~The One thing I feared~
by-Yours trully

I watch as the leaves fall and the autumn breeze strokes my face.
Black streaks run down my cheeks as I remenise.
Where did I go wrong, why am I made to seem like such a nuisance?
I can't take it back & I never asked you to let go, but you just stand as you watch me fall.

And I know life does go on but that don't even take away my pain.
And I know it was for the best but I never asked you to walk away.
I can scream to the top of my lungs and nothing will change..your still not here.
And that's when I realize..
loosing you was the one thing I feared.

I remember when we swore to always be friends.
Though we couldn't do it but as the days went on, time started to heal the wounds.
We went down our seperate paths, thought our love would be our last, but we found someone new. But as you talk to me on the phone I sense you never moved on..
and thats when you scream "I CAN'T JUST BE YOUR FRIEND..I CANT DO THIS..IM DONE!!!"

And I know life does go on but that don't even take away my pain.
And I know it was for the best but I never asked you to walk away.
I can scream to the top of my lungs and nothing will change..your still not here.
And that's when I realize..
loosing you was the one thing I feared.

And many years down the road when you have time to think. I hope you know I only wanted you to be happy.
I never wanted to see you go, but I set you free.
And the black streaks flow as I wipe these tears from my eyes.

~Cut~
by-Yours Trully

Cut the pain away..it's all I know to do.
I try to find the answers but my resolution is long overdue.
You told me you loved me, then sent my soul to your burning gates.
I gave you everything i had and you took it all away..so easily.
You watched me bleed as I hit my knees.
And that's at that moment..I broke free.

the Blood moon is my friend..
And the pain is my company..
Spread these wings as a Black Swan and fly away.
Heading to my destination of bittersweet bliss..
I must break free..

Nothing I did could ease the pain. Cut once, cut twice..(cut it all away.)
And the persistant rememberance of your endless lies gave me more reason to bleed..
(your my Nymphetamine, Nymphetamine!)..
Sending my heart to the bottom of a dark galaxy..
Watching it tear away..tear away at me..

the Blood moon is my friend..
And the pain is my company..
Spread these wings as a Black Swan and fly away.
Heading to my destination of bittersweet bliss..
I must break free..

Laid to the river
Midsummer, I waved
A "V" of black swans
On with hope to the grave
And though Red September
With skies fire-paved
I begged you appear
Like a thorn for the holy ones

Cold was my soul
Untold was the pain
I faced when you left me
A rose in the rain....
So I swore to the razor
That never, enchained
Would your dark nails of faith
Be pushed through my veins again

Bared on your tomb
I'm a prayer for your loneliness
And would you ever soon
Come above onto me?
For once upon a time
On the binds of your loneliness
I could always find the right slot for your sacred key

Six feet deep is the incision
In my heart, that barless prison
Discoulours all with tunnel vision

Sunsetter...
Nymphetamine

Sick and weak from my condition
This lust, this vampyric addiction
To Her alone in full submission

None better...
Nymphetamine

Nymphetamine, Nymphetamine...
Nymphetamine girl.

Nymphetamine, Nymphetamine...
My Nymphetamine girl.

Wicked with your charm
I'm circled like prey
Back in the forest
Were whispers persuade
More sugar trails
More white lady laid
Than pillars of salt...
(keeping Sodom at at bay)

Fold to my arms
Hold their mesmeric sway
And dance out to the moon
As we did in those golden days

Christening stars
I remember the way
We were needle and spoon
Mislaid in the burning hay

Bared on your tomb
I'm a prayer for your loneliness
And would you ever soon
Come above onto me?
For once upon a time
On the binds of your loneliness
I could always find the right slot for your sacred key

Six feet deep is the incision
In my heart, that barless prison
Discoulours all with tunnel vision

Sunsetter...
Nymphetamine

Sick and weak from my condition
This lust, this vampyric addiction
To Her alone in full submission

None better...
Nymphetamine

Nymphetamine, Nymphetamine...
Nymphetamine girl.

Nymphetamine, Nymphetamine...
My Nymphetamine girl.

..many know this song and can relate.

"All I Wanted"

Think of me when you're out, when you're out there
I'll beg you nice from my knees
When the world treats you way too fairly
It's a shame i'm a dream

All I wanted was you
All I wanted was you

I think I'll pace my apartment a few times
And fall asleep on the couch
And wake up early to black and white re-runs?
That escaped from the mouth

Oh-Oh

All I wanted was you
All I wanted was you
All I wanted was you
All I wanted was you

I could follow you to the beginning
And just relive the start
And maybe then we'll remember to slow down
To all of our favorite parts

All I wanted was you

All I wanted was you
All I wanted was you
All I wanted was you
All I wanted was you

"Tears roll down a porclein doll.. smearing her hope..which is now lost
She takes the hand of her dearest one..he hesitantly grabs and says" The pain is yet not gone."
So she holds on tightly with all the strength she has remaining..only wanting for him to see that without him she is nothin more then a doll with a piece missing.
She goes to call out his name..but something stops her...for she is afraid that to push him..would cause him to leave her.
Why does she cry..for some may never know.
She just wants a chance for their love and friendship to grow."

Love..for it has found me once again. I used to linger in the darkness..I was the night..not abidding by love or anyones rules..but by my own..that was until I met you...
Ive been the person to drift in and out...the one to give up cause I was afraid love would trap me and find me....that was until you.
For I have never seen your face..but it haunts me in my dreams..your voice that has yet to be heard whispers in my ear..
You..a drifter you call yourself..has captured and won my heart...
For I once told you that the eyes are the doors into ones soul....and that mine was shattered..but that was until you...
I walk different now....no longer walking a lonely road..but walking with you...your step has meshed into mine..and became one....
My determination is no longer to feed my lust..but to love you...
It is because of you that love has found me once again...I could go on for an eternity and tell you of my love for you...but Id rather show you..Id rather kiss you and be there...it is because of you..that my life is better...

I can feel its cold surface press against my skin...
inside im screaming.."I want to just give in."
My body's shaking and tears are streaming down
my cheeks
My hands gripping the counter ready to give up...ready to let go and leave..
Leave this hell hole..leave the pain that dwells within...
Then suddenly I think of you..I hear you whispering my name...
The cold surface that was now pressed up against my throat has dropped to the floor...and Im left crying out to you..reaching..but you never come.
.

Im sorry I loved you..
Im sorry that I cared..
Im sorry I cant be perfect and be the one you hold dear...
Im sorry that your hurting....
for I feel Im part of the reason why...
Im sorry I dont always have the right words to say...
Im so sorry I gave up on you and walked away...
I love you so much it cuts down to the bone...
Im sorry I cant be her...
Im sorry that I dont want to be alone..
Im sorry I tried to act as if I dont care...
Im sorry again that I couldnt be there...
I lay here alone once again praying for a miracle to occur....
But I know its no use...your in love with her...:(
Im sorry that I love you...
Im sorry that its so hard to give you up...
I wish I could be yours...
But I guess Im sorry is never enough...
Im sorry

I never though loving someone would hurt this bad..
Never thought opening up would leave me so vunerable..
I thought love was just something you felt..
Now I realize its so much more...
Wanting you to be the one that I can call my own..
Wanting to have you next to me...
Cuddling and keeping me warm..
It hurts to know your uncertain and dont know if Im what your looking for...
A moment of sweet bliss..
Now I dont know whats real anymore...
I wish I could make you see, how much you really mean to me...
I want to be the one you love...
The one you talk so much about...
But it seems thats all gone..
Nothing left but piercing pain now...
I never thought I would fall for you
Never thought it to occur..
But now as I hit rock bottom I realize...
That Id rather love you...
Even if it hurts

Bound to your side Im trapped in silence..just a possession..
Is this sex or only violence that feeds your obssession?
You send me to a broken state..
Where I can take the pain just long enough..
Then I am numb-Then I just disappear

So go on infect me..
Go on and scare me to death..
Tell me I ask for it..
Tell me Ill never forget..
You could give me anything but love...
Anything but love..

Does it feel good to deny..
Hurt me with nothing..
Some sort of sick satisfaction..
You get from mind fucking...

Srripped down to my naked core..
The darkest corners of my mind are yours..
Thats where you live...
Thats where you breath...

So go on infect me..
Go on and scare me to death...
Tell me to leave you...
Tell me Ill never forget...
You could give me anything but love..
Anything but love...

So give me your warnings
Give me your madness and shame
Dare me to leave you..
Swear that I wont get away
You could give me anything but love
Anything but love..

Without any faith
Without any light
condemn me to live
condemn me to lie
inside I am dead...

So go on infect me..
Go on and scare me to death...
Ill be the victim..
Youll be the voice inside my head..
You could give me anything but love...
Anything but love