Threw this window I see everything
I see who I want to be and then I see who I really am
I see who my real friends are
I see the untrue ones and the fake ones

I see the life no one wants to live
I see the life that I live
Who can say if im wrong or right
Who can say that the things I do are wrong

Who can say im a screw up
Even though we all know its true
Because ive tired time and time again running after you

You cant see what your doing neither can I
The only thing I feel is the pain growing inside
This pain is careless striving for blood
This knife it cutting making me feel closer to home
This time is draining so let me tell you this
I wanted to be someone but only to you
But the thing that mattered was you weren’t so blue
I don’t know what im saying now
Im loosing my mind
Cant fight it now because im half blind
Im blinded by who you are and what you ment to me
But now we are just friends that something I never wanted to see
The knife is going deeper than its ever been before now I just wait until I cant cry anymore
Then this life will be wasted and then till dawn I will sleep again…
I do it for the drugs…I do it just to feel like me…
I do everything I know because it makes me free
Free from pain and freee from the world..
This life of shame can only be tamed by the great I AM
Some know him by God some know him by the messiah
But he is the great I AM

I sit here now thinking
Its 12:45 on the dot..
My clock keeps blinking..
Reminding me that im nothing except another thing left in world…

No one cares that this is one of my greatest fears…

I don’t know where my life has gone
I think it left when I was far from home

I wish to die
Right here and now

But somehow I live threw it everyday
People hating and playing games
Fucks you over and you feel the pain

You know this all is going to my brain
I have these thoughts of unreal death

Tired of life in the 3 degree
Sick of fucking pain and misery

Screw this all and everyone else
I found someone new
I found myself

Sitting in a corner all alone
The feeling on my face was never shown

Hoping to be held or just softly kissed
Now and forever I will not be missed…

Here it goes, now going deeper…
Feeling is going going going GONE
Can’t feel a thing maybe that’s good
I found a little piece of solitude
People remind me that this is real
That I am feeling the surreal…
Got to go now its gone hope has left me
So has faith…now its over im in this place.

Knocked around
And Tangled up
All because I fell in love

Fell in love thought it was true
But just like that out the window it flew
Just like a bird away from a storm
The thought of us just left your mind

I knew I loved you the moment I saw you
I wanted to dwell on that moment forever
When I looked into your eyes
The only thing I saw was a picture
I distinctly remember
That picture was of us

20 years down the road
Our little family that we both helped grow
We knew this love would last
At least we were sure at the time
But why’d it all end just like that?
Did all the memories just fade into nothing?

Now I see you with her and it kills me
Because im not seeing the picture of you and me

So ill cry a while if cry I must but then I will
Loose track because its all way to much

So if you see me tomorrow ill be surprised because
I don’t want to let my life pass me by

Here is a little about me!

001: Name: Brittany
002: Nickname: Britt
003: Country of living: USA
004: Birth date: Dec 5th
005: Height: 5"5
006: Eye colour: brown
007: Shoe size: 8
008: School/work: School
010: Hobby's: Church and Friends
011: Brothers/Sisters:2 sis and 1 bro
012: Relationship: no
013: Piercing(s): 2 in each ear
014: Tattoo(s): no
015: Vacation land: i donno?
016: Are there people you wont reply to?: no
017: Nicest person you met: Dane
018: Person you rather not have met: Josh C
019: Who would you like to meet:hrm i donno
020: Who is it that you admire: A friend of mine...
021: Most sexy person(s): id have to say Dane or Ciara
022: Favourite Pyjama to sleep in: shorts and tank top
023: Favourite Car: Chevy truck
024: Favourite Movie(s): White Noise
025: Favorite Music: anything
026: Favorite City(s):Amarillo, Norman, Guthire((all cuz of u Jason lol)
027: Favorite Plush: ?
028: Favorite Cologne: Gravity(dane)
029: Favourite Magazine: STAR
030: Favorite sound: umm thats a lil weird dont ya think?
031: Favorite TV-series: SUMMERLAND
032: Favorite Writer: dont read to much???
033: Favorite Nickname: mfatso
034: What is on your my mouse/pad: nuthin
035: What all is under your bed: nummtin
036: Favorite colour: black,yellow, green
037: Favorite Song ever:: i couldnt say i have to many
038: Favorite song at the monment: Mariah Carey "We belong together"
039: Favourite Food: anything pretty much?
040: Favorite class at school: World History
041: Favorite drink: Coke or Dr.P
042: Lucky number: 55
043: What do you think that is greatest about yourself:not a thing....
044: What deodorant do you use: Dove?
045: Favorite shoes: Etnies or Vans
046: What time do you go to bed on skool days: 10:30
047: What word/Phrase do you use most: Thats Hot
048: Most romantic moment in your life: laying in the bed of my dads truck lookin at the stars...(maybe idont really know?)
049: Most ashamed moment of your life: i have no clue
050: You spend your time rather inside or outside:outside but it depends on how im feelin
051: What do you do in the weekends: Church...hang out
052: What class on school do/did you dislike most: English
053: Your Breakfast: i dont eat breakfast
054: what do you really dislike to eat: brcoilli
055: Pets: dog-natalie
056: Laugh or dream: both
057: Serious or funny: funny
058: Fast or slow:fast
059: You prefer being alone or have company: both
060: Simple or Complicated: simple
061: Cremate or Buried when dead: burried
062: Sex or alcohol: alcohol
063: Stay up late or go to bed early: Stay up late
064: Light or dark?: dark
065: Speak or Silence: speak
066: tall or small: tall
067: News or paper: news
068: Hug or kiss: Kiss
069: Happy or Sad: happy
070: Life or Death: Life
071: Gig or Disco: disco
072: Left or Right: right
073: Sausages on top, or on the side: i dnt hav a clue
074: Dark/ red/ Blonde: blonde
075: What would you ask god if you could ask him 1 single question: why did my mom have to die?
076: you believe in reincarnation: thats a big effin word
077: you believe in Aliens: nope
078: When you die, what will be your last words?: Finally!
079: Does true love exist?: somewhere and sum point in time yes
080: How many kids would you like to have?: 1 girl n 1 boy
081: What is the one thing you cant stand: "your mama jokes"
082: Best feeling: being with the person you love most
083: Worst feeling in the world: being with the person u want knowing you can have them
084: What are you afraid of: spiders
085: Are you an emotional person: sumtimes
086: You cry while watching a movie?: yeh
087: Your goal(s) in life: too make suttin outa myself
088: What was the promise you made to yourself at new years eve: i dont renmember ....
089: Who is your favorite artist?: Dane!!!!
090: As what animal would you like to reincarnate: again that effin big word
091: What is the most beautiful part on the womans body: ummm smile...and eyes..(haha and yes you have both..u kno who u are)
092: Most original place to be asked/ask your love to marry you: i dont get the question....
093:What do you think of Elfpack/Elftown/Cathug?: dunno
094: Is there something you miss about elfpack?: nah
095: Where did you get this question list?: stole it lol


#1
--name: brittany
--nickname: britt
--B-day: dec 5, 1989
--birthplace: Norman,OK
--current location: norman
--eye color: brown
--hair color: blonde
--righty or leftly: Right
--age: 15


#2
--your weakness:Love
--your fear:death of friends...
--your perfect pizza: pepperoni
--your goals: make sumthing out of myself





#3
--your first thought when u wake up: i have no idea
--your best physical feature:i donno
--your bedtime: 11:30
--your most missed memory: my mom



#4
--soda: Dr.Pepper
--best fast food joint: mcD
--single or group dates: Both
--adidas or nike: Nike
--lipton ice tea or nestea:nestea
--chocolate or vanilla: choclate
--cappuccion or coffee: neither





#5
--smoke:NOOOOO
--cuss:unfortantly yes
--sing:yes
--take a shower every day: yes
--have a crush:yes
--do u think you ve been in love:yes
--want to go to college: yes
--like high school:nope
--what to get married: yes
--believe in yourself: more than i used to
--get motion sickness: no
--think your attractive: kinda
--get along with your parents: sum times..
--like thunderstorms: depends...
--play an instrument: kinda





#6
in the past month: went to Falls Creek



#7
ever:...........


--played a game that required removl of clothing: Yup
--been trashed: a long time ago
--been caught doing somethin your not supposed to: hrmm yeh
--been called a tease:hellz yeh
--gotten beatin up: no
--shoplifted: no
--changed who u were to fit in: yep





#8
--age u hope to get married: 24
--numbers & names of chilren:2 .
--how do u want to die:on a motorcyle or a bull
--where do u wnat to go to college: UT
--what do u want to be when u grow up: donno...Navy maybe?
--what country would u like to visit : Germany..





#9
in a guy/girl.............


--best eye color: blue/green
--hair color: blonde or brown
--short or long hair: either..(must have hair) !!!
--best weight: umm id onno
--articles of clothing: jeans and a shirt and a button up shirt if they want
--best first date location: Somewhere quiet
--best first kiss location: Anywhere





#10
--number if drugs taken illegally: umm i dono?
--number of people trusted with my life: Brett and my brother...and my mom
--number of cds owned: way to many to count
--number of tattoos: none
--number of thing in the past that you regret: A couple





~*have u ever*~





--lied: yes
--run away:yeh
--broken a bone: yeh
--failed a class: yes
--been in a fist fight: yeh
--gotten in a car accident: yeh
--met a famous person: kinda?
--driven illegally: yeh
--thronw a temper tanrum: yes
--been suspeneded: yeh
--been expelled: nopers
--gunen the finger: huh?
--rebelled aginst autority: yes
--been in jail: no

what would you do if:
[1) I committed suicide:]
[2) I said I liked you:]
[3) I kissed you:]
[4) I lived next door to you:]
[5) I started smoking:]
[6) I stole something:]
[7) I was hospitalized:]
[8) I ran away from home:]
[9) I got into a fight and you weren't there]
what do you think of my:
[1) Personality:]
[2) Eyes:]
[3) Face:]
[4) Hair:]
[5) Clothes:]
[6) Mannerisms:]
general stuff:
[1) Who are you?]
[2) Are we friends?]
[3) When and how did we meet?]
[4) How have I affected you?]
[5) What do you think of me?]
[6) What's the fondest memory you have of me?]
[7) How long do you think we will be friends or enemies?]
[8) Do you love me?]
[9) Have I ever hurt you?]
[10) Would you hug me?]
[11) Would you kiss me?]
[12) Would you make love to me?]
[13) Would you marry me?]
[14) Emotionally, what stands out?]
[15) Do you wish I was cooler?]
[16) On a scale of 1-10, how nice am I?]
[17) Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it. ]
[18) Am I loveable?]
[19) How long have you known me?]
[20) Describe me in one word.]
[21) What was your first impression? ]
[22) Do you still think that way about me now?]
[23) What do you think my weakness is?][24) Do you think I'll get married?]
[25) What about me makes you happy?] [26) What about me makes you sad?]
[27) What reminds you of me?]
[28) What's something you would change about me? ]
[29) How well do you know me? ]
[30) Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't? ]
[31) Do you think I would kill someone? ]
[32) Are we close?]
[33) Are you going to put this on your journal and see what I say about you?]

Hey everyone this is my first entry! Im tired i just got back from Falls Creek it totally rocked!!! but yeh im sitting here confused as usual how can one guy one simple guy make u want to fall in love with him day after day..even when yall have broken up? its pretty weird i have alot of crazy thoguhts in my head right now! hmm thats new isnt it! ha no! well yeh i guess this is kinda how i feel!

Life is full of hate....
Love is full of feelings

Life is to short to waste on hate
hate is a big word with one meaning
and that is lack of love

Love is fargile and love is kind
Love is most of all honesty with a litte
bit of mystery

Life is full of hate and love
Friendship is full of drama and laughs

Friendship to me is more than you could ever imagine
to me you are the best thing that could happen

Then again its the worst
ive never felt this way before
i dont mean to sit here and yell but what the hell
i told you id love you and that was so true
but you just sat there and didnt say anything
what was i supposed to do.

Who ever knew that id feel a cetine way and not be able to say
those 3 little words that were comming from my heart
well now i can and its been done and said
I wish i could take back all the crazy things ive said

Some mean and hurtful
some probably made u cry
i wish now i had that power
to make all those things fade and die away

They say when you love someone you jus have to let them go
but why let go of something you might never get back?

so many times ive wanted to hold u and never let go
but the only time i tired to u pushed me away and said no

I know i still love u and i kno i still long for the person who was always by my side
but this time you have said goodbye..
this time u mean it this time its ture this time im not going to stop loving you

i will wait forever until the sky is no longer blue
i will love you forever until the end of time
i will be myself and stop acting like someone else
now its time to lay down my pride and tell u i need ur help

I had a week of "me time"
but yet the hole time i was thinking about you?

I see my self in 20 years still trying to get with you
i know who i am now and that will never change i will be a leader now and follow God in all his ways
If you dont like this i guess we werent anything..
i have now gotten myslef on track right where i need to be
you are not with my your sum 500 miles away but still i sit here and say to my self
someday he might be mine someday he might be in my arms
and that hopfully that day will come ..b/c im me now there isnt a mask over my face im me and thats how im gonna be!