Sukhoi3714: Worst game ever = Bad Dudes
Sukhoi3714: ''The President has been kidnapped by NINJAS. Are you a bad enough dude to save the President?''
Rayne0fBl00d: '_';
Sukhoi3714: Then it drops you off in a funhouse(whatever the level was, it looked like a funhouse) and has you fight ninjas with red shoes
Rayne0fBl00d: '_';
Sukhoi3714: Then, the final boss is a ninja with gold shoes LIEG OMG!
Rayne0fBl00d: '_';;
NuckifuBuckpim
Sukhoi3714: Then the President, who looks like Ronald Reagan fused with George Bush Sr., comes out and says, and I quote:
Rayne0fBl00d: cheeeeeeeeeeee
Sukhoi3714: ''Congratulati
Rayne0fBl00d: . . .
NuckifuBuckpim
Sukhoi3714: Then he gives you a half-eaten taco and the credits roll.
Rayne0fBl00d: have a... hamburger...
NuckifuBuckpim
Rayne0fBl00d: .... taco....
Rayne0fBl00d: WTF?!
Sukhoi3714: I played the game and literally felt years peel off my lifespan
Rayne0fBl00d: lmao
Sukhoi3714: And the game mechanics itself are so bad
Sukhoi3714: Your ''bad dude'' is like 3 cm tall
Sukhoi3714: And each ninja is twice your size.
Sukhoi3714: When you punch the ninjas
Sukhoi3714: Your fist goes forward one inch
Sukhoi3714: I call it ''The Glass Fist of Fragility''
Rayne0fBl00d: '_';
Sukhoi3714: You can hit a ninja and your hand will fuse into the ninja's body, you will be stunned, then the ninja will jump kick your face with his mighty red shoe
NuckifuBuckpim
Sukhoi3714: Then you'll watch half your life go down.
NuckifuBuckpim
Sukhoi3714: Then another ninja will randomly spawn right above you, land on you, and you will die
Rayne0fBl00d: ....
NuckifuBuckpim
Sukhoi3714: I felt like running through the arcade busting skulls open with a lightgun off House of the Dead
John sent me a pretty mushy message. I'm all giddy and happy now. *purr* No amount of material items bought from a store could equal this feeling. ^^
Was that, perhaps, the ultimate ass-kissing? *shrug* Maybe, but more than likely not. Didn't have the feel of ass-kissing.
Just... purr. ^^
Argharghargh, I'm still not used to my glasses.. o_O I keep getting random headaches because I'm not used to the way the world moves about when I turn my head too fast. x.x;
Well, I'm off. I haven't showered since this time yesterday, and I feel pretty... grungy. bleah. and I seriously need to shaaaaaaave O_O;;
I've been thinking too much again.
I wonder what it means, exactly, to be loved? The question generally asked is "Do you believe in true love?" what's the difference between true love and just love in general? Does one last longer than the other, perhaps? Maybe the question should be "Do you believe in love?" Is it, perhaps, just the compatibility of two people, the ability to stand being around each other for more than five minutes at a time? Or is it just that you like someone so much that you wouldn't mind spending the rest of your life with them?
What does it mean, exactly, when you're willing to give up everything for someone at a moment's notice? Is it love, or something bordering on obsession? Where is the line drawn?
What does it mean, exactly, when your significant other has no time for you and never says he loves you anymore, and when he responds to you with a "love you too", he doesn't seem very serious about it?
Paranoia? Perhaps just a fleeting romance? Unintentional lies?
How can you really tell if they still care?
What is the ultimate sacrifice?
What does it mean when you are consumed with worry for a single person, and you can't sleep because of it?
When does one come to the point of no return, and, is there really such a thing when it comes to the heart?
More than likely not, but it surely feels like it.
What does it mean when he haunts your thoughts and dreams, and you can't get him out of your head no matter how hard you try? What does it mean when you can't concentrate on things because of the worries, fears, and thoughts?
What does it mean, exactly, when a certain spark in his eye that was there the night you met him is no longer there five months later?
... What does it mean when he wonders aloud how long the relationship has gone on, and remarks casually that it'll be six months in April?
Does it mean he's getting tired of it? That he thinks it's gone on for long enough?
There's at least one thing I know for certain...
I need to stop thinking. -_-;
So I just spent about half an hour looking at pictures of aborted fetuses... Including aborted babies in buckets, tupperware, proportioned against roses *glances at the rose on her computer deak*, dead baby heads held in gloved hands, 8 week old bloody limps spread out, organs visable, blood staining the towel around the impossibly small corpse.. Something about salt poisoning, injected into the uterus, causing the unborn baby great pain, and early birth... live birth, while they just kinda wait for it to die. There were pictures of blackened bodies, wax-like features, gore-covered gloves clutching the entire arm (joint included) of a fetus, because they have a tendancy to pull them out bit by bit, pictures of seperated, small, curled limbs, most covered in blood, closeups up faces, the eye area blackened with premature death, small bodies a burning kind of red, apparently from the saltine poison...
well. I'm tired and my back hurts and I want to go to bed. An' I'm frustrated, mostly at myself. It seems that John is distancing himself from me, and I had the chance to tell him in person the other night, and I didn't because I friggin' thought he was going to laugh at me.
Apparently that's the one thing I never got over. I still just can't take people laughing at me.
I need to go. -_-
ich... Elftown is PINK... I nearly broke into a rash when the window opened. *shudder*
I fucking hate V-Day. Hate it. With a passion. Simply because I've never been with someone I've really and truly loved on any V-Day, and the one I am.. He's WORKING! I think, in order to prevent myself from doing insanely stupid shit, I'm going to eat everything in sight.
I'm so friggin' out of it. I've been awake since eleven o'clock last night... I was hit by a bout of insomnia, and laid awake in my bed for a while, thinking "sleeeeeeeeep. Sleeeeeeeeep." Never worked. I got out of bed when Mom went to work, got in the shower, got something to eat, was ALMOST late to class (I dove into the room just as the bell rang), and was a zombie all day. Had to serve an hour of detention, then when I got home, I ate, fed the cats, and went to TKD class. Got my red belt, worked out a little, played the games my instructor made up for us (side-kick racing, woo hoo.) Came home, here I am, about to keel over. arghargharghar
Arghargharghar
Well, I had thought for a while that John was going to go to my award ceremony. He said he was going to go. But when I called him when I got home from school, he said his back pains were worse and he had changed his mind. *shrugs* No biggie. I'm sure he'll be there the second I hit black belt. The color belt awards aren't really that special anyways. The only reason I wanted him to come to this particular award ceremony was because one of my kids was getting his black belt... And we were holding the ceremony at Ryan's. I had kinda been hoping to have a sort of dinner with him so that Mama Spidle (instructor and near-mother) would finally hush about getting to know him. iieeyaa. Ah well, no worries. I'm sure she'll corner him one of these days and drill him with questions. x.x;
Well. It's midnight. I'd best be going.
SQUEEE!! I'm getting my red belt tomorrow! *joygasm* It'd be beautiful if John could be there... But, somehow, I'm doubting he will be. Not that I blame him. Award ceremonies are boooorrriiing! Nargle. It'd still be nice to see him there, since he skipped my testing to sleep. It was probably for the best, though. I had a panic attack in the middle of my testing, and if he had been there, well. Somehow, it'd've been worse. x.x;
Hmm, I just realized something. I've been taking TKD for a year, now, and not ONE of my boyfriends has come to an awards ceremony. Will went to one of my testings, but only one and it was Will. blah.
Welp, I need to go. It's 11:40 and Mom's awake and holding a bat. o.O;
*flee!*
going for red belt this saturday. haven't seen my sweetie for more than a few minutes in a while. He took me to school yesterday. I was close to half an hour late because my alarm clock was slow. yikes.
Everything hurts. An' I fucked up one of my three steps today. Made me realize just how much I needed to work on it... and didn't. Damn it. My instructors have been training me to teach instead of getting me ready for my own testing. I guess they figure I'm smart enough to be fine without it. Smarts are nothing... I just can't do a frickin' spin heel kick, god damn it. I can't do spins very well at all. I fucked up my form because I lost my balance and never really regained it. Fuck. Shit.
Shit damn fuck.
I need to go to bed. -_-
I wonder if I'm even going to see John this weekend. He's been so busy lately.
Busy, distracted, distant...
Or is it me?
Am I the one growing distant and cold, only having time for him when he doesn't have time for me?
I need sleep.
.... John's thinking of cutting his hair... Giving it serious thought... It's his decision an' all, but... but...
*cries*
Well, I'm starting to get healthy. Haven't eaten in two days, though, so I'm kinda curious about how the hell I'm getting better. Hmm, I should check my weight. o.O;
iieeyaa, I've only lost three pounds... nargle.
... At least I can say I have a nice figure. ;>_>
Lower ranking belts (blue and below) test tomorrow at the JCC... I have to be there to get started on something they call the "Tiger Team" which is, to my knowledge, what color belts join when they start training to be an instructor. *sighs* I have no choice in this matter. I'd love to just get my black belt and move on to something else, say, Judo... But, no. Promised I'd be an instructor. *Sighs*
bleeaah, I need a shower.
AAUGH I HAVE TO GET UP AT 6:00 THIS SATURDAY AAUGH
grrr. I test this saturday. Going for my red belt. I have to be at the Zemora temple by 7:00 AM to impress the high ranking blackbelts by being there two hours early for my testing.
I mourn. This frickin' sucks. I hate testing so early in the morning! >_< The last time I had to test that early, I was a yellow belt, and I was terrified. *sighs* I'm definately not looking forward to this. The fact that I'm approaching deathly ill doesn't help.
neither did this:
OneBadPianoDud
RAWRG!
Ate a cracker today. ... That's all. Had stuff to drink, yeah, but. Nothing to eat.
'cept for a cracker.
Not hungry. I'm sick, so I have no appietite. I probably dropped five pounds over the course of these past two days. *shrugs* No biggie.
Michael hasn't come home, yet. It's after 11:30. Maybe he died? That'd be nice. I wouldn't have to worry about locking my door anymore.
Well. I'm slightly delusional, and I'm out of stuff to ramble about.
Michael was looking at me strange, earlier. I didn't like the look on his face.
Suddenly, I am afraid.
Wow. John is REALLY good to me. He came over to my house at two frickin' thirty in the morning last night because I couldn't sleep, and he was worried about me. I have the best boyfriend ever. ^_^
I regret ever doubting him. How could I? Geez, I shouldn't be so paranoid. He's such a great guy, and I owe him a lot. Hm, what do to for him, what to do... I'll think of something.
Hum, he said he was going to Andrea's house today to het his stuff back and to take her stuff to her.
I wonder how that went.
I'm not even half as worried as I used to be. Yay! Progress! Progress to the extreme!
I've got to learn how to communicate my thoughts and feelings in person better. It's easy to talk to a psychologist, 'cause you're paying them $100 an hour to listen to you whine, but when it's your significant other and you're as confidence-lac
Perhaps, one day soon, I'll untie that knot, and set myself free.
I didn't brood as much as I thought I would last night. I was about to sit down and eat the hell out of a package of crackers when the phone rang, and Candice wanted me to walk across the street so we could hang out at least for a few minutes. She made me feel a little better, so I was able to plop into my bed and read a humorous book and laugh.
Today I was out of it most of the time, and couldn't really concentrate... And one of my sp'ed students asked me to be his girlfriend again, and I had to carefully explain that I already HAVE a boyfriend, and I have no interest in short, hunched christian freshmen, sp'ed or not.
At any rate, Jenn drove me home, and I ended up laughing a good part of the way because she's such a frickin' pervert.
Took a shower when I got home because I was feeling really nasty. Got to TKD class early, stretched my sore muscles out as much as I could, and worked my ass off. Nearly collasped in an asthmatic heap near the end of class, because the majority of class, we were running full speeded races. blaaah, my poor lungs.
And my back is KILLING me... I'm definately going to bed soon. x_x
hm. Fuck it. Just fuck it. Fuck it all.
hmm... Tasteless pictures and overly immature actions, memory failures and malnutrition. What the hell is wrong with me?
I haven't really eaten in three days. ... Still not hungry. Kinda disgusted in myself. I wonder what I can do to give myself some self-worth, something to make me feel like my existence is justified. Hm. Clean my room? Sure does need it. ... Then again, I might take a nap and soak in the feelings of uselessness and self-hatred. The latter is probably more likely.
I need a CAR, I need a JOB. Then I could at least make money and go to WalMart so I can blow it on candy whenever I start feeling shitty.
... BETH had her license at my age... Maybe I'm not smart enough to pass? Nah... Something else. Something else I'm missing, lacking... Not putting enough effort into... Something that's not perfect that should be.
... Shouldn't slip back into that attitude. I don't really understand why I am. Yeah, I've been a little upset lately, but that shouldn't bring me back to the attitude of "Beth is perfect, I should be, I never will be, I'm just a useless piece of shit that'll never amount to anything... and has mental problems, to boot."
Damn, every time I think I don't need my Paxil, something like this happens to convince me I'm not stable at all without it. My psychiatrist would probably laugh his ass off at me if I told him I didn't need it anymore.
I've been irritable, rash, my chest aches, I've been ill, exhausted, I run out of energy quickly, I'm not sleeping well...
If this isn't PMS I'm going to scream.
Dead tired. got roughly half an hour of sleep last night, went to school, stayed awake, worked hard, got home, went to Tae Kwon Do early, worked out as hard as I could, got light-headed and shakey, kept going, came home, worked on my English project, goin' to bed, dammit.
cold and hungry...
Had a pretty good day.
John was posing shirtless in front of me, today, and I thought I saw what looked like a hickey on his left collar bone. Now, I haven't really had the chance to suck on him for about a week and a half, maybe longer. Not sure.
After realizing that he appeared to have a hickey on his collar bone, before I could stop him and look closer, he had already gone back to his room to get a shirt. I'm not really sure how long I stood there in shock. My eyes watered, but I didn't cry, because I realized that if he DID cheat on me, in any form or fashion, he'd tell me up front, 'cause if he DID cheat on me, it'd mean he had no respect or feeling for me at all.. Or, at least, enough respect to tell me, to my face, what I deserve to know. But... I had to make sure. After what seemed like a split second of eternity, I followed John into his room, and asked him, "If you did cheat on me... Would you tell me?" Not to hear the answer I already knew: "Of course. [enter stories of exgirlfriends and cheating here]", but to see his reaction. He was confused, mostly. It's hard to read John, though. He has so much of his father in him. But then, he also has a lot of his mom in him. So. He's got quite the mix. *sighs* So it could very well be that I'm no closer to having the question answered than I was when it first came to mind. In fact, it's very likely. So... I'm going to do the one thing I can do...
I'm going to trust him.
I don't really know what'd happen if he broke that trust; my heart. I really don't know.
Mercy?