DAY 4 -9:52pm

hey,iwas like totally pissed yesturday..for no ABSOLUTE reason....anyways,right now im just chillin listentin 2 music...how was my day?it was okaaaaay but i wanted to stay out ALL night...like always,cant wait til i git very own life lol...id b doin some PARTAYIN!!...wit my chiks anyway today was ok -like i had said and well....ok this mornin i wokeup early..around 12:00 LOL,ikno wat ur sayin 'THAT NOT ERLY!!..well for me it is!like,half the day was over lol..thats what my mom said at least..but yeah neway i woke up aruond there and changed,ate my "so called breakfast" ,which was cereal and after that i called my friend back and she told me she woke up at 11:30 but like my dad was suppose to take me to my moms job ..ithoguht and he got here and i was like "r u takin me 2 mommas job" hes like "nobdy said nething bout that" so yeah..didnt wanna start nething so i just went wit the flow lol..u godda wit my dad....ive learned lol neway though my brother woke my up erly for no reason whatsoever b/c iwouldve stayed alseep c/ i was in the middle of my dream lol but like finally my mom came home and we left to go shoppin c/ i had a 20.00 gift certificate for clairs and i bought 2 pairs of earrings a mirror and a feathery pruple pen...witch ISNT a pen ifigured out!so im going to exchange it for that necklace that i wanted soo badly from "happy bunny" but like after we went to clairs for 2 hours makin up my mind for what to by c/ iluved like EVERYTHING there,lol.dude LITERALLY i'd buy out that store!but after clairs and wal-mart we got somethin to eat and went home and now im here and totally bored!!!my brother is watchin a damn backetball game and im doing nuthin but typin this shit up so im done now BYE lol...peace out playas


ya kno ya love me,Christina:)

DAY 2 of srping break-8:32pm


heeey!im so bored right now and wish i could wand myself to the mall with magical powers!!jp neway lol today was kiiiiiinda boring but my mom my bro and me went to the movies and saw the movie that i thought i'd NEVER git to seee....b/c i didnt want to see it but i guess i proved MYSELF wrong,witch is kinda weird huh?but i wanted to go to the movies and i was desperate,but i wanted to see coach carter but my brother really wanted to see the increidbles so we saw that instead but thomas said that coach carter was a good movie,man i wish i couldve seen that instead..hmm..owell lol neway after the movies we went to wal-mart supercenter then after that we went home but this mornin i wokeup wit my tonsils swollen...felt like at least but it woke me up around 6:32...approximately,b/c i wear my watch EEVERY SINGLE day AND night....so yeh ,but it was hard for me to swallow and it felt like ihad no breathing air almost...ONE of the worst feelings right there *clears throat* but neway......the incredibles was unsually good,ithought it was going to b an amiture movie...hmm,guess not....inless im just amiture myself,in which every one is at some point,even if ur an adult.Besides THAT i went bac to sleep after a while,may i add -was hard...but yeah...and when i wokeup for the second time it was exactly 12:39...ikeep up wit the time i usually wakeup...just like my dad,ican be very approximate lol he does all dat statistic crap..soo hard..imean seriously,but i guess u git the hang of it once u git older and more grounded wit it(use to)but yeah.....neway though,ikno im boring lol ireally wanted to go to the mall today!!!well im out so....PEACE

ya know ya love me,Christina:)

hey 2dae was fun ok...this morning i woke up around 12:15 got dressed and cut pictures outof my teen poele mag and put them in my magaizne celeb binder and made a few collages while eattin my cereal at lunch time lol then after that we left to meet my dad at sams and my aunt was wit hiim and we wealked around the store eatttin free samples like baked chiken pizza and drinkin friut punch and eattin shrimp(ididnt eat the shrimp c/ i hate shrimp)and they had aLOT of food there for free...uum i looked at some books to c/ they hav a wide selection and after bein in sams for at least 4 hours lol we went to north point dealership where we got some free stuff and once we pulled up the pl left but we just came for the free food and stuff like that but there wasnt nemore hambugers or hotdogs that were cooked so we looked in the icechest and there was alot of cokes and pepsis and stuff and ther was also some hodogs and hambers that were frozen so my aunt TOoK them!!lol and said that she was cookin them tonight!lol and we got us some pepsis and chips lol and then we left onto sears and we shopped and walked around the mall and sat on the benches and rested c/ we hav been walkin ALL day!!then after we got up we headed 2 dilliards and we looked around and everything then we left and my dad drove my aunt 2 her car b/c she her legs and back was hurtin from all of the walkin we were doing and then he drove her 2 her car where me and my mom were already c/ they were parked by each other so then we said goodbye c/ she had 2 go bac 2 conway and after we left the mall we went to barnes and noble c/ my bro wanted 2 listen 2 some cds and over there u can listen 2 the WHOLE cds not just a few songs but ALL of the songs so i listened to EMINEM SHANY(ASHANTI)FRANKIE J AND JOHN LEGEND......then i looked at one book the we had 2 go we stayed in there for like 3 hours and left around 7:10 after that my mom had 2 stop by walgreens and my bro and me waited and then she finally came bac and we went to freds then after freds we went home to a gretting of my dassd wearin his pajamas LOL wel i haf 2 go take a shower c/ i went to sleep wit my clothes on from yesturda i tryed stayin up late and went to sleep lol...neway goodnite

hey!today was pretty koel at skool..we had a firedril and since im one of the fire marshalls i helped out aalong wit my other friends emma alex dave and natalie but we had 2 split up and me and alex went wit each other c/ i dint wanna go by myself c/ i didnt know where the secnd grade was lol neway though it was soo much fun bein wit him and in mrs hedstrems class me and alex made up a secret hand shake and eveything that we got off of fresh prince of bellair,it was koel lol and im like ur such a class clown!c/ he was pretending that he was james bond lol and he goes "u know it" lol...but he got cheked out just to watch the florida basketbal game!!but neway though at recess i was by myself c/ the other grls were gettin sooooooo boring and thomas saw me and he walked over wit rishi maggie bailey kaitlen hannah ta'lun dave bernadette and hes like "hey how come ur not wit the other grls?" im like "c/ there kinda boring" and hes like "yeah ikno there like always readin magazines and stuff" im like "yeah" and hes like 'kaylee is over there to" im like yeah shes kiinda annoying" hes like "yah idont like her"and hes like "well im srry i brought all of these ppl wit me,inless u wanted to b alone" im like "naw its koel,ill hang wit u guys" hes like "oh ok" but it was pretty fun lol but in the end i ended up goin bac wit my chik friends....so yeah hes soo sweet!!and in my homeroom teachers class we got to watch a basketball tournament game..not really sure witch one it was but we turned it of c/ it had bad connection...so yeah....and the teacher said that theres a rumor going around that 2 ppl in this class hav ben holdin hands during assemblies and i know EXACTLY who those 2 ppl ARE...its hannah and ta'lun..there like sooo in love!lol..neway though we think its the 7th graders that told the teacher.....but nuttin really happened today though....ijust had 2 sweep:( i hav NEVER swept before..ikno im spoiled lol..ido NO chores watsoever lol...neway cya

hey today was pretty DAMN boring lol...imean like,nuttin really happened mrs wallaces class all we did was take a stupid annefrank lezbian test and in mrs hedstrems we watched a gay movie on the universe..actually it wasnt that gay,it was kiinda koel c/ ilike learnin bout wats beyond oursleves and out there in the world....million lightyears away...ok i need 2 get outta dreamland now lol....sooo oyeah in mrs hedstrems class i told espinoza(as yall no as alex) i told him to throw katies purse in the trash can and he did but qiuckly got it out and katies soo pissed at me AGAIN...she described my personality as a bitch c/ i sprayed jiuce in her hair and face and its still sticky..shes CLAIMS lol,but neway though i just got threw talkin wit my awesome cuz and yeah im bored lol and at p.e i hung out wit my chiks and called the librarian preganant c/ she has a big stomache and becca started crackin up lol well im gonna go now PEACE OUTT


OMG ya kno wat....dave isnt goin 2 dunbar afterall!!!!YES!!lol...inever thought i'd b soo happy!!lol

hey my pimps and pimpettes welcome to my land of thoughts and wonders..and may i add "in my dream times" lol but neway though today is like wednesday and well i really aint got nuttin much 2 say pimpin but uuh...i just got through tellin off one of dose fuckn shitheaded gaurds off..actually 2 of them man there fucked up they think just c/ we cant seee them means they can say watever they want well guess what?if i went to there house right now i bet a 4year old would b sittin up on that comupter givin out those uploading art rule messages "pretending" hes one of those guards lol neway though...



SKOOL!....ok it was fiiiiiiiiine ok at recess my classs got in a biiiig group circle and thought a/b the spring dance and a/b wat songs we were going to do and we hav like soooo much we hav like 25 rap songs and idunno how much rock and like 2 oldies so far and we hav about 5 slow songs so far...but we got a lodda thinkn 2 do...imean,seriously dawg and hmmmm let me see......at random ill name some of the rappers and singersand rockers ok beyonce(isuggested that one lol),ashanti,ja-z,50cent,luda,beatles,franz ferdinand,maroon 5....thats all i can remember right now o and areitha franklin and the supremes and thats bout it so far as i remember o and ciara.....yeah but neway though My homeroom teach wasnt here today so we had MRS REID...ugh..lol...its rumor that she has a hair transplant..gross!but neway though we call her racoon lady heehee..arent we bad?haha but neway and in the afternoon i talked wit my homies lol italked wit thomas,rishi,alex,baliey,bernadette,philip,ta'lun,and katie.....and thats it ithink..yeah....but neway though it was great and we were just talkin bout random stuff....we should i go 2 the movies and hangout sometimes,that'd b pimpin G and well let me c....uuh we had music and the teacher of music..mrs susje she had brought her son wit her...his names jared hes a relly cute lil kid and hes in like 2 or 1 grade..cant really remember but yeah...and well icant remember nething great happnin...



OYEAH!!one of my best skool friends got mad at me c/ i had sprayed JIUCE IN HER FACE....AND HAIR!!lol,omfg it was hilarious but yeah lol and the straw went flyin past two tables..luckily i dint get in trouble lol.....uuuuuum....this lil chik named abby in 1first grade wannted a hug..omg shes just so adorable (-': but like neways i gave her one!!lol she kinda favors gretchen wilson..RED NECK WOMEN NOT SOME HIGH CLASS BRAOD!lol..omg neways nuttin really happened,i just went wit the flow so yeah Oyah and today at skool the lil second graders did there own version of stations of the cross and sang a song and everything so it was cute but REALLY BORING lol and i sat next to taylor. and aww man theres this kid in my clsas that is now going to DUNBAR he dint even tell us he just didnt show up at skool,along wit his brothers and sisters but i foud out by my brother goin 2 skool wit salvador,the 10grader..so now we only hav 16 kids in r class man ill miss dave so so much..dave ikno ur not readin this but im really going to miss u and iwish u knew how much i felt ilove everybdy in my class (including u)and iremrember we use to talk ALOT in 7th and the begining of 8th but then everything just dissappeared between us and we dint talk as much nemore but now just the thought of u gone from my life and only a memory to think of about u and only pictures im stil going to miss you......but i haf to go now..layta





  RUMORS

1: ashlee and sean made out saturdae!!!!
2:thomas or rishi are goin 2 ask me out
3:jonathen likes me?wat the hell!lol
4:racoon lady has transplants lol
5:thomas likes me
6: me and rishi are "supposelvy going out"lol i wish haha but i fo sho don't kno who in the WORLD started that rumor up lol..imean we just hangout to much..waaaay to much lol
7:dave is goin 2 dunbar

heres a couple of poems:


The sunlight beaming through the shades,shows a bright and sunny day. The fresh smell of afternoon flowers shure don't smell sour. The bed that I now lay in is so comfortable with a baby blue colored sheet,theres no other place I'd rather be,then alone with me. I get to thinking of my friends and family and ponder on where life will send me. Theres no limit on what I could do, for I am me and NOT you. There goes the sound of the icecream man, oh what memories they can carry.Of how I would chase the truck with my best friend,she bought the flavour blue-berry while i bought chocolate ,it felt sooo GOOD then. I remember now those bright summer days,on where I use to laugh and play...ALL day. It was those days that I now miss for it will never seem to be the same,NOw all my friends have moved away and all my memories have been put on display,in my mind for only me to think about.Everything is now gone,while I MOVE on.





HERES another poem i made wen i was depressed and overworked and all that and thinking about how i hardly ever get 2 see my friends b/c they moved and that skool sux and i just feel like a reject siometimes...ok ilstop lol anyways,here it is......





     DEPRESSION
As I look into the mirror I start to cry, of the sanity that I feel inside,My face i hate so much. Isqueeze my fingers hard just to feel the pain that I bare inside. I want the pain to come alive. Ihate the way I feel, I hate the way that I look, I hate eveyrthing that my life is about. Its hard just to close your eyes,when everything is inside, To go deep in depth makes you want to loose your breath, It makes you want to loose your breath and die. Die on that single cry.The single cry that sheded that one tear.The tear of dread, hate, and fear. Nobody's there to help because they wouldn't understand themselves. Well the beginnings always go to an end and ends always starts at beginings.Well I feel my life has finished, therefore I feel diminished.



heres another one i wrote:


Im goint to kill myself tomorrow night, just after the moonrise. Im not going to pack ALL my things just a bowl of icecream and a knife on how i wish to kill myself. Im going to eat the last icecream thats left and remember that I've always hated myself. Everything that comes to mind reminds me that I can't say goodbye, but this is what I've wanted to do.Forget the past and just go through. I go through with my plan,of killing myself off first hand.I remember that I HAVE to pack the knife and also a gun, but first I was going to use the knife and once I feel that staggering pain, of feeling insane and of the hurting and ridicule in my life of pain, I was going to pull the trigger and be gone forever. I had it all planned out when, why, and possibly how. So once it came to tomorrow night, I had snuck out of bed with my things. I climbed the tallest hill and made for my very own kill. I pull out my knife right after the moon rise,hold it up and STAB myself in the wrist twice. I realize how much throbbing pain I have caused to myself and remembered I had brought something else. Since I still wasn't dead, I had pulled the trigger to my very own head.I counted to three and then.......


I W A S D E A D


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hey....its tuesday and im so confused....iwas gettin ready 2 say pissed.....but im confused on how i feel..sometimes i hate being human b/c its usually common 4 humans to b stressed out and pissed or confused and i just hate having all of these moods happning to me at once...its pressuring...idont know if i hav peer presure thats makin this happen or wat..my problems are weird and once there solved they seem sstupid 2 even marol around about....im just weird myself...imean at skool i feel like i dont fit in wit neone...wen i do have friends i just feel like a loser neways...imean is it b/c we're not MEANT to be friends in the frst place?owell....im just so weird right now and theres nobdy who can cheer me up but alex,rishi,thomas or mabe katie or mabe perhaps melonie and alexis but mostly the ppl that i really love from my heart and as a friend..very deeply.but ijust luv katie as a great friend same wit alexis and melonie...ifeel we're all sisters...although katie doesnt have the slightest idea who alexis and melonie are c/ katie just goes 2 my skool...but owell.......neway though i just wish thomas was in love with me just as i am with him...ifind it confusing 2 let my words out to him....ifind it embarrasing and shameful for some awkward reason..mab b/c ill think hes gonna just say no thanku or something..idk its just wierd..imean i can't ever love somebdy that loves me as a grlfriend...and nobdy else ever loves me as a boyfriend probly would love me....its just..idk ive had alot of relationships latly but now all of a sudden after my last brakeup a few weeks ago a guy cheated on me and NOBDY is fallen for me..imean i really don't have any idea wat there true feelings are..imean as far as i know thomas could probly actually like me without me knowin of course but IDONTKNOW!!and i can't possibly ask neone 2 ask him c/ it'd b way embarrasing imean......iguess ill have 2 TELL him perosnally that i like him...somehow ill tell him....without my best friend katie knowning to...ihave to not let her know that im going to telll him all b/c shes in major love with him....Ook we were playin one day and i was like to katie "mabe if i went out wit rishi we could go on double dates if u went wit thomas" and then she ask becca if she can ask rishi out 4 me and im like WAT THE HELL R U DOING lol and beccas like "ithought she liked thomas?"and katies like "u like thomas?"im like ..."uuh well hes ok" and then shes like "don't take my man"....so yeah.....iCAN'T let her know how i really feel about thomas...and if we did go out she would definitly be jelous of me c/ like iask her if she ever gets jelous of thomas and maggie and shes like yeah b/c i wish he would talk 2 me more...and if we went out we would b talking ALOT and it'd end me and katies friendship:(





TODAY......was BORING....and weird...nuttin really happened either...(like it ever does?LOl)neway it was just...idk i dont even fel like typin bout it,,ijust go by random stuff ok..igot jeolous of natalie G. (ALEX GF) b/c i hav a lil secret crush on my best guy friend(alex)and he jumped on her back...c/ he was playin wit her....and well...alex sat by me in lit class while taking r test and he gave me the answer to nuumber 2 and he was "humpin" the desk..KIDDING lol...it was just a joke between me rishi and alex...but neway though we had P.E and it was only freetime to where we could do nething we liked mostly the guys and 2 grls in my class polayed basketball and i just hungout wit the other chiks....and wel...boring day..yeah..ihate skool..who doesnt...wen days like these happen EVERYTHING u possibly think about sux..even ur friends ill hav 2 say:(. ....omg...rihsi liike totally ignored me 2dae...ihad 2 say hey to him in order for him 2 talk 2 me for the whole day...but like the only words we shared was 'hey" owell...neway though he sounded so hot wen he said it lol...but in my dreams right?.....*sigh* ill NEVER get the right guy...iguess that chain letter was right....my love life IS going down like hell of shattered glass windows,since i didnt send that letter 2 11 ppl...owell...let it be

hey,today was...intersting...ok first of all i typed it all out on eltpack and i was goin 2 paste it on here but i cliked on "undo" on accident!fuck me!lol just jokin but that toitally sux ass neway though i godda type the whole thing up OVER neway though today was koel iguess..it was kinda sorta confusin 2 think a/b it though..ok rishi wasnt there and the only fun time i had in class was in mrs hedsrtems c/ in mrs wallaces it was like "so what time r we leavin again?"lol and durin mrs wallaces like near the end of class me and katie and alex went to the loungin part where we layed down on pillows witch is in the back of the class...but yeah it was periity boring but newy though in mrs hedsrtrms it was funny thomas is so hilarous while bein hot at the same TIME!!lol....scandolous!*inside joke bewten my class* but neway though lmao at recess christne,katie,and julie and me were hangin out and christine is like "so how did u like makin outn wit rishi?" im like "what the hell r u talkin bout?"and shes like" i kno what yall were doin saturday night in the corner of the big playground"..iwas like "we didnt do nething,i was just followin him to talk wit him,we're just friends!and shes like "friend "lier""LOL c/ she saw us commin from the playground by areselves walkin beside each other but yeah and shes like so where r yall havin yalls honeymoon?and then shes like i better b the bridesmaid!lol but i was like shutup!and iwas like instead of talkin mbout me and rishi wat about KATIE AND THOMAS...and then katie is like al embarresed and then we 're like YEAH!and im like lets call thomas over here and then chrisitne is like YEAH and she shouted his name out and him dave and alex came walking over to us and christine like told him that we were tlaking about weddings and stuff and shes like u kno u guys would make a good wedding couple....cuz katie has the BIGGEST crush on thomas omg u wouldnt even believe how much she loves that dude...neway though shes like we were just playin so,dont wrry and then we were like laughin and stufff but neway after skool was kinda koel.....hey that ryhmed!!but neway though it was pretty koel like me and thomas and alex were talkin and thomas ask wat highskool i was planin on goin 2 and i told him and he wasnt sure witch highskool he was goin 2 and we were just talkin and stuff and then he has 2 leave and i was tlakin wit alex and we were talkin bout saturday night and how fun it was and about gettin busted by the cops and eveyrthing and about the bouncin thing..it was great!but yeah and then me and him had 2 go 2 after care c/ it was 3 and hes like well u can talk wit me and u wont b bored and then hes like do u usually go 2 study hall? and i was like yeah,with brittany and bernadette and hes like aah alright so we went but soon as we got there my mom was there!she was waitin 4 me lol but yeah and i was like cya and hes like u godda go home now?i was like yup and hes like oh alright cya layta alligata lol...but yeah thats the only interestong things that happened..pretty boring huh? well neways though its just confusing....a/b thomas imean seems like he likes me and hes wantin 2 know who ilike and everything why dn't he just simply ask me out?lol...but owell

OMG!!!ihad like soo much fun today!!!!!!!!!!!ok there was this international festival thingy but myfriends and me just ate the food in the caefteria and then we went out on the playgroud wen it was pitch black dark and we were like talkin and swingin on the swings and we went on the slide and aelx and natalie were flirtin around and layin on the slide beside each other LOL and shes like "this is weird"lol but besides that thomas crawled in the slide asnd threw rocks down at them!!!!!lmao but neaway though me rishi and bailey went in the litle kid primary buliding and it WAS SOO DARK!i thought rishi was goin 2 make a move or sumthin lmao,pardin my perveness lmao but neway he didnt and we had to sneak paast the rooms so know teacher or nebdy outside would see us INSDE the building and the second time we went in there it was me bailey and rishi and maggie and maggie left c/ she didnt wanna get in trouble "goodie goodie"lol and baliey left c/ she thought someone was comming so she left so it was just me and rishi and im like eveyrbdys goin and hes like yeah and we were just walkin out so nuthin happened and we were snekain out so a teacher wouldnt see us!lol c/ i didint wanna b in there by areselves ya kno;)im just not redy for that type of thing lol but neway we left and went outside wit the rest of the crew and ijust looked at his cell phone wit him and he has some AWSUM ring tones!!and well after that we just went out around the playgroud where nobdy would see us (as in my classs and 2 7th graders)and then the police went around and busted us!!!ther like "u all hav to go around where eveyrone else is" its liekt hey thought we were doing drugs or sumthin!lol but newy though we left but we hung out outside awway from eveyone but just not in the same place so then thomas was like "we should get on one of the rides" we're like alright!so we did and we got on the bungee thing but me and katie didnt git to go the frist time they did so they went a second time c/ we ALL wanted to go!and OMG!!it was sooo much fuckin fun!!!an d we all fell on each other lol it was like we were wrestlin but ta'lun went off 2 talk wit his grlfriend on the phone "hannah" and hes like i dont wanna hangout wit yall c/ yall suck,its like WTF!he WAS hangin wit us!!but who cares a fuck bout him lol but afterwards we just like hungout and thomas threw alex's SHOE IN THE DUMPSTER AND THIS GRL DIVED IN THERE AND GOT IT!!!!!EEEEEEEEEW!neway though then around 10 everyone left cept me and katie so we hungout,danced to music and well had a great time together and talked bout guys and I FOUND OUT MY EARING FELL OUT!!!!!it was the prettiest one VER!iwas going to wear it to the spring dance but i was like walkiin wit rishi and he let me talk on the phone so idid and iwas like "hello" and thomas is like "hey christina" im like "whos this" and hes like "is rish there?"im like hold on and ta'lun wanted the phone so i gave it to him lol but yeah it was soo much fun today...IHAD NO IDEA!!!but neway i was suppose to b in a shitty st particks parade but i ditched the idea so owell lol well dats it iguess i had MUCH more fun doing THAT!!!and this new kid named jonathon was there and he kept eyein me!!lol so much stuff happened though!!!more then i can type!!iwould probly write a whole book if i did type all of it lmao

heres a poem i made just a second ago lol:

The sunlight beaming through the shades,shows a bright and sunny day. The fresh smell of afternoon flowers shure don't smell sour. The bed that I now lay in is so comfortable with a baby blue colored sheet,theres no other place I'd rather be,then alone with me. I get to thinking of my friends and family and ponder on where life will send me. Theres no limit on what I could do, for I am me and NOT you. There goes the sound of the icecream man, oh what memories they can carry.Of how I would chase the truck with my best friend,she bought the flavour blue-berry while i bought chocolate ,it felt sooo GOOD then. I remember now those bright summer days,on where I use to laugh and play...ALL day. It was those days that I now miss for it will never seem to be the same,NOw all my friends have moved away and all my memories have been put on display,in my mind for only me to think about.Everything is now gone,while I MOVE on.



HERES another poem i made wen i was depressed and overworked and all that and thinking about how i hardly ever get 2 see my friends b/c they moved and that skool sux and i just feel like a reject siometimes...ok ilstop lol anyways,here it is......



          DEPRESSION
As I look into the mirror I start to cry, of the sanity that I feel inside,My face i hate so much. Isqueeze my fingers hard just to feel the pain that I bare inside. I want the pain to come alive. Ihate the way I feel, I hate the way that I look, I hate eveyrthing that my life is about. Its hard just to close your eyes,when everything is inside, To go deep in depth makes you want to loose your breath, It makes you want to loose your breath and die. Die on that single cry.The single cry that sheded that one tear.The tear of dread, hate, and fear. Nobody's there to help because they wouldn't understand themselves. Well the beginnings always go to an end and ends always starts at beginings.Well I feel my life has finished, therefore I feel diminished.


heres another one i wrote:

Im goint to kill myself tomorrow night, just after the moonrise. Im not going to pack ALL my things just a bowl of icecream and a knife on how i wish to kill myself. Im going to eat the last icecream thats left and remember that I've always hated myself. Everything that comes to mind reminds me that I can't say goodbye, but this is what I've wanted to do.Forget the past and just go through. I go through with my plan,of killing myself off first hand.I remember that I HAVE to pack the knife and also a gun, but first I was going to use the knife and once I feel that staggering pain, of feeling insane and of the hurting and ridicule in my life of pain, I was going to pull the trigger and be gone forever. I had it all planned out when, why, and possibly how. So once it came to tomorrow night, I had snuck out of bed with my things. I climbed the tallest hill and made for my very own kill. I pull out my knife right after the moon rise,hold it up and STAB myself in the wrist twice. I realize how much throbbing pain I have caused to myself and remembered I had brought something else. Since I still wasn't dead, I had rose the trigger to my very own head.I counted to three and then.......

I W A S  D E A D