[A Wish For Wings That Work.]'s diary

512689  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2005-03-04
Written: (6322 days ago)

I hate men. I really do. Sometimes I think it would just be best if I went strait lesbian.

512681  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2005-03-04
Written: (6322 days ago)
Next in thread: 588956

why cant men catch mad cow disease?

because they are all pigs!

511881  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2005-03-03
Written: (6323 days ago)

You're dreaming about feeling deeply connected to the universe and to those around you. This means that you're likely tapping into a sense of uplifting freedom and awe of the greater things in life.

Dreams are the stories your unconscious narrates each night as you sleep. To find out which of your dreams revealed your Divine Inspiration dream theme, get your Dream Interpretation Report now!
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I think its off a bit though I can see why I'd say that. my dreams often have nature in them. but my reoccuring dream is something is after me and Im like having to run for my life. thats bout 75% of my dreams anyways. sometimes its acctually fun. sometimes its really scary. and I cant wake up so its even scarier. but anywho.

501664  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2005-02-21
Written: (6333 days ago)

I took a quiz thingy on that tickle web site.


your most positive energy is flowing from your Sixth Chakra

This chakra is located in the center of your forehead and is often called the third eye. The sixth chakra represents your ability to see and really know truth. In your case, this chakra appears to be clear and unblocked so that positive energy can flow from it freely. Radiating positive energy from your sixth chakra indicates that you've cultivated higher wisdom concerning the important life lessons associated with this energy center. You're apt to be accepting of the people and events in your life rather than pass judgment on them. You're also likely to have developed a higher level of intuition than most people have. People with positive sixth chakra energy typically take criticism well because they're often more objective than most other people are.


496374  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2005-02-15
Written: (6338 days ago)

Just so everyone knows I dont think I will be on tonight. sorry Jenn. I pissed my mom off / I dont want to be on really. but thats another story. ohhh and Jade get msn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want those songs lol :P

474804  Link to this entry 
Written about Tuesday 2005-01-18
Written: (6367 days ago)


I want scissors.

the dogs are barking.

I feel lonely again.

Im tiered.

My eyes are blood shot.

I've not hurt myself in such a long time.

I just want to feel again.

I want to feel... I want to feel you...

I wish you were here.

I wish you were okay.

I wish there was somthing I could do.

wishing has yet to get me anywhere.

so why do I continue to wish?

does it matter?

why am I asking such meaningless questions?

o.0 that in itself was a question wasnt it?

I did it again...

Im bored.

Im dead.

Im alive.

I wish I was, I wish I wasnt. I wish I wish I wish, I sound like a broken record.

Im getting on my neves.

Im selfish

saying Im selfish, in its self is a selfish statment isnt it?

damn, there I go with the questions again.

someone shoot me, I think Im stuck in a loop!

bang!

*falls dead*


443623  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2004-12-13
Written: (6402 days ago)
Next in thread: 443781, 443782

Katy says:
every body's asked me if youre completely phsyco

what a day... apparently people think Im crazy... Im REALLY not all that insane... REALLY!!!!!! anywho, w/e Ive had a fairly good day... Ive been more or less cutting myself off from people. the clam has returned! Im tiered of most people... and at the moment Im only doing whats best for me. I know that seems selfish, but why continue to talk to 'friends' who only hurt me...
*cough* Michael *cough* blah... not like he really gives a shit anyways... In my twisted little mind I started to think that maybe he had this master plan devised to get me to disslike him so we would no longer be friends... lol sounds like something I would do... sounds like something I have done... at any rate, I got his Christmas gift today! yesh, I disslike him at the moment, and even looking at him fills me with anger... but as a person. hes not bad... in fact is quite the amazing thing. *nods* good hearted deep down... or maybe not lol... eh, I think its just a me thing. he just doesnt like ME specifically... but who could blame him.. If I were someone else, I'd kill me...or at least just REALLY hate me and think about ways I could kill me... soo basically if I were someone else, I'd feel the same as if I were myself... lol 

Whitney hasnt been at school for days now... Im starting to get worried... ehhh... well not TOO worried, this is horrible too... but Im acctually slightly mad at her, damn... I know Im mad at A LOT of people at the moment... but there is only so much a girl can take... good thing is Im not letting it get me down so much, and so far I havent cut because of built up anger... but we'll just see how that goes.

Funny little tid bit, I sometimes 'blush' seemingly out of the blue because when I get overloaded, it just happens lol.. when Im overloaded and angry.. and my face gets all hot, I HATE IT!

Kayla randomly told the the peoples that I call my self 'kittie' haha alex called me that today, and I answered him! wooo Im unsmart lol, its all good... I dont know what Im writing about anymore... oh we are reading poetry in English... Its awesome! I acctually get it! ooo we read this one poem today, it was pretty nifty... I liked the meaning behind it more than the poem its self... but the author did a REALLY good job of expressing his concept by using symbolism in nature and such... this one part "I wake to sleep" I want to think the author is talking about how we live to die... I could be wrong though... anywho the poem was called oh shit.. lol what was it called... waking... something like that lol :P  Im feeling all symbolic today, ever feel like that? well Ive rambled enough... I'll leave on this note... symbolism KICKS ASS *bows* (am not sure why Im bowing lol)


"your so fucking special... I wish I was special"

441639  Link to this entry 
Written about Sunday 2004-12-12
Written: (6404 days ago)

its weird, even when I use different soap or w/e... I still smell the same... everyone has their own personal smell, its nifty. lol I keep sniffing myself, yea I know Im such a freak... anywho mom went shoping bought new furniture for the living room and a new tabel and chairs for the kitchen... will be delivered next week. ohhh and they got a cd/cassette/radio/ record player! omg its great! they went and got all their old records... ohhh and mom got out my childhood strawberry shortcake and raggady ann records both kick ass by the way! I did the hokey pokey! (im such a dork I know, even my little brother wouldnt do it with me :P) ooo we have cheesecake! it tastes weird though... probably cuz its not homemade... I do believe the only cheese cake I've ever had has been homemade..

I made a 90 on my math test that we took yesterday... not too bad I dont guess... blah I didnt read the directions, cost me 6 points... *is a dumbass* I REALLY need to bring my grades up... :( I dont want 3 Cs blahness... Im such a loser anywho

woo! Disco Duck!!! lmao... moms record from when she was 10ish :P  lmao I was dancing... sorta... suprsingly, me and my parents arent fighting... we were in the same room for at least 20 mins! and not even a bicker... 

440733  Link to this entry 
Written about Friday 2004-12-10
Written: (6405 days ago)

The things that used to REALLY bother me. they dont anymore. I didnt want them to bother me anymore, so now they dont. postive thoughts and will is all. Ive been opening my little mind to the world, and am not as selfish as I was not so long ago. though I dont think there is a real apparent change, people dont realize, just how much and how fast I tend to change at times. Its like a new chelsea is born every few months. or well not new, but different... change isnt always a bad thing after all, and differences should be celebrated *random* samantha said that Im changing her for the better, makes me feel good, to know that I've made a real difference in someones life. I wish people would stop telling me to 'smile' and asking me 'whats wrong' because I really am fine right now. funny, when I am doing well it seems that people think Im upset. and when I really am upset, people percieve me to be fine. that could be becuase when Im really happy, not fake happy, Im calm. and I tend to almost lose my sense of humor. its not that I dont smile, just my reasons for smiling change. I wish people could see strait into my mind, expecially lately, the mental images are amazing. for some reason there is still ink, but its not the same as it once was. I wish I knew why there are so many images in my mind that have ink in them. I think it symbolizes loneliness and isolation. would make sense, expecially when I compare the images of a few months ago, with the ones from now... :) I keep getting random sparks of complete and total inner peace, I love it. wish I felt like this more often, I feel as though I could do anything.

439710  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2004-12-09
Written: (6406 days ago)

IM BACK!!! and lately life has been fairly good... ooo Michael got me a really awesome poster of amy lee for christmas. I LOVE IT!!!

mom and me are arguing more than usual. it bothers me. and I had a dream, where I killed someone... it was funny, because I hurt them, in the way that me and my friends always talking about hurting people... well thats it I think...

434307  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2004-12-04
Written: (6411 days ago)
Next in thread: 434647

Just sooo you all know after today Im grounded and wont be on for a few days... blah parents even considered not letting me go to the winterball...

434094  Link to this entry 
Written about Saturday 2004-12-04
Written: (6411 days ago)

I was talking to my friend Whitney last night and somehow I ended up confesing that Im not exactly ummm strait. I dont think Ive really came out to anyone around here before. I mean, some people know, I think... but Ive never acctually told them strait forward that I was bi. or maybe I have and just dont remember lmao. still I think only 3 people around here know, and thats how I intend on keeping it! alright!!! you got that michael! shhhhh!!!!!! if my parents ever found out... If my family found out... blah... anywho... keep this hush hush alright? 

whitney said something sorta asked if I had a lesbian crush on her... but I really dont. I've never thought about her like that. somehow I dont think people are going to believe that lol eh doesnt matter... know whats funny, I've known for years. Im suprised no one has ever found out before this year. well people were saying last year that I was gay... haha I think the 'rumor' started becuase I hung out with lesbians and then someone saw me check some girl out... lmao... damn Im admiting too much. anywho... thats enough confessing for one day I do believe.

432518  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2004-12-02
Written: (6413 days ago)

today was good/horrible... I dunno, have you ever just felt horribly ugly? so ugly you dont even want people to look at you? yea... anyways it was one of those days.

429220  Link to this entry 
Written about Monday 2004-11-29
Written: (6416 days ago)

I decided, I sleep WAY too much. and I liked things better when I slept little, rather than sleeping an ungodly amount. I was thinking and on average, I sleep about 3 to 4 times as much as I used to. litterally... and its horrible! yeah I do sometimes get depressed while Im pondering half awake half asleep. but better to get depressed at home than anywhere else I do supose. at the moment Im running on 3 and a halfish hours of sleep. I'm tiered and I've only been up 12 hours. pathetic... I think I can twist things. get my body running on 3 hours easily again. I hope so anyways........... I feel like Im going to be sick, I dont know if I need food or not. I ate lunch... I dont really feel like eating. but I will Ima eat homemade rolls and green beans or something for supper, its really good...

why Im being bored as hell. might as well ramble on about how I get to spend this week packing my stuff up and getting ready to move to this (by this I mean the end of the house with the bedroom and then the computer/laundry room) end of the house... Im getting my parents bed room, brandon gets mine, mom and dad and madison get brandons. at the moment I have the middle size room. now I'll have the smallest room. but its okay, because I'll be at the end of the house with the other phone line. so I can have my own phone line. so thats cool. and I dont need a lot of space anyways, Im finally getting mother to get ride of most my furniture. cuz I disslike it lol, So Im going to have my bed and my thing with my tv and such. and then like a table lol. and anywho, if we are really great and hurry this up. then hopefully hopefully Im going to have some peoples (my friends) come out and we are going to paint my walls and such! cuz i hate that wood pannel shit thats up there now. it bothers me. I cant have a room with that lol... and we need to do something about the carpet... cuz it will drive me insane... its ugly.

Im spoiled. Renne came down this afternoon, she bought me these really pretty clear shoes to wear with my dress... and then was like, well what jewlery are you going to wear? and im like I dunno I dont really have any lol (i dont ever wear jewlery so yea) and shes like well then we'll have to get you a necklas and a bracelet and such... lol, I dunno how people can afford me. eh, then again Im usually not wanting stuff, unless its like money for a school trip or the occasional shoping or w/e. Im not having much luck finding a job. damn I could get a job easier if i were 16. not 15... anywho, going to call around later tonight see how all is hiring... if anybody is lol. if worse comes to worse I will work in Dawson. I'd rather work in dawson, but Its less convenient or w/e.. but anywho, I have homework, which I need to do. which Im acctually going to do, suprise suprise! Im even doing that damn math bonus thing.....

424696  Link to this entry 
Written about Thursday 2004-11-25
Written: (6421 days ago)

I feel like Im going to be sick. alex... all this shit with him, I wish Renee had never met him. its bad enough that hes an agressive alcoholic and used to be drugy (he did a lot of shit I dont know why Rene let him back into his life) but Ronnie (a four year old little girl) said that she thinks she knows what happened to puppy. apparently Alex got tiered of the sweet yet annoying little dog, and (I dont remember exactly what mom said that ronnie said) but something and he put a rubber band around his mouth, and did something about choking him, but mom was like I dont think it was choking really... and then described something that sounded like..... he squished the little dog. HOW THE HELL CAN ANYONE FUCKING DO THAT! I DONT UNDERSTAND. I DONT WANT TO UNDERSTAND I HOPE THAT SICK BASTARD DIES. I REALLY DO. makes me wonder what happened to Harley (renes other dog that 'went missing') I dont know. I need to calm down...
*sips hot coaco*  

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