Excelent movie: Victor/Victori
'You don't believe in shame?'
'I believe in happiness.'
What is it with shame? It's something that affects everybody. Nearly everybody. Generalities get me in trouble, they just don't hold true when I'm around, it's like my presence bends the laws of space/time and things get screwy. But anyway. Shame. Everyone has secrets; things they are afraid to let go of and let out into the open. It's all tied up with privacy and, in my terms, 'bubbles', but it has to do with shame, too; fear, as well, the closely related sidekick... fear of being found out, because it is humiliating to be so revealed, and... vulnerable. And the latter part must be where the shame comes in.
Good question--defi
No wonder I tried to spell "busy" as "buzy", I must've been thinking of "lazy", which is most definitely "lazy" with a "z" and not "lasy."
My blog is being stupid and not posting properly, so all my thoughts that woudl ususually go in there and being spilled out here instead. In a way that's kind of sad. No, in a way tha'ts a bad thing, and in a way I don't even care anymore.
Did I ever?
Or was it all an illusion?
How can you really, truly know what's real and true when everything changes all the time? Is it only real and true if it's forever?
Fear...
of anything. Fascinating subject. Of course, it's also fascinating for psychopaths, and not just insanely curious people like me, but I am not, in the sense meant here, a psychopath. If I am a psychopath in any sense, it is where I am only a dnager to myself.
And anyone emotionally involved with me. Fmaily, freidns, whoever...
Sometimes people scare me because, I suppose this is what t is, is I have enough trouble dealing with my own issues; how can I deal with their's, too? Except that's really stupid, because I don't have to. That's why it's their issues and not mine. But then again, that's one of my flaws, and one reason I don't like drama; I take on other people's problems, for somer eason. Probably something to do with empathy or sympathy or whatnot.
I was accused of babbling earlier today. I think they may have been right.
I'ts amusing how the easily made to laugh and those who don't hang around those I hang around with think I am both random and funny.
It's quite a strange sensation, to be thought of in those terms.
Then again, it's also a strange sensation to realize I'm almost out of high school. Of cousre, I spend about fifteen seconds going "oh, my..." and then it's a unanimous: YES!!!
One exclamation mark; just excited. Two; a bit overdone, but nothing to worry about. Three; there's some issues going on, isn't there... Four; wow you're weird. Five or more; insanity, insanity, written by an insane person...
!!!!!
!!
So; continuing...
There is nowhere to continue but on into the darkness. Let's hope I remembered the extra batteries for the flashlight.
Wiat; let's hope I remembered the flashlight....
Rah,rah. Valentine's day. Charming, I'm sure.
I am, by reputation and by habit, the Grinch of Valentines. Which is odd because I actaully have a 'valentine' this year, but that's where the 'habit' part comes in.
And some people just make this day of the year miserable. Unfortunately, I have to put up with them. At least not for very long. Apparantly there are plusses to short lunches. Go figure.
Well, Happy Valentine's, spread the love, yada yada yada and more mush. That's it, that's all the warm fuzzies I can find.
Lol.
~
I sometimes wish for telepathy. Of cousre sometimes I also wish for giant marshmellows and for the sky to rain lemon drops, but that's okay, because we don't always wish for what's good for us.
Dang fortune cookies. Why couldn't it be funny like everybody else's?
"Time is the wisest counselor."
Eesh.
So relevant it's strange, so strange it's..........
RANDOMNESS IN A CHINESE RESTAURANT OMG NOOOOOOOO!!!!!
I've lost it, I've gone round the bend, I've bought the funny farm, I'm out to lunch, I've left my mind, I've got out the back door, I've kicked the sanity bucket, I've lost my marbles
OH NO NOT MORE "HOOK" QUOTES
Hook, Zaphod Beeblebrox, what's the difference, my thoughts go in circles and what else is new?
Come one, come all, my lovely little school's production of that most hilarious of comedic plays, The Foreigner, will begin Thursday Febrary ninth, 7:30, middle school auditorium. Same time and place the 10th and 11th as well.
Oh yay--the 11th.
Test day, ACT day, a few hours of happiness and anti-boredom remedy thrown in the middle. What a buzy buzy day I shall have. Or is it spelled "busy"? I'm too buzy/busy to stop and find out.
Dang all homework to heck!
(the most geenteel battlecry in the history of genteel battlecrys... thanks to the Archancellor of the Unseen University: Dang them all to Heck!) Or was it darn? Oh me oh my, the small details I can't remember. ho hum
I'm surrounded by drama.
"No no drama... no no no no drama..."
"You all know these girls, that I am talking about... they're like the real world, meets boy meets world, meets the days of our lives... emotional girls should all wear mood rings..."
And emotional boys as well, those have been getting on my nerves lately too
ENOUGH DRAMA ALREADY YOU PATHETIC LITTLE WORMS!
So... I make drama about there being too much drama?
The irony would kill me, but the sarcasm got there first.
~
I am bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored bored boored bored.
Did I mention bored out of my bloody mind?
I've been told it's unnatural to hate the weekends. There's no school in them, you see. But when I spend every weekend holed up in my house because I can't, for various reasons, go anywhere, it's possible to see that it's not that I like school so much as getting out of this house.
I can't wait until I get a car. And/or graduate. One or the other or both would be very, very nice. I even keep trying to write '07' instead of '06'. I've been bitten by the senioritis bug, and it's a virus that just wont' go away.
So, here I sit, typing, attempting to brace myself to face the black hole of homework, lamenting my lack of freedom, places to go and people to go with even if I could gp places, and also, perversely, the fact that the weekend is half over. I have tests monday. Or is it tuesday? Who knows. Certainly not me. It's only my life, after all.
On the other hand... well. there's different fingers.
I'm out of here. Talking to an online diary. Wow. I'm bored and I have issues. Go figure.
~
I have had the most amazing afternoon. I'm not even sure I could put it into words. The only thing wrong with it--it wasn't long enough. Four hours is much too short of a time to spend with someone actually worth talking to. I love it when things go according to plan. I may not have tomorrow, or the next day, or the next; but there will always be today.
Happy Birthday to me;
Happy Birthday to me;
Happy Biiiirrthdaaay to meee--ee;
Happy Birthday to me.
Yes, my singing is horrendous. lol does it look like I care? Be honest now.
"I shall have no regrets; just restless thoughts."
1-20-06: I am seventeen years old.
1-21-06: I take advantage of this fact to break out of my horribly boring routine and do something that I want to do, for once ditching my parents for someone who, in my opinion, is far more entertaining.
1-22-06: Back to boredom, but not forever.
I just completely lost my train of thought. Oh well. Cheerio, all.
Since I attempted to add another 'hear ye this' thingy on to my page only to have myself told it was too long of a page then, I deleted the whole frickin thing and now I'm going to use this as it was, as far as I can tell, possibly meant to be used and put my updates in here. Here goes, then--On January 20th I shall be 17 years of age, and for various reasons am quite looking forward to both it and the day afterwards. Nothing is certain, yet, but it could be a whole heck of a lot worse.
I hate school. School has put me in a foul mood. Too bad. This year had been going rather well. Compared to last year, anyway. So... so much for that... perhaps it will stop being quite so horrible later on. Maybe.
Yes, I'm rambling. And I don't care to quit, either. Not just yet.
I crave communication. Must go call random people, since no one is online. Phooey.
the rain in spain stays mainly on the plain
but the plain that's not in spain
stays mainly out of the rain
for there's nothing to gain
except for shame
when one is soaking wet
and caught in the strands of a butterfly net
draining through a straining cup
flecks of gold and shiny plastic
the god of the new world
the bane of the sane
the lovers
the dreamers
and everybody else.
^ what? huh? i didnt' say anything.
yes go ahead lock me back up, the sky is staring at me and it's scary.
have u gone off the deep end or are u drowning in the shallow end without your floaty toy?
oops g2g