I was like "mom dont cry on me too"
I was trying to humour everything
because i was so terrified.
I had no idea what to do.
I walked away.
Mom told me to, (nicely)
and later she told me to go give him a hug,
But I can,
I dont even know him,
I havent hugged him since like i was 3//
It wasnt going to happen.

I stood by the door like.."I uh..uh...I uh dont uh really...uh...hate...uh..you"
and ran away.
That was hard enough,
But it was put on and so fake,
I could hear it in my own voice.

I was upset.
Talked to Nicholas about it.
He told me that if things are going to have to change,
Im going to have to make an effort.

And even then, I didnt want to believe it.

But he was.

&&Soright.

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