My apologies to all my friends who I have not spoken to in weeks, maybe months even for some. A quite abit of new things have happened since my last update.
  Aries got the flu from him four of my family have gotten it.
  I had surgery on my bladder of which i'm still healing, and today (4/19/10) i'm having surgery on my throat for a unknown tumor there. We do not know if it is cancer or not. I wont know for a few weeks.
  We've been in two court cases, one for my ex who believes that he is the father and wants to take my son, in reality his mother wants Aries not him. With any luck I will wake up to find the Judge has ruled against him and its over.
   The other is the call he made to CPS trying to get them to declare me an unfit parent. The house was messy since were moving so they decided it was founded and are watching my every move, after the move since that was the only founded aligation we hope this case to be dismissed as well. So far the new CPS agent doesn't believe i'm a threat to my child but its not up to her she has to follow orders. At least shes on my side, thank the goddess.
   The last is that we are infact moving to Stillwater Ny sometime after the closing 5/18/10. After the move we will be in a house made for 6+ people total. We have four with one leaving in two years. I pray after the move in when its proven that the aligation was false we will be free of the agents, the court and everyone else thinking I cant or wont take care of the child I chose to bear and birth. The thought enrages me, I would not have had him with the knowledge at the risk of my own life, If I wanted to harm him. I love my child more then my own exsistance. I would live, die, and kill for him at the mere mention of its necessity. To have them think I give nothing for the life I bore into this world....

"THE UNITED STATES MARINE CORPS... is over 225 years of romping, stomping, hell, death and destruction. The finest fighting machine the world has ever seen. We were born in a Bomb Crater, Our Mother was an M-16 & Our Father was the Devil. Each moment that I live is an additional threat upon your life. I am a rough looking, roving soldier of the sea. I am cocky, self-centered, overbearing, and do not know the meaning of fear, for I am fear itself. I am a green amphibious monster, made of blood and guts, who arose from the sea, feasting on anti-Americans throughout the globe. Whenever it may arise, and when my time comes, I will die a glorious death on the battlefield, giving my life for Mom, the Corps, and the American Flag. We stole the eagle from the Air Force, the anchor from the Navy, and the rope from the Army. On the 7th day, while God rested, we over-ran his perimeter and stole the globe, and we've been running the show ever since. We live like soldiers and talk like sailors and slap the Hell out of both of them. Marine by day, lover by night, drunkard by choice, MARINE BY GOD!!! OORAH!!!"

SEMPER FI!



FAREWELL,MARINE
by:Sandra Lee James

  the combat boots are empty and finally ther're still,
set carefully at attention; they,ve marched up there last hill.
the rifle,too,is silent now and the unwaveringly erected.
it holds the well-worn helmet of the marine it once protected.
  one by one his comrades somberly draw near,
each one raising one last salute, unashamed to shed a tear
a time-honpred tribute dating back to days of old.
as a revrent memorial, a stirring image to behold
it bears witness to the band of a brotherhood of men,
the kind who only come along every now and then.
those who pass will carry on; they've a mission to complete.
for our country they will fiercly fight; enemys they'll defeat.
  but in his heart after this, no marine will be the same.
a hero is now known to him and bears his buddy's name.
wherever duty takes him, whatever battles he may fight,
never will he forget the friend who gave his life for what is right.
  finally the bugle sounds."taps" is softly played.
time to say farewell and say a prayer for the sacrifices made.
this day the names of thouse who died will be added to the list.
they will forever be remembered and uneniably missed.
  next time you see a proud marine in that uniform he wears,
know his heart is strong and true; keep him in your prayers.
he lives by a vow to protect and defend, no madder what the caost, but to every marine it carries a name; his buddy who was lost

SEMPER FI

no im not patriotic.. not in the least...*salutes her friends and fallen comrades in the US military* I wish I was on the fields with you but since women arnt allowed on the front lines I will do what I can to support you here at home hoora!

Bored found this in a random house, figured until I pass out might as well pass the time..

(x) I have done or have had done to me.
( ) Haven't

p.s I've added a few to this list. you might want to read 1/3 of the way down if you want to know me.

( ) smoked a cigar
(x) made out with a member of the same sex
(x) been in a relationship with someone of the same sex
( ) crashed a friend's car
( ) stolen a car
(x) skipped school
( ) slept with a co-worker
( ) slept with more than 15 people
(x) been called a slut
(x) had a one night stand
(x) had more than just one one night stands
(x) lied about how many people you've slept with
( ) lied about it so you can just sleep with someone
( ) slept with someone you dont even know their name
(x) seen someone die
(x) been in love
(x) been dumped
(x) shoplifted
(x) been fired
(x) been in a fist fight
(x) snuck out of your parent's house
(x) had feelings for someone who didnt have them back
( ) been arrested
(x) made out with a stranger
( ) gone on a blind date
(x) lied to a friend
(x) had a crush on a teacher
( ) been to Canada
( ) been to Mexico
(x) been on a plane
( ) thrown up in a bar
( ) purposely set a part of yourself on fire
( ) eaten Sushi
(x) been snowboarding
(x) been moshing at a concert
(x) been in an abusive relationship
(x) been on the receiving end of abusive relationships
(x) been physically beaten by someone you love(d)
(x) been beaten by a parent or family member
(x) been molested by a parent
(x) been molested by a family member
(x) been raped by a friend
(x) been raped by a parent
(x) been raped in a relationship
(x) been forced into sexual encounters in a relationship
(x) been raped by someone you trusted
(x) been raped and the attackers got away
(x) taken painkillers
(x) been diagnosed with something life threatening
(x) had more then 5 surgeries
(x) had more then 10 surgeries
(x) love someone or miss someone right now
(x) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
(x) made a snow angel
(x) had a tea party
(x) flown a kite
(x) built a sand castle
(x) gone puddle jumping
(x) played dress up
(x) jumped into a pile of leaves
(x) gone sledding
(x) cheated while playing a game
(x) been lonely
(x) fallen asleep at work/school
( ) used a fake id
(x) watched the sun set
(x) felt an earthquake
(x) touched a snake
(x) slept beneath the stars
(x) been tickled
(x) been robbed
(x) been misunderstood
(x) petted a reindeer/goat
(x) won a contest
( ) run a red light
(x) run a stop sign
(x) been suspended from school
(x) been in a car accident
( ) had braces
(x) felt like an outcast
( ) eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(x) had deja vu
( ) danced NAKED in the moonlight
(x) hated the way you look
(x) witnessed a crime
(x) pole danced
(x) questioned your heart
(x) been obsessed with post-it notes
(x) squished barefoot through the mud
(x) been lost
(x) been to the opposite side of the country
(x) swam in the ocean
(x) felt like dying
(x) cried yourself to sleep
(x) played cops and robbers
(x) recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers
(x) sung karaoke
( ) paid for a meal with only coins
(x) done something you told yourself you wouldn't
(x) made prank phone calls
(x) laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(x) caught a snowflake on your tongue
(x) danced in the rain
(x) written a letter to Santa Claus
( ) been kissed under a mistletoe
(x) watched the sun rise with someone you care about
(x) blown bubbles
(x) made a bonfire on the beach
( ) crashed a party
(x) gone rollerskating
(x) had a wish come true
(x) worn pearls
(x) jumped off a bridge
( ) screamed penis in class
( ) ate dog/cat food
( ) told a complete stranger you loved them (in a totally platonic way)
(x) kissed a mirror
(x) sang in the shower
(x) have a little black dress
(x) had a dream that you married someone
(x) glued your hand to something
(x) worn the opposite sexes clothes
( ) been a cheerleader
(x) sat on a roof top
(x) screamed at the top of your lungs
( ) done a one-handed cartwheel
(x) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours
(x) stayed up all night
(x) didn't take a shower for a week
(x) pick and ate an apple right off the tree
(x) climbed a tree
(x) had a tree house
( ) are scared to watch scary movies alone
(x) believe in ghosts
( ) have more then 30 pairs of shoes
( ) worn a really ugly outfit to school just to see what others say
( ) gone streaking
( ) played ding-dong-ditch
( ) played chicken
( ) pushed into a pool with all your clothes on
(x) been told you're hot by a complete stranger
(x) broken a bone
(x) been easily amused
( ) caught a fish then ate it
( ) made porn
(x) caught a butterfly
(x) laughed so hard you cried
(x) cried so hard you laughed
(x) mooned/flashed someone
(x) had someone moon/flash you
(x) cheated on a test
(x) forgotten someone's name
( ) slept naked
( ) French braided someone's hair
( ) gone skinny dippin in a pool/LAKE?
(x) been kicked out your house
(x) been drunk
(x)

  Don't make my mistakes, tell the people you love that you love them every chance that you get. Don't go a day without telling them how much they mean to you. Life is so short and people can die so suddenly you may go to sleep and wake up to find them gone.

Something that I realised means alot to me and expresses my feelings easily, the one I think of when they read this will know who he is. I love you.


Love is always patient and kind,
it is never jellous. Love is never
boastful or conceited, it is never
rude or selfish. It does not take
offense and is not resentful. Love
takes no pleasure in other peoples
sins, and delights in the truth. It
is always ready to excuse, trust,
hope, and endure whatever comes.

Dunno who wrote it or where its from but Ive heard it a few times and I noticed this time around It ment something to me for a change instead of me just thinking it was beautiful. all I know is I first heard it in A Walk To Remember, between landon and Jamie. Too much in that movie I can relate to and sometimes it worries me, others it makes me think, to have that even for a day, is well worth anything that comes. I love you baby Ill see you soon.

Alright anyone who knows me well enough should do this and send it back to me.

1.) How many times a day would you kiss me?
answer:
2.) Would you hold me?
answer:
3.) Would you have sex with me?
answer:
4.) Would you take me places?
answer:
5.) Would you love me?
answer:
6.) Would you lie to me?
answer:
7.) If I was sick what would you do?
answer:
8.) Would you leave me for one of my friends?
answer:
9.) Want to have a future with me?
answer:
10.) Would you listen to all my problems and help me solve them?
Answer:

11.) Would you introduce me to your mom/dad?
answer:
12.) Would you care about what I wore when we go out?
answer:
13.) Would you hang out with me AND my friends?
answer:
14.) If your friend tried to get with me what would you do?
answer:
15.) If me and one of your friends argued, whose side would you be on?
answer:
16.)If I said I loved you would you say it back?
answer:
17.)How do you feel about me?
answer:
18.) Have i ever made you smile?
answer:
19.) Want to spend the night with me?
answer:
20.) Could we just chill together?
answer:

21.) If I just wanted you to hold me would you?
answer:
22.) If I had serious problems going on im my life would they scare you or would you try to help me with them?
answer:
23.) If I decided to tell you whats true to my heart would you listen to what I had to say and take it seriously?
answer:
24.) If you had an empty house would you call me to come over?
answer:

001: Name: Jennifer Marie Donaldson
002: Nickname: Jenny, Jenn, Artemis, bitch, take your pick.
003: Country of living: United States
004: Birthdate: April 7
005: Height: 5'3
006: Eye color: Green
007: Shoe size: 5
008: School/work: Grad highschool june 08, work at burgerking as knight mgr
009: You smoke: Nope
010: Hobbies: Horses, Singing, Reading, Drawing, long walks when im stressed or need to think.
011: Brothers/Sisters: 3 brothers 4 sisters, not of the same parents.
012: Relationship: Yep, tony slaton
013: Piercing(s): just ears so far, plan on getting snake bites and mabey my belly button.
014: Tattoo: have three
015: Fave Country(s) to go to: Australia. How about people I need to go see? Eli, jeff hardy, tony, devin, dad, gary (godfather) bonnie (godmother)
017: Nicest people you met this year: nathan, tony, jeff hardy
018: People you rather not have met this year: brian
019: Who would you like to meet: Jeff Hardy (MET!!), My Father..
020: Who do you admire most: youll have to ask to understand, Jeff Hardy.
021: Most sexy person(people) on Elftown: tony
022: Favorite Pyjama: Dont have any, i wear what i want to bed.
023: Favorite Car: what i own, 07 ford mustang convertible maroon
024: Favorite Movie(s): Look on my movie wiki
025: Favorite band: Look on my music wiki.
026: Favorite City(s): anywhere but here...but the cold came with some perks..
027: Favorite Plush: who wha?
028: Favorite cologne: dont wear cologne.
029: Favoriete Magazine: WWE Magazine
030: Favorite sound: Dunno. Ocean or the fire
031: Favorite TV-series: Dark Angel, Dinotopia, charmed, buffy, angel, monday night RAW (WWE), Friday night SmackDown (also WWE)
030: Favortie Anime: dunno
033: Favorite Nickname: I dont care.
034: What is on your mousepad: Dell
035: What all is under your bed:me and my laptop
036: Favorite color: Black, Purple, blue and green
037: Favorite Song ever: you cannot kill what doesnt die: Anthrax.
038: Favorite song at this moment: traveling soldier : dixey chicks
039: Favorite food: nanas dressing, and taco bell soft tacos lol
040: Favorite class in school: Law and government with Mr. Warren
041: Favorite drink: Wine coolers? no seriously..dont have a favorite.
042: Lucky number(s): I have lucky numbers? Oh 666 lol
043: What do you think is greatest about yourself: Im a good listener, and although i cant fix my own problems 80% of the time. I can fix everyone elses.
044: What deodorant do you use: Axe, Tag, Degree.
045: Favorite shoes: sneakers?
046: What time do you go to bed on weekdays: 4-5 am or so
048: Words you use most often: dude, fuck you, oi, what ever.
048: Most romantic moment in your life: now why would i give yall ideas? Figure out romantic things on your own!
049: Most embarassing moment(s): Read answer to previous question and substitute embarassing moments.
050: You spend your time rather inside or outside: Outside in the forrest.
051: What do you do in the weekends: work and hang out with friends
052: What in school do/did you dislike most: rude teachers and worse students.
053: Your Breakfast: dont eat breakfast.
054: What do you really really dislike to eat: anything i dont like. But seafood is the worst allergic to muscles all other seafood makes me puke
055: Pets: two cats a dog
056: Laugh or dream: dream, I like my dreams
057: Serious or funny: depends
058: Fast or slow: depends
059: You prefer being alone or have relation: um..I like the relationship im in, but most of the time i prefer my space
060: Simple or complicated: depends
061: Cremated or Buried when dead: ima organ donner, ill end up cremated.
062: Sex or alcohol: alcohol.
063: Stay up late or go to bed early: Late
064: Light or dark: Dark
065: speak or silence: silence
066: Tall or small man/ woman: taller man then me, as for women i like them closer to my height so i can reach em lol
067: News paper: dont really read it. news sucks right now
068: Hug or kiss: Both
069: Happy or Sad: depends
070: Life or Death: depends
071: Gig or Disco: who wha?
072: Left or Right: Left
073: Sausages on top, or on the side: I only eat breakfast sausages, and i like them on the side.
074: Dark/ red/ Blonde: depends on the person. I know one of each i care about very much
075: What would you ask God if you could ask him 1 single question: Why did you do this to me?
076: You believe in reincarnation: Yes and im hoping my next life will be better then the hell of a life ive had this time around.
077: You believe in Aliens: Yes
078: When you die, what will be your last words: Dont make the same mistakes I have. See ya in the next life.
079: do you belive in true love: Yes
080: How many kids would you like to have: 2
081: the one thing you can't stand: Posers and preps
082: Best feeling: Knowing i can help people
083: Worst feeling in the world: having your body fall apart from the inside out all because of your father going to vietnam then having you.
084: What are you afraid of: Spiders.
085: Are you an emotional person: I can be.
086: Do you ever cry during a movie: I have before but, not very often
087: Your goal in life: dunno, Im gonna be a massage therapist, im already good at it. But mabey be a wwe diva, that be the best thing i think could happen.
088: What was the promise you made to yourself at new years eve: live.
089: Favorite artist: anthrax, evanessance, dunno
090: As what animal would you like to reincarnate as: tiger
091: What is the most beautiful part on the female body: first thing i notice are a womans eyes and legs. 
092: Most original place to ask your love to marry you: might not be origional but on the beach at midnight under a full moon.
093: What do you think of Elftown: Its cool I met most of my closest friends here.
094: Is there something you miss about Elftown: the wicked rps we used to throw in the old chat room
095: Where did you get this question list: friend
095: Besides Elftown, what do you do most on your PC: im, research, listen to music, retarted games.
096: Star sign: aries
097: Favorite animal: albino bengal tiger (aka white tiger)
098: What’s the most annoying thing that people ask you?: if ill show off in my cam, give them a chance, or cyber.
099: Do you get in trouble a lot: probably but if people didnt purposly piss me off id probably get into trouble alot less.
100: do others opinions matter: depends on the person

nother thing friends sent me to fill out. why they ask me to i dont know i guess they want to know more about me.


List: x=yeah

{X} Fallen for your best friend?

{X} Made out with JUST a friend?
{X} Made out with the same sex?

{X} Been rejected? 

{X} Been in love? 

{X} Been in lust? 

{ } Used someone? 

{X} Piercings?

{X} Been used?
{X} Been cheated on? 

{x} Done something you regret?
{x} Considered a life of crime?
{ } Considered being a hooker?
{ } Considered being a pimp? 

{X} Are you psycho? depends on the day
{X} Split personalities? 

{X} Schizophrenic? 
slightly only when it comes to being a pessimist all the time
{X} Obsessive? 
sometimes
{ } Racist?
 ill kill anyone who is.
{X} Dream of dead bodies, blood, death, and gore? 

{..} Dream of doing those things instead of just seeing them?
do said above things, only to certian people, if you mean my good dreams then {X}
{x} Understanding?

{X} Open-minded?

{ } Arrogant?

{..} Insecure?
in certain situations
{x} Interesting?

{ } Hungry?
{x} Friendly? sometimes, depends on the person

{x} Smart?

{x} Moody?
{ } Childish?

{x} Independent?

{x} Hard working?
{x} Organized?
 anywhere but my current place of living
{ } Healthy?
{x} Emotionally stable?

{X} Shy?
 when vunerable
{x} Difficult?

{X} Attractive?
according to my friends, and their friends i am.
{x} Bored easily?

{ } Thirsty? 

{x} Responsible?

{x} Sad?

{x} Happy?

{..} Trusting?
when you have it you know.
{x} Talkative?

{x} Original?

{x} Different?

{x} Unique?

{x} Lonely?

{X} Had a bad life? ask if you really want to know
{X} Dye your hair?

{ } Floss daily? 

{X} Own a web cam? 

{X} Ever get off the damn computer? 

{X} Ever done a drug(s)?
once and never agian.
{X} Ever drank alcohol?

{X}Suicidal? I was so i guess that counts, i still am at times but i dont act on it. i never break a promise.

Martina Mcbride - There You Are lyrics

There you are in the early light of day
There you are in the quiet words I pray
I've been blessed by the simple happiness
Of the perfect love we've made

Every time I turn around
When I'm lost and when I'm found
Like an angel standing guard
There you are

Every time I take a breath and when I forget to breathe
You're watching over me there you are
When I'm looking for the light in the middle of the night
Searching for the brightest star
There you are

There you are standing in a crowded room
There you are the earth and I'm the moon
My desire is to stand by the fire
That burns inside of you

Every time I turn around
When I'm lost and when I'm found
Like an angel standing guard
There you are

Every time I take a breath and when I forget to breathe
You're watching over me there you are
When I'm looking for the light in the middle of the night
Searching for the brightest star
There you are

When i'm looking for the light in the middle of the night
Searching for the brightest star
There you are

There you are
There you are

*Name: Jennifer marie Donaldson, soon to be pruitt if everything goes as planned!

*Current Location:*sighs* around albany, new york. If all goes well I will be moving to west Jefferson, North Carolina by the end of this summer.

*Eye Color: green. hazel, black..long story..
*Hair Color: Dark brown

*Your Heritage: scottish irish and cherokee mabey souix too...

*Thoughts First Waking Up: only ___ more days till I am finally home...I can do it only ___ more days...

*Your Best Physical Feature: I guess my eyes, if you can read whats in a persons eyes your set and if you can read mine youll stay alive longer lol just kidding...not really though.

*Single or Group Dates: I dont really care as long as im with my guy.

*Cappuccino or Coffee: latte baby!

*Do you Sing: yup. have since i was in second grade love doing it but it will never be more than a hobby.

*Have you Been in Love: ive thought i was a few times but nothing as strong as i feel when im with devin. if what i feel isnt love then i dont know what it is and id rather live in my dream world.

*Do you get along with your Parents: as far as im concerned 9/10 times im an orphan. my father if you can call him that has been out of my life since i was three and good riddence as for my mom she only notices me when she wants something or is mad lonely so yeah no i dont and dont get me started on my step dad.

*Do you like Thunderstorms: who doesnt?! i used to be scared by them, i used to think that the goddess was mad at me and was yelling at me when the thunder came. now it just calms me.

*What country would you most like to Visit: australia i here its nice other than that a few countries in europe to bug some friends lol

*Hobbies: drawing, writing, singing, horseback riding, tae kwon do, weapons, vollyball, running/ walking, reading, lots more but i cant think of em right now, crs...lol...

*People you won't talk to: turkish people! god damn you guys need to learn some freaking manners, stop fuckin flirting with people who arnt interested and when you hear "NO" back the hell off! geeze.
as for that people who have problems with who i am, the few people i consider friends, the people who dont like or like to harrass me or my fiance fuck yall buzz off bitches!

*Sexiest person alive: uh..no comment!..

*Favorite pajamas: dun have an favorites, what ever i grab for the night.

*Favorite car: mustangs are my top favorite the car i want to get is a nissan versa but its out of my budget so i have to find something else *grumbles*

*Favorite CD: pretty much anything rock or country alough i have some fav bands

*Favorite sound: thunder, the sound of my loves voice.., rain thats about it..

*Favorite actor: long freaking list give me a genre and ill tell you

*Favorite magazine: wwe all the way!
*Favorite color: dark colors

*Favorite song ever: too many
*Favorite drink: wine cooler pina colada, jack daniels, now for something that wont get me in jail, i guess hazelnut lattes or juice.

*Greatest thing about you: i dun give a shit what anyone thinks about me or anyone i care about. they dont like me thats their fuckin problem only opinion i care about is my fiances.

*Pet peeves: see who i wont talk to. ill add more later.

*Prefer being single or having a relationship: i like the relationship im in it all depends on who your with or what your situation is for me i want nothing more then to be with the man i love, who is the man im marrying!

*Tall or short guy: dont care love em both!

*What you would ask the Goddess if you could ask her one question: why did she make me go through all i have just to meet the same fate of loved ones before me? to suffer and die like he did leaving loved ones behind to mourn me like i did him. its not right and its not fair i want to follow my own path not the path chosen for me. (thoughs close to me will know what im talking about)

*Place you'd ask your love to marry you: anywhere i'd ask? under my waterfall or by the lagoon in RI under the setting sun.

i saw this in a house and figured id post it hehe n.n

Every Girl's Dream:
 (x) - means yeah id want that (0)- means no.
(x)1. Get kissed in the rain ::one of my fantasys::
(x)2. Have that one hott kiss where your pressed against the wall ::look up top::
(x)3. Have a guy that thinks you're the world
(x)4. Have a guy that holds on as long as possible when giving hugs ::depends on the guy::
(x)5. A boy that whispers he loves you in your ear
(x)6. Have that moment where you just gaze into each other's eyes ::already got that n.n::
(x)7. When you cry, he kisses your tears away.
(x)8. When you're not with your guy he's all that you can think about ::already got that too lol::
(/)9. Wearing his jacket and everytime you breath in, his scent surrounds you ::depends::
(/)10. A guy who will watch any movie with you, no matter how teary eyed you may get. ::depends::
(/)11. A guy who squeezes your hand ::lovingly or lightly yes the way my brother does it hell no, fuckin almost breaks my hand..><::
(x)12. A boy that says he loves you and means it ::better::
(o)13. A guy that will play her favorite song outside her window ::1. i have too many i like,2. that gets old quick::
(x)14. A guy who is loyal
(x)15. A guy that will sing to you no matter how bad he is at it. ::grins got that cept i dont think hes bad he just has to sing the songs in his octave *snickers* then hes really good its the ones that go to high.. ima shut up before i get myself in trouble..probably already did..lol::
(/)16. A guy that will kiss you on the forehead. ::sometimes its icky depends on the person too::
(o)17. A guy that will call you beautiful or adorable...not hot, fine, or sexy ::im not any so it tends to annoy me unless its my boyfriend saying it::
(x)18. A guy that will never judge you for how you look. ::i have enough self vision issues i dont need someone else telling me how horrible i look::
(x)19. A boy that says cheezy stuff to you just to make u smile ::got that n.n::
(x)20. A boy that is the same when he is with you and when with friends ::i hate fake people::
(x)21. A boy that tells you everything honestly :: i prefer honesty id rather the truth hurt then a lie. god i hate liers::
(/)22. A boy that is good with your family and introduces you to his family ::i dont care what my family says if i love him it doesnt matter. as for his family if they like me sweet less work for me if they dont oh well im there for him not them::
(o)23. A guy that will always let you win ::HELL No! i want to win fair and square or lose. i dont like being handed a win, im competitive can ya tell? lol::
(o)24. A guy who stands up for you no matter who it is against ::thanks but i can stand up for myself im not a lil child that needs saving im my own knight in shining armor...er so to speak.::
(/)25. A guy who calls you at night just to say 'hi' and see how your day has been ::it'd be nice but there are days i need to be left alone::
(x)26. A boy who tells you that your smile makes his day and makes everything better ::i know his does for me::
(o)27. A boy who will sit on the phone with you when you're sad, even if you're quiet ::if im sad id rather work through it -then- talk i hate sympathy::
(x)28. A boy who you can hangout and have fun with
(x)29. A boy that will just randonmly call you for no reason at all, just because he missed you
(/)30. A guy who will hold your hand through the roughest parts of life. ::yes, but sometimes you have to walk on your own two feet, but there are times when the support helps::
(/)31. A guy who would love you forever no matter the circumstance. :: i want him to love me for me no just cause its convienyent (yeah i know i spelled that wrong)::
(o)32. A guy who wouldn't mind you wanting to get all dressed up and do your make up for him. Even if he says he likes you better without make up. ::if he likes me better without it then fuck what everyone else thinks i might dress up but ill usually in the end do what makes him happy::
(x)33. A guy who you can be yourself with and he will never give a care and would still tell you that you are amazing to him. ::my guy has to accept me for who i am im not gonna change who i am just cause people hate who i am.::
(/)34. A guy who runs his fingers through your hair, like he's washing your worries away. ::sometimes its great sometimes its annoying usually i like it tho::

What do you do when you feel your life passing you by? When it leaves you behind to watch and regret? Ive lived my life pooly and often I find my self at a crossroads. do I go down the street im on, or do i change my path by changing my choices. I constantly see the errors ive made and the people ive hurt. ive hurt everyone i hold close to my heart encluding myself. not because i chose to or because i changed my mind but because i feared the life i was leading. so i pushed the people i love most away as far as i could. Ive sat back and broke my own heart, afraid to live, afriad to get hurt agian. instead of forgiving and bringing thoughs people closer to me i closed myself off and lost many unreplacable friends, and one of my greatest loves. I think if he reads up on this he will know who he is. lol he has a new girlfriend named...stephanie i think..(sorry if i spelled her name wrong) i regret losing him to my damn pride. i was to proud to let him see he had hurt me and i was to proud to let him see how much i still loved him. i made the biggest mistake of all and started seeing someone who i knew i didnt love. i knew i never would. and i knew he would. but i did anyway. and now ive broke three hearts. mine, one of the greatest loves in my life, and one of my closest friends who i never should have dated. i seems im always fucking myself over. im always doin alot of damage to myself. hell if i know why all i know is i do. i hope someday he will call me and speak to me agian. I dont know what will happen when fate knocks at my door. i dont know who i will choose to spend my life with. whether it be him if he chooses to take me back and give us another chance, or if it be with one of my closest friends who is going through some stuff atm... we have chemistry and love but we are both hurting and as such reluctant to "dive off that board" all i know is i will love this man for the rest of my life. no matter what happenes no matter the past or present. he will always have a piece of me. I just hope he realises no matter what i am first and formost a loyal friend and if he needs me i will always be here. ( ive kept all their names out as a respectful measure to them. they should know who they are and if they arent sure they can msg me and ask if its them i will let them know. if it isnt i will simply say "it isnt". okay i have to be up at 6am for school so im out for the night. take care everyone. *sends a hug out to everyone who needs it* night yall.

  okay I dont know who is watching my house and/or who are my friends that will be reading this. so keep in mind you might not like what im writing and if you dont want to know whats on my mind then dont read further. if you do here it goes...


*sighs* my first diary entry and probably the most caotic of them all. Im so confused right now I doubt I even know my own thoughts or feelings at this point. everyone I love dearly is eathier dead, doesnt care about me, or is trying to hide what they feel. I feel lost and alone most of the time now. When my uncle died a big part of me, of my soul, died with him. I loved him most in this world not as my uncle or as my best friend. but as the best thing that has ever been in my life, and the greatest mentor I ever had. I know that no one will ever fill that gap. no one can ever truly make me whole agian untill im reunited with him in the next life. some know how he died less know that I still cry myself to sleep a few nights a week when my gaze meets his photograph and the box that his ashes were carried in before they were burried. and any time I see a movie that a true loved on dies in a situation close to that of my uncle and me, I have to fight back tears. I have to fight the will to scream at the goddess for taking him away from me and at him for giving up. slowly life gets easier to live. most days I try to pretend he is still here..i can still see his smile and feel his arms around me i can still hear him saying "poopie head" at me and tickling me when i sat on his lap..i still remember his beautiful blue eyes and the way that he looked at me and i could see that he loved me. he was only 53 when he died. dear diana i feel so lost with out him. i feel like i had my compass torn away from my hand and was dropped into a black abyss with no moon sun or stars to follow. and no one to ever pull me back. *sighs agian* i miss him so much but i know i will see him agian someday. i will see him agian.