-Today just aint what I wished it was. And its just the beginning, I’ll never be the same after the night before you sat there quietly. I said baby you can cry on me… shaking your head you asked me for pen and paper. And I gave it to you, silently you sat there and wrote it down for me sating not to read until you had left so I listened to you and waited for you to go, then slowly I read, that’s when it begins,
-Mom, sorry bout the car, hope the life insurance will cover my cremation but if the wreck doesn’t kill me don’t let them put me on life support please just let me go…
- My arms begin to tremble, and bloody murder from my lips was screamed, mama what do I do, he’s gone and I aint got a clue mama he’s planning to die tonight, oh god please help me here, oh mama what do I do, he’s gone and I aint got a clue…
- To my best friend Ben I leave my cd’s and clothes and an assortment of pictures. To my girl I leave me assortment of stuffed animals. And some pictures in possession of you mom my living relative.
-My legs give out; and I scream loud, oh mama what do I do, he’s gone and I aint got a clue mama he’s planning to die tonight, oh god please help me here, oh mama what do I do, he’s gone and I aint got a clue…
-To everyone else remember, “I love you. I did what I love and I love what I did. Light springs to action everyday but death saddens the heart every moment.
- My body still trembling and I can’t stop crying body remember you jump I jump. I sit silently, oh mama I’m sorry life just aint worth living, my hearts already dead.
- To everyone remember I loved him.. I loved every moment unit the end, and I did what I did over love. My light finally went out and I am sorry death will sadden you. Just keep in mind you jump and I jump too.

ok the other night i got a phone call from my ex (johnnie) i was so happy to just to hear his voice. we haddn't had a conversation without ending it with ( fuck you, go fuck your self, bitch, asshole ect.) some harsh words instead of a normal bye and a hang up on each other in a while, matter of fact we hadn't talked in over a month. Then he called me and was all like i miss you. When are you coming back. And truth be told i love him too and its driving me crazy not seeing him but i can't see him i live 1200 miles away and can't visit. he's treating to come kidnap me. That would rock. I know i know " fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me" but i still like him alot and want to see him alot. should i let this stop me from seeing someone that i one time i would have married and actually we were planning to marry and already had names pick for kids in the future? i don't know what i'm going to do but i have to figure it out fast. i love him but i know if i should let him know that i really never got over him. i remember so much about when he and i were together and it drives me crazy knowing that it could be forever before i see him agian. i wish that i could move back to texas to be with him hell his grandma even wishes i was there ( i kept him in line and even came over and helped her clean). i wanna go back but life won't permit. what should i do? what will i do?